A/N: I LOVE YOU GUYS THAT REVIEW!!! YOU'RE MY HEROES!!!
A/N2: YAY!!! Another Post… Let's hope I still got it in me!!! . I'm back at school where the drama is a bit crazy, so there is a lot of material for me to work off of!!! Reviews are loved!!! .
Hot Stuff
James lay on his back on the couch. The fire was slowly dying, and the flames where making weird light patterns on the ceiling. There were 17 cracks. Most were minor ones, but there was one that should be checked soon…it was getting to be pretty large.
He glanced towards his feet and to the left. Tracy's bedroom door was shut and a beam of light was radiating from under it. He flipped over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. Looking over the arm of the couch he observed the door that was Lily's room. The light was off. He flipped back over onto his back and began to think.
James Potter. What is wrong with you? What do you want from them? Why are you doing this to them? Are you really THAT much of a jerk? No. Of course not. You just don't know what you want…Err…Who you want. Ok. Let's think this over.
You've wanted Lily since Hogwarts…You got Lily at Hogwarts, and screwed everything up with Tracy to be with her. Then Lily couldn't be with you because Tracy meant more to her than you…but you loved her. Or thought you loved her. And when she left that day on the train…
He felt suddenly and quite painfully that his heart was ripping apart.
She must have loved you… She wouldn't have given herself to you unless she did. She wouldn't have done what she did with you unless she really and truly loved you… Would she?
Look at you James…you're pathetic. You date Tracy because she looks like Lily…you cheat on her with Lily behind her back…you get left by Lily when school ends….you wallow in self pity and general pathetic-ness for God knows how long…you find Tracy and think she's Lily…You find Lily and find you're still attracted to her…You re-meet Tracy and start to think she's attractive…You try to… with Tracy…What WAS that James??? And then you…with Lily… Oh God. You are a jerk…
He flipped over onto his side to stare absently into the fire.
How could you do this to them? You're not a bad person…are you? Of course you're not. You're James Potter…you're never…well, hardly ever terrible to women. So then why are you having these thoughts? Ok. Think. You have to decide who you want, because you can't have both of them. You're screwing with their minds, and now neither of them wants you back. You could have had Tracy back at school and you wanted Lily. You could have had Lily right now, and you wanted Tracy… and now Tracy is in that room with that boy…whatever his name is…and you're…jealous?? That can't be right.
You need to see a therapist.
That's not the point. The point is that…what is the point?
He sat bolt upright, suddenly realizing what needed to be done.
Tracy was walking around her room, finishing up her last minute bed preparations. She had set up an air mattress on the floor for Toby, because they both decided that he needed to stay over in order for Tracy to feel like it was ok to sleep. Toby was already curled up under the covers on the left side of the bed, his side of the bed. It was habit, and even though she was gone, Tracy knew he still thought about her, and missed her deeply.
She smiled to herself and stepped into her closet to change.
What am I thinking? There he was Tracy…He was yours. He wanted you. For God Sakes, he was with you, and only thinking about YOU! You've never had that before with him…and you passed it up why? So you wouldn't betray your best friend like she betrayed you… Why are you such a good person.
He's so…handsome and charming, and… SO hot… And the way his hands were… No. Stop it. He's a lying, cheating…what's the word…? Man whore! Who doesn't care about anyone aside from himself!
Get it together Trace…You don't feel that way about him anymore… I know you miss his strong arms…and his kiss… Oh God his kiss… Stop It!!!
She stepped out of her closet and turned on her bedside light. Then she crossed to the door, being careful not to step on the air mattress, and flicked the light off. She glanced down at Toby.
Look at him… Why couldn't you like him? I mean, you don't do you? Or do you? Now you're just confusing yourself I think…
She sighed. All she wanted to do was be in his arms.
James though, right? Not Toby… I think maybe I just want a guy to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright…But a guy that won't try to get in my pants…and a guy that is more than just a friend… I want… I don't know what I want.
