Okay, I managed to write most of this before watching this monday's episode. Otherwise I think I wouldn't have been able to go on for much longer. I've been in mourning most of the week. I still can't believe they did that. I didn't think it would hurt this much, but it does...

I'm already at that point of the story where I actually started the story. This is the part that jotted down before anything else. So it shouldn't take me as long to finish the last few chapters. And then I can watch the season finale and try to move on with my life... until next season...

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Wolf. But if I did, I would never EVER EVER WOULD HAVE KILLED ALLISON OMG YOU SON OF A BITCH JEFF HOW COULD YOU MY PRINCESS I WILL KILL EVERYTHING YOU LOVE HOW DARE YOU MY HEART MY BABIES *weeps well into the night*

Found

Chapter 11

by HappyValentina

Lydia had to get out of there. Between the smell of antiseptic and the sight of Scott's blood, she was starting to feel queasy. Besides, she didn't feel like being in the same room as a few people. Mrs. Yukimura, most of all, but also Aiden, and Chris Argent.

But she also couldn't quite leave, not until she knew that Scott was okay. She just needed to clear her head.

The sun was starting to set. She stepped out of Deaton's quarters into the waiting room, and stood there for a while. She had been there so many times before, bringing Prada in for checkups and grooming. Those had been simpler times; the vet clinic was now the meeting point for the supernatural.

She was about to leave the vet clinic entirely, hoping that some fresh air would help her feel better, when just outside the door, she spotted Melissa McCall saying something quietly to the Sheriff, stroking his arm gently. Lydia blushed slightly, in spite of herself; watching them being like that with each other felt like intruding in a very intimate moment.

Lydia finally decided to go out, even if it meant interrupting.

"Sheriff?" she said gently.

Sheriff Stilinski barely glanced over his shoulder. Melissa turned to her, looking forlorn and exhausted. She wordlessly smiled at the Sheriff, gave one last reassuring squeeze to his arm, and walked past Lydia back into the office. The door swung slowly shut, and Lydia was left to fill the silence on her own.

"Are you okay?"she asked. What a stupid question. How could she ask that in a moment like that? She wouldn't want someone to ask her that at that instant either.

"That was a stupid question," she added, out loud, as an apology.

The man merely shook his head in response, leaving Lydia to wonder he did it to answer the first question, or as a response to her statement. His face was stony; his jaw muscles were tense, like he was keeping himself from having another fleeting moment of rage like he'd had inside, or like he was trying not to cry. Lydia was glad that he had left the room before she had a crying fit herself.

"Are you?" he finally spoke. Lydia was taken aback by the question, and hesitated before shrugging.

"I don't know how I am. I think I'm tired and sad and I feel completely useless."

"You're not useless. You're anything but. You tried so hard. I appreciate it."

Lydia looked at him in surprise at his choice of words. "I'm still trying. I'm not about to give up. I'm sure Scott won't either."

The Sheriff sighed deeply and rubbed his face. "No, no, we have to draw the line somewhere. I can't let Scott risk his life again like he did today. I can't let you put yourself in the danger that you have. I don't care if you both have supernatural powers, this is far too dangerous."

"Sheriff, come on."

"I won't allow it."

"You can't be serious."

He turned to her with an expression of desperation and anger.

"You think I'm joking? You think I would joke about something like this? I have been through this kind of hell before, I'm about to go through it again."

He wasn't yelling, but his tone was forceful enough to make her recoil. He breathed hard and fast, leaning against the wall and looking away, as if he were embarrassed by his outburst. But Lydia couldn't blame him at all.

"Mrs. Yukimura is wrong," she started in a small voice. "I don't know how I know it, but I do. And I know that I can prove her wrong, if I only got the chance. I know it, I can feel it."

The Sheriff shook his head slowly, looking down resolutely at the pavement. They both stood in silence for a long moment, and something clicked in her mind.

"Sheriff… I've been meaning to ask you..."she began hesitantly, "are you aware that Stiles has always somehow blamed himself for... for his mother's death?"

The silence that followed felt nearly asphyxiating. She almost regretted having posed the question.

"Yes," he replied, not looking up at her.

