Author: Bookworm
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "To the world you may be just one person, but to one person, you may be the world."
AN: Celebrate love, celebrate Vaughn & Syd this Valentine's Day.
One Constant
[S4-17-21]
Sydney's POV
The one constant.
He's my one constant – truly through everything.
Has always been. Will always be.
I might have doubted – briefly during my worst of times.
But deep within my soul, I have always known that to be true. I've always counted on it to save me.
And it has – he has… especially the last two months.
He swore to protect me after hearing about Elena Derevko.
Vaughn picked me up when I landed in Vienna to help intercept the Hydrosek. We had a few hours to spec out our mission in his hotel room and I was eager to tell him what my father had revealed the day before.
"Dad and Sloane pulled Nadia and I aside yesterday."
"What about?" He is obviously alarmed by my serious demeanor.
"My mother has another sister – Elena. Seems like the news keep getting worse when it comes to Derevko women…"
I then repeat to Vaughn everything my father and Sloane have discovered.
"She has been surveilling you for over a decade?"
"So it seems – from the materials found in that safe house."
"What's Jack and Sloane doing about it?"
"The trail's gone cold for now, they haven't gotten any new leads – but they think the attack on Sophia may not have been coincidental."
"Syd, we can't just sit on this. When we get home, show me everything you've got – I wanna pour over all the details again. If Elena was behind the attack, and Sophia came straight to find Nadia and you, it may have been a set up. We gotta be careful." He sighs and pulls me into an embrace, "Sydney, I won't let anything happen to you."
He was my calm when I was frantic with worry over my dad's condition.
After finding out from Marshall what happened to my father, I went into a frenzy trying to locate him. Good thing Vaughn was the cool and collected one – he worked up all the possible medical facilities where my dad might go to seek help. Since we didn't want to involve the entire team yet, we practically locked ourselves in a room checking out every lead till midnight.
"I don't even know who he lists as emergency contact…" I realize there is much I don't know about my dad.
"Hey, I had my contact at LAPD put me on speed dial – if they find him, I would know. Look, we won't be able to track him down tonight, let's grab a few hours of sleep and have an early start in the morning. By then, Sloane needs to put the whole team on this."
After we briefed the rest of the team and explained the urgency, I decided to comb through the streets of LA with the faint hope that somehow I'd find him. Of course Vaughn wasn't about to let me drive around the city like a mad woman, so he came along.
"I just have this sinking feeling that I'll be too late… Damn it – he isn't picking up."
"Syd, we'll find him. We search grid by grid if we have to – but we're going to find him. Trust me."
When we finally put my father on an ambulance back to APO, I was shocked by the shape he was in. I didn't know how Vaughn managed to ease my nerves while keeping my dad lucid – but I sure was glad he took charge since I wasn't in much of a state to. He stayed until they finished assessing my father and was sure I wasn't going to breakdown before leaving to update Sloane.
He insisted on going to Helsinki with me to make sure we find Dr. Liddell in time.
He sat with me in silence in the infirmary during the initial procedures on my father.
He stuck around APO to be with me and didn't try to convince me to leave.
"Syd, I'll keep watch tonight and call you if anything changes. Go lie down for a couple hours in my car. You haven't slept in two days."
"I'm ok, Vaughn. You should go home though. Maybe I can join you tomorrow night… I do miss going home with you."
"Well, hopefully we can do that tomorrow – but you aren't gonna get rid of me tonight. I can run home in the morning to get us a change of clothes… Syd, I still think you should go lay down in the car for a little while."
"I'll just borrow your shoulder to rest my head and close my eyes a few minutes." I sit up straight to stretch, fold my legs on the chair and curl up to lean against him. He places a chaste kiss on the side of my head and wraps his arm around my shoulder to make sure I'm comfortable, "Get some rest, Sydney… Jack's going to be ok."
He fetched me food and told me jokes to keep me sane while we waited for days to find out if my dad would be cured.
He turned down two missions and risked the wrath of Sloane, plus two weekly hockey games, without me saying a word – simply because he knew I needed him with me as I struggled to figure out how I felt about my relationship with my aloof father.
