Dirk walked down another hallway, barren and empty with soft echoes of a piano bounced off the walls, only just gracing his ear. He recognized it vaguely, but couldn't find the name. The hall appeared slanted and changing causing him to stumble and fall several times. All of the doors boarded up, forcing him to take a linear route towards the music. The melody quietly receded before bleeding back through the corridor. Dirk had no choice but to follow. The haunting piece making everything look abandoned and without purpose…just like him. He wasn't wanted anymore, he wasn't needed anymore. Every one saw him for what he really was and didn't want anything to do with him. How did he know this? It's just there. Like an ultimate truth, unyielding, unexplainable, but evident and precise nonetheless. He suddenly felt very lonely, each step harder than the last. He just wanted to lie on the floor and become one with the vacuity that existed in this hallway. Nothing mattered anymore. He wasn't wanted anymore. The universal constant was that he was the biggest fuck up in all of paradox space that "would be better off dead". He looked up, those weren't his thoughts, it was a voice, a voice he had no control over, a voice that had no sound, meaning being convey directly to his mind…but they were not his own thoughts…but they were. Curiosity drowning out his previous dejected disposition, fueling him forward as the music became louder and louder and he was faced with a great splendid cathedral style room, stained glass all around blues on one side and blood red on the other. Colors melding onto the maroon clad figure at the piano in the middle. No pews, no alter, only the little mad man playing his tune. As he turned to look, Dirk could see himself once again. Lucidity made a presence in his mind…he was dreaming again and he was getting tired of this. "Why do you keep entering my dreams?"

"Only you can answer that Dirk."

"Are you part of my subconscious or an alternate self?"

"…."

"Fuck, COME ON! You have been plaguing me every night for three fucking weeks now! I don't know what kind of fucking game you're playing, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of waking up exhausted and keeping things from Jake. I'm tired of being aware of how fucked up I can be. WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" He didn't have to be stoic, not here, not with himself. Fuck that Dirk, he didn't deserve a calm and reasonable discussion, he tried that last week, even though the bastard didn't deserve it, not with the visions he had insisted on. Realization dawning on him all of the manipulations with the nonexistent world. "Komm, Süsser Tod, really?"

"It's one of our favorites."

"I know, but-HEY WE ARE NOT THE SAME! I've made damn sure I won't be like you. I'll never be like you. If there is one Dirk in all of PARADOX FUCKING SPACE that is WORTHY of ANYTHING good in his life, it's me. I fought damn hard to be where I am. So why are you fucking plaguing me?!"

The double laughed. "You really think you've come so far to deserve all you have? I'm you Dirk, I know when we're bluffing and trying to convince ourselves of a lie. You didn't do jack shit to get where you are. Without Hal you never would have come up with that plan."

"Hal is me."

"No he isn't, he's better than you. He's the you that you could never be. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't have Jake, you wouldn't have anyone, because everyone would be dead. He was the real mastermind behind the plan, right?"

"You never answered my question, why are you here?"

"Changing the subject? Because you can't face the piece of shit you are?"

"I'm better than you."

"We are the same person. Face it, no matter what you do, you will always be you. At most, people can only really change about 10%, and that isn't enough to change how fucked up we are."

"Did you come just to make me feel worse about myself?! Why the fuck did you even show up!? And what do you want?!"

Silence and a cold glare that matched its reflection.

"Answer me! I'm so sick of this shit!"

A devious smile, "Alright, I'll tell you, but you won't like it. I'm not completely in your head, but I'm not completely a separate self either. I'm a blend of your worst fears and your possible reality."

"…?"

"You should tell Jake about me. Ask him some questions, then you'll understand."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." A sarcastic reply "Fuck you. And you still haven't answered my question."

A playful smirk, "That's your problem, you still haven't changed. You can't break free of that ten percent. Now, I think I've spill enough information. Time to wake up." The double walked up to him, glowing hot blade in hand, bringing it down to Dirk's neck.

Dirk shot up, a cold sweat covering him and a shuddered breath leaving him as he realized where he was. Jake stirred next to him. "mmmn~, you okay love?" Too groggy to see Dirk's true stare.

Dirk swallowed and regained his composure. "I'm fine hun, I'm fine. Go back to sleep." Jake gave an assenting nod and snuggled into his pillows, while Dirk moved gently out of bed and tried not to make it look like his was running towards the bathroom.

