Chapter XI: The Apple of His Eye

'Daddy! Daddy!'

Eydis' yelling made Severus drop the entire amount of Belladonna he was holding into his cauldron. And ignoring the stench that rose from the now spoilt potion, he sprinted from his study to the nursery, prepared for the worst. Just like he always was.

The last six months had not been kind on Severus' nerves. He was tense, edgy and ready to strike at any point, just like a dragon mother protecting her eggs. Those who knew him well whispered behind his back, said that he was crankier and more fear-provoking than he had been even during Voldemort's reign of terror. He heard their whispers, but he did not care. He did not have the luxury to relax. He had a daughter to protect. Ever since Cassandra had passed away, Eydis' welfare had been his first priority. He rushed her to the infirmary at the first sign of a sniffle. He never closed the door to the nursery at night, afraid that he otherwise wouldn't hear her if she called for him. And when he was not teaching, he never let her out of his sight. Some people claimed that Severus was overdoing it, that he was too protective, too shielding. But they did not understand that he had no choice. If anything happened to Eydis, he would not know what to do. She was his reason to go on, his light in the dark. Without his little daughter, there was no point in struggling on.

'Daddy, look!'

When Severus saw his daughter's broad smile, his pulse and breathing relaxed immediately, and the anxiety in his chest was replaced by a feeling of pride when he realised why the little one had called for him: she was levitating three balls in the air, one blue, one green, one silver. She made them zoom around her room, made them chase each other, made them dance like fairies in the moonlight. And Nicodemus, the old tabby, seemed to have become a kitten again and was jumping up and down, trying to catch one of the balls.

It wasn't the first time Eydis was performing magic. She had managed to Disapparate once when Severus had tried to make her put on a dress she thoroughly hated. He had chucked it later that day. She frequently made the peas from her dinner plate float to someone else's. But Severus always made sure they floated right back, preferably directly into her mouth. And on several occasions, she had turned James Potter's hair green when he had been teasing her. That action had been rewarded with a smirk from her father.

Yes, Eydis had done magic before, but this was the first time she seemed to be doing it on purpose. Severus caught the three balls in his hands as they came zooming towards him and then sent them rolling across the floor for Nicodemus to play with. But now the tabby seemed to remember his age and returned to his basket instead to snuggle up in that horrid jumper Molly had given Severus for Christmas. It was all ragged by now, more or less shredded to pieces by the tabby's claws. But Nicodemus defended the shreds with his life, and it would have taken a braver man than Severus to try to remove the jumper. Despite his age, that cat was feisty!

'Did you make the balls fly on purpose?' Severus inquired as he settled on the edge of Eydis' bed and pulled the little one onto his lap.

'Yes,' she replied, a slight frown on her face. 'Was that wrong?'

Severus smiled a tiny smile and let his fingers brush over his daughter's forehead to make the frown disappear. 'No, little one,' he explained. 'It was not wrong. You are a witch. It is a good thing that you are starting to explore your powers.'

'What else will I be able to do, Daddy?'

Once more Severus smiled, this time at his daughter's inquisitiveness. 'There is almost no end to a witch's powers, little one,' he went on. 'In due time you will learn how to make objects change their shape, make them fly or vanish. Maybe you will even learn how to change your own shape one day. Or maybe you will learn how to fly without a broom.'

The little one was beaming now, and her frown had all but disappeared. 'Can I learn all this now, Daddy?' she begged. 'Please, can I?'

'In due time, Eydis, in due time,' Severus replied. 'You are still little. And you have all the time in the world.'

It was a peaceful summer. Severus had once more rented the little cottage at the outskirts of Hogsmeade. He wanted Eydis to be able to spend most of the summer outdoors and make friends with the other wizard children in the village. Or at least, that was what he told people. His true reason for renting the cottage was another, though. Cassandra had always been healthy and happy there. They had spent three wonderful summers in that cottage, three summers filled with joy and laughter. And that was how Severus wanted to remember Cassandra: the smiling, red-haired witch who would play hide and seek with Eydis in the sunshine and then, late at night, lie curled-up on his lap on the swing in the apple tree. That was his Cassandra, the one he would always carry in his heart, not the pale shadow that had withered away in the infirmary at Hogwarts. And it was the Cassandra he wanted Eydis to remember as well.

Now and then, the little one would ask what Mummy was doing and if she was alright. And each time the question drove a dagger into Severus' heart and made a feeling of panic rise in his chest. He did not have any answer to that question, and in his opinion, Eydis was still too little to understand that her mother had gone forever. He did not know how he could make her understand. And he was not sure that he wanted to either.

'Mummy is fine,' he would say with a lump in his throat. 'And when you close your eyes at night, Mummy will be there and watch over you.'

