I lean forward through the window and let myself fall out. I do as I did when Auguste dropped me and break into a roll before hitting the ground. I land on the flat of my left palm and roll onto my shoulders, while tucking my head in, before rolling on my back and into a sitting position on the ground. My rear was slightly sore from the imperfect bracing, but everything else was fine. I continue staring at the dark woods and look down at both my hands; the one covered in the nasty, velvet scar, and the one covered in the white, plaster cast. Shirou… Emiya…
This whole time everyone has been calling me "Emiya", but in that memory, Rin called me Shirou. So, is it "Shirou" or "Emiya" or is it both? The words of the priest play back in my head and I remember he did mention something about multiple names; a given name and a namesake from your father. Kirei said Emiya sounds like a namesake, so Shirou must be my given name. Emiya's the namesake of my father… I stand up from the cool, frosted grass and only then realize just how freezing cold it is outside. I, however, ignore it and keep on walking to the edge of the forest while thinking about how I can make sense of everything that happened. Kirei basically told me what a child was, but he didn't explain what a father is, or at least, not in the non-Church aspect of it. When I reach the edge of the woods, I grab a low-hanging branch from a tree and rip it off, taking it in with me. So, who is my father and what significance does that person hold? If I tried to ask Auguste and Luvia, they'd probably just brush it off and try to ignore it any way they can. I could go to Kirei, but it's so late at night and the air is so cold and nippy that I don't think I could make it all the way back out there, much less expect Kirei to be up and waiting for me. I walk deeper and deeper into the woods, lost in my thoughts, unaware of the pairs of eyes along the trees, lightly glistening from the moonlight shining through the branches above.
Soon I find it too cold to bear and I conjure a bright flame in my hand, offering some temporary warmth. It was then that I realized I was surrounded. As soon as I lit the flame, I heard quick movement all around me amongst the trees and I heard growling and barking.
The North end of the woods isn't that large and it's the side the driveway goes through to lead out into the countryside. The South, however, is the much vaster side of this forest and expands farther away than I can even tell when looking out of the window in my room. I knew not what dwells here. I swallow nervously, unsure of what to do, seeing nothing more than quick-moving eyes running around me in a circle. I warily pulse more magic energy into my flame all at once to create an even bigger flare in my hand, upon which the swift figures of the creatures are revealed. Surrounding me is a band of about ten or so dogs. No. Auguste had illustrated to me before what a dog is, and I saw several different kinds of hounds in town with Luvia yesterday. None of those were as big and limber as these monsters with coats so silver and ears so pointed and pronounced. I fear what the creatures are and begin to hastily decide what to do. The fire? Maybe the fire is attracting them to me? I look at the fire, unsure of what to do, and decide to take a chance.
I made the wrong choice.
As soon as the flame went out, I heard snarling and the rapid noises of their paws shifting and the formation of their circle breaking. I could tell vaguely where some of them are from the glistening of their eyes and the glimpses of moonlight being caught in their silver fur, but for the most part I was in the dark, blind. I quickly begin the spell to light my hand ablaze once more, but before I could, I hear a howl to my left and quick scampering to my right. On pure instinct, I take a big leap forward and only a split second after I do so, I feel the sharp fangs of the creature who ran up to me sink into the flesh of the back of my right thigh. With no pants, boxers, or any other form of clothing on, nothing prevents the monster's teeth from sinking deeply in and locking in place. "AGHHHH!" I cry out from the blinding pain and as soon as I do so, I hear the treading of all the other dog-like creatures accelerate and begin to home in on my position while the one attached to my thigh snarls while gnawing on my flesh. Right as the scampering of the creatures surrounds me and closes in only a few feet away, I hear something.
"Your weapon. Arm yourself."
I remember the branch I tucked under my arm when I conjured the flame in my hand and quickly reach for it.