He looked at his reflection, checking for cuts or burns, but found nothing. Deep breath, water on the face and a desperate denial of the tears he felt prick his eyes. It had been so long since he had a good night's rest. He was feeling so worn down. He had to know what the purpose of this was. Why, why was he being tortured like this? Drying his face and flushing the toilet (best Jake not realize he was having a mini breakdown), he made his way back to bed. Jake's back was facing him and he was glad for that, his eyes were probably a little red. He most likely wouldn't sleep anymore tonight, but just holding Jake felt like a grounding. Like he could turn things over in his mind, with a constant reminder that this reality does exist, it isn't in his head, it's not doomed…it's real and it's his. He let his arm drape over Jake's sleeping figure as he placed gentle, barely there kisses on the back of his head and shoulders. He was rarely this sentimental or this tender in his affections. He was never one for showing himself completely if he could at all avoid it. To this day he still curses himself for letting Jake see him fighting Brobot, letting Jake take care of him. A wave of self-loathing washed over him. He was so fucking pathetic sometimes…but Jake didn't run. He wasn't about to make him deal with more shit. No way was he saying anything about the dream, although….what could Jake know about it? His other self made it seem like Jake had some knowledge he didn't on the subject.

Dirk was able to doze on and off, unable to achieve true sleep again, but rested enough to survive the day. At some point Jake escaped Dirk's grasp, foggy memories of him whispering good morning filled Dirk's mind.

And there Jake was, breakfast in hand. One of these days Dirk should get up early for Jake and make him breakfast. It's been a while since he's done that. The sweet adventurer's face beamed at him as he carried the eggs and bacon into their room. Dirk had difficulty getting up recently (for obvious reasons), Jake was such a sweetheart. Taking the plate Dirk dug in. Food always helped, more grounding, more evidence that this was real. The bacon's texture, taste, and aroma couldn't have been so perfectly replicated in a dream right? No, it couldn't be. …He's starting to overthink things again, GOD he needs sleep. His stoic face is failing, Jake's looking at him with concern. "Love, you look tired, are you sleeping well?"

"I'm fine." Play it off, come on let the face be stoic and not look pissed off.

"…okay." Jake knew though, knew something was wrong. He wanted to push it. Like he had done before with the food, but he hates arguing and pushing Dirk in any way that leads to arguing. He's tired, Jake knows he is. …He looks worried about something too. Setting the plate down carefully on the bed, he leaned over, gently grasping Dirk's chin and kissing him kindly. As he pulled away, a small smile appeared on the blonde's lips before they fell back to his trademark line. Should he ask Jake? Or not? No, he needs to at least create some sort of understanding on his own first. Have some sort of baseline. What's in-between something real, but from an alternate timeline, and something completely made up in his own mind.

After breakfast a few loving kisses were shared. Dirk learned from the last time that not providing any reassurance makes Jake antsy. He wants to avoid that, so now he has taken to at least one loving gesture a day just to reiterate that he still held affection for that adventure boy. Jake was satisfied with the arrangement. He knew he couldn't stop Dirk from working on his projects and the compromise was enough, at least for now. He licked his genius' lips and was granted entrance, the blonde's inhibitions down, he's either horny or struggling with his lack of sleep. With the rare instant submission of his usually very dominant boyfriend, he guessed the latter.

Eventually they separated and Dirk left for his study. A closed, locked door was all Jake would see of his boyfriend for a while. He decided to take Nemo on some adventuring, no point in sitting alone when he could have fresh air fill his lungs. On the way out he heard Dirk start blasting some music. It sounded like something classical, Jake was never good with that stuff. He shrugged and left, wandering aimlessly wherever the spirit of adventure would take him.

Dirk was listening to Come Sweet Death, in the hopes of recalling the dream more vividly. Listening to it brought him back to the hallway, this song was probably forever ruined for him now. He began writing down what he could remember with as much detail as he could manage. Even after listening to the song several times and writing a complete narrative of the dream, Dirk couldn't help but continue to listen to the song. What was it about this song? Why had the other him chose it? Was it just because he liked it? Was it to torture him with thoughts of that depression episode? …Was it something else?

