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Part 11

When we got to Amity I didn't have time to let my anger out on Eric.

As soon as we rolled into the compound, he released me and we jerked to stop. If I didn't know Eric better I would say that he was a little too eager to get out of the truck. The way he seemed to exit it before the tires had even fully ceased their forward motion, hinted at him running from me and the situation.

I scrambled out after him and could only huff in frustration when I saw he was immediately approached and surrounded by a few Candor and Erudite's that were less than pleased about the ride they just endured.

I felt a good deal of perverse pleasure that he was going to have to deal with them while Tori approached me. I missed the look on her face at first because I was so caught up in my own feelings. I caught on to the look and what was causing it as I turned at someone calling my name, my old one, in greeting.

"Devana blessed returns."

I turn to see the warm smile of Johanna Reyes. Her eyes hold the warmth of a mother welcoming home a long lost child and her arms are held out and slightly open to further that expression.

Years of conditioning and familiarity kick in despite the part of me that resents my old faction, including the woman that had become family to me after the death of my mom. I feel torn even as I step forward into the embrace and it results in an awkward hug where my upper body is leaned in but my lower half refused to move forward.

I pull back, rather I jerk back abruptly, and flush in shame for treating Johanna with disrespect, an apology on my lips but it is cut off by her shifting her focus to the others that are around us.

She gives nods and greetings with smiles, some of them genuine and others forced. Until she greets the last person.

"Eric," She doesn't even attempt to smile as she dips her head in a nod. But I can see her eyes widen in slight surprise when he gets incredibly close to me, with his hand going to the small of my back. She recovers quickly and addresses the group gathered around.

"Welcome to Amity, all. I have arranged for a late breakfast in the dome. All are welcome once you have been shown to your quarters for your stay. Your groups will be assigned a guide and assistant as well." Here she turns to a group of young men and women that most likely are fresh from their training as new members, then motions them forward.

The groups start to break apart as she turns back to me and Eric. A guide, a young man I do not know, approaches us and stands patiently to Johanna's side.

"Thank you, Aidan. Now if you would please show the Dauntless leaders to the quarters we arranged for them." She returns his nod of acceptance while he starts forward but she turns to me. "Devana, I know it has been a while since you have seen them, but your family has agreed to..."

"She's staying with me." Eric snaps out coldly, eyes narrowed and voice soft while I flinch at both his tone and the thought of having to go back to that house for even a minute.

"I apologize, I just assumed…"

Again Eric cuts her off. "Well, you assumed wrong. They have a saying about that you know."

"Eric," I mutter warningly with a bit of anger at him speaking up for me. I also feel relief for him having done so as well.

His response is to slide his hand to my waist and dig his fingers in slightly while pulling me closer.

"And her name is Devi." He supplies calmly before he pulls me with him to step back and away from Johanna and to follow after the guide and the others.

I look over my shoulder to see my old friend and mentor looking in our direction with an expression of remorse and sadness before she catches my eye and smiles softly then turning away.

I turn back around, look up at Eric who is stoically and stubbornly not looking at me, and jerk from his grasp. I stomp ahead of him and catch up to where Tori and Tris are walking. They only look at me briefly, I guess seeing how I am doing so far. I shrug in response but I can tell Tori will corner me for a talk sooner or later.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with between you and Eric? This morning you were all glowing and smug to looking like you were going to scratch his eyes out?"

Tori had finally cornered me.

Well, cornered isn't exactly the right word.

We sitting together, after all, and she had waited at least a few hours to start the interrogation. Enough time to leave me and Eric to avoid talking while getting settled into our room. I had taken my time unpacking, still debating if I was actually going to sleep in the same room or not. The place they had all of us set up was one of the separate lodgings, meaning it was its own house and that meant there was a living room with a couple of couches that looked pretty comfortable.

Eric had muttered and grumbled something to me about him having to go meet up with a group to have a meeting with Johanna and the other elders and that he would see me at dinner.

Leaving me to stew in all my mixed. I am still brooding and fuming while me, Tris, Tori and a few others from Erudite and Abnegation are heading to what Amity has set up for the old and infirm of the faction.

Amity is a big sector, encompassing miles and miles of land that is set up in different zones for the type of farming or function that it is in charge of. Communities of people live and work in those zones, hardly traveling outside of the area unless it is part of the job or special occasions.

The compound and market area of Amity is closest to the where the train ends. There are individual houses in this sector but it is mainly set up into communal housing. These are usually inhabited by those who have just come of age and gone through initiation, men and women who are single, and children who have lost a parent or guardian. In that housing, it isn't common to have a room with one person in it. Generally, there are at least two or more that share the space. Especially the dependents.