As soon as I wrap my hand around the scraggly, rough branch, clarity returns to my mind. I stand up on my left leg and hear a searing noise emanating from my right thigh. A moment after the blistering noise, I hear the creature attached to said leg yelp in pain and run away, smoke emitting from its mouth. I look at where that mouth was just now to see flames flaring up from the holes its teeth left in my thigh, searing them shut with their heat. I naturally made them spring up to stop the ensuing blood from gushing out. The hulking creatures continue to close in, despite the small flames flickering behind my right leg and I turn forward to ready myself.
"These wolves…" Wolves? The voice from earlier rings out once more. I briefly look up at the direction I thought I heard it coming from, but after quickly glancing back down at the wolves lunging at me, unfazed by the voice, I infer it must be in my head. "they are nothing to you. Display your might through your 'sword' to them. Exhibit the gift you've been given." At the voice's command, all at once I enact every skill this body has come to acquire.
In my left hand, holding the branch, I effortlessly cast Reinforcement on it, gracing the faces of the hellish wolves with the bright, blue glow. I immediately entrance Reinforcement on my right arm's cast as well, creating a gauntlet the wolves cannot break through. I notice once more that everything seems to be happening so slowly as I carry these processes out, the wolves gliding at me through the air slower than a snail's pace, the leaves of the forest floor blowing away from them as their paws kick off to propel them forward, and the swaying of the branches above as the winds of the night rush throughout them. The only thing not slowed is myself and the rushing processes of my mind. Then, I close my eyes. I close my eyes and once again remember Luvia's words.
I can strengthen things other than the destructive force of my blade. As the thought occurs to me, the growling of the wolves grows louder and louder and even louder still. Then their breathing, their heartbeat, and even the soft noises of their hair bristles brushing against each other as they fly at me through the air. All of it. I can hear everything. Time picks up as normal. The wolves are only breaths away. And so, I strike.
The wolf to my front is closer than the others, so I lower my left hand, branch ready… and quickly jab it upwards, feeling a brief resistance and then smooth piercement as I drive the branch into its chest cavity and out through its back. I feel its warm blood gush out and covet my arm and, using all my might, I swing the shanked wolf to my left and feel the impact of it colliding into another, shattering both their bone structures, as they both screech out in pain. The wolf flies away, followed shortly behind by the corpse of the one wrapped around my branch which flew off of it from the force of the swing. As I raise my cast-enhanced right hand up in a quick uppercut to collide into and shatter the jaw of the wolf that was inches away from biting into my head, I hear the voice continue.
"Just as you have the strength to deal with these wolves…" I swing the branch in a wide arc in front of me, hitting two wolves across their heads, shattering their skulls while jumping up for the last of them to collide into each other beneath me as I was unable to strike them all down before they enclosed. "so will you be able to overcome the 'wolves' plaguing you in the other aspects of your life." I glare down at the wolves who crashed into each other, yet wasted no time in returning their evil looks upon me and raising their flared jaws up to snap at my feet that were just out of their reach in the air. I then straighten out and dive back down, feet first, to stomp upon the gnashing teeth of two wolves which broke and shattered when the weight and force of my stomp pincered their heads with the earth below.
The last wolf, which barely escaped from beneath the bodies of its two freshly killed brethren, limped away, having its right leg broken in half from the dogpile that I forcefully crashed into. "As for Auguste and Luvia, yes, they manipulate you and yes, they keep many secrets from you, …" This, however doesn't discourage the blood-thirsty wolf and it lunges at me straight-on, in a last-ditch effort to take my life as I did all its fallen kin. "but even still, they love you. With all of their hearts. As do I." When the wolf is right in front of me, jaws wide open, ready to overcome the last few inches to sink them into me, I shed a tear in sadness.
