Authors Note: Woo, updating a day earlier than anticipated, go me.

Allen's past comes into the light, at last. Should answer some questions. Once again, italicized and centered stuff are memories and the rest is happening in the present.

Thank you all so very very much for the reviews. I've been sick for the past week and a half and your reviews have cheered me up greatly. :) Thanks especially to Kaza for the motivational rap. You can thank him for this chapter being out early. xD

Nusku, uniFsky, Alice Melan, Sleeping Moon, seaturtlesrox, Velvet Blindfold, Wolfie559933, nataeiy1, Novelist Pup, Niki-Uni, michellehail44, Exorcist-Miranda, xXJustAnotherFangirlXx, imhappynessinabottle, mimicsmaze, Freakingcage7, SeikaDragon, random, and Kit turned Mighty: much love to you all!

SUGAR-FREE

11 -- and pause.

"Would you like a balloon, little one?"

"What will I do with a balloon? Food would be better app-appree--"

"Appreciated?"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"Won't your family have food for you?"

"Yeah, they would… if I had one. My parent's abandoned me, 'cos I look funny."

"You don't look--"

"That's 'cos I've got this hood up. Just wait till I take it off, then you'll be screamin' freak just like the rest of 'em!"

"Why don't you take it off and we'll see?"

"…there. So what, you gonna stand there and laugh? That's pretty mean. It'd be better if you just left."

"I don't see anything funny."

"…are you blind or somethin'? I've got old-man hair, and this weird scar that I dun even remember gettin'!"

"I don't find that funny, and I'm a clown. I know what's funny."

"…for real?"

"Really."

"…hey, what's your name?"

"Mana Walker. And you?"

"Allen. Hey, you know what?"

"What?"

"I like you!"

- - -

"Kanda," Allen rasped, gently nudging the other's shoulder, "Kanda, can you hear me?"

Kanda muttered something indistinct and Allen frowned. He didn't know how long Tyki would be out (if he was still alive, that is) and he didn't know how far he could get carrying Kanda. Who knew when more robots or that other NOAH would show up…

But, he had to try.

Allen was careful in moving his partner; Kanda had already lost a lot of blood, but the wound had stopped bleeding so profusely. He gently put one arm at Kanda's waist and tugged Kanda's arm over his shoulder.

"Hey, are you still with me?" Allen whispered against Kanda's cheek, satisfied when Kanda murmured something and his fingers twitched. As long as he was alive…

Allen made for the closet they had hidden in earlier; it was closest and surely nobody would think to look for them in such an obvious place.

Hopefully.

- - -

Allen had been born with a strange left arm; it was wrinkly and burned-looking, and for the two years his parents kept him, it got worse and worse. When the doctors declared there was a strange disease in the arm that could spread to his entire body if they did not amputate, his parents paid for the operation and left him at the hospital that same day. He never saw them again.

His first few years had been hard; it took a lot of time to get rid of the 'phantom arm' sensations, and even longer to get over the insults and teasing he had to endure at the orphanage. At last, a sympathetic nurse at the hospital he and the other children went for their annual checkups ordered a simple prosthetic arm for him. Nothing like the one he would later possess, the arm was made of plastic and stiff joints. He could hardly move his fingers and couldn't make a fist, but it allowed him some mobility and, with the gloves and long-sleeved shirts he wore, it allowed him to keep up the pretense of a real arm. He couldn't hide his hair or the strange scar on his eye, but at least he could hide his gravest flaw from the scrutiny of the world.

It was only when he met Mana that he willingly showed his defect to another. His heart hammered in his chest as he removed his coat, his brain screaming that it was a mistake, that he was just going to lose everything again, that he was going to make Mana hate him --or worse, run away.

But Mana did not run. He merely watched, calm even when Allen took off the plastic limb and showed him the remnants of reddish burn around his shoulder. When Allen clicked the arm back in place and was turning to leave, silent tears springing up from what the child thought was Mana's silent betrayal, Mana still said nothing. He pulled Allen into a warm hug, kissed his forehead and murmured I'm sorry, Allen, so sorry into his hair.

Allen was confused: why was Mana sorry? Why would someone apologize for something so hideous? It wasn't Mana's fault, so why was Mana apologizing and crying and holding him so tightly?

That's what you do when you love someone, Mana explained, it hurts to see them in pain, as though it was your wound, not theirs.

Love.

Love seemed silly, made no sense, but it was warm. Mana's arms were warm, and his words and tears were real, and he was still there after everything Allen threw at him, so he was real too. It made Allen feel like crying, but he was happy, so why would he cry?

Mana said that was something to do with love too. How silly!

But Mana was a clown, he was supposed to be silly, and if Allen loved him, then Allen was probably a clown too. That was alright; as long as he had Mana, anything was alright.

- - -

"…are you leaving now?"

"I'm afraid I have no choice. I move with the Circus…"

"You don't have to…"

"How else will I make a living?"

"You could live with me!"

"Allen…you know--"

"Fine! Forget I said anything! You're jus' like them! Abandoning me!"

"Allen, wait."

"Lemme go, stupid clown!"

"Allen, please don't cry."

"I ain't crying! Like I'd c-cry for someone l-like you."

"Would you like to come with me, then?"

"…what?"

"How about it? I can't stay here and live with you, but you can come with me, if you'd like."