The lack of sleep only served to full his obsessive nature. He listened to the piece again and again until, at one point, he realized there were tears in his eyes. Fuck, he took a deep breath and all of the emotion from the dream and the song melded into one and he felt overwhelmed. He felt as if reality were collapsing in and his form was too weak and frail to hold it up. He felt a thousand forces tearing into him and the many versions of him tearing at the very fabric of space around him. A new piece was being played, Little Fugue in G minor, another Bach piece. It was an organ playing. He scrambled to find his sword, killing as many of himself as he could. Their blood, his blood, coated him like a new skin. Clinging to him, marking him. The others continued to flood in one after another, until the world melted away and he was confronted once more with himself, on the edge of a cliff this time.

"Why the fuck won't you leave me alone?!" Blood somehow gone.

The double merely continued to play. This guy can't be him, he doesn't know how to play. And as the song came to an end Dirk found himself at the piano, hands resting on the keys.

"Play something."

"You fucking know I don't know how."

"For someone who can think of limitless possibilities you love placing restrictions on yourself don't you? It's a dream dumbass. Now play."

"What makes you think I would do a god damned thing you want me to?"

"Because you're curious of what I want and why I'm here. You want to know if what I say is true. Besides, I know I've been a dick. There hasn't really been any reason for that, I'm just…angry. Anyway I need you to trust me."

"You showed my friends dead to me and you've killed me twice…why…the….FUCK….should I trust you."

"Because I'm you."

"But you're not me, you said it yourself."

"You are conveniently forgetting the vagueness of my earlier declaration. Ask Jake asshole."

"I'm not giving anyone another reason to think I'm crazy or to see how fucked up I am."

"Well, then you're stuck here. This place is and isn't in your head. I control the walls, I control this reality."

"Fucking how?"

A sad look appeared on the doubles face. "…Jake…."

"…"

"…"

"Okay, that's not really an explanation."

"It is if you stop being an idiot and think about it."

"Well, I haven't gotten much sleep in the past several weeks thanks to you. So how about you just say what you fucking want already."

"How about you play?"

"What the fuck is with your hang up with fucking Bach?"

"Play."

"If I play you better fucking tell me something." He was seething now, he's tired of these fucking games.

"Fine, just play." Dirk played Great Fugue in G minor, how and why he was able to play it perfectly he'll never know. Truth is he understood the guy's hang up on Bach, he was the same way. The music had a haunting quality to it that he was drawn to. As he played the many versions of himself surrounded the piano, sitting down, listening to his piece.

When he finished, the first variation, which Dirk decided to call Beta in his head, joined the circle. "These guys all have something to say to you. There were five of them all looking at him. An understanding dawned on Dirk.

"I thought the dream bubbles were gone?"

"They are, I set these up and only versions of us can enter here. Look, it seems that you are the only version left that hasn't fucked things up royally in purgatory. So, I figured it's about time you learned what NOT to do."

Each of the Dirks stood up, everyone one of them covered in something. Two in blood, another some weird plant, one in sweat, and the last in some translucent glaze. Dirk wanted to ask, but wasn't given the chance before Beta started speaking again.

"You don't get to ask questions. You shut the fuck up and listen for once in your fucking life. You don't know anything, you don't even know what you don't know. So just listen to what they have to say."

And for once Dirk did as he was told.

Dirk one: "Give up on those berries, you don't realize the danger they can do. I fucking died because I took the one that causes infection. Worst decision I ever made. It isn't infection the way you and I think infection is. That shit was a parasitic algae that slowly ate me from the inside out. It was unbelievably painful and Jake…." A choked sob and tears down his face. "Jake tried so hard to save me. God, I couldn't even speak, I couldn't say I'm sorry." And the duplicate dissolved into a fit of muffled hysterics.

Dirk two: "I'm going to second that. I took the depression one, you thought you had depression, nothing compared to what that felt like. The worst part was that my ability to plan was out the fucking window, I couldn't process like I could before…Jake found me in the tub with my wrists slashed. He had stepped out because he needed a break from me, not that I could blame him, I was worse than a mess. I was only alone for ten minutes before he came back, he had been worried, hadn't realized I stashed a razor. His body felt so warm against mine when he held me close. Begging me not to die, apologizing. …Fucking talk to him okay? Tell him about the shit you experience. Tell him your nightmares. That guy is the best you'll ever have, he deserves to know how you're doing and going through. Get over yourself and your fucking guarded paranoia and talk to him."

Dirk three: "I have to disagree with these two to a certain extent. Not all of them lead to horrific consequences. That aphrodisiac one was fucking awesome, Jake liked it too."