I cry at the words of the man speaking to me and at all the pointless loss of life I had to conduct. But, even still, I won't die in this creature's place. I raise the hand clasping the branch up and behind my back and lower the arm covered in my cast down and to the side of my waist. When the beast's mouth comes face-to-face with me, I connect the base of the branch and the fist of my cast together with all my strength, sandwiching and crushing the head of the wolf between them. "So, continue down the path you're headed and know that no matter what, regardless of what you do or where you end up, I will never give you more than you can handle…"
As the lifeless body of the final wolf falls from between my hands, I collapse with it. I heavily gasp for air while on my knees, realizing once again I hadn't been breathing and weakly lift my gaze to see one last wolf staring at me from behind a tree a few armlengths away. The one wolf unaccounted for, the one wolf that didn't engage with the others. I'm glad it hadn't, not only because I didn't want to kill anymore, but because that display of strength was very taxing and left me exhausted. I feel as if it decided to follow up with them, it may have been able to finish the job.
I stare at the wolf a while longer until it diverts its gaze from me and lunges into the darkness behind it. I reinforce my eyesight to try and see if it was really running off, but as soon as I adjust it to where I can see through the darkness, the wolf is nowhere to be found. I get up and feel pain shoot through my right thigh and the pads of both of my feet. Along with the bite into my thigh, my feet were also penetrated by the wolves' fangs whenever I crushed their skulls with my feet after stepping on their open jaws. I once again will the fire to lick at the wounds, searing them shut, while I bite my bottom lip to fight through the pain.
After much limping and staggering, I finally find myself back at the mansion. I hadn't realized how far away I went or how long I was gone until I saw the light of dawn breaking through the trees when I arrived home. I look down to see both my arms and legs covered in blood, whether from the wolves or my own, and I walk along the edge of the mansion until I reach Luvia's garden at the west side of the yard. I admire the varying colors of flowers while I uncoil the long garden hose and turn the knob to let the water course through it. The cold water makes me shiver while I hastily wash the dried blood from my body, but I try to ignore it while getting the blood off me as quickly as possible. I notice the blood that fell on my cast stained it and I began to wonder what to do to fix it.
I don't want Luvia to know I encountered those wolves, much less that I killed them, so maybe I should just get rid of the cast. I'm no doctor, but I figured my hand had to at least be almost done healing by now, so I grab onto the cast with my left hand and begin reinforcing it. Instead of just reinforcing it as normal, I recreate what I did to the bedpost and I make the cast shatter and explode in my hand. I unravel the cloth that was beneath the cast from around my forearm and reveal my right arm to me once more. It seemed so weird and foreign. The arm was a shade whiter than the rest of my body, the fingernails on the three fingers that were concealed beneath the cast were untrimmed and longer than the rest, and the forearm was slightly thinner than my left which had grown from being used more.
Once I'm finished, I make sure to put the hose up just as it was, and I look one last time at the flowers and the pink camellias amongst them catch my eyes. I remember the dream about sex and all that happened yesterday, as well as what just happened with those wolves, and realize I gained little from the midnight stroll meant to clear my mind other than gain even more questions. I walk away from the garden and to the edge of the woods while pulling off my bloodstained shirt to wrap around the remnants of the cast. I ignite the bundle and feed magic into it until it degrades into nothing more than ashes in my hands. I throw the ashes into the forest and begin walking away. I decide to build upon my earlier decision to find the answers to my question without the help of Luvia and Auguste, while walking towards the side of the house my room's window was on. My destination: Luvia's private library.
After clambering up the side of the wall, with much difficulty due to me forgetting to drop my sheet ladder before falling down, I enter into my room only to see my bed was made and the pajama pants I left on the floor were now gone. How in the world am I going to explain that mess to Auguste when I see him? I forget about the thought for now and quickly grab a new pair of briefs, pants, and shirt and begin clothing myself. I reflect on last night and realize I walked into the woods half-naked and then climbed up the house completely, stark naked. Luvia and Auguste would have a heart attack if they heard about that, not to mention if they actually saw it. I stop pondering about my naked venture into the woods after I put on my slippers and I then head into the hallway to make my way to Luvia's library.
I only visited Luvia's library once and I didn't even go inside of it. She had said she needed a specific book from her library before we started our lesson and brought me there to grab it, but made me stand outside of the door, in the hallway, and wait. When I questioned her about what a library is, she was very hesitant to answer, but she finally explained that it's a room with knowledge about everything you could possibly want to know. If she was telling the truth, my answers lied there. It was quite a while back when she brought me there, but I feel certain I can still find it.