She picked up Mr. Snuffles, and set him at the foot of her bed. He turned around three times, curled up into a ball and promptly fell asleep. She clambered into bed, turned off the bedside light, and stared at the dappled moonlight that was filtering through her window onto the wall.
You just think that you know everything… You're convinced that you're way is the right way…when often times, it's not. Just forget about James… it's the best thing to do. Let Lily have him. You can get over him, so long as he never touches you again…
She glanced down towards the foot of her bed and the door, and was suddenly overcome with emotion. She scrambled out of bed.
Lily was asleep. Asleep but dreaming. She was back at Hogwarts, and James was there.
'We shouldn't be doing this…'
'Why not? Tracy doesn't know, and she never needs to find out.'
'I'm not sure if I'm entirely comfortable with this situation…I mean…I'm worried about her.'
'Forget what you feel about her, what do you feel about us?'
'Us is amazing…but what if she finds out?'
'I'm saying she never NEEDS to find out. We can keep this from her as long as we need to.'
'We're going to hurt her. We should just tell her.'
'Are you crazy? If we tell her, she'll never speak to either of us again, and I don't think either of us wants that…'
'No…but this is so wrong!'
'But doesn't it FEEL so right?'
'Yes, but…'
'Stop thinking about her… Think about me.'
'I do think about you, all the time.'
'So do it now…think about me'
'I am.'
'Kiss me.'
'Gladly'
Things began to escalate, and Lily rolled over, not sure how her conscious mind felt about how her subconscious mind taking over that dream.
'Now you can't really say you want to tell her, because then this…will never happen ever again.'
'But it's so wrong!'
'What do you want more? Because I can promise you, if you tell her, I'm not sure if this can happen anymore…It won't feel as right, and the passion will be gone because it's not "forbidden"'
'How can you say that? That's sick! There will still be passion! And we won't have to sneak around her back!'
'I'm telling you, the passion will be gone. I don't want to have our relationship out in the open. I like being…bad…'
'You're terrible.'
'Stop it. This is nice isn't it? You lying here with me…Me lying here with you…?'
'It is nice…'
'So then it's settled…We don't tell Tracy. I like the danger of doing this with you behind her back.'
'You're sick Lily.'
And she woke up, completely ashamed of that dream, and wondering if that was how she really felt about the whole situation, and how she was going to handle the happenings of the evening.
James stood, folded up the blanket, placed it on the couch, turned off the fire, and grabbed his stuff to leave. He was not going to be there in case one of them woke up and wanted to ask something of him that he wasn't in the right mind to agree to. He had hurt both of them too much at the present moment in time, and he knew they didn't deserve that. They were both too good for him, and he had to get out of there before his sex drive changed his morals around. He glanced at Lily's door, and then at Tracy's door, and suddenly he couldn't bring himself to leave.
Tracy knelt on the floor and gently shook Toby awake. She crawled onto the air mattress, and snuggled under the covers next to him. He smiled and put his arm around her and held her close. She turned her head to try to look at him, but couldn't quite see him, so she flipped onto her back. He smiled at her and looked into her eyes. She smiled back. He reached up and brushed a stray hair out of her face, then, slowly, trailed his hand down her cheek. She savored the sensation of his hand against her cheek, and closed her eyes with a small smile. Suddenly she felt his lips on hers. This was the moment where she had to decide how she really felt about him.
Lily scrambled off of the bed and flicked on the light in her closet. She took the small handheld mirror off of her bureau and ran into her closet. Quickly she changed into a more flattering set of pajamas, and brushed on some foundation and blush. She combed out her hair with her fingers and threw on her nicest robe. This was it.
Tracy kissed Toby back, loving the way he was pressed against her, very aware that he was shirtless. They moved to her bed for the rest of the night.
James took one more glance towards both girls' rooms, and forced himself to walk to the door and leave, shutting it quietly behind him.
Lily walked in smiling on an empty, dark room.
A/N: For once James's conscience got the better of him!!! YAY! He's growing up!!! Reviews welcome and loved!!!