WHOA...how's this for a quick update...Yes..you've guessed it I've been up all night again...Insomnia kicking in BIG time at the moment...

Yer know I really had the intention of keeping this story all light fluffy and fun...managed it for a few chapters didn't I...But the angst is creeping in again, sorry...I will try and get back to the fluffy fun...

Disclaimer as norm

ONCE MORE FOR THE TRUTH

He lay in the post coital – very coital – quiet.

Whilst his body rested after its exertions his mind remained active.

Sure he knew this was wrong, but for Christ's sake what did you expect?

Foster had driven half crazy ….and then walked out on him.

He had desperately needed the release that no attachment sex gave him, and besides, he had secondary motives as well.

He let his hand drift lazily across her back and shoulders.

A lot of women over the years took this as a gesture of loving tenderness – he let them think it, but in actuality it was simply a by product of his constant need to fidget.

"Mmmm that feels so nice…I'd nearly forgotten how sweet you can be at times Cal"

"And I'd almost forgotten how manipulative you can be luv"

"EXCUSE ME?"

She sat up and glared at him getting even getting even angrier when he maintained his fixed grin.

"Yeah, as much as I know you love to go round trumpeting about how I am the manipulative one…I'm really not a patch on you when you get started am I"

"Perhaps you'd care to explain this little outburst of accusation Lightman"

"What did you say to her Helen?"

She dropped the eye contact instantly pretending to look for the clock on the bedside cabinet.

"What did I say to whom Cal?"

"Oh drop the bleedin act – you know damn well what and who I'm talking about – so wot did you say?"

Instinctively knowing it would be a complete waste of time trying to deny or lie about it she again held his eyes.

"The truth Cal, only the truth"

"And what …'truth' would that be?"

"To stay away from you if she wanted to avoid ending up a lonely woman"

"How did you come to that momentous conclusion Helen luv?"

She slipped out of the bed and started pacing the room.

Cal let his gaze slide over her naked body while he waited for her reply.

Despite the passing of 23 years her figure had changed very little and he briefly wondered how she kept it like that.

"You don't know what it's been like for me Cal….Why do you think I never married, why I'm reduced to fucking my students – I'll tell you why – because I could never get past you! Nobody else could ever live up to you"

This made him sit up.

"Scuse me but I rather think time has been playing a few tricks on your memory. It was you who broke us up – You, not me luv"

"I was just face saving Cal. You were getting bored with our relationship, I could see it! All I did was get in there first"

"That's just bollocks that is, I was completely under your spell, totally infatuated with you Helen…No, the truth is you wanted shot…mainly because of that bloody new Professor that had just turned up on the faculty staff"

"No, the truth is that you were just as ready to move on as I was Cal"

"Oh…so now it's 'we' is it? We were ready to move on.."

"Well it didn't exactly take you very long to hook up again did it ?"

"And it was hardly a long mourning period for you before you made your way to Professor dickheads staff rooms was it?"

"ALL RIGHT – so I made a mistake…..I wanted to come back to you….wanted to tell you that I….Anyway, like I said…you had already found my replacement"

"Hardly a replacement luv. A poor substitute yeah as most of them were, till I met up with Zoe"

Helen stood and stared out of the window while Cal quickly dressed.

"Sounds like we both fucked up really Helen"

"Yes, I suppose we did"

"So why say that to Gillian?"

"To hurt you"

"Well at least that's honest"

She turned and faced him. Her eyes were moist and haunted.

"So why this? What was this all about Cal, a revenge fuck? Let me know what I've been missing out on all these years?"

"I needed to know what you'd said to Foster"

"You could have just asked"

"Yeah, but you always did tend to be more open and honest after sex so…"

"So that's it then? What about if I want anymore lectures done?"

"I'll send Loker and Torres"

"I see. You love her don't you Cal – Gillian?"

"I loved you once"

"I don't think so – as you said yourself, infatuated yes, but not love, it was never love"

He walked over and slid his arms round her, it was more of a sympathetic hug than anything else.

Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek he turned and walked to the door.

"Sorry luv"

XXX

Gillian watched in silence from her hidden spot as Cal pulled his car into his drive.

She noted the ruffled hair, the slightly more than normal relaxed set of his shoulders, the small 'hooding' of his eyes.

She had seen all of these before and knew what they all added up to – the reason he had not returned home the previous night, shuffling in instead in the early hours of the morning.

She wondered whose bed he had graced.

Zoe was out of state on business, this she knew thanks to Emily – so who had he turned to in the aftermath of her rejection of him?

He hesitated for a moment with his key on the edge of the lock, almost trancelike making her wonder if he was also nursing a hangover, then he slipped inside.

Just as she was about to start the engine her cell went and she drew in a short breath as she saw the caller id.

"A bit early for phone calls Cal"

"Well you don't sound that sleepy luv"

"No – well I…" she was desperately trying to think of a reason she should be awake this early.

"Don't bother Foster – coffees on and I've got two mugs out, you really should leave the surveillance stuff to Reynolds"

As the line went dead she started mentally cursing him – and then herself as she got out of her car and started walking to the front door that he had left open.