After just a few minutes of searching, I recognize the doorway to her library. I reach down and turn the handle and, unsurprisingly, it's locked. I close my eyes without removing my hand from the handle while I analyze the structure of the lock in my mind. After gaining a good idea of how it functions, I reinforce the lock and force the mechanism to shift and unlock while keeping a steady flow of magic energy into it. I half-expected the attempt to fail, but based on Luvia's comment about how Reinforcement could do something such as making a light bulb shine brighter, I assumed I could force any object to perform its function, so long as it was simple. I'm pleased to see my assumption was correct.
Upon entering the library, I'm stunned to see how many books were in there. I should've known it would consist of mostly books, seeing as how Luvia stated it had all the knowledge I could want, but the sheer amount was insane. Even more shocking than that was how unorganized the room was. The books are stuffed into the many shelves with as much as they could fit, and the floor is covered in pile after pile of even more books. Some of these piles reach up almost all the way to the ceiling. After looking through a few of the books, I find there's no specific order to their placement and I soon start to feel discouraged I'll even find one that can help answer my questions. I look around the room a while longer and soon find myself in the back next to a table with a strange device on it. There was a box on the table with a screen and it seemed reminiscent of the magical thing in one of the diners Luvia took me to that was referred to as a tv. This object was fairly smaller though and next to it stood a large rectangular box with a few buttons on it and a little, flashing red light. In front of the tv-like object is a rectangular pad with a bunch of buttons all over it that consist of the alphabet, the basic one-digit numbers, and quite a few strange symbols and punctuations. Next to it sat a small oval-shaped object with a wheel embedded in the top of it near the front and it has a wire running from it and into the rectangular box next to the tv-device along with another wire coming from the board filled with buttons. I decide to not mess with the overwhelming and elaborate-looking setup and instead focus on the book next to the board of buttons titled "Dictionary." Inside of it are hundreds upon thousands of words, each with a detailed explanation of its meaning right next to it. This… is exactly what I needed.
The first word I look up is "father". Thankfully, the words are put in the book alphabetically, so it doesn't take me too long to find it. There are two explanations as to what it is, one being the one Kirei explained to me about the title of respect amongst the Church's people, and the other explains it is a male parent of a child. "Parent"? I look up parent and it just explains that it is a mother or father to a child. "Mother"? I look up mother and it gives a similar explanation to what a father is, but that it's the female version of it. Maybe I should try looking up child… I look up child and it essentially gives the same definition as Kirei did. I recall Kirei talking about a stage of humanity that comes before a child… a fetus. Upon looking it up, I can't quite understand what it is from the definition, but one of the words it uses catches my attention: "conception". From its definition I look up "conceive" and from that I get "impregnate". I close the book. I didn't need to look up that last word because I had already heard it once before. In the dream I had with Rin, whenever I filled her with my semen, the word "impregnate" was engraved into my knowledge. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it was what I did to Rin. After the investigation I conducted in the "Dictionary", I now knew. I filled her with my "semen" that caused something inside of her known as "conception" or "impregnation" from which a "fetus" was wrought. That "fetus" will eventually grow into a "child", of which would make Rin the "mother" and I the "father" or together, the "parents". So, Rin has a fetus, a child, no, a human growing inside of her? This is insane… I remember what Auguste told me, about God having made the first two humans out of dirt and realize this conflicts with what I just learned. I open the dictionary once more to look up "God". It says he's the creator of everything and the supreme ruler of all. So… are both true? I scratch my head in confusion and shut the book again, deciding it probably wouldn't be able to explain that question for me.
I look around for a while longer at a few more books, hoping to find something else useful, but gave up after finding nothing anywhere near as insightful as the Dictionary. I leave the room and take a moment to make the door lock itself, before heading toward the staircase to make my way into the foyer. I now have some answers, finally. I'm going to confront those two and demand they tell me where I'm from and who my father is. My father… the one from which I came. The "Emiya" before myself.
