The following weeks passed in a haze. After that first night I didn't shed another tear, there were probably none left. At some point Thorin and Kili returned, I vaguely remembered them visiting me a few times. Fili sat next to my bed, not faring much better than me. It was Dwalin who had to fill everyone in on what happened. Kili sat with his brother for a while after that, but eventually left us to ourselves. There was a ceremonial funeral held for our son, but I couldn't bring myself to go with Fili, I don't think I could have survived anymore pain. Though death probably would have been easier than this.

Dis was my constant nurse, refusing to let anyone but family come near me. Everyday she would try to get me to sit up and eat, and everyday I refused. It wasn't until I overheard her and her sons talking one night that I began to return to myself.

"I can't sit here anymore knowing that...filth... is still out there! Most of the company's with me on this..." Kili was trying to whisper but his passion was impossible to control.

"I'm not leaving her."

"I know, we're not asking you to."

I struggled to sit up, the most movement I'd done in a while. When I was sitting with my feet on the floor I caught my breath, a fire beginning to burn deep in my chest. "You're not going to kill him." They turned to me in surprise, Fili rushing to my side as I used the bedpost to stand. My legs were weak and shook more than I thought they would, but still I pushed Fili away and stood on my own. "I am."

The looks they gave me ranged from happiness to skepticism, but I didn't care what they thought, this was the first time in a long time I'd thought about anything other than my own suffering.

"Nora... you can hardly stand..." I knew Kili was just worried about me, but his concern infuriated me for some reason.

"And ten minutes ago I could hardly stand to be alive! You're not taking this away from me..."

Fili caught me when I stumbled forward, trying to walk. Feeling his hands on me made my body instantly tense, a part of my mind yelling for me to get away from his touch. He loosened his hold on me and took a step away, giving me as much space as he could while still offering his help. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, calming the fear that begged me to pull away. Once I'd gotten myself back under control I allowed myself to lean against my husband, using his strength to help me walk from the room.

"Nora, this isn't-"

"Kili!" Fili's voice was hard and sharp as he looked back at his brother, clearly telling him to shut up.

I told Fili I didn't care where we went, as long as it wasn't our chambers and I wouldn't be around a bunch of people. He took me to an unused room nearby, helping me collapse into a cold and dusty chair that hadn't been used in years. The short walk exhausted me, so I curled my legs up beneath me and rested my head against my hand. Fili said something about getting the room cleaned up, leaving when I didn't respond.

He was back in less than a minute, followed by a handful of servants who quickly and quietly went to work. Fili lit the fire in front of me himself, laying a thick fur blanket across my shoulders and sitting on the low table next to me. I accepted a cup of warm spiced cider a servant handed me, amazed at just how thin my wrists were now.

"May I bother you for some food?" I asked the maid, noticing for the first time how empty my stomach was.

The maid curtsied and hurried away, the sympathy in her eyes making my skin crawl.

"How many know?" I asked, sipping the cider slowly.

Fili didn't immediately answer, a pained expression on his face. "The official word is there was an attack... in the fight you were hurt, causing the..." His voice choked for a second. "Only the company and family know the truth for certain, but we couldn't stop the rumors."

I'd figured as much, but it still disgusted me to know that people knew... After scarfing down the stew and bread given to me I started to feel better. There was a knock at the door that made me flinch. Fili glanced back at me as he went to see who it was, the servants having been dismissed already. It was Dwalin.

"No!" I said as soon as I heard the dwarf's voice.

I looked over my shoulder as Fili stepped out, pulling the door almost closed behind him.

"How is she?"

"I don't know, it's hard to say." I heard Fili sigh.

"Kili said she was acting... strange."

"Look, I appreciate everyone trying to help, but we just need to be left alone, please." Fili closed the door before I heard Dwalin respond.

Neither of us slept much the next few days, nor did we do much talking. My mind wouldn't shut off, thoughts coming and going as I tried to come to terms with everything. I wasn't an idiot, I knew Fili had nothing to do with what happened. It wasn't anyone's fault really, but that didn't make it any easier. When I was able to fall asleep in my chair I was often woken by Fili, the nightmares making me toss and turn, sometimes even cry out. We never talked about what happened, there was nothing to be said. When I finally felt strong enough to leave I dressed in my riding clothes, brought down from my old room, and left my bubble of self exile.

Fili and I walking through the halls toward the stables seemed to confuse a lot of people, wide eyes and whispers followed our every turn. I refused to let anyone help me with my mare. Before I began to saddle her I just stood with my head against her neck, letting her familiar scent calm my inner turmoil, if only for a moment. I took the weapons Fili handed me and we silently rode out, side by side.

It was a warm, early summer day, the fields filled with wildflowers and the promise of rain in the gentle breeze. Erebor was bustling with activity, dwarfs and men walking the road between the mountain and Dale with their business of the day. We didn't go far, we both knew it wasn't safe for us to be out alone. I was laying in the grass while our horses grazed nearby when Fili finally broached the subject.

"I'm so sorry." He was standing with his back to me, looking up at the sky.

After a moment I walked up to him, putting my head against his back and my hand in his. Seeing him in pain sent everything I was struggling with to the back of my mind. "It wasn't your fault..."

His back began to shake, his tears bringing on my own. He gripped my hand tighter and pulled it to his chest as he cried. We stood like that even well after my hand was dried of his tears, neither of us wanting to let go of the other.

"This is the last time we get to cry." I stepped around to face him. "We're not going to let him win."

Fili gathered himself and nodded. "I swear to you he'll be the one begging for death in the end."

The anger and determination in his eyes brought my lips to his before I even knew what I was doing. He seemed just as surprised as I was, but we both relaxed after a second, his arms pulling me into him. We finally let each other go reluctantly.

"Where's he buried?" I forced myself to ask as we mounted back up.

"I can show you."

I nodded and followed Fili as he led the way to our son's grave. It was marked by a beautiful granite headstone, a crown carved into the top with the words Our Beloved Little Prince across the front in Khuzdul. There were flowers all around it, even a few toys and trinkets. I expected to be saddened at the sight, instead I was struck speechless by the obvious outpouring of love and support our people had shown. I handed Fili the reigns to my horse and slowly approached the headstone. I had no idea what to say or do, then I noticed a small silver bead at the base inscribed with Fili's rune. I crouched to pick it up, letting it roll around in my hand for a minute before kissing it softly and returning it to its place. I had nothing to offer but my love, and oddly enough I was content with that.