Thanks for being patient during the long wait. I had a really hard time trying to write something upbeat, especially after the finale. This chapter, though not terribly depressing, branches off into a slightly different style than I'm used to. I don't know why, but it just came out that way! Let me know what you think, please! Anyhow, this is set immediately after my previous chapter and in ER time is set somewhere between 1219 - No Place to Hide and 1221 - The Gallant and the Tragic Victor. Let me know if anything is confusing and I'll try to fix it.
Disclaimer: This chapter has quite a bit of sexual content. Nothing too explicit, I think, but if it offends you, please let me know and I'll change the fic rating to M. I'd say this chapter is nothing more than PG13, but I could be wrong.
"Abby." He groaned, as he hovered above her on the sofa in their hotel suite. They hadn't spoken more than a handful of words on the ride back to the hotel but the instant they had stepped through the thresh hold they had tackled each other passionately like honeymooners alone for the first time. It wasn't until they were half-naked, splayed awkwardly together on the sofa that he had realized something was wrong.
"Abby, look at me." He murmured as he continued his slow, languid thrusts.
Finally, he paused and her dark, dusky eyes fluttered open, expectantly. His deep green eyes penetrated her and held fast, even as he pulled her higher and adjusted his grip on the back of her thigh. Not even as he laid a slick, sensuous kiss on her lips did he break his gaze. He could see the uncertainty and doubt lingering on her face as he gently pulled away, stood up and still, without breaking eye contact, pulled her to feet, only to delicately help her step out of her gown. Exquisite; that's what she was. Wearing nothing but a bejewled necklace. It reminded him of a scene in a movie he had seen once. Only she was, by far, more beautiful and more sensual than any movie star. With her swollen breasts and taut round belly; she was the epitome of sexuality. Her eyes searched his silently as he finished undressing himself. Together, they stood, inches apart. The heat between them nearly palpable - and still, he simply gazed at her. She wanted nothing more than to look away. Never had she felt so vulnerable, so utterly naked as she did at that moment.
Taking her hand, he gently led her further into the suite, but not to the large King Sized bed. No. Instead, he continued towards the large bathroom and there, after turning on the lights he positioned himself behind her, his hands protectively on her shoulders, so they were staring at themselves in the enormous mirror before them. He could see the furl in her brow, the discomfort in her stature and yet he refused to relinquish her eyes.
Ever so gently, he let his arms drop and slowly trail down her arms and across her chest. Lips pursed, a slight frown on her face, all Abby could do was stare, confounded. Slowly his warm hands slid over her belly, caressing her and their child simultaneously. Every touch, every breath he took, he hoped would elicit understanding from Abby. But still she looked uncomfortable as though she were simply tolerating this. Eyes still locked in the mirror he let his hands speak for themselves as he caressed her body. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, he gently laid a soft kiss on her shoulder, turned off the light and led her back into the bedroom. Done, she thought.
Instead he led her to the large, soft bed and merely pulled back the thick downy comforter, silently urging her to climb in. Utterly stoic, he simply gazed as she curled up on her side, waiting for him to join her. With only a hint of a smile he took a hold of all the bedding and tossed it casually on the floor. He could see her forehead furl in confusion and a flicker of fear cross her beautiful features.
Urging her to her knees, he too kneeled in front of her, lovingly cupping her face in his hands. She opened her mouth as if to speak but was silenced by his lips on hers. He shook his head softly. He could tell this was difficult for her and part of him felt guilty but he didn't stop. After rearranging a multitude of pillows behind her, he nodded for her to lay back. Beginning just above her trim triangle, he laid a trail of kisses up her body pausing momentarily when a small movement reminded him joyously that they were not alone. The closer he got to her mouth, the louder he could hear her heart beating. Despite her silence, he could see that she was shaking ever so slightly. Positioning himself above her, the soft lights illuminating her face just right, he brought his lips to hers. Deliberate and slow yet wholly carnal and raw he allowed his mouth to devour hers entirely. Gently, he slipped his hand between her thighs and only when he heard a small gasp did he pull his lips away from hers. Her eyes wide, her eyebrows furled, she begged him silently for answers. He could only nod and bring his hand to lips to taste her exquisiteness.
Preparing her with his eyes, he waited for her to nod before entering her ... slowly, filling her completely. Her chest heaved as he lay there above her, suspended in that moment, his eyes refusing to allow her refuge behind closed lids. His thrusts were achingly slow and deliberate. His dark face, full of dedication and concentration. Deep and precisely rhythmic he paused the instant her eyes fluttered closed. They snapped open, wide and desperate for answers as he gazed at her, lips pursed, barely blinking.
As his rhythm accelerated and his face began to lose it's stoic quality, she began to understand. This wasn't about voyeurism; it was about connecting. At first it had been difficult for her to maintain the ardent eye contact. It was extraordinarily terrifying. He had stripped her of every last defense and was reveling in the open wounds. As they approached their peak together she found it hard to believe she had ever wanted to close her eyes. They were in a trance; a world of their own. Wholly suspended in a single time, a single place. Locked together, they existed only for this. For one purpose. One time, frozen for eternity, like a distorted scene in a snow globe. This was all that mattered. He was all that mattered. They were all that mattered.
And together they came, their eyes locked in a battle of desperation and love.