When I reach the top of the stairway, I stop in my tracks from a noise. Crying? I look down at the foyer to see Auguste kneeling next to a sobbing Luvia wrapped in a blanket sitting in a chair that looks as if it was pulled from the dining room. "Auguste… it's my fault!" Luvia was hysterically crying while she struggled to talk. Auguste rubbed her shoulder lightly while trying to console her.
"No, miss Luvia, it's not. We just did all we could under the conditions given to us and that, sadly, wasn't enough." Luvia continued to cry and whimper while rubbing her eyes which were already puffy and red, indicating she had been at it for quite a while now. She's been crying. Ever since she woke up and saw I was gone she has been crying. She thinks she chased me away… "Miss Luvia… if it's anyone's fault, it is mine. I shouldn't have taught him things that would only lead him into confusion. I knew it would complicate things, but I-I… I just couldn't sit by and concede to what was happening…" Luvia looks at him with her teary eyes and rapidly shakes her head.
"No Auguste, no! I won't let you feel at fault. What you decided to do was the right choice and deep down inside, I always thought it was too." I finally reach the bottom of the stairs, but remain there, unsure of how to approach the situation. Auguste notices me and his eyes light up in shock, but Luvia continues talking, not noticing my presence. "He's been gone all morning Auguste… do you think he's ever coming back? Was I really so horrible to him he had to run away?" Auguste smiled down at her and cleared his throat before answering.
"Perhaps… you should ask him that yourself." Auguste looked up at me once more and Luvia turned her head to follow his gaze and her teary, amber eyes widened in shock.
"Emiya!"
She quickly jumped up from her chair and before I could even say anything, she was right up against me, face buried into my chest and arms wrapped tightly around me. "Emiyaaaaa!" She called out my name once again and continued to cry into my chest. The weight of her against me proves too much for my injured feet and I fall down onto the bottom stair, but that doesn't stop Luvia from staying wrapped around me. I expected some harsh words to begin pouring out of her after a while such as "how could you" or "never do that again" or "you're the worst student ever", but they never came. Instead, she stayed nuzzled up into me occasionally letting out an "I'm sorry" or "please forgive us" while her crying slowly died down as she stayed cuddled up to me. Auguste walked up to me and exchanged a few words with me like "glad to see you're back" and "I'm sorry for the miss being so clingy at the moment". Auguste and I finish chatting after a bit and I turn my attention back to Luvia. She was still in her pajamas and her golden hair was still down and not fixed and curled as it usually is. I play with her unkempt hair and lightly rub her back while she stays latched on to me, whispering reassuring words to her while I do so. I guess I'll wait till later before I confront them about what I learned. I don't think Luvia could handle me saying anything harsh to her at the moment and I personally don't want to ruin this moment by doing so either way. Luvia raises her head up from my chest finally and looks at me with her sad eyes. "Emiya… where did you go? I thought you were never coming back…" I saw her tearing up again and I quickly responded before she started crying again.
"I just went out for a walk to clear my head, Luvia. I wasn't going anywhere, I promise." She looks into my eyes for a while as if she was trying to see within me to determine if I was telling the truth. She eventually lowers her head back down to my chest and then says something that shocks me.
"Please Emiya… don't ever leave me again."
I don't know how long we stayed embraced at the bottom of the stairs like that, but Luvia eventually fell asleep. I came here expecting to chew them out for keeping me in the dark this whole time, but it looks like they flipped it on me. How did I end up feeling like the villain here? Auguste returns to the room eventually with some tea, but notices Luvia fell asleep. "Ah, I see she dozed off. She must be tuckered out from all that crying. She already didn't get enough sleep. She couldn't go to bed because of how troubled she was from that argument with you when you two got home, so she went to check on you late last night. It was then she discovered you were gone, but she at first assumed you were just somewhere within the mansion. After she couldn't find you anywhere, she awoke me and stayed up all night weeping." Thanks, Auguste. Now I feel even more like a villain than I already did. Auguste grabs the blanket Luvia left on the chair and leans down to wrap her in it. "I should return her to her bed now. She needs to be well rested, for I'm sure tonight you have quite a lot you wish to discuss with us." I nod my head as he lifts Luvia up and into his arms before slowly ascending the stairs. I look at him as he walks up them.
