So, as I said, this chapter will be a shorter one, but I do hope that you'll enjoy it just as much. I've been having problems with the website recently. It just wouldn't let me log in at all. So, i went through all the possibilities and finally found out that my browser was outdated. So, I've installed a new one, and I can now log in! Sorry about that!

Chapter Ten - Time Passes Fast

- Three Months Have Passed -

Ever since I won the games and thought of this plan, my sanity has been disintegrating. The dark shadows are eating away at my mind, trying to erase what little is left of it. My thoughts are all confused, my memories are slowly self destructing, fading like a dream when you wake up.

I'm losing my sense of time. I no longer know what happened before or after the games, everything is playing inside of my head at the same time, like watching the same film over and over. A chaos of images, with no order. A nightmare from which escape is impossible.

I took it too far. It's all my fault. I take the pills so that I can finally sleep at night. They are my one escape from this cruel world. They bring me peace, put my mind at rest. And yet, they are destroying me, at the same time.

I've been writing night and day for weeks. Trying to put my elaborate schemes down on paper, in code, hidden from the authorities. But that's hard to do when I can't even remember what happened yesterday.

So, I've been trying to put my life down on paper. If I forget everything, the pages of my notebook will serve as my memory. It makes it a little bit easier. It also reassures me slightly. I've not always been one to worry, but recently, I've changed.

The Capitol is leaving me alone for the moment. They're too busy planning the next games to worry about what I'm doing. I know they'll never fully take me out of the spotlight though. According to them, I'm their property. Honestly, I don't give a damn.

For now I need to plan. Maybe even reconstruct my life. I'm falling to pieces, and I know it. It's partly my fault. I'm the one that takes the pills, it's not like I'm forced to. I take them because the capitol has fucked up my happy, normal life. All I want is to live a normal life again, it's the one thing I can't buy with all the money I have.

I've been locked up in my room for months. Planning, writing, crying, sleeping, that's how my days go, one by one, painfully slowly. My family have been slipping food under my door. They tried to tempt me out for the first month, but then, they gave up, knowing how stubborn I am, or so, that's what I wrote.

It seems as if my life now revolvs around making this plan work. It has to work.

Sometimes, I get angry. I can't remember much, but I can see the mess that I've made. The trail of destruction. The paper, ripped into pieces and scattered around the room. My belongings strewn across the floor. That's what happens when I realise there is a flaw in my plan.

Just now, everything is going okay. Just okay. Nothing will be great until I know that my family is truly happy.

I get up from my chair, and walk around my room, picking up a book and placing it back on the shelf, pausing for a second, running my fingers over the bound leather spine.

I turn around to my window. The curtains are closed. They have been for weeks. I don't want the world to see what a state I'm in. I move on from the bookshelf, across the floor which I have paced night and day, and over the closed curtains. I run my fingers up and down the satin-like material, before pulling it back slightly.

Daylight floods into the room, revealing the motes of dust swirling in the air. I let out a small gasp as the it hits me, before letting the fabric slip out of my fingers, closing the gap. The light dissappears, and I am in darkness again.

I walk through to the en-suite bathroom, turning on the light and turning to face the mirror. It's covered with a towel. I must have put it there, nobody else has been in here for months. I can guess why I put it there. So I don't have to look at what I've become.

I reach forwards with shaking hands, and pull back the towel, revealing my reflection. I am almost unrecognizable, and not in a good way.

"This is what i've done to myself..." I whisper, staring into the mirror. My voice is hoarse, low.

My skin has lost all of it's radiency. There are dark circles under my eyes, which are bloodshot. Crust has formed around them too, sticking to my eyelashes. My irises were once a vibrant blue, but now, they are washed out, dead. My hair is tangled, and hangs in front of my face, untamed.

I carefully hand the towel back on the mirror, and walk slowly back through to my room, taking my place back at my desk, sorting through the heaps of paper until I find the one I am looking for.

It's all for good cause. That's all I need to tell myself.

I will get this done. I will go back to my normal, happy life.

Again, so sorry that this is late. I will be uploading again soon on my other story, so, yeah! Thank you guys so much for reading, a review would be much appreciated.

BethanyDee x x