Still struggling for breathe and sweating from exertion, Luka was alarmed to see Abby finally release the hold that had kept their eyes locked on one another. A pearl in the sand; a single tear trickled down her cheek and stained the pillow.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered, nearly indaudibly.
"Abby." He murmured, concerened. Gently, he turned her face to look at him once more, his eyes brimming with concern and compassion. He couldn't read her. Her misty eyes, were filled with an imbroglio of emotions he had hardly glimpsed before in her. Now it was his turn to beg her silently for answers to his unspoken questions. Finally, after a few more tears settled around her, she let out a weak smile. Her warm hand, reached up to his face, lovingly caressing him. Understanding, he settled to her right on the bed and pulled her close to his body. They lay in silence, covered only by a small glistening layer of sweat until Luka was convinced she had fallen asleep and shifted his weight so he could retrieve the discarded bedding. As he climbed underneath the disheveled covers, he was surprised to see that her eyes were open.
"Thank you." She murmured and he made out a flicker of a hint of a smile in the dark.
"Thank you." He smiled appreciatively, laying a final lingering kiss on her lips before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
He was surprised and slightly disappointed to find himself alone in bed when he woke up. Following the scent of coffee, he found her, a blanket pulled around her, absently sipping at a mug of tea and staring out the window.
"It's decaf." She informed him as he approached her. Shrugging, he helped himself to a mug anyway. They had nothing terribly pressing to do; there was no real reason for caffeine. Sitting next to her, he sipped at his drink quietly, watching her as she stared thoughtfully - seeing things he could only wish she would share.
"He was out of town when I realized I was pregnant." She broke the silence suddenly, her voice quiet and nearly emotionless.
"Supposedly at a medical conference or something." She shook her head and stirred her tea aimlessly.
"I waited three days before calling him." She pulled the blanket more tightly around her.
"Figured he might call to check in ... but he never did. So, I finally broke down and called his cell phone." She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. It was all Luka could do to keep from pulling her into his arms but he knew she needed to be free and affection ... comfort, could wait.
"Some girl answered the phone ... I don't know why I was surprised. I guess I had just been lying to myself." Again, she shook her head as if, shaking herself free of her memories.
"He got on the phone and yelled at me for interrupting his 'meeting.' He yelled at me." A caustic laugh.
"And I was just so amazed at how he had manipulated the situation like that ... I just took it ... and hung up." Luka worried that she would make her lip bleed from the way she was biting it.
"I scheduled the abortion the next day." She continued after a long pause. Her eyes had taken on a soft glisten, indicative of her unshed tears.
"He got home and we pretended like nothing had ever happened." She blinked repeatedly, trying to hold them back.
"We just stopped talking." More pointless stirring of the tea.
"The only way we ever connected ... communicated ... was through sex." The tears continued to well, impairing her eyesight.
"We couldn't talk with each other, but boy could we fuck." An empty, angry laugh echoed in the silence.
"Because that's what it was, Luka: fucking." Finally, she looked at him.
"It was our only venue of communication ... how we expressed all the anger and hatred we had for each other." Her voice cracked and she looked away, silent for a few moments until she spoke again.
"It was this twisted dance of violence and resentment ... and it wasn't until a co-worker noticed the bruises on my wrists that I realized how out of hand it had gotten." A hand to her forehead in shame.
"Even then ... it was months until I finally filed the papers." The deep concern in his eyes made her look away. She knew she would lose it if she saw the sympathy on his face.
"It was never anything but consensual, Luka." She defended before continuing.
"But uh ...we never made love." She admitted, her eyes still averted from his. Slowly, gathering her courage, she met his eyes with hers.
"Never." She repeated.
"I don't think I ever have ... with anyone." Finally, the stubborn tears were let loose and they carved a clear, crystalline path down her cheek.
"Abby." He leaned forward but she stopped him with her hand.
"Wait." Her amber eyes glistening with tears, she held his arm and gazed directly into his dark emerald spheres.
"Not until you, Luka. You." She spoke earnestly ... desperately.
"And I didn't know Luka." The dam had flooded; her tears were now streaming down her face.
"I didn't know." She whimpered again as he pulled her into his arms, letting her bury her face into his chest.
"And I'm sorry for pulling a Meredith Grey last night ..." She sobbed.
"I just ...it was ... " And she looked up at him, desperation on her face.
"That's how it's supposed to be isn't it?" The tears continued.
"Isn't it?" She demanded. A small nod on his part. She buried her head in his chest once more, crying softly as he caressed her head, and rocked her gently until her tear ducts were nearly exhausted.
"God. All these years ..." she finally pulled away, a wan smile on her face. "and I was practically a virgin." She grinned. A low chuckle on his part elicited a shy grin from her. Sitting up straighter in his lap, she straddled his legs and like a small child vying for attention, she took his face in her hands so he could look nowhere but at her.
"Thank you." She murmured softly ... serenely. This was it, she thought. This was love. And she had never been so right.
Alrighty ... so? What do you think? A bit too explicit? I hope not. A bit too confusing? Again, I really hope not. Please let me know what you think. This was a rather difficult chapter for me to write and I'd really appreciate feedback. Any kind of feedback, really. You hated it? Think I suck? Fine. Tell me ... just let me know why so I can try to fix it. ; ) And if you liked it? Hey, even better! But please, let me know so I can I can continue with what works. Thanks for your time and patience. I really appreciate it.