Chapter 10: The Absurdity Resumes!
It was dinner time. A time for the joining together of a family after a long day of work and toil and
relative peace. Well it would have been if Ranko and Genma didn't eat like feuding vacuum cleaners.
Kasumi figured that if she interrupted there self-engorgement then perhaps they would slow down and a more reserved, polite atmosphere would settle.
"So how was your day Ranko", she asked.
"fitt fwas frilly fannoying frat firft", Ranko expectorated, literally, rice flying from her mouth as she spoke, "fut firned fout foot fin fee fend".
Kasumi was somewhat disturbed. Ranko had stopped eating to breath mid-sentence, resumed shoveling rice into her mouth and then finished replying. She adopted a look of mild reproachfulness, Ranko, staring intently at her dinner ignored her. Kasumi decided, that all things considered, she might
as well just fade into the background as she was wont to do. Things were fun in the background, she commonly met and spoke with the musicians who played the theme and background music for the show. They were fun people, during long breaks between musical numbers sometimes they would dash out for a cup of coffee or a sandwich. Yes indeed,, and it was certainly better than say, getting malletted repeatedly over the head or... turning into a small black piglet. Indeed. Don't ever let them tell you that minor characters don't know how to have a good time.
But meanwhile, in the foreground of our melodrama, our lead characters had abruptly run out of dinner.
A temporarily human Genma (seriously, it seemed like he liked staying in Panda-form) decided to be pick up where Kasumi left off.
"So m'boy", he started, "how'd school go?"
"You know", Ranko commented, "I met someone interesting at school today."
"Really?" 'It better not be a boy, or else the schools will never be joined, "what was... he like?"
"Funny you should say he", commented Ranko, "he was quite nice... you know I'd met ... him a long time ago, but he was a she at the time"
'My god', Genma wondered, 'exactly how common are Jusenkyo curses?'
"You see some jerk had engaged her to his", Ranko made quotation marks with her fingers,
"'son' and then sort of ran off with her dowry and she forsook her girlhood and started dressing
as a boy and training to take ... his revenge".
"That sounds horrible", Genma replied, 'I sure hope none of the guys and gals I engaged Ranko to catch up with me'.
"Isn't it?", Ranko smiled sweetly, "anyways I was wondering if maybe I could invite her over sometime, "I thought maybe if she talked to you it might make her feel better"
"Really, I don't think I could be that big of a help", Genma protested.
"Oh, please", pleaded Ranko, "I just know it will make her feel better"
"Well okay", Genma agreed, "if you're sure about this".
"Oh, I'm sure about it", Ranko assured her father.
-(Scene Break)-
Ryoga was by now fairly sure that this was not the M74 nor the A82. In fact, it appeared he was no-longer on an expressway at all. Which was perhaps for the best since running on an expressway is not only a dangerous activity, it is actually illegal. Instead it appeared he was running along some sort of wood-planked path flanked by two steel rails. 'ah yes ... a 'railroad''.
Trip!
'With an orange-haired lady in a blue dress tied to it, very strange'
"What are you doing!", exclaimed a black suited, black hatted, black mustached man, "you're not Dudley Do-right"
"Indeed I'm not, Ryoga Hibiki, nice to meet you"
"Ah", the man stroked his mustache before offering his hand, "Snidely Wiplash, arch-villian and general miscreant"
"Mwff", exclaimed a the orange haired lady through a hankerchief.
"And this young lady here is Nell Fenwick"
"Isn't it dangerous to be tied to the tracks like that?"
"No... Dudley Do-Rigth will show up eventually, and his horse should save the day"
"Okay then... I suppose I'll be on my way, you wouldn't happen to know which way China is?"
"I would say it's in that general direction", Snidely gestured west.
"Thank you!", Ryoga replied, running to the northsouth. a non-existent direction only a Hibiki is capable of traveling. As the scene slowly fades from view one can here Ryoga yelling in the distance, "Ranma Saotome, because of you I"ve seen Nell!!!"
-(Scene Break)-
Meanwhile back in Nerima another day of school is beginning for one Ranko Saotome and Akane Tendo. In fact it may even have been beginning for another Akane Tendo or Ranko Saotome, but seeing as how this story really focuses on the actions of a particular Ranko Saotome and Akane Tendo I'm not really going to worry about the other ones.
Ranko and Akane were running to school, late as ussual, Akane in her school uniform and Ranko in her Chinese shirt and pants. Ranko was in her cursed form thanks to Akane and a bucket of water. (She had actually bathed after sparring with her father, but Akane had, again, taken exception to her going to school in her 'natural' form) But she was, at least, not in a school uniform thanks to her extremely stubborn and obstinate nature... which was the main reason they were late.
"Can't you just wear the school uniform like everyone else?", Akane revived the morning's argument.
