A/N: NSFW

Amell was prepping the mages for Adamant. She wouldn't be going with them of course. Not in her condition. Tomorrow the army would march and everyone she cared about would be going off to war. Leaving her behind. She worried. She walked towards the tavern where Hawke and Alistair waited, both intending to get drunk before the march tomorrow. On her way, she was stopped by the Inquisitor.

"Enchanter Amell, could I speak with you a moment?"

"Of course. How can I be of service?" The Inquisitor seldom talked to her. Much too busy.

"It's about the baby."

Her stomach dropped. She had made a decision. She had a small glimmer of hope that since she was telling her ahead of time she could prepare for what was to come next. "What about it?"

"I've decided to let you keep him. You're a valuable ally to the inquisition and your loyalty should be rewarded."

"What about the Chantry?"

"We are not bound by Chantry law. I am sorry for how I reacted to the news. I don't like complications but it wasn't fair to you either. I hope to rebuild the friendship we started to develop."

"I'd like that."

"There was one other thing, more pressing actually. I'd like you to take control of leading the mages when we return from Adamant."

"What do you mean? What about Fiona?"

"I can't trust her. And Cullen needs the help. You will assist him however he sees fit. I trust the two of you can work together again. Of course it's your choice."

"I'm honored."

"Does that mean you accept?"

"Yes. Whatever you need of me."

"Wonderful."

"Good luck with Adamant, Inquisitor. Be safe."

"Thank you. See you when we get back."

Amell wished she had the other woman's confidence. War was unpredictable and their journey was a dangerous one. Not everyone would be coming home.

She entered the tavern and quickly spotted her family. She walked over to them, already deep in their cups.

"Amell, my favorite cousin. Come sit with us," Hawke called out.

She sat and told Hawke all about her talk with the Inquisitor. Hawke's mood became somber. "Does this mean you aren't coming with me when I leave?"

"I have a duty here. The baby is no longer in danger." She paused. "You could stay as well. The inquisition could use you."

"Maybe I will. I am tired of running. Aren't you, love?"

Alistair nodded. "We could settle down."

She felt relief at their words. She didn't want to lose them, not again. She peered around the busy tavern, her eyes resting on an attractive man sitting on a stool by the bar. He caught her look, smiled and raised his mug. Hawke noticed.

"Making eyes with one of the men?"

"No," Amell said quickly. "It's just I'm… how to put this delicately… I'm experiencing certain urges. I think it's the pregnancy."

"You're horny."

"You don't have to put it like that."

"Okay, so go talk to the man. See if he's up for a little roll in the hay, so to speak. It'd do you good."

"I don't even know the man. I couldn't."

"I'd let you borrow Alistair to take care of your needs, but then I'd have to kill you."

Alistair made a face. "I'm not letting you whore me out, not even to Amell."

"Such a kind offer, but no. Alistair is the last person in Skyhold I'd sleep with."

"Ouch. That bruises a man's ego."

"It's not personal."

"Sure sounded personal."

"You're like my cousin-in-law now. You're family. I'm not going there."

"It was a joke," Hawke said, laughing. "I'd never let any other woman touch my Alistair. Unless of course I was touching her as well."

Alistair blushed. All this talk of sex was not helping her situation. "Could we please change the subject?"

"No. You have needs. Needs that aren't being met. I intend for them to be met." She gestured for the man at the bar to come over.

"Don't you dare." He started coming over. Amell hurried to her feet. "I'm not going to let you humiliate me. I can take care of my own needs." She quickly left the tavern, leaving a bemused Hawke.

The cool air hit her face, cooling her burning cheeks. She shouldn't let it bother her. Maybe she should have stayed, who knows what would happen. But no. The truth was her mind was on Cullen. Even a harmless fling felt like a betrayal. You don't owe him anything, she told herself. But it didn't matter. He owned her heart and body. No one else would come close to pleasing her.

Her feet brought her closer to his tower without her even realizing it. I just need to talk to him. Tell him about what the Inquisitor said. She continued to lie to herself the entire way.

# # # # #

Cullen was nearly done with a stack of paperwork when Amell let herself into his office. She latched the door behind her and made her way to the other door. He simply looked at her. What was she doing here and why was she locking the door?

"We need to talk."

Cullen cleared his throat. He wasn't in the mood for another battle, another heartbreak, another talk with Amell. He began to tell her that, when she cut him off.

"This is important. You are leaving for Adamant and you could die. I don't want you to die before I get this off my chest."

"Alright I guess."

"The Inquisitor is letting me keep the baby. She also promoted me."

"I know all this already."

"We are going to be spending a lot of time together and I hope we can be professional about it. But tonight, tonight is different."

She began to undo the bindings on her robe. He watched spellbound as the material drifted to the floor. She continued to remove her small clothes until she stood before him, completely and gloriously naked. He cleared his throat again. He was already growing hard.

"Amell, this isn't a good idea." Being with her again would break him. He knew it. He had to protect himself.

"Is there someone else?" She asked, her voice suddenly unsure. She wrapped her arms around her chest.

"Why would you think that?"

"There are rumors about you and the Inquisitor. Is that why you are rejecting me?"

"There is nothing going on with anyone. How could I when you consume my every thought?"