Before my aptitude test and leaving for Dauntless, I had looked forward to living in one of those rooms. I wouldn't have had it to myself but I had been looking forward to it as a bit of independence before marrying Vincente and moving in with his family.

That was another difference between my old faction. Generally speaking, everyone lived in multi-generational housing. That also depended on the family preference on whose family the couple would live with. For my parents, it had been my father's family home that they moved into when they had gotten married. Had I stayed and married him, we would have gone to live with Vin's family but it still would have been close to my grandparents, since the two households were within feet of each other and even shared a personal garden.

Livestock that needs plenty of lands to be able to spread out across and pastures for grazing have a set-aside area and houses are built and scattered around that for those that work with the livestock. These are generally in the same area or at least close to the area where fields are laid out for the various fruits and vegetables Amity grows. Horses and a few ox are used for plowing the fields so it is convenient to have them housed near.

There are also homes surrounding the large lake and dotting the coast for all of the fish or aquatic plant farming.

To get to the zone that houses those who cannot work due to age or sickness we have to take a horse-drawn cart. The ride is a rough one even with going at a slow pace. The terrain is near a smaller branch of the lake where most of the freshwater fish are farmed from. There are a couple of long one-story buildings that mimic the compound living in some respects while being set up to cater to the needs of those that might not be able to get around as easily. The placement of this housing is also near a series of hot springs that are often occupied by some of the residents.

She elbows my side to get an answer from me and I wince in pain before turning a glare on her.

"So what did Coulter do?" She asks again.

My lips thin as I debate how to answer. "Only violate my privacy in one of the worst possible ways."

Her forehead screws up as she looks at me and shakes her head, not understanding what I am talking about.

I blow out a frustrated breath and throw up my hands as well. "My fear sims!"

"Oh, that." She replies and waves a hand in dismissal causing my jaw to drop.

"Oh, that?" I screech then look around to see everyone looking at us. I shoot daggers at them all with my eyes until they mind their own business again and continue on. "How would you like it if someone watched your fear sims, especially someone you are involved with?"

She shrugs and sighs at the same time. "What do you think they did when I was made a leader? I had to actually go through my fears again instead of them just being reviewed."

"That's different." I snarl out. "Eric wasn't watching mine because of some promotion or anything faction related like that."

"Actually, he was, and he wasn't the only one to watch them. A few of us, as well as a few Erudite, watched yours and some other members fear landscapes."

I look at her and tilt my head, my anger easing a little as I see she is being truthful. She runs a hand through her hair and looks out on the horizon.

"Okay," I say slowly, letting her know I am ready to listen calmly. "Explain."

"When all the factions began to gather things they wanted to address in regards to other factions, we used fear landscapes to be able to further the investigations. Partly for the whole divergence issue but for others it helped to build cases for changes. We watched your fear landscapes and had to have them analyzed in regards to how the peace serums played into your fears but also if they interfered with them at all. We already knew it caused you issues for the physical part of the training but we needed something to show for the other aspects. It was part of the evidence we used to put restrictions on the administration of peace serum."

"So, the only reason he watched them was for the investigation?" I ask doubtfully.

Tori gives me a side smile and shakes her head. "I didn't say that was the only reason he might have, but I can tell you it wasn't his idea to review them in the first place. That was me and Elijah. I can also tell you Eric was hesitant to watch them himself at first. He was going to just leave it us but knew he would need to be able to give his own testimony if called on."

"If this was that long ago, why would he have been hesitant?"

"You know why even if you aren't going to admit it." She says on a chuckle.

"There is no way he was interested back then." I stubbornly reject the idea and turn away from her even though a small part of me hopes that I am wrong.

"Believe what you will," She sighs from beside me. "Can you tell me though, if he had shown interest back then that you would have been anywhere ready for it? Because I can tell you that neither of you were in any kind of shape for something real."

I don't deny it as I feel my anger really start to deflate but the fear, the one that haunts me and that makes me question this, is in full force.

"It is real?" I mutter and look down at my hands.

Tori wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives me a gentle squeeze. "If you let it be."

Hours later we are finally back at the compound. Everyone is in various states of groaning or complaining as they get out of the cart. Meanwhile, I have already jumped off and am helping to unhook the horses from the carts.

"Devi, we are going to head to get cleaned up before dinner," Tris calls out to me, beckoning me to come with them.

"You guys go on ahead. I am going to help with the horses." I reply with a smile and a laugh as the mare chuffs happily to be free of the harness.

I hear Tori saying they would see me soon but I am already absorbed in the task ahead and give them a distracted wave.

