Secret Memo Number Eleven – The Uniform, the Dress and the Wimps
Note to self: It has become necessary to abandon my earlier plan of using traditional European courtship rituals to snare my idiot lieutenant and my adopted sister. For I have discovered, to my dismay, that if Renji and Rukia were to take such customs seriously, it would mean that Renji would have to marry a wimpy individual apparently under my command known as Rikichi; and Rukia would have to marry the skinny Quincy. I cannot ignore the fact that they have knowingly and willingly worn items of clothing presented by those creatures – a uniform and a dress respectively, so I am told. If my sources are correct, the dress was even personally stitched by the Quincy.
Unacceptable. The mere notion of Rukia clasped in the arms of that scrawny archer makes me want to put a perfectly formed finger down my elegant throat. As for Rikichi, who is Rikichi? Do I have such a person in my squad? It appears that I do, now that I am running my fine-boned finger down the divisional name list, which I have been using as a bookend.
I must take my idiot redhead's remarks seriously about noticing the things that are far beneath me, so that when these same things attempt to woo their vice-captains with misappropriated Shinigami uniforms, I can take preventive action by exiling them to Hueco Mundo.
PS – I begin to fear that my priceless windflower silk gauze scarf was ripped up into bandages for Renji by that testosterone-deficient fool, Yamada Hanataro. Its whereabouts simply cannot be traced.