"Well I could", Ranko answered, "I just don't want to"
"But you'd look so much nicer in a skirt and blouse", insisted Akane, "and you're going to in trouble for it eventually"
"I'm gonna get in trouble for something", answered Ranko, "it might as well be something stupid." She continued, "Besides, I don't want to look nice, I want to have clothes I can fight in without worring about people seeing my underwear in!"
'I guess she has a point', Akane thought, 'anyway, it's not really worth arguing about anymore. I wonder if the boys have given up yet.'
Akane found her answer as she and Ranko arrived outside Furinkan High to an audience of truly epic proportions.
"Hey!!!", Akane screamed, "I hate boys! I like girls! What do I have to do to prove it!"
In a unified chorus that one would almost suspect was orchestrated the crowd of boys from Furinkan and neighboring high schools shouted, "Kiss Ranko again!" Tomorrow they would try for something a bit edgier but for today seeing the, by general consensus, hottest two girls within a hundred mile radius kissing in public was more than enough to justify a cross-town detour to witness. Except for one stubborn, wooden-sword wielding ... bastard, who just had to spoil everyone's fun.
"No, I can't allow it!", screamed Tatewaka Kuno, the rising star of Furinkin high.
And after the ensuing riot as a horde of hormone saturated teenage boys who'd been hoping to witness some hot girl on girl action turned on the traitor in their mist, Kuno found himself rising high through the Stratosphere indeed.
The rest of the morning passed with less event. Ranko and Akane got a pass on bucket holding since, in fact, the entire class had been delayed be the immense pilgrimage of horny teenaged boys which had gathered outside their school. Ranko caught up on her sleep while Akane caught up on her schoolwork. At lunch, Ranko insisted on going over to talk to Ukyo, so Akane decided she'd talk to her loyal (and in this Ranmaverse only) friends Yuka and Sayura.
Which was surprisingly awkward. You see, most people never really doubt their sexuality or gender. They just don't have to think about it, it's very cut and dried, you're a girl, you don't really imagine what it would be like to be a guy, you may think about what kind of guy you want to date but it's implicit that you include 'one that's not a girl' in the desired characteristics for him. But when a long-standing friend of yours who've you've never had any reason to suspect of being gay (besides the fact that she's beat the crap out of any male student who's ever tried to touch her, and her repeated insistence that she hates boys), starts kissing her female fiance on the lips, well, things are a bit awkward afterwards.
"So...", Yuka started, "how's being engaged"
"It's like a nightmare", Akane answered.
"So you don't ... like her?", Sayura asked.
"Well, it's not that", Akane replied, "it's more like... everything's just gotten ten times crazier since Ranko's been around"
"Yeah", Yuka agreed, "you can say that again"
"And what the hell was going on this morning!", Akane indignantly exclaimed, "the whole point of me kissing Ranko was to show all those boys I'm not interested in them and I'm not going to be!"
Sayura and Yuka sighed in unison, sometimes Akane was just so ... niave.
"Akane", Yuka started, "I'm going to explain something about the effect of homosexual displays on heterosexuals of the opposite gender..."
-(switch to Ukyo and Ranko)-
"Hiya Uchan!", greeted Ranko.
"Hi Ran...chan", replied Ukyo.
"Hey, Uchan, I think you should come over to the Tendo's after school"
"And why would I want to do that?", inquired Ukyo.
"Oh...", Ranko drew out the syllable, "I just thought you might want to greet an old 'friend' of your's".
"Your dad?"
"Yeah", Ranko confirmed, "I thought maybe beating the snot out of him would cheer you up... it works for me!"
"Heh", Ukyo replied, "I guess so..."
"I'm really sorry Uchan", pleaded Ranko, "I just didn't know, I'll do anything to make it up to you!"
"Anything?"
"Anything!"
"So you'd... eat a bug?"
"If it would help"
"How 'bout worms?"
"I've had worse" (but not yet having sampled Akane's cooking Ranko was not yet aware of just how much worse she would eat)
"Date Kuno"
"I will do anything to make up for pop's stealing your Yattai except date Kuno"
"heh, heh, heh. gotcha", Ukyo poked Ranko playfully in the nose. "I guess I could use some help around my restaurant"
"You've got a restaurant!", exclaimed Ranko, "Cool!"
"Ain't it?", agreed Ukyo, "I could use someone to wait tables, do dishes, just generally make my life a bit easier"
"I'd love to help!"
"But I just can't afford to pay someone"
"oh..."
"You could keep the tips though"
"Well, I'll do it anyway"
-(later that night)-
"Hi pops!"
"Hi son!"
"I brought my friend by to meet you, the one who had some jerk run off with her dowry"
"I'm very sorry to hear that", Genma consoled Ukyo.
"Her name is Ukyo Kounji", Ranko continued.
'Uh oh'
"GENMA SAOTOME YOU JACKASS!"