And so far, the little one seemed content with his answer and never asked when Mummy would come back. But she did miss her. And Severus was glad to know that the little one had not forgotten her yet.

When he had asked Eydis to help him pack their things to move to the cottage for the summer, she had at once run to her nightstand and picked up the one picture she possessed of her mother. It had been taken on top of the Astronomy Tower during sunset. Cassandra was smiling, and her hair was shining redder than the setting sun.

'Mummy has to come, too,' the little one had said, holding out the picture towards her father. And he had taken it from her and carefully put into his suitcase. When they had arrived at the cottage, Eydis had immediately asked for the picture and then placed it on the windowsill in the kitchen. And Severus had ruffled her hair and smiled, although sadly. The kitchen had always been Cassandra's favourite place.

Even though he had told Eydis that she would have to wait to learn magic, Severus could not keep himself from exploring her powers with her. She had developed quite a knack for Levitation and had gone from randomly levitating toys to making them float to predestined spots. Severus would let her set the table by magic now and then, even if that meant plates crashing to the ground and breaking into a thousand pieces. But out there in the garden behind their little cottage it did not matter. And little Eydis tried again and again, showing an incredible stubbornness for a four year old. And Severus couldn't help but smirk: that stubbornness was certainly a family trait.

'And you are sure that you don't want to come to London with us tomorrow?'

Severus cocked an eyebrow. 'Ginny,' he said with his best teacher-voice. 'Do I really look like a man who would enjoy a day of clothes' shopping with you, your mother and four toddlers?'

Ginny grinned. 'No, but neither does Harry. And he comes along anyway.'

'That, my dear, is because your husband, classical Gryffindor as he is, has no survival instinct whatsoever,' Severus pointed out, his face as impassive as if he had just declared that the world was indeed not flat. 'I, on the other hand, am a Slytherin. Self-preservation is part of my nature.'

Ginny burst into laughter, and Severus turned back to his cauldron. This was the fourth batch of Essence of Dittany he was brewing this summer. It was beyond his understanding how often four-year-olds managed to scrape their knees and elbows.

As if they had been waiting for their cue, Eydis and the Potter boys came scrambling into the kitchen, all three of them covered with grass stains and abrasions, playing with a Muggle football. Or at least, the boys were playing. Eydis was just jumping up and down between the two boys, trying to reach the ball, but she was too short. And by the look on her face, she was growing more and more frustrated.

'Boys! No ball-play in the house!' Ginny's voice cut through the laughter. 'You're not allowed to do that at home either.'

The boys froze at their mother's voice, and the ball fell to the floor. That was when Eydis got hold of it, not with her hands but with magic, and in the next moment she sent it soaring across the kitchen.

'Eydis, no!' Severus bellowed, his voice echoing through the kitchen.

And then all hell broke loose.

If his voice had startled Eydis, or if she had simply lost control over the ball, Severus did not know. But suddenly, the cursed football dropped on height and came crashing down into the cauldron on the kitchen table. And Severus had just enough time to grab his daughter's arm and pull her out of harm's way. The cauldron hissed angrily and boiled over, and the burning hot potion drenched Severus' left side. The skin of his arm blistered immediately, but he did not react to the pain. All he could think of was the fact that Eydis had been standing in the exact spot he was standing in mere seconds earlier. The potion would have hit her right in the face.

'You are not allowed to use magic unsupervised,' he hissed through clenched teeth, trying to control his terror and the pain in his arm both at once. 'How many times do I have to tell you this before it sinks in?'

'I'm sorry, Daddy,' the little one replied, staring at him with big eyes.

'You could have seriously injured yourself, Eydis. Do you realise that?' His voice was harsher than he had intended, and he was still holding onto her arm, shaking her to make a point. 'Do you?'

Eydis bottom lip started to quiver, and she was now fighting against her father's grip, trying to make him let go off her. And when Severus saw the tears in her blue eyes, he did let go of her as if burnt and staggered backwards until he hit the table. That was when Eydis took off. In a blink of an eye she was out of the kitchen. Seconds later the backdoor slammed shut. And for some endless moments Severus just stared after her, his heart racing.

He knew the look he had seen in her eyes. It was the look of fear. His reaction had scared his little daughter. He had scared her. And she had run away from him.

'Severus, let me look at your arm.'

Ginny's voice made Severus jerk up his head. He had forgotten that she was still there. He had forgotten about the two boys, too, but neither of them mattered at the moment. Only Eydis mattered. Unceremoniously, he shoved Ginny out of the way and rushed out of kitchen and out into the garden. Eydis was sitting on the swing in the apple tree. But she was not swinging. She had pulled up her knees against her chest, was hugging them tight, and her head was lowered. She was crying.

