Here I am! Thanks for the reviews and PMs. They make me so happy. Hope everyone is still enjoying the story and that I haven't messed it up yet!
R
Orion stormed into the noble and most ancient house of Black and threw his coat at the nearest house elf. He walked swiftly up to his office without speaking to his wife or his youngest son and slammed the door. How could Alphard have do that to them? What an embarrassment. Orion thought, and he'll be unbearable. How am I going to get him back now that he has enough money to buy and sell the town? Thinking of his son's smiling face when he walked out on Orion and the rest of the Blacks forever made something inside Orion stir. He knocked over his desk with one hand and yelled in frustration. Where had he gone wrong with that child? Orion sunk into his office chair, his head in his hands. Orion remembered when Sirius was just a child; before he became difficult. He remembered his baby, his first born boy.
"He's tiny." Was the first thing the new seventeen-year-old father said when he saw his son.
Walburga smiled, "He looks just like you. He's going to be gorgeous when he gets older."
"He's perfect now," Orion disagreed. The baby grabbed his finger and Orion smiled, "I love him."
"I knew you would," Walburga replied.
"Walburga what if…what if we do it wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"What if we can't raise him right and something happens to him?"
"Don't worry about that. We have your parents and my parents and we have each other. Everything will work out fine. What shall we name him?"
Orion considered and the baby opened his eyes. Eyes that were the brightest silver Orion had ever seen, "His name is Sirius because it's the brightest star in the sky. And I can tell he'll be the brightest star in the world." Orion finished with a smile.
"Sirius Orion Black. How does that sound?"
"It sounds perfect."
But everything hadn't worked out fine. Sirius was born difficult and got worse. He never wanted to do as he was told. Orion supposed nowadays people would have explanations for his failure with Sirius; he had gotten married too young, he was not old enough to have a child…and of course there was the controversy on whether beating children is ethical or not. What these people failed to realize was that Orion's father had employed all of these factors and Orion had turned out fine. So what was wrong with Sirius? Orion knew beatings got results; when he was a child, a few smacks were enough to make him shape up. When Sirius was younger, usually the threat of Orion's belt would be enough to make him behave. Something had changed when Sirius went to Hogwarts; it was as though his ability to obey his father had flown out the window. He supposed this was James Potter's doing. And although Orion could usually reign Sirius back in during the summer, it became increasingly difficult and he had to use more and more force.
Orion didn't like hurting Sirius but honestly; it had to be done. The boy had an attitude problem and didn't know his place. He had such a way of infuriating Orion so that Orion always had a tendency to hit Sirius with more force than he had ever hit Regulus. Sirius would claim it's because Orion preferred Regulus, but both Orion and Regulus knew that to be false. Orion wished he could go back to when Sirius was a baby.
Orion closed his eyes and willed himself not to think of his defiant child anymore. But all he could see was Sirius' gray eyes, his eyes, and it angered him immensely. He looked at the framed pictures on his desk. One was of his and Walburga's wedding day. They had been so young then; they were smiling and waving at the camera. Another was the entire family: Orion, Walburga, Sirius and Regulus. They had the picture taken in front of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Orion remembered instructing them not to smile; people always look infinitely more attractive and intimidating when they weren't smiling, after all. His idea had merit. Both Regulus and Sirius looked handsome and grave. Orion opened his desk drawer and took out a photograph he had removed from his desk the day Sirius had been sorted. It was the day when he knew he lost his son. Nevertheless, it was still his favorite picture. His favorite featured himself and little Sirius. Sirius was about two years old in the photograph. He was holding Sirius above his head and Sirius was laughing joyously at being so high in the air. Orion watched himself in the photo as he kissed Sirius and Sirius reached his little arms out for his father. Orion threw the picture at the wall with all his might. He heard the glass of the frame shatter. He couldn't erase what Sirius had said. I'd rather die than go with you…More my family than you…I'm not your son. Not anymore.
The smiles and laughs had faded from Sirius Black's face as he thought of his uncle; dead at his brother's hands and using Sirius for his last defiant act. Sirius wondered if Orion was issuing a warning to him. Or to James. Sirius had a headache. He couldn't fathom what Orion was planning. Sirius could never understand Orion although it seemed as though Orion could always understand Sirius. They (Sirius and James) were back at the Potters' now; the afternoon had tired Sirius out and James had suggested he come over for dinner. Sirius had resisted only a little until he gave into James' nagging. He was glad he had done so; he didn't much feel like being alone with his thoughts right now. James must have been thinking along the same lines.
After Sirius and the Potters had eaten a nice big meal Sirius and James went upstairs. Sirius had decided to sleep over; Mrs. Potter had insisted it was too dark to walk back. Sirius had told her he took the Knight Bus. Mrs. Potter insisted the Knight Bus was unsafe. He told her he would Floo. She claimed they were out of Floo Powder. Finally he had given in, as he usually did when it came to the Potters. He went into the bathroom and checked his face in the mirror. The potion he had taken a few hours ago was one he had known how to use his whole life. It made bruises vanish temporarily. He saw it was beginning to wear off; he could see the outline of the ugly purple splotch on his jaw (from being punched in the face) and his left temple was smarting (from being slammed into a wall). He sighed and left the bathroom. He entered James' room and sat across from James on James' bed. James looked up at him as if he had been waiting for Sirius' arrival.
"You know what you should do?" James said without smiling, "You should tell. You should tell the world what they did to you. What he did to you."
"I could never tell," Sirius said nervously, "He'd kill me."
"He wouldn't."
"He would,Prongs. Didn't I ever tell you what he did when I accidentally told when I was seven?"
James shook his head slowly.