"But it's not true, is it? The illness that she had, the frontotemporal dementia, there's just no cure, right? He doesn't seriously think that he had anything to do with it, does he?"

The Sheriff sat down and sighed, looking grievous.

"He does. I've tried to convince him that he didn't, but..." he took a deep breath before he started explaining.

"I now know that there have been no advances in the search for a cure. But at the time that Claudia was starting to get worse, there were some experimental treatments being developed, drugs being tested, methods that could have perhaps delayed the progress of the dementia, at least some. The doctors did warn us, though, that submitting herself to these experiments would possibly just disable her further, that she wouldn't be able to carry on with her life as it was up until then; she'd be confined to the hospital. I think she knew that it wouldn't do any good anyway, that there was no solution."

"So she refused. She said that she wouldn't submit herself to anything that could keep her away from Stiles, from her home. She preferred to do absolutely nothing and spend the time that she still had with her son. She told me to do the same, to just let it go. So she let herself get worse, and I couldn't do anything except stand by and watch. I don't know if I ever truly believed that any of those treatments would allow me to keep my wife even a little bit longer, but I needed to hold on to hope. And it felt like she was denying me any of it. She just wanted to be happy for as long as she could, and I could barely pretend to understand that."

"When she died, Stiles was there with her. And I wasn't. He was devastated and alone. After a month, he and I started attending a grief support group. One time he said that he often wondered if there was something he could have done to help his mom out."

A tear rolled down his cheek and he brushed it away without a thought.

"I developed a drinking problem around that time; it was my escape at the time, from the pressure, from the hurt. I was angry at myself for not having been there when Claudia passed, and ashamed for leaving my son to bear the grief alone. But as I got worse, so did my ability to spot that I was not improving the situation, that I was distancing myself from Stiles."

"I remember one night in particular, that I was feeling extremely angry at everything, including myself. Stiles was chastising me for being a mess, and in a fit of rage I took it all out on him. I did the lowest thing I ever could have done, and told him that Claudia's death had been his fault."

He was crying now. Tears sprung to Lydia's own eyes as well.

"I told him that if it hadn't been for him, then maybe Claudia might have gotten a treatment that could have saved her, something that could have potentially kept her alive a while longer."

"How do you say something like that to a young boy? And he believed me. When I sobered up and realized what I had done, it was almost too late. He ran away from home, he left me a note saying he was sorry. I put out a search out for him, and we found him about ten hours later, in the middle of the reserve, freezing to the bone. I had never been so scared in my entire life. He could have died of hypothermia, attacked by coyotes, anything. He told me he was sorry for running away, and I couldn't even find the words to tell him that I was the one who was sorry, for blaming it all on him. He's all I have left, and I almost lost him."

"And that's when I decided to get help. It wasn't easy, but I kicked the habit eventually. I talked to Stiles, I have talked to him about it so many times, but I'm not sure if I ever got through to him. I think he really believed it at the time and he still does, and he's never going to believe otherwise."

The Sheriff wept openly, muffling his sobs with one hand. Lydia gave into the impulse of hugging him, holding him when he seemed to be about to collapse. She wiped at her own tears and took a deep breath before pulling away.

"This grief that has been plaguing him for years now," she began, "this pain and guilt is precisely what made the Nogitsune target him. After Stiles, Scott and Allison did the sacrifice to find the nemeton, they all experienced a darkness. In Stiles's case, it seems that it allowed the Nogitsune to slowly take control of his mind. Out of the three, he was the most vulnerable one. The Nogitsune is feeding off of Stiles's worst feelings. If only we could cut off that supply, then maybe we could somehow bring him back, weaken the Nogitsune's grip on his mind."

The Sheriff seemed to calm down, nodding as she spoke. "And how do you plan to do that?"

Lydia shrugged. "I'm not sure. I keep imagining a way to access Stiles's mind, being able to communicate with him, tell him that we miss him, that we need him, that we love him."

She bit her lip, feeling the scrutinizing eyes of the Sheriff upon her. She shrugged again, as if she were just thinking out loud, saying things at random. But he just nodded.

"You mean like in Inception?"

She nodded quickly, off-handedly. "Yeah, sure, something like that."

"Can you do that?"