"…you're not funny."

"I'm not joking- I promise. You're like… like the son I never had. I'm quite fond of you."

"Fond? Whassat mean?"

"It means I like you very much. You said you liked me too, right?"

"…yeah…"

"Then would you be my son?"

"…Son? Like… like you'd be my father?"

"Yes."

"For real?"

"Really."

- - -

"Ha-ha, well aren't you just the little freak show, kid?"

"Who are you?"

"That doesn't really matter to you, squirt. Now where's your 'father' or whatever?"

"Don't call me squirt! I'm fourteen, not four!"

"Feisty, eh? I like that in a woman, but in a scrawny thing like you it's just annoying. Show some respect to your elders, boy."

"I'll show respect to whoever I feel like!"

"Allen, who's this?"

"Ah, Mana! This guy was looking for you…"

"…a General is it? …Allen, go pack up the tent."

"…but—okay..."

"What do you want, Cross?"

"Ah, so you do remember me, you little deserter. Though I can't really blame you for ditching; the Order's full of shit, huh?"

"What do you want with me?"

"Actually, not with you, Walker. The higher-ups are rather interested in the little brat you've adopted. Allen, was it?"

"…you're not taking him."

"Hell, I don't want him! Relax, old man, nobody's going to separate you two. The Order just wanted to run some tests, since he survived some weird illness or something. Purely for the sake of records, if you'll believe that."

"Tests? You and I both know what tests at the Order involve. I'm not putting him through that."

"Hey, for once, I'm just following orders. I don't really care if you come or not, but there is something for you in it too."

"What could possibly make me hand my son over to those torturers?"

"If you come, they'll fit him with a brand new arm, one that acts just like a human one- maybe even better. It's the newest technology, not even on the market yet."

"Allen…would get a real arm?"

"Yup. No plastic shit like the junk he's got now. A real, functioning prosthetic arm. It'd make his life a helluva lot easier. And it'd be free. Think about it."

- - -

Allen pushed aside the boxes and lay Kanda down in the back of the closet. He shrugged off his coat and ripped the sleeves off to tie around Kanda's middle, where the bleeding was the worst. He frowned when he noticed how close the gash was to his heart.

"Hey, Kanda, you owe me a new coat when we get back, okay?" He teased feebly, crawling over next to Kanda's head. He kept a hand at Kanda's neck all the while, making sure his pulse was still there. The blood completely drained from his face when he realized how weak it was. Allen fumbled for Timcanpy in the darkness.

"Tim," he breathed urgently, "call Lavi."

- - -

"Mana, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Allen. How are you? Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Mana…they won't leave us alone if I don't, right?"

"Of course they would, I just--"

"I know what's going to happen, that Cross guy told me everything. I'm… okay, Mana. Just think- when I get a real arm, I can get more jobs! I won't be a burden anymore, I promise."

"Allen, you've never been a burden. Don't do this for me. Do it only if you're willing to take the chance."

"I've decided already. I don't want to be useless forever. If these people can give me a fresh start, I'll take it!"

"Yo, brat, Walker. You're finally here."

"Good afternoon, Cross."

"Always so polite. You should teach the kid some manners too, Walker."

"I've got manners!"

"Really? I'd never guess. Now enough talk; come with me, brat. Easy, Walker, don't have a heart attack. I'll bring him back in one piece. Or something."

"It's okay, Mana. I want to do this."

"…Allen…"

- - -

"Is Allen Walker still out?"

"Yes, Chief Bak."

"Good…"

"Was there something wrong, sir?"

"Not wrong, but very intriguing. The arm we fitted him with is highly experimental… frankly, all the other ones we tried it on…failed, shall we say. But this boy…"

"His synchro-rate with the synthetic nerves is impressive."

"More than impressive; it should have been impossible. This boy is full of questions."

"Do you think it was that illness he had in his childhood that made the nerves more … receptive?"

"I haven't the slightest idea…but we're not letting go of this one. He'll be a fine addition to the Order. All that's left is to see if he can move the arm himself; all the connections are there and strong."

"If he can… will you report him to HQ?"

"Of course. Well… not immediately. He's still a child. Let him have his teenage years at least. We can take him afterwards. He'll be a frightfully good soldier, especially with all the things we can put in his arm…"

"Ah! Sir, he's waking up."

- - -

"How does it feel, Allen?"

"It feels great, Mana… like, I can actually feel that I have an arm! It's not even that heavy, and look! I can make a fist! And move each finger individually! Ha-ha!"

"I'm glad you're happy, Allen. My name is Bak Chan. I'm the scientist who developed that arm."

"Thank you… for doing this for my son."

"Please, think no more of it, Mr. Walker. Now, Allen, could you do the following exercises for me? I want to see how flexible your new arm is…"

"Alright."

"Were they easy?"

"Yup."

"No discomfort?"

"None at all!"

"Amazing…"

"Is something wrong, Bak Chan?"

"No, no, quite the contrary, Mr. Walker; Allen is doing exceptionally well. Far better than anticipated."

- - -

Lavi's voice sounded fuzzy in Allen's ears. He raised a hand to touch the spot on his head where he'd been injured and winced.

"Hey, Allen," Lavi repeated, "are you okay?"

"No," Allen whispered, "No. Lavi, Kanda's in really bad shape, I-I don't know if we can make it out. