Yes… It would be better if he doesn't know. There's no need to worry him, to make him get stuck with me when he still has the chance to become something important in his life. There's no need to make him come back, even though it's what I want the most right now. I feel insecure now that the situation got worse.
I crawl under my sheets and rest there, thinking. I have to stop thinking, though. It's going to drive me crazy some day.
As much as I hate it, it doesn't matter. I'm scared that, if I tell him, he might dump me… And I… I love him so much. I can't lose him. Not now. I find myself becoming a ball, with my arms embracing my stomach. No! I am not supposed to do that. I… think I've already made my choice. Yes… I better tell mum tomorrow morning.
I wake up at 5am, having an intense pain. I don't really know what it is I just know it's killing me.
I walk into the bathroom while turning the light on and lean my elbows on the sink, resting my face onto the palms of my hands. My head hurts and I still have this pain in the stomach. I sigh and breathe deeply to then feel a wave of discomfort and lean down over the toilet to throw up.
"This will be solved within a few days, Jade… don't worry" I whisper to myself. It's really hard to go through this when the person you love the most, the one who understands and supports you is not here to rub your back or whisper this kind of things when you really need him.
I brush my teeth and come back to the bedroom feeling slightly better. The pain might be gone, but the baby not. I come back to my bed and fall asleep again.
"Jade… wake up, we have to talk", I hear my mum talk. I open my eyes reluctantly and look into hers. Her face shows sadness and she seems to be exhausted.
"What's wrong? What happened?!" I ask her quickly when I see her factions. I sit down on my bed while she starts rubbing my arm to calm me down.
"Don't worry, honey. Nothing happened, I promise. We have to… you have to make a choice…" she says in a whisper, correcting herself as she talks. I'm pretty sure I look mortified. What do I do now? Beck doesn't know, because I already made a choice about him. But… but this is different. I have to decide whether to kill my… baby or not. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.
I stare at her. Her eyes bed me something, but I cannot figure it out. I'm not even able to think clearly now. And when I think of something… I suddenly know what to do.
"I want to…" my mum leans a hand on my leg and I sigh, "… I want to keep it", I finally say.
Her face changes immediately. She doesn't seem to be sad anymore. Actually, she even seems to be… happy? Wow… this is going too fast.
"Ok, then", she kisses my forehead, which is something I allow her to do just because we're going through rough times, and she leaves.
But when she's about to shut my bedroom door, she grabs the doorknob and looks at me.
"I think this is the most responsible choice you could take, Jade" I know she's being honest. She's my mother, and I soon will be one as well.
*Four months later*
"Jade!" I roll my eyes and curse when all of a sudden, I heat Cat's squeaky voice. She runs upstairs and opens my door, while I cover my eyes from the sun with my hands. It's such a sunny morning and I hate it.
Beck's still gone, and even though we're still together, it seems like we're mentally miles away. His life is almost perfect, he says every time we talk.
I usually try to talk to him through phone calls, so he doesn't find out my… pregnancy. I don't even know how he doesn't know about it by now. All our friends do. I guess it's because I am the only one who still talks to him.
"Cat, go away!" I yell at her, hiding my face under the sheets.
"No, Jade, we have to go to school" she says. Her voice sounds as if she were about to cry. I uncover my face and look at her. I sigh and she suddenly smiles.
"Yay! How's the little baby today, Jade?" I turn my eyes back to the small bump in my stomach. You can appreciate it. You can see how it's growing and growing, till I look like I'm going to explode.
"It's ok" I mumble. I get up and go straight to the bathroom, avoiding Cat in my way to it.
I shut the door, but that doesn't stop her. She opens it and sits down on the closed toilet.
"Cat… what are you doing? I need to get ready" she looks at me with those big eyes and giggles slightly.
"I know, but I won't leave you or the baby alone any moment. I'm her auntie" I roll my eyes and start washing my face.
"Who said it's going to be a "her"? Besides, I don't know if I'll let you be his/her auntie…" I say teasing her. She pouts and I can't help but laugh at her reaction.
"Jade! I will be her auntie. And it's going to be a girl… and we'll play dolls together, and I'll buy her pink clothes, and…-"
"No-way! I'm not letting you dress my baby with pink outfits. You won't be able to, that's for sure" I say forcibly putting on a black shirt and a pair of jeans.
Oh shit… I try to close them, but this stupid bump doesn't let me. I try to force it, but I might hurt the baby, so I have to take them off and wear a skirt.
"Dang it… I thought I would be able to wear my jeans till later" I whisper. Cat comes closer to me while I'm looking at myself in the mirror and she lifts my shirt up slowly, waiting for my reaction.
I let her do it and she grins when she rests a hand on the bump.
"When am I going to feel her?" She keeps insisting on the baby being a girl… I turn around to look at my side face and check if the bump is noticeable.
"I don't know Cat, why don't you ask it?" I say sarcastically. But she doesn't seem to take the hint and leans down to whisper something to my stomach. I roll my eyes and lean my hands on my lower back.
"When are you going to kick, little girl? Auntie Cat wants to know…" she asks to… no one. She waits a few minutes till I have to pull my shirt down and almost push her downstairs to have breakfast.
I start eating my cereals… since I cannot take anymore coffee, ugh! And suddenly, I feel my pocket buzz. I take out my phone and read a message.
"Hey, babe, connect to Skype, I'm waiting for you" damn it… now I have to be so careful for Beck not to see my growing stomach. I sigh and leave Cat in the kitchen, watching TV.
I turn on the computer and connect. I suddenly feel a wave of sadness when I see his perfect face smiling on the screen. He seems so happy without… me. I try to look like a normal Jade, but this feeling and… baby inside of me don't let me.
"Oh my God, Jade, you're so beautiful. I can't spend another day of my life without you" I roll my eyes and he smiles shyly.
"Yeah… it's been pretty hard around here, Beck… it's been four months, I can no more, I need you" I say, turning my voice down for Cat not to hear me.
"I know baby, I know, but just wait two more weeks, you already know I'm flying over there" he says trying to comfort me.
"JADE!" Cat screams from the kitchen. I get up quickly and go check if everything's alright. When I see it was just Cat being paranoid again, I come back to the computer, where Beck is waiting for me.
But when I'm about to sit down again, I unintentionally drop an empty glass, so I lean down to catch it… when I realize my shirt, which is baggy, has let see my stomach… yes, my growing bump.
"Jade… what's that?"
Hey guys! I know it's been a long while since I said I would update it, but I've been reaaally busy. So sorry. But here's it. You know how it works. Leave your thoughts, comments, reviews, everything you want. Or even check my Tumblr, if you want. Hope you like it, though. More to come, and oh, Happy Valentine's Day! :)