"Hey Auguste… I did something really stupid this time, didn't I?" He glances back over his shoulder at me while I ask him the question.
"Oh, but of course. It was stupid, very stupid indeed. Though, I suppose you could say we two have been acting pretty stupid this whole time as well." I smile at his reassuring words and feel an understanding has been reached between us. I begin to walk up behind him on the staircase and then remember one other thing I wanted to mention to him.
"Oh yeah, Auguste, while I was walking last night I could've sworn I heard some wolves howling in the forest out back. Are they a common problem here?" Auguste stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me once more.
"Wolves? Where in the world did you hear about those? Regardless, no they are not a problem here. They haven't been a problem here for quite a while now actually. There are no more wolves in the UK, they've all gone extinct."
What? There aren't any wolves here?
"Well, save for the few in the zoos and such. What you probably heard while you were out on your walk last night were some wild curs howling, probably abandoned by their masters. That's not to say wild dogs aren't dangerous in their own right, however." Once Auguste was done explaining, he finished ascending the stairs and walked off to bring Luvia to her room, leaving me on the stairs, dumbfounded.
I walk through the underbrush of the forest while thinking about what Auguste said. Maybe those things I encountered really were just dogs? No, they were definitely wolves. How could I make up something I only just learned about the moment I encountered it?
I came out here again just to reaffirm what I went through. I remember the voice that spoke to me while I fought off the wolves and explained to me what they were as I walked and eventually I reached the clearing the fight took place in. And the clearing… was empty. There were no wolves, no blood, and no smell of death in the air. I began to doubt myself of whether this was really the spot or not, but then I found the branch I used to fight them with and some scorched leaves that were burned from the flames I seared my feet's wounds shut with. Maybe something carried the corpses off? No, the blood of them would still be left behind and I doubt anything could carry off all those bodies in the amount of time I was gone, much less need to do so. I find a little bit of blood on the leaves that were charred, but I quickly assume it was my own. It's almost like they disappeared magically or that the fight never even happened… Like I was fighting with myself.
When I finally reach my room again after trekking all the way back to the mansion, I realize how great the pain in both my feet and in my right thigh are from all the walking. It then occurs to me, if the fight never happened, how'd I get these injuries? I quickly pull off my pants and my boxers and surely enough, on my right thigh lies the nasty bite mark of one of the wolves, surrounded by bright red skin that was burned while I seared the wounds shut. Similar marks were on my feet.
What… what does this mean? Those wolves- were they real or not? I recall the mysticism of the whole situation and how the whole time a loud, clear voice spoke to me in my head, almost as if it completely surrounded me. Who was that? Was he the one who made the wolves attack me? I continue looking over the wound on my thigh in the body-length mirror and I decide to just lay to rest the strange occurrence for now. I don't need to keep that on my mind. I have to clear my mind and focus to prepare for when I talk to Luvia and Auguste tonight.
My gaze drifts up from the wound on my thigh and to my two arms which were each equally unpleasant to look at now. My right hand is still stiff and aches slightly, but seems to be working fine. I take note of how a few of my fingers are slightly crooked. I let my gaze continue upward until I find myself staring directly into my own eyes.
The reflection it mirrors back to me is the person I truly am; Shirou Emiya. You know, before I couldn't fathom how Rin and I used to be in a relationship together and, while I still can't see how it worked, I now do see the similarities between us that must've been what attracted us to one another. Our personalities are completely different, so it must've been these physical features that are so closely related which made us pair well together. I think all of this as I stare deeply into my azure blue eyes and gaze up at my charcoal black hair that so perfectly imitates that of Rin's own…