I lead her to the stable and begin the grooming process while the driver already took the equipment to clean and put away. I lose myself in the familiar rhythm and am able to put aside all the thoughts and feelings I have been caught up in. Forgetting for the moment the unease I am having at being back in Amity. Forgetting the conflicting feelings of hoping for something while at the same time being afraid of it.

Pushing aside the anger and disappointment at some of the discoveries we made while at the 'tranquility center'. It was clear that serum was the name of the game there to keep the occupants happy and pliable.

I tune everything out so well I don't hear my name being called softly from behind me. I am not aware of someone trying to get my attention until I feel a soft tap on my shoulder that causes both me and Cinnamon, the mare I am grooming, to startle.

I whip around to look at the intruder and have to pause because at first, I don't believe who it is.

"Rain?"

She smiles shyly at me and nods. "It's me."

I shake my head with a frown and hold up a finger. "Give me a second here."

I turn away and back to Cinnamon, settling her down before pushing the gate to her stall closed.

When I finish with that, I start brushing my hands and clothes off, heading to the spigot where there is water to wash up a little.

"How is it that you in Amity and how long have you been here?" I ask Rain softly after she hands me one of the towels to dry my hands.

I look over her, seeing that her injuries from that last fight are fading nicely. She doesn't seem to be favoring the leg that had a hairline fracture on it.

"I was brought here," She pauses and scrunches up her nose in thought for a second, "I think two days after I left Dauntless. I'm not sure, it was all kind of a blur and I was still in so much pain from that fight. My one and only fight." She dejectedly mumbles at the end.

"Did some of the factionless bring you here to heal?" I asked and indicated for us to take a seat outside of the stable on a few hay bales.

Amity has been known to allow factionless to seek shelter or treatment in the faction. I haven't seen this happen before but I know it has happened. My Abuela was one of the people that would be called to help tend to them and provide food on occasion.

Rain shakes her head and joins me on what is serving as seating for us. I notice that her clothes while a bit worn are definitely Amity colors and issue. If I hadn't known that she had picked Dauntless and failed out, I would think she was Amity still.

"No, I was being helped by some factionless at first but they weren't who brought me here. Shortly after I met up with the factionless, the group I was with and a few others, were all rounded up by a Dauntless patrol. The others were all scared and worried, saying they only did this when something bad had happened or they are looking for someone in particular. I got the impression that this wasn't ever a good thing but I didn't understand why exactly. Then they had all the women line up. I had to be helped to stand as they worked their way down. They were doing some kind of scan or something with a tablet but when they got to me they stopped and said 'this is her'. Then, before I knew it, I was being pulled away and made to go with them."

Her voice was trembling as she was relaying her story and I reached over to take her hand in mine.

"Did they say what they wanted?" I prompted her softly.

She shook her head while looking down. "Not a word even though I was begging them to tell me what I did wrong."

I scowl and feel my temper rising. "Did they hurt you?"

She looks up at me with her eyes wide. "Oh no. They didn't hurt me. Even when they were taking me off, they were firm but mindful of me being hurt. They just wouldn't say anything to me. I was scared right up to when they had me get in the back seat of a truck. I was terrified when I was finally able to focus and saw who was in the back of the truck with me. I didn't think it could be anything good when Eric is involved."

"Eric," I gasp out in surprise. "Eric was in the back of the truck?"

She nods in reply and continues on. "I kept wondering what was going on but I didn't dare ask him any questions. He just sat there silently and the truck took off. Before I knew it I was waking up and we were pulled up outside of the compound. I could faintly hear voices and when I looked out I saw Eric and Johanna talking about something. Whatever it was was over quickly, then he motions to one of the guys who had put me in the truck and once again I was being moved, but this time I was taken inside to Johanna's office. Then they left."

I bit my lip in consternation and disbelief. "Did they say anything before leaving? About why you were being left in Amity?"

"Not directly, but I heard Eric saying something to her as we passed. He was giving her a warning and said that she needed to fix it or else the other factions would fix it for Amity." She looks at me seriously and continues. "When I asked Johanna why later, she told me that I was wronged and because of that, I was being given the chance to go back home. She wouldn't say anything else though."

I nod in thought. "Rain, before you transferred, were you taking peace serum or eating some of the foods with the serum in it?"

Rain nods with a shrug. "Of course. Momma always bakes it into our bread. Why?"

I sigh as it all starts coming together for me. "Rain, do you remember how you told me that you came to Dauntless because you heard I made it?"

She nods in an affirmative.

"Well, I really almost didn't make it and it was harder for me than anyone in my initiation class because I was trying to recover from a lifetime on peace serum."