I swear I'm going out of my mind – to try and make sense of things I found out about my father during this ordeal. Now that his condition has stabilized, I finally feel like I could go home at night. But thoughts are racing in my mind and I toss and turn in bed.
"What is it, Syd? Dr. Liddell thinks your dad is responding well to treatment. Tell me what is bothering you?" Darn – my movement must have awakened Vaughn as he props himself up on one elbow and whispers.
I turn to kiss his forehead and say apologetically, "I didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep. I know how exhausted you must be having stayed up the last couple nights with me."
"Sydney, either you talk to me or I'll have to think of other ways to help you sleep."
I'm defenseless against this man. "It's just that… everything about my dad… is so confusing. When I first found out he killed my mom, I despised him. Then I realized he had good reasons to… but I wasn't sure I could forgive him." Pausing to swallow hard before I continue, "Trouble is I still don't, despite what he did in Siberia to save me. I mean, I was horrified to know he got radiation sickness and I needed him to be ok, but I don't know how to move forward in our relationship." Vaughn has drawn me in close to just let me burrow into his chest and soak his shirt with my tears. In the silence of the night, his gentle kisses atop my head and strokes along my back still my heart, reassuring me I'll always have an anchor amidst turmoil in life.
Dr. Liddell announces the next day he would need to repeat the treatment protocol to ensure a complete recovery and my father would be in for another rough evening. I run into Weiss late afternoon on my way to Medical to stay the night with my dad.
"Hey, Syd, how's Jack doing with the drugs?"
"The procedure takes hours but he should be done in a little while. We'll see how it goes tonight." I sigh softly, "Tell Vaughn not to wait up after your game." I have just introduced Tuesday night hockey to Nadia when I took her to watch Vaughn and Eric play couple weeks ago – guess we'll have to miss this one.
"Actually Mike asked me to tell you he would be back with dinner in about an hour. He isn't going to the game tonight."
"He isn't going to the game?" I ask incredulous.
"That's what he said."
I can't believe Vaughn is giving up his hockey game to spend yet another evening in Medical with me. I don't know how long I've been waiting outside for an update on my father when he comes sit beside me. I immediately rest my head on his shoulder, realizing I'm beyond grateful for his company. With him, there is no need to keep up the strong and kick-ass front. I can be weak, tired and vulnerable – as I should be in this situation – and not worry about scaring him away.
"They say it will be at least another hour before your father comes out of sedation, and even then he would be fairly groggy. I brought us food, can I steal you for a half hour? They will call your cell if we are needed here."
"Fresh air sounds like a good idea." I get up, wrap both my arms around his and follow him to his desk to pick up our dinner before heading outside.
We find a bench in the nearby parkette and settle comfortably with the sandwiches Vaughn bought.
"I always picture my dad distant, but strong. It's hard to see him lying in a hospital bed day after day. And it's even harder when I know he got sick because of me." Picking up what I started telling him before he lulled me to sleep last night. "When I pretended to be Mom, I wasn't prepared to hear him talk about quitting the CIA, longing to spend time with her and with me. I do know he loves my mother and he loves me, but the reality I grew up with was so different than his intentions." I have to look down at my hands now holding the empty sandwich bag to stay composed. "I can't honestly say I'm a fan of the choices he made, things that he's done – to me, to Mom, even to you. I just don't know how to make him part of my life after so many years of him not being there." He scoots over, takes away the garbage I'm clutching and grabs my hands before kissing me softly on my lips.
"You don't have to make yourself do anything if it feels forced. I don't think Jack wants that either. Syd, he's going to be ok. And you'll figure things out as you go along. You'll have time."
"And you're gonna help me…" I say almost rhetorically.
"Of course I'm gonna help you. You can talk to me about this anytime. I promise I will try my best not to encourage you to kill your father." He smiles charmingly and is successful in soliciting a half laugh from me.
"You shouldn't have to skip hockey to stay with me... I'll be fine. If you leave now, you can still catch a couple periods."
"I didn't do it for you. I did it so Eric may have a chance to score with Nadia looking on."
"Oh, Nadia is going to watch him?"