She winced when Severus called her name and immediately slipped of the swing and ran into the opposite direction, up the three steps that led to the garden gate. She never saw Albus' little toy dragon that was lying on the bottom stair.

The awful sound of her knee crushing against the stone steps was followed by a howl of pain, and Severus was by his daughter's side in a blink of an eye. There was a deep cut on her right knee, and it was bleeding heavily. Eydis' face was ashen, and there were tears running down her cheeks. Severus knelt down beside her to tend the wound, but her little hands pushed him firmly away.

'Go away,' she demanded, her tear-filled voice shaking. 'I don't want you right now. I want Mummy!'

For a moment, Severus stared at his daughter in shock. She had never pushed him away before. And since Cassandra's death, she had not once asked for her mother. Not once. Until now. And then came the moment Severus had dreaded for months. Eydis' face screwed up as if she were in agonising pain, and her cry cut into his heart like a knife.

'Mummy!' she screamed. 'I want my Mummy! Mummy!'

Severus tried to console her. Heaven knew he tried. But her cries became shriller, her face redder and she kicked and wriggled until he finally had to let go of her. And he couldn't make himself reach out for her once more.

'Your Mummy is gone,' he whispered in desperation, for the first time articulating the words in front of his daughter. 'She will never come back.'

Severus he saw Ginny come running from the house and scoop Eydis up in her arms, heard her ask something. But he couldn't answer her, couldn't move. He was rooted to the spot, felt as if a thousand stones were dragging him to the ground. He had failed her, failed his little daughter when she had needed him the most. He had tried so hard to replace her mother but had failed. And today he had scared her, hurt her. And she had pushed him away.

He had let her down.

Night had already fallen when Severus entered the house. Harry had taken the boys home hours ago, but Ginny was still sitting in the kitchen.

'Is Eydis alright?' Severus asked in a hoarse voice, avoiding the young woman's eyes.

'The cut looked worse than it was,' she replied, pushing a cup of tea into his direction. 'But I did use up all the Essence of Dittany you had left in your cupboard.'

Severus took a seat and closed his hands around the steaming cup. Despite the warm summer night, he felt icy cold. And Ginny's answer had not been the one the one he had hoped for. To be honest, he had all but forgotten about Eydis' injured knee. What he was concerned about was the damage he had done to her soul.

'The little one asked for you when I put her to bed,' Ginny said after a while.

Severus looked up at the young with opposite him, a surprised look on his face.

'Why is it that you men always think that your children hate you for life when they tell you to go away?' Ginny asked, smiling the kind smile she had inherited from her mother. 'Harry's the same. And he should really know better by now.'

'She wanted her mother,' Severus stated in a low tone, still hanging onto his tea cup for dear life.

'Oh course Eydis wanted her mother, Severus. You had just yelled at her, and then she hurt herself. Who would you have wanted?'

'I did not mean to raise my voice.' The confession came from the bottom of his heart, and Severus was himself surprised that he was telling Ginny Potter, his ex-student, a woman twenty-two years his minor. But it felt right to tell her. He trusted her. She would understand.

Again, Ginny smiled. 'Don't you think it breaks my heart every time I realise that I have yelled at my children, especially when they didn't deserve it? Eydis did something stupid that could have put her in danger and you reacted. A little vehemently perhaps, but that's normal, Severus. It's natural. You are a good father. Don't doubt yourself.' Then she got up, put her tea cup into the sink and then stepped towards the fireplace. 'Go, peek inside her room, will you, Severus?' she begged. 'The little one might still be awake.'

With a flash of green light, Ginny was gone, and Severus was alone in his kitchen, still clutching on to his tea cup as if it were a life-buoy. Did he dare face his daughter right now?

Then his eyes fell on Cassandra's picture on the window sill. She was smiling at him, just as she always was. And for a moment Severus could have sworn that she was beckoning towards the nursery door and that the room was filled with the scent of honey.

'I wish you were here, Cassandra,' he whispered. 'I truly wish you were.'

Eydis seemed to be fast asleep as he approached her bed, and Severus carefully lifted up her blanket to have a look at her knee. It was still swollen, the cut still visible. But the Essence of Dittany was working its magic, and by the next day, all there would be left of the cut would be a faint, white scar.

Severus was just about to go back to the kitchen when Eydis called for him. 'Daddy, don't go. Please don't leave me alone.'

He turned to find her stretching out her arms towards him, and he knelt down beside her bed to embrace her. 'I did not mean to yell at you, little one,' he whispered, holding her close towards his chest. 'I am sorry, Eydis.'

Then Eydis' tiny arms tightened around her father's neck, and he thankfully closed his eyes. That simple gesture meant more to him than any words she could have said.