"It isn't a pretty story."
"Are any of your stories pretty?" James asked, only half joking.
"When I met you." Sirius made a kissy face at James. James retaliated by throwing a pillow at him.
"Must have been the greatest day in your miserable life, eh?" James said laughingly, but the smile had faded from Sirius' face. He appeared to be in deep thought for a minute, but resurfaced quickly.
"Do you want to hear the story or not?" Sirius demanded.
James nodded and stared intensely at his friend.
"Well…"
Sirius was seven years old, and he had wandered off in Diagon Alley. He was a big boy, after all and he didn't need his parents breathing down his neck every minute of the day. He just wanted to find a pet shop where he could play with some puppies. Sirius loved dogs and he especially loved puppies. His father had even promised him a puppy after he had accidentally hurt Sirius the other day. Sirius knew his father never meant to hurt him; it just happened sometimes. His mother had told him that his father loved him very much, so much that he had to hurt Sirius when he was a bad boy. Sirius was often a bad boy, though he didn't mean to be. Yesterday for instance, Sirius had been bad. He had been playing in the living room with a Quaffle when he accidentally broke one of his Father's glass orbs. Sirius didn't know what the orb was for, but he knew his father would be angry with him for breaking it. He ran into his room and locked the door. He hid under the bed. Sure enough, his father was very angry with him that day, when he discovered what Sirius had done. His father had stormed upstairs and banged on Sirius' door, demanding that he open it. Sirius obeyed and tried to apologize when he opened the door. But his father was so angry he accidentally hit Sirius in the face twice, hard enough to split his lip and give him a shiny black eye. Sirius had screamed and cried and his father had said he was sorry. He said he never wanted to hurt Sirius. He said he would buy Sirius a puppy. Sirius calmed down soon after that proclamation was made.
Knowing he would be getting a puppy, Sirius happily agreed to go to Diagon Alley with his parents the next day. His mother had given him a potion that made the bruises disappear, but it had to be taken every other hour. Sirius had been wandering around on his own for quite a while now and sure enough the effects of the potion wore off. He walked into the ice cream store and an elderly wizard saw a seven-year-old with a face that was black and blue. He gave Sirius some ice cream and asked him to sit down and tell him who had hit him.
"My father, but it was an accident." Sirius said, immediately trusting anyone who gave him ice cream, "You won't tell him I told you, will you? Only I'm not supposed to tell anyone when it happens."
The elderly man looked very sad after that. "I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you, okay?"
"Okay." Sirius had agreed easily.
Several things happened in quick succession after that. Sirius' father had appeared. He had taken one look at Sirius' face and the shopkeepers' and had carried Sirius out of the shop. Two mean looking men had walked into the shop and surrounded the elderly shop owner. Sirius had screamed at them to leave the man alone. He screamed for his father to do something. He screamed that he wanted his puppy. By now his father had carried him into an alleyway and placed him down on his feet. Sirius tried to run and help the shop owner but his father grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and threw him on the ground. Sirius screamed again. His father slapped a hand over his mouth and yelled,
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! If you don't stop screaming right now, I swear you won't have a mouth to scream with!"
Sirius stopped trying to scream behind his father's hand, but couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks.
"Stop crying, damn it!" His father snapped at him, looking distressed.
Sirius tried to obey but couldn't. His father knelt down to his level and spoke in a deadly whisper, "I told you never to tell, Sirius. Why did you tell? What's wrong with you? If people know, they'll take you away. Do you want to go away forever?"
"No!" Sirius wailed.
"Then why did you tell?"
"I didn't mean to!" Sirius cried.
"You've been a very bad boy, Sirius. I am disappointed in you."
"Don't send me away! Please, Father, I want to stay with you!"
"I won't send you away this time, Sirius. But I'm going to give you a spanking when we get home."
Sirius couldn't remember the spanking. But he did remember it was the first time he woke up in a hospital.
"I could never tell." Sirius finished his story.
James just stared at him.
"Stop looking at me like that," Sirius said, "It was a long time ago, okay? But I can never tell. And neither can you, James. Not ever."
"Padfoot, did you…? I mean, weren't you ever happy there?"
Sirius racked his brain, "I suppose so, when I was younger. He hit me when I was a little kid, but I reasoned that it was normal. He was always quick to tell me he loved me after he had finished, and it used to be enough for me. I used to think he hung the moon. But the older I got, the more strained our relationship became. He always seemed so perfect to me; he always looked perfect and everything he did was perfect, so I thought of him as a perfect person. Eventually, I started seeing the cracks in his façade; he worked really hard to appear perfect, but I could it on his face that he was unhappy. I think he's unhappy with his life. And himself. And me."
"What do you mean, you could see it on his face?"
"You could too, if you looked hard enough. You can see age on someone's face, can't you? It isn't the only thing that's there. You can also see cruelty. And sin. And deceit. And everything that makes someone a bad person. It can't be hidden. It's written all over their faces." Sirius paused a moment, as if in a daydream and then said, "My father is very vain. He hates seeing his good looks leave him. When you're cruel and handsome, everyone forgives you because you're handsome. But when you're cruel and old and you haven't got your looks anymore, all you're left with is ugly. Mean and ugly, and everyone can see it."
James wasn't sure he understood a word Sirius was saying, but Sirius spoke with an authority that wasn't to be disagreed with. An idea came to him suddenly, "So you think he hates you for being young and good looking?"
"I think he resents me for it. But I think he was mostly upset I wasn't turning out the way he wanted. I became harder for him to control, and he's obsessed with controlling me."
"He can't get to you anymore, Sirius."
"He can. He'll always be able to." Sirius said sadly.