Chapter 11: Just Fucking Go

We walked into the capital building as the sun finished rising. The rays of sun shone onto the marble floor, illuminating the dust particles that hung in the air, and creating pigments of light along the walls. Our feet clacked loudly on the floor, and even though the building hadn't had air conditioning in years, there was still a feeling of coldness in it.

Our eyes were immediately drawn to the two bodies of the Fireflies lying lifeless on the floor in front of us. Blood pooled around them and freckled the marble.

"No, no, no!" Tess cried, running to one of the bodies, searching it desperately, as if looking for something.

"What happens now?" Ellie asked in general, stepping to the side with me.

I didn't answer her. In fact I barely heard her. I didn't even move from my spot by the door. I was fixated on Tess. Apparently, Joel was too because as she searched the body, he carefully walked up to her, "what are you doing, Tess?"

"Oh God," I heard Tess say under her breath. "Maybe they…uh…maybe they had a map or…um…something to tell us where they were going." Her voice, like her actions, sounded desperate.

"How far are we gonna take this?" Joel asked her, already tired from all we'd done.

"As far as it needs to go," she said, her voice cracking. I didn't understand it. This was so unlike her, to be acting to desperately. Tess was a ruthless leader of the Black Market. She'd shoot a man dead before she'd ask his name. What made this situation so different?

She looked up at Ellie, "where was this lab of theirs?"

"She never said," Ellie told her. "She only mentioned it was someplace out West."

Joel, in an attempt to talk some sense, asked Tess in a calm voice, "what are we doing here? This is not us."

Tess stood, shaking her head, and looking him square in the eyes, and asked him in an accusing tone, "what do you know about us?" In a calmer voice, she added, "about me?"

"I know that you are smarter than this," Joel pointed to the body she was just searching.

"Really?" Tess asked provokingly. "Guess what, we're shitty people, Joel. It's been that way for a long time."

"Tess, where is all this coming from?" I asked, but they both ignored me.

"No. We are survivors!" Joel raised his tone.

"This is our chance–," she tried.

"It is over, Tess!" he was screaming at her now.

We froze. I'd never heard Joel scream at her before. I knew he would raise his voice at her, especially when they would fight, but he'd never outright yelled at her.

"Now we tried," He added, in a lower tone. "Let's just go home."

"I'm not…I'm not going anywhere," Tess's voice was cracking again, as if she might cry. "This is my last stop."

"What?" Joel asked, raising his arms, not understanding what she meant. My heart began to beat faster from anxiety.

"Our luck had to run out sooner or later," she turned away from him as if she couldn't bear to look at him.

"What are you going on about–?" Joel reached out to take her arm, but she quickly pulled away from him.

"No, don't!" she cried. "Don't touch me," her voice was almost a whisper.

"Holy shit," Ellie spoke, pausing for a brief moment. "She's infected."

My stomach dropped to the floor. I just stared at Tess, not wanting to believe it, but not brave enough to speak either. She looked at the floor as Ellie spoke, then up at Joel when she stopped.

"Joel…" she began as he took a few steps away from her. That's when it hit me that Ellie was right. My beloved aunt who couldn't be blown away if a bomb went off…was infected.

"Let me see it," Joel said.

"I didn't mean for this–"

"Show it to me," he demanded.

With a look of irritation on her face, Tess pulled back the collar of her shirt, her eyes never leaving Joel. On the right side of her neck, and reaching down to her collarbone, was a huge, bumpy, red patch of skin where she was bitten. It was all the more real to me now.

"Oh, Christ," Joel said.

"Oops, right?" she asked him, sarcastically.

"Tess," I whispered, allowing myself to speak for the first time. Now everything made sense. Her bitchiness, her desperation, everything. A feeling of great sadness swept through me; my chest began to ache.

Her eyes left Joel, and fixed themselves on me for the first time. I didn't know what kind of look I had on my face, but I saw a shift in her eyes. It was as if her heart broke in that instant.