She shivered but she didn't put her clothes back on. She walked over to him, clearly not taking his hesitation as an answer. She reached for him, stroking his cheek with her hand. It felt good. She felt good. She grabbed his hand and guided it to her body. His large hand drifted along until it rested on her stomach. She closed her eyes.

"I want you, Commander."

Her words caused a spark inside him. He wanted her too. Too much. He couldn't deny himself, not when she presented herself like this. Not when she was so vulnerable. So he stood up and cupped her face in his hands. He bent down, caressing her mouth with his lips. She moved in closer, trying to press her mouth more firmly on his but he moved his lips down her face and to her neck. He trailed kisses down her throat eliciting a soft moan from her.

He placed his hands on her hips and continued to tease her flesh with his mouth. She had her head thrown back and her breathing was coming in much faster. He loved the effect he had on her. His cock strained against his breeches, wanting her touch. But he planned on taking this slow. She had other ideas.

She put her hands on his face and brought it up so she could look at him. "I don't want sweet, loving Cullen. I want the hard, unrelenting Commander of the inquisition. I want you to take me like you own me."

He crashed his mouth against hers and slipped his tongue in her waiting mouth. If she wanted him to be her Commander, he would oblige. "Sit on the desk," he commanded as soon as he pulled away. She obeyed.

He started to undo the clasps that held on to his armor but she stopped him. "Keep it on, Commander."

He found her mouth again and his hands roamed across her flesh. He paid special attention to her pert breasts, so full in his hands. He thumbed her nipple and she arched her back. He bent down and captured it in his mouth, sucking and biting.

"Spread your legs for me," he commanded and she obeyed. He ran his finger down her slit, remarking on how wet she was. "You're already ready for me."

"I've been wanting you for forever."

"Shh," he told her. "I don't want this sweet either."

He would take her, take all of her because she belonged to him. He needed to be inside of her. He unlaced his breeches and let them fall to the floor. He'd keep on the rest to please her. He grasped her thighs as he readied himself. Plunging into her depths, he let out a low groan. She was tight. She fitted around his length perfectly.

"Harder, Commander. I need you."

He silenced her with his mouth, staying absolutely still inside of her. "I will take you how I please."

She moaned at his words, grasping tightly to his biceps. He then began to move. He took her hard, but slow. Enjoying each smack of their bodies. She leaned back, giving him a full view of her body. His hands grabbed her hips, lifting her slightly off the desk so he could penetrate deeper. He increased his pace, spurred on by the lovely noises coming from her mouth. He bent down, sucking on her throat, marking her. Mine.

"Oh, Commander," she murmured breathless. "You feel so good."

He reached down and rubbed the bundle of nerves that he knew would set her off. He wanted to feel her come around him. Needed it. He felt her peak, squeezing him, causing him to nearly lose himself in her. He wanted to lose himself. Nothing else mattered in this moment. Not the inquisition, not Corypheus, not even the fact that when this was over he would lose her again. No, in this moment, they were one, together, perfect.

He emptied himself inside of her, his face buried in her neck. They had been together so many times before but this was special. This was a promise. He could almost believe that everything would turn out for them. She quickly squashed that.

As soon as they were parted, she scooped up her clothes.

"Stay. Please. Come upstairs with me. Let me hold you."

"No. This wasn't about love. This was me letting go of some pent up pressure. This was closure."

Closure. The word stung. "Please. You can't give me this and then tear it away."

"Be safe at Adamant. I'd be very… disappointed if something were to happen to you."

Disappointed? That was it? She was holding back, erecting barriers again. But he wasn't going to let her.

"I'm here. I'm right here damn it and I'm not ready to let you go."

"There is no future for us. There never was. Goodbye Cullen." And she left. Leaving him heartbroken all over again. He knew that she would break him. And he let her. Because the alternative was worse. He needed to shut off. He needed lyrium.

He opened the drawer where he kept it, staring at the box as if it could make everything better. Just a sip, that's all he needed. He threw the box at the door, narrowly missing the Inquisitor.

"Forgive me," he said, completely thrown off guard by her appearance.

They talked about the lyrium and she reassured him that he didn't need it. That he could break the control it had over him. If only he could break the control Amell had over him.

The Inquisitor stood tantalizingly close, close enough he could smell her. How easily he could vent his frustrations on her. She had already made her interest known. Maybe he didn't need lyrium. Maybe he needed another distraction.

He pushed the treacherous thoughts away. How could he even think to use her? Just moments before he had been with Amell. Had the Inquisitor came even five minutes earlier she would have heard them. He wondered if Amell even cared anymore to protect their secret. He also wondered what would happen to them if the secret got out. The longer he was with the inquisition, the more sure he became that nothing would happen. But he couldn't convince her of it.

The Inquisitor backed away. "Are you okay, Cullen?"

"I'll be fine."

"Fine isn't good enough. You deserve more."

How could she be so thoughtful? Why did she have to care so damn much? He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve either of them. He was broken. It wasn't Amell that broke him, it was his own weakness. His weakness for lyrium. What did he really have to offer anyone? Amell was right to leave. She could use his body all she wanted because he couldn't give her what she really needed. A home. A family. He was in no fit state to offer her anything but misery.