"I hear she may bring Sophia. Weiss is going to be a nervous wreck I tell you." He picks up my hands to warm them between his. "And besides, if I don't stay with you, who will catch your pretty head when you doze off tonight?"
"I don't think I can resist you regardless but you're adorable you know? Seriously Vaughn, you have no idea how much I appreciate everything. You being there for me when I don't feel like talking to anyone else. Even if Will or Francie were around, they wouldn't get how complicated things are between me and my dad – and I'm not sure I want to explain. With Nadia, this is definitely not something I can talk to her about. But you always get it … I only feel comfortable telling you..." I trail off looking him straight in the eyes to let him know I meant every word.
"Good, keep it that way. I don't mind missing another game if I get to see those dimples in full force." I smile shyly at him with that remark. "They are pretty great if you ask me." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses the side of my head. "Let's go back inside and see if they've waken Jack."
He shared my rage when we found out Elena violated our trust and our home posing as Sophia, but agreed to put Nadia's well-being first.
He secretly helped me with my plan B when I told him before we left for Cannes that I wouldn't trust Sloane to meet Drake alone.
He literally held me together when I was shaken by Dixon's revelation about seeing my mother alive.
"Sydney, what's wrong? Your father said Dixon was stable." He noticed I was beside myself the minute he arrived at the hospital.
I led him away from Nadia as I didn't want to overwhelm her already fragile state with my own emotions.
Once we reached the stairwell, I flew myself into his arms and trembled with sobs.
He rubbed my back and let me cry for minutes before sitting us down on a stair and asked softly, "Tell me what happened."
I felt numb when I told him what Dixon said to me, as if I was trying to disassociate myself from the possibility. "I don't know what to think. He sounded certain – but given the amount of blood he lost before the medics arrived, I had to consider he was likely delusional."
"Sydney," he let out a sigh and looked at me sympathetically, "I know how you feel – to believe your parent has been killed only to be told they might still be alive. You must be going crazy… I was. But I got through it because I had you. So no matter what the truth is, we will go through it together… you're not going to face it alone."
He grabbed my hands to pull me up, "Dixon's condition should improve – when he wakes up tomorrow, we'll find out if he's still sticking with his claims… and we'll go from there. Let me get you, and Nadia, home. There's nothing more we can do at this point."
He made our mission to Ibiza actually somewhat fun even though I couldn't shake the dread I had been feeling.
He was the only thing that kept me standing when I almost passed out after hearing Nisard admit my mother was indeed alive.
My world was spinning – I felt like everything around me was spinning out of control.
Those words – "Is Irina Derevko alive?", "Of course she is" – kept ringing in my ears.
I had to grab onto Nisard's hair tighter to not lose my footing. Vaughn quickly took over and cuffed him to a rail. I was leaning heavily against the wall when he swiftly moved in front to catch me before my knees gave way. He led me to the hallway just outside the bathroom and put both his hands on my shoulders to hold me up.
"Breathe, Sydney, breathe." I can hear him and I can feel his hands but I don't seem to comprehend. "Sydney, Syd..." he is shaking me gently and I mechanically oblige. "That's it, keep breathing." And he kisses me on my forehead in relief, "Keep breathing, baby."
I can slowly feel my blood returning to my head. Vaughn is still holding and watching me with concern. "I'm ok – better, I think."
"Let's go back in. I'll squeeze him to get a location on where they're holding Irina." He volunteers to do the heavy-lifting so I could have a few moments to compose myself.
Time and time again – he has been my salvation.
Sitting on the plane now bound for Guatemala, I have no doubt things are going to get even more insane. To face my mother again after almost four years – having her realize we had doubted her, given up on her, while bringing Nadia back into her life and asking her to help us put an end to Elena's scheme. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get through all of that – I have no idea what shape I would be in after everything.
But thinking back to all those moments in the past several months, a small still voice inside tells me I will survive. I know he will be tracking my every move. He'll be with me every step of the way. And when I'm done, I know what I will be going home to – open arms and warm embrace that are always ready to take me in no matter how battered and bruised I might be.
Despite all the crap in my life, I'm incredibly lucky.