"How did you die?" Dirk's, the real Dirk, the current Dirk, his voice only barely above a whisper. In shock from the realities he was now forced to face.

Dirk Three: "….I died from a berry too. That forgetfulness berry. You don't just forget things, you forget how to live, how to breathe or eat or think. I forgot who Jake was, but I've been cursed with the fucking memories. It's like I'm watching a movie, seeing him crying, asking me if I could remember anything. At one point I forgot how to inhale, what it felt like, how to do it. He was breathing for me, frantically calling Hal in between breaths how to fix it. He ended up hyperventilating, whether from trying to keep me alive or through his own panic of trying to save me, I'm not sure. He passed out though, and I laid there trying to force my body to work in a way I couldn't figure out, terrified and lonely."

So Jake always pays, Jake paid for every fucking mistake in every fucking reality.

Dirk four: My death didn't have anything to do with the berries. Did you know that our little purgatory is fragile? Did you know that you are not capable of examining the material of the bubble? If you try the world collapses in on itself. Everyone is covered in some shit that deprives the body of moisture and oxygen we die. I think part of me wanted that though. Jake broke up with me after I continued to push him away, yet domineer over him at the same. He couldn't take it. He's smarter than you realize. He'll find the cameras in Nemo, and he'll feel betrayed and violated. He can handle a lot of things, but deception isn't one of them, especially when it serves no purpose other than to fulfill our fucking creepy, paranoid, obsessive, tendencies. Tell him about everything as much as you can. I wish I had."

Dirk five: "I'm going to have to back him up with the honesty thing. I didn't make Nemo, but I didn't share anything with Jake either. I never talked to him or let him know what my inner world was like. There were several points when he was practically begging me to talk to him, to let him in. And I couldn't." Tears started to fill his eyes. "I caught him masturbating and Jane's name was the one he called out. Of course I didn't say anything until he fucking caught the slashes on my arms. He was so frustrated and clearly felt trapped. I told him to get the fuck out of my life and that I knew he no longer had feelings for me. It turned into a whole argument, I called Jane horrible names and it wasn't her fault. It wasn't even Jake's fault, it was mine. I fucking lost it and used my blood to write his messages on the walls until I bled out."

With that the Beta Dirk stepped forward, "My timeline is the closest to yours in regards to events. The space you guys are in is very fragile and considering there were only four official players for your session, it wasn't mean to hold as many as it has. There will be an obstacle and you aren't going to like how things play out, but you need to fucking accept it and work with the situation the way it is, not the way you want it to be."

"How did you die?"

Beta just shook his head, "We're out of time. You've technically been out for hours. Jake should be back soon." And with that he took out that trade mark sword of Dirk knew too well. Instinctively moving back, searching for weapon of his own, but coming up empty. One of the Dirks was back to play Little Fugue, like this is some fucking game with a soundtrack. Another kicked him in the back of the knees, making them buckle. He could feel himself screaming, the music was the only thing that filled his ears though as that blade once more came down on his chest.

He woke with a jolt, Come Sweet Death was still playing, he had put it on a loop. There was knocking at the door. Turning off the music he could hear Jake's voice too. "DIRK! WHAT'S GOING ON?! ARE YOU OKAY? THAT SONG HAS BEEN ON FOR FUCKING HOURS. IT'S DEPRESSING AND JANE CAME BY AND TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS. WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO SUCH A DEPRESSING SONG? TALK TO ME COME ON." Calmly walking to the door, Dirk opened to see his boyfriend there, a slice of cake in his hand. "You need to talk, love?" He looked scared and worried.

The moments and stories in his dreams flashed before his eyes. Reaching out he tenderly caressed Jake's face as the page looked at him in confusion. This is real, this is reality. Jake still cared. He still wanted Dirk, he wasn't dead, no one was dead. Leaning forward he captured Jake's lips with his pulling away only briefly "I love you." Before another kiss "I love you so very much." And another "So very much, Jake." Wrapping his arms around Jake, holding him close, allowing a small trickle of tears escape as his page continued to as questions and all he could do was cling.

Notes:

Eddieisagirl: Yay! I'm glad you liked it! The nightmare in the last chapter was actually based off of recurring ones I had as a kid. I'm glad you like the turn of events, things are going to continue to go in a different direction until the end.

Linda065cliva: OMG really? That's so cute! And more Dirk and Dave in the future!