"I don't know. I could try…"

He stared at her, a curious expression on his face, and she felt herself going red. She pushed her hair behind her ears awkwardly and shrugged.

"It's just an idea."

When Lydia and the Sheriff rejoined the others inside, Scott seemed to be finally feeling better, and starting to heal properly, and he was able to talk. He explained that the Nogitsune tricked them by showing up in the backyard, and Scott had been fooled by inside jokes and sarcastic remarks coming out of the mouth of a weakened, injured Stiles Stilinki. Scott was about to call Deaton, but as soon as his mom ran upstairs to get the first aid kit, the Nogitsune had attacked Scott.

"It told me that it had noticed that we were following the game of headman, hunter and fox," Scott explained. "It said that the game was only a distraction, a way to make us think that we could figure out what it was thinking, what it was planning. It was merely a way to keep us all on our toes, to keep us on edge, to create chaos. But ultimately it just wanted some of us out of the way. Especially Kira and I."

He looked pointedly at Kira, who looked not the least bit surprised; she rather looked resigned.

"The only thing that occurred to me at that moment was to get it as far away from everyone as possible. So I ran, hoping that it would follow me. It kinda did," Scott glanced at him mom with a pained expression. "I'm just really glad that you just got barricaded, and not hurt."

Melissa stroked his mud-matted hair and kissed him on the forehead.

"It followed me into the forest. I kept trying to put as much distance between me and it, and between us and the town. I didn't want anyone else to get involved. I thought I could face him, too, but... it's Stiles. I mean, it's not Stiles but it is. I couldn't simply ignore the fact that the Nogitsune looks and sounds just like my best friend. So I couldn't do anything. I couldn't fight back. It nearly killed me, and I couldn't put up a fight. I just couldn't... It's stronger than I could've ever imagined."

Scott rubbed his face. "If it hadn't been for Lydia and Deaton I'm pretty sure it would have killed me."

"It could have killed the three of you," the Sheriff said.

"We were lucky," Deaton agreed. "We are running out of time and out of options. The Nogitsune is not going to stop coming after you, until it gets rid of all of you. You're the only ones who can stop it. So either it succeeds, or we succeed."

"What are we going to do, then?" Isaac asked.

"Well, we can't really do much tonight, except make sure that Scott is safe until he heals completely. We also need to keep Kira safe. She has yet a very important role to fulfill."

Lydia started breathing harder. Kira seethed.

"What role? Killing Stiles?"

"Coup de foudre," "Noshiko said quickly. Everyone looked confused.

"What is that?" Kira asked.

"It means literally 'bolt of lightning'," Noshiko explained. "It's the only thing that can destroy the Nogitsune. It's what forged the katana that killed it the first time. You are a Thunder kitsune. You alone could repair the katana after it was broken; you alone can now wield the power of the katana. So you alone have the power to destroy the Nogitsune."

Kira looked down at the sword with an expression of awe and fear.

I'm not going to kill an innocent person just to fix the mistake you made years ago."

"Kira, I can't undo what is already done! The only thing I can do is try to fix it!" Noshiko nearly yelled. "And this is the only way."

"I have an idea," Lydia spoke up, sounding a lot less nervous than she felt. Everyone watched her intently, and suddenly she felt calm and collected.

"Mrs. Yukimura, I think you're missing an important difference. When you summoned the Nogitsune, instead of possessing you, it possessed the body of a dead person."

"Yes," Noshiko confirmed curiously.

"In this case, the Nogitsune's host is our friend, who is alive," Lydia pointed out. "Couldn't that make a big difference in the way that we handle this?"

Noshiko Yukimura didn't say anything. She and Mr. Yukimura exchanged a long glance before looking at Deaton, who was tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"I think Lydia may be onto something," he said after a pause. "If we could access Stiles's mind, get in touch with him in a direct, subconscious level, we could try to separate the two entities. I don't know how we would still manage to exorcise the Nogitsune from his body, but… I'll have to study up on that."

"Have you done it before?" the Sheriff asked. Deaton shook his head.

"Not exactly."

"Very well," Noshiko said. "You work on that, and Kira will work on controlling her powers and learning to use the katana. One way or another, we must put an end to this."