As if she couldn't look at me anymore, she shifted her eyes to Ellie, walking quickly over to her, "give me your arm."

She pulled back Ellie's sleeve when she reached her, revealing the healed over, skin-toned bite marks.

"This was three weeks," she said, looking at Joel again. "I was bitten an hour ago, and it's already worse."

She walked over to Joel, dragging Ellie with her, "this is fucking real, Joel."

"You need to get this girl to Tommy's," she added. "He used to run with this crew. He'll know where to go."

That's when I realized something else. Tess was holding on to some kind of hope. She now truly believed that Ellie held the cure to the plague on mankind. She felt that if she could get Ellie to the Fireflies, then all her previous wrongdoings would be forgiven. She was a much deeper person than I'd realized.

"No, no, no, that was your crusade," Joel said. "I am not doing that." He pointed at Ellie as if she was an object.

"Yes you are," she cried. She moved close enough to him so that their faces were almost touching, and she raised her hands so that they were almost touching his chin. "Look, there's enough here that you have to feel some sort of obligation to me."

She moved her hands away from him, and pointed at Ellie, "so you get her to Tommy's." She then pointed at me, "and you take fucking care of her." Her teeth were gritted, demanding this one last request of him. That was the only time she'd ever referred to me as a kid. My heart broke even more.

The sound of tires from outside broke the moment.

"Shit," I whispered, looking out the window as Tess rushed over to it. Military vehicles were coming up to the front of the capital building, soldiers hopping out of them. They waited for us.

"They're here," Tess said, turning to us again, and pulling out her gun.

"Dammit," Joel said.

"I can buy you some time, but you have to run."

"What?" I asked.

"You want us to just leave you here?" Ellie asked.

"Yes."

"No!" I cried, running over to her, my body beginning to shake. "I can't…I can't just leave you here to die, Tess!" I felt tears filling my eyes, blurring my vision, and my voice sounded cracked and strange. I didn't recognize the things I was doing. This was so unlike me, and yet it felt exactly like me.

"Kara, listen to me," she demanded, grabbing my face with both hands, pressing her forehead against mine, staring into my eyes. I was shaking like a leaf, trying not to cry. "I know I made you grow up too fast, and I'm sorry. But now you have to be strong for me. This is the hardest thing I'm ever going to do, and I can't do it if you're not strong."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and closed my eyes, fighting back the tears. I willed myself to stop shaking, and nodded against her forehead. I knew I had to be strong for her, but I didn't know how I'd be able to. I opened my eyes again. "I have to do this," she said. "I don't have a choice. You do. You are not going to die like this. You are going to live, and you're going to make me proud today just like you have every day of your life. Do you hear me?"

I almost lost it when she told me she was proud of me directly. The one time she ever said she was proud of me, she was leaving me, and there was nothing I could do to help her. I nodded again, separating our foreheads. She let go of my face. I looked over at Joel and Ellie, who just stood there, watching us.

"There is no way that–," Joel piped in.

"I will not turn into one of those things," Tess said, stepping away from me, towards Joel. He just looked into her eyes, just as I'd done. "C'mon," she begged. "Make this easy for me."

"I can fight–," he began to say, but she stopped him.

"No, just go!" she shoved him away, and it was as if he snapped out of a trance. He shook his head, still looking at her.

"Just fucking go," she whispered to no one.

Joel paused for a moment, and said, "Kara…Ellie…"

"I'm sorry…I…I didn't mean for this," Ellie said.

"Get a move on," he said to the both of us.

As I began to walk away, Ellie reached over and gripped my hand tightly in hers, and began to lead me instead of me leading her, the way it'd been all day. It was as if she knew I was still trying not to fall apart, and she felt like she had to step up for me. Whatever her reasons, I was appreciative because at this moment, I desperately needed her. But more importantly, I needed Tess, but she was already gone.

I glanced one last time at the last family member I had left in the world. We made eye contact, her eyes filling with tears, before I turned away from her for good.