Chapter Eleven
The Big Trial
Wile E. Coyote was decked out in a purple cape and turban with a red jewel on it. He was looking into a crystal ball. There wasn't anything visible in the ball. He rubbed his hands on the ball, and dramatically said, "I see a bright future for Pixar, and a dark future for Sony, DreamWorks and the Simpsons. I can predict a CGI talking-animal movie will be winning this year's Annie Awards… possibly a movie starring a bunch of rats with celebrity voices. It will win every award it is nominated for, and Homer Simpson will be yelling 'D'oh' at it… yes, the winner is going to be 'Ratatouille!'"
Daffy put his hand on the ball and said, "Nice work on the psycho mumbo-jumbo, Coyote, but we've got bigger plans this month. One, it's almost the holiday season…" He gestured to all the Christmas decorations around the house and continued, "B, two and second, the trial is tomorrow against Bugs, Baby Face Finster and those Wayans for plagiarism!"
"Yes, I am aware of that," the coyote said, putting away the crystal ball.
Bugs Bunny was trying on his new business suit. "Dis will make me look more professional! We'll HAVE to win de case!"
Wile E. asked, "And if we don't?"
"Den people are gonna like 'Little Man' better than 'Baby Buggy Bunny,'" Bugs said bitterly.
"You're being hypocritical," the coyote said to Bugs and Daffy. "Remember how you said you guys were going to plagiarize Pixar? Well, they'll feel how you did."
"But the Wayans don't CARE about us!" Daffy said, a little louder.
"Let's get a good night's sleep," Bugs said, throwing off his new suit to reveal his nightshirt. "I don't wanna be a defendant being all tired."
…
The next morning, Bugs Bunny was the first one up. He was wide-awake at 4:59 AM with his business suit on. Then he watched his watch change to 5:00 and he began playing the Revile call on a bugle, and then rushed upstairs and yanked Wile E. out of his bed and Daffy out of the guest room, as well as Sylvester out of the bathtub. "Time to go to da courts!" he said happily.
"It's 5 in the morning," Wile E. complained.
"De trial starts at seven. Finster will be here shortly," the rabbit explained. Then a car horn honked. "Dat's him!" He pulled Daffy, Sylvester and the coyote out the door and into Finster's beat-up Honda.
"Glad you guys could make it," Finster growled at them. "It's showtime!" Then they drove off into the now-rising sunrise.
…
Soon, the courtroom was beginning to fill up. The three Wayan brothers (well, cartoonish caricatures of them) were there, and so were Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester and Porky Pig, as well as Kerry Washington. The jury was full of Looney Tunes, as well as Shaggy Rogers, Lois Griffin and Hank Hill. Lola Bunny was Bugs's lawyer. Elmer Fudd was the prosecutor, and he announced "OK, evewy-body, here comes da judge! Rise!"
Then some weird, elderly, human-looking judge entered, banged his gavel and said, "Order in the court! Be seated." Everyone sat down. "This case of the Looney Tunes suing the Wayan brothers for their 'Little Man' ripping off a fifty-three-year-old cartoon of theirs is now in session."
"I call to the stand, Ant Hill Harry, alias Baby Face Finster!" Elmer said. "Hey, where IS Finster?"
"And where's the coyote?" Sylvester whispered to Bugs.
Suddenly, the door burst open and a mysterious, tall, dark figure in a dark blue trenchcoat and hat with his face in a shadow came in, holding a big pistol. He slowly advanced toward the Wayans, as everyone gasped and shivered in fear. But then the figure dropped his gun, threw off his hat to reveal a bald scalp, and slipped off the trenchcoat to reveal it was Baby Face Finster in a black eye mask! He was standing on Wile E. Coyote, whom was struggling to hold him up and wearing black boots. Finster jumped off Wile E's arms and removed his eye mask and went over to the stand. The coyote sighed with relief and threw off the boots, which banged through a window, shattering it.
"Do you swear to tell the twooth, all twooth, and nothing but the twooth so help me God?" Elmer asked.
"I do. Ladies and gentlemen of the court," Finster announced, "I am here to sue the Wayan brothers for plagiarizing my film, 'Baby Buggy Bunny.' Their 'Little Man' was 'loosely' based off of that old cartoon, with NO acknowledging to me, Bugs Bunny, Michael Maltese, or the great Chuck Jones! In fact, the only time they knew about the rip-off was when they won that Golden Raspberry award for 'Worst Remake Or Sequel!'" Then Daffy whispered something into Finster's ear, and then he continued, "I mean 'Worst Remake Or Rip-off. Bugs, show them the details!"
Bugs Bunny pulled out a TV, and put on a DVD of "Baby Buggy Bunny." "Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "I give you Exhibit A, 'Baby Buggy Bunny!' The original animated masterpiece." He showed them various scenes from the short, stopping after the spanking scene. The Looney Tunes and other jury duty members were laughing out loud at this.
Then he switched discs and announced, "And here is Exhibit B, 'Little Man!'" He showed them several of the scenes from the film, including the parts that directly imitated the cartoon. Nobody laughed at this except for the Wayans.
After that, Elmer came up to Harry/Finster and said, "Mr. Finster, as I wemind you that you are under oath, are you SURE that the Wayans stole from you and Bugs Bunny's film?"
"Yes, they did!" Finster insisted.
"OK. You may go back to your seat. And now I call to the stand… KEENEN IVORY WAYAN!" The older Wayan brother came up to the seat, and Elmer pointed at him, "Do you swear to tell the twooth and all that stuff?"
"I do." Keenen Wayan said, in a digitally-altered voice.
"Have you and the others ever seen the cwassic 'Baby Buggy Bunny' cartoon?" he asked.
Keenen spoke in a low voice to Elmer, and nobody else could understand him. Elmer had a shocked look.
"Your honor, I'd like to call for a recess," Wayan said.
"Very well," the judge said.
…
Three hours later, the jury had reached a verdict. Lois Griffin stood up and announced, "We, the jury of the court, have reached the verdict that the Wayan brothers have officially plagiarized 'Baby Buggy Bunny' and are guilty as charged."
The judge banged his gavel and said "Keenen, Myron and Shawn Wayan, I sentence you all to paying a $300 million royalty to the Looney Tunes gang."
"ROYALTIES?" Myron screamed (also in a digitally-altered voice). "We were doing 'fair use!' Other cartoons did the same plot, too!" He continued jabbering nonsensically as he and his brothers were dragged out by two cops.
Then Baby Face Finster slammed the doors shut and locked them. "OK, they're gone! That's a wrap!" he called out.
"Places, people!" Daffy called out as everyone let out a big sigh of relief.
The judge then peeled off his rubber mask to reveal Foghorn Leghorn underneath! In his normal voice, he said "It looks like, I say, it looks like this will teach those boys a lesson!"
"Yeah!" Bugs asked. "We don't really expect to get $300 million, but maybe now dey won't be ripping off other films of ours!"
"I wonder what the news is going to think of this?" Sylvester asked.