Kira looked worriedly at Scott and Lydia.

"I'll figure something out," Kira stated in a low voice, turning to leave. Her parents followed her out.

"Coup de foudre," Lydia muttered under her breath. "It also means… 'love at first sight'.

"What does that... have to do with anything?" Scott asked. Lydia looked around at the faces of the others. The Sheriff met her eyes for a fleeting moment, and her mouth suddenly went dry.

"I'm..." she started, feeling a little light-headed all of a sudden. "I have to go."

"I'll drive you," Derek said, following her before she could object.

"You're awfully quiet," Derek said, taking his eyes off the road to glance at Lydia for a moment. She didn't look at him, merely staring out the window determinately.

"I know what you're thinking," he said after a pause. Lydia frowned at him.

"You can't possibly know what I'm thinking."

"Okay, fine, but I have a pretty good idea." He gave her a sideways glance and continued.

"I know you're nervous. I am too."

She looked at him again, and he seemed uncomfortable. "Well, it's not like I've faced a Nogitsune before. This is something that none of us have confronted before, so I guess it's safe to say that none of us know what we're doing."

He turned into her street and drove a little slower. "Like I said before, it may seem hard to believe, but I really don't want anything bad to happen to Stiles. Nor do the others. I'm pretty sure Scott and the Sheriff would rather get killed themselves. And Kira already said that she won't be a part of it. It didn't quite work for Noshiko, anyway, so I support whatever you might try to do."

"I don't even know what I'm doing," she said meekly, as Derek stopped in front of her house.

"Of course you do. You're getting to the root of the problem, instead of just diving into battle like most of us do," he said pointedly. "That's your style, and that's thinking like the fox more than anything else. The Nogitsune and Stiles are one and the same right now. Find a way to separate them." He looked at her reassuringly. "You of all people can do this, Lydia. You're smart, you're meticulous. You just need to start trusting your instinct more often. Kira may be the only one with the power to destroy the Nogitsune, but you're basically the only person who can really figure out how to save Stiles."

Lydia nodded slowly, feeling heavy-hearted. Derek sounded a bit like the Sheriff. If there's one person I trust to find Stiles, it's you. Well, Lydia had already found him; the problem was that he was not himself, and she didn't know quite how to turn him back.

But maybe the idea that she had wasn't as crazy as she had thought.

She smiled gratefully and got out of the car, heading down the path up to her door.

That night, Lydia couldn't think about anything else except the time that she kissed Stiles.

She had been too surprised at her own impulse, that she had denied herself any chance to think about that ever since. Until now.

Lydia couldn't really explain why she had done it. A spur of the moment thing, a quick-witted solution, or something that she just really, subconsciously wanted to do.

Whatever the reason, she hadn't really expected to be thinking so hard about it weeks after it happened, analyzing every detail of it. At that moment of utter panic, it was like switching off everything else and just letting herself go.

And as soon as the moment had been over, she had felt ashamed. Stiles had become her friend, they had been through a lot in a very short time, and kissing him like that felt a little like taking advantage of him, of the crush he claimed to have on her since the third grade. Lydia had only intended to help; she didn't mean to make him think that she might have feelings for him too.

Because she… didn't… did she?

What if she did?

She paced around her room incessantly. This had been precisely what she had been trying to keep herself from thinking about. It was too complicated and too painful. What if she did have feelings for Stiles? Then she was even more screwed than she currently felt. It did no good to realize her feelings for someone when she was about to lose them.

This was Jackson all over again. Except that it felt a million times worse.

She wished that was a hyperbole, but it wasn't. She was a different person now.

Lydia let out a sob. She was scared and sad and horribly confused. It had been a while since she had allowed herself to feel anything for anyone, after Jackson had dumped her unceremoniously. Had she really loved him? She wasn't sure anymore. Even when he had been killed and she had been devastated, it didn't compare to the fear she was dealing with right now.

She didn't know what to do. What if Deaton said that it couldn't be done? That there was no hope after all?

Wiping tears from her face, she picked up her phone and texted Allison. Her friend was still in the hospital until further notice, but she needed to talk to someone. She needed her best friend.

"I think I might be in love with Stiles."