She frowns in confusion. "I don't understand."

I take a deep breath and explain. I tell her about the symptoms I faced from my body detoxing and going through withdrawal. How it affected me physically, mentally and emotionally. How I had to learn to deal with all of that on my own while going through fighting and fear sims and all the other things they threw at us during training. I asked her if she had experienced any of that and she admitted she had but she was too afraid to tell anyone.

"So they were supposed to stop giving dependents the serum? Do you think my mom knew?"

I shrug and am afraid to say that they most likely did. "Have you talked to your mom?"

"No. I am technically in Amities initiation now. They gave me that option after I healed up and I accepted. I won't get the chance to go see them for at least another month."

I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and smiled at her. "I am glad you are okay, Rain."

She smiles back and nods. "Thank you for trying to help me. I hope I didn't get you in trouble with Four. I remember you arguing with him while I was in the clinic."

I laugh and shake my head. "Trust me. You didn't get me in trouble. I seem to do that enough all by myself."

Eric wasn't at dinner when I finally joined the others. There was some kind of issue with one of the patrol stations at the fence that had Eric and Four to go out and take a few guys to take care of whatever the issue was. I made sure to sit with Tris, Tori, and Rain.

My friends were as surprised to see her as I had been. They didn't question her on how that came about after I mouthed to them that I would tell them later.

After dinner, I got a new perspective on the nightlife of Amity. I never realized that there was one major thing Dauntless and my old faction had in common. They both use any excuse to have a party.

Amity would call it a 'celebration of the gifts of the universe' or some such poetic reasoning. Dauntless didn't even bother with trying to come up with an excuse.

I hung out with the two girls for a little while, gathered around the fire and sipping on a drink that Tori had made extra sure wasn't laced with any additives. There were those drinks around but there had been a solid effort to make the two drinks and foods as far from each other as possible with plenty of indications which one was which.

I did notice a few of the group, mostly from Dauntless and Candor though I think an odd Erudite was in there too, that frequented the 'contaminated' table. As Tori referred to it with a sneer.

There was music and dancing, people singing along. All in all, it was a lively affair but I just didn't have the need to stick around for very long.

I decided to head to the cabin we were given and Tris tagged along. Tori decided to stick around a little longer, with the reasoning that there were still some dependents around and she wanted to make sure that they weren't being given anything extra in their drinks or food.

I didn't make it ten steps before I found my way blocked and for the second time today I was faced with someone I wasn't expecting to be faced with.

"Devana. I thought that was you."

I come to a dead stop, freezing in place.

"Vin," His name escapes me in a whisper as I take in his smile and the pools of green and gold in his hazel eyes. His eyes had always been my most favorite feature and never failed to make me feel like I would get lost in them if I looked too deeply.

I watch as those eyes move over me, taking me in while still smiling widely. Tris is close to me, and I can feel her tension but she doesn't interfere other than introducing herself when Vin asks for her name. I don't know how many minutes go by while small talk is made that I can't for the life of me remember.

All I can really focus on is the glaze of his eyes, had really thought that was for me and not a result of being stoned out of his mind. The smile that never leaves his face stretches the skin tightly in the only way a false smile can. His words are fleeting, shallow and meaningless because in this state he isn't capable of anything substantial. Did I really think he was full of wisdom and marvel at how beautifully he put things before?

Vincente is soon joined by a young woman that I vaguely remember from my time in Amity. He introduces her as his wife and the baby on her hip as his son. They don't stay long, thankfully, but I still stay in the same spot trying to process what I am feeling.

"Are you okay?" Tris asks me worriedly.

I blink and look at her for a moment then look to where the man I thought I loved is walking away from him. I watch him and his family and wait for something, a pang of loss or jealousy, but I don't feel that at all.

I feel anger. Wondering how someone can want to live their life like that and believe it is okay to make others live that way. I watch him walk away and wait

I feel sadness and resentment.

Most of all I feel pity.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and shake my head then look back at Tris.

"Yeah," I answer her with a grin. "Yeah, I'm good."

If I went into my fear landscapes, I wonder if they would be the same. I know Tris has said she was able to master a few of hers making a few go away only to be replaced with a few new ones. Would that be true for me? Would I still see myself as a perpetual zombie, incapable of truly giving myself to anyone?

I am not sure that fear will ever go away, but right now, at this moment it sure feels like it has. I get what Eric was afraid of now, why he said he shared the fear. Knowing that, along with his own past, I have an idea of why Eric has done some of the things he has done and in the way he has done them.

The question is how do I let him know that I understand?