She reread the simple message once and sent it. She sat on the edge of her bed, hugging herself and trying to control the spasms of her body. She waited for a long time, but there was no reply. Allison was probably asleep by now.

Lydia put her phone on her bedside table and cried herself to sleep, pressing her face into her pillow until it was wet with her tears.

She sat up in bed, in time to see Stiles hold out a hand and open the door to his room. They were in his room. This was that dream again.

"Stiles?" Lydia called groggily. Stiles didn't look at her, and pulled the door further open.

"Don't, Stiles!" she pleaded desperately, jumping up and off the bed. "Please, Stiles, DON'T!"

She seemed to move in slow motion, like she was trying to run on a slippery surface, and barely advanced even two feet before he disappeared into the blackness beyond the door. The door swung shut with a thunderous boom.

Lydia started banging on the wood, over the sound coming from the other side of the door. It sounded like a series of explosions, and a deafening crackling and buzzing.

"Wake up, Lydia!" she shouted as loudly as she could over the noise. "It's not real! This is just a dream, Lydia! Wake up, Lydia! WAKE UP!"

"Wake up, Lydia…" a voice said. Someone was grasping her arm and trying to shake her gently. She shot up in bed like a spring and gasped.

"Hey," Allison said, with a big smile and big eyes. Lydia's eyes were equally big.

"What—how—what are you doing here?" she stammered, rubbing her eyes and staring in disbelief.

"I told my dad that I was fine and that it was about time I was released from the hospital," Allison explained nonchalantly. "He wanted me to stay there the entire weekend. I mean, honestly! Besides," she pushed Lydia's hair behind her ear, "you need me more right now, and I'm not the kind of friend who would ditch her best friend when said best friend just realized her feelings for another friend and needs to save him from certain death."

Lydia chuckled and shook her head. "I honestly don't know what I feel."

"I think you do," Allison said, nodded and grinning like an over-excited toddler. "And all I have to say about that is it's about time! Good lord, Lydia, does the boy really have to be in mortal peril for you to figure out that you might love him?"

"I really regret sending you that message now," Lydia said with a groan and felt a pang of fear. She would've laughed or been completely mortified at this whole conversation if this had been a different situation, but they were up against something very dark and very real, and they were short of time, and she still had no idea if there was any way to fix everything.

"Come on. You can sit down and think about your feelings later. Right now, we have to save our friend," Allison announced, getting up. She was dressed for battle, with a sturdy jacket and sturdy boots and with more gadgets and weapons than Lydia could count. "Get dressed. I already talked to Scott. We're all meeting at Deaton's clinic."

What time was it? Lydia glanced at her bedside alarm clock. It was almost five. The sun was still well hidden, and it looked cold outside. Lydia stood up and dashed to the bathroom.

"Wait, how did you get in here?" she asked suddenly.

"Window. How else do warrior princesses get into any building?" Allison joked, gesturing to herself. Lydia rolled her eyes and smiled as she hurried to take a shower.

Twenty minutes later, they were driving back to the veterinarian clinic. Lydia had never gotten ready so fast in her entire life. She still felt sleepy, but Deaton promised coffee, so she guessed she'd be fine in a few minutes.

Allison glanced at her ever so often. "You okay?"

Lydia didn't respond right away, but eventually shook her head. "Hopefully I will be. Maybe sometime later today."

They pulled into the parking lot. It looked like nighttime still, and eerily quiet. Allison sat in the car for a moment, and so did Lydia. She was too scared to go inside, scared to see what Deaton had to say about her half-concocted plan, scared that everyone would have come to the conclusion that there was no hope after all of solving things without bloodshed. She was just too scared.

"Lydia," Allison said, sensing her friend's distress, "it's going to be okay. I may not have a gift like you, but I can feel it, I really can. We can do this."

Lydia nodded quietly and they both left the car.

Inside the clinic, it was light and oddly cozy. Everyone Lydia expected to see were already there: Scott and Isaac were already there; so were Derek and the twins. Sheriff Stilinski and Melissa McCall were sipping coffee quietly, side by side. Chris Argent had even more weapons than Allison, which made Lydia feel very uneasy.

"They're non-lethal, I promise," Allison whispered, seeing Lydia gulp visibly.

"Are we gonna get going or what?" Derek asked impatiently.

The back door opened, and Kira walked in, followed by her mother.

"Sorry I'm late. I was up all night getting my Kitsune on," Kira said excitedly, brandishing the katana before sheathing it at her hip.

"Let's get our plan straight first," Deaton announced, coming out of his little office. "The plan is to find and confront the Nogitsune, engage it in a fight and neutralize it long enough to bring it here. Once it's in our power, we're going to perform a process similar to the sacrifice you did," he said, glancing at Allison and Scott. "Only instead of accessing your own memories, you'll be accessing Stiles's mind. We will need an anchor for each of you too."

"But-" Lydia started, and suddenly everyone was looking at her. "I just… I thought I was going to do that."

Deaton nodded. "You will. But you can't go in there alone. Scott will be there with you. Allison can be your anchor, and Melissa will be his."

Allison grabbed Lydia's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Remember: going under means that you will be in the brink of death. That is the only way. And also, when you enter Stiles's mind, you will be at the mercy of the Nogitsune itself. If what we've encountered is any evidence, it means that right now Stiles's mind is more void than Stiles. You need to be careful, and you need to work fast."

"But what are we supposed to do once we're in?" Scott asked anxiously.

"You have to find Stiles and bring him back. He's somewhere in his own mind, being stifled by the void. You have to help him overcome that."

"Yeah, I get that, but how?"

Deaton sighed. "I'm not sure."This is something that I have never done before. In a way, it should work differently every time, depending on the person. You know Stiles best, so you should be able to figure it out."

Lydia and Scott exchanged glances. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat and nodded. Scott gave her a faint smile.

"Is there anything else we should know?" Aiden asked.

Deaton grabbed his briefcase, containing presumably some Letharia Vulpina, just in case. He turned to the group and looked very serious.

"Don't give it a chance to kill you."

They set off. It was still quite dark outside, but the sky was starting to look a few shades lighter. Dawn was upon them. The chilly air bit at their faces as they got into several cars and drove to the edge of the forest.

"Are we sure he's even here?" Ethan asked, glancing at the eerie cluster of trees in front of them, as they got out at the entrance of Beacon Hills Reserve. The light from the headlights filtered through the trees and shone into the forest a few feet ahead of them, but dissolved into the pitch darkness further in.

Lydia nodded. "Yes, it's here." She didn't mention the fact that there was a heavy feeling gripping her at the moment, as if something terrible was about to happen. She didn't hear anything, though, there was no out-of-place sound driving her crazy in her mind, so she couldn't be sure if it was really one of her 'banshee' feelings or if she was just incredibly nervous and afraid.

Deaton, the Sheriff and Melissa would wait for them there. They had no weapons to defend themselves properly against the Nogitsune. They would wait for the others to do their part, and then aid them when it was time to execute the other part of the plan.

With a heavy heart, they set off toward the Nemeton.

"Do you think it's expecting us?" Isaac asked.

"I think it's clever enough to know that we're not going to give up so easy, so yes, I think it's expecting us any moment now," Mrs. Yukimura said.

Lydia couldn't tell how much time passed since they parted toward the Nemeton, or whether they were heading in the right direction. The werewolves were leading the way, so she trusted they knew where they were going.

She suddenly stopped walking and stood very still.

"Lydia? What is it?" Allison asked, stopping next to her friend. Everyone turned to her.

"You don't hear that, do you?" Lydia whispered.

"Hear what?" Scott asked.

"A voice."

"Is it Stiles?"

Lydia swallowed hard. "The Nogitsune," she whispered.

"What does it say?" Mrs. Yukimura asked.

Lydia started shaking. "It says… 'don't move an inch'."

"Or..." the voice said loud enough this time for everyone to hear, and the Nogitsune materialized from the darkness at Lydia's shoulder, hands at either side of her jaw, "I will break her neck."

I'm still in shock. Does anyone else feel like they've had their hearts ripped out of their chests?

For what is worth, Allison lives in my story. I would've killed the twins. Especially Aiden. Stupid Aiden who keeps hanging around Lydia. I had such high hopes when the twins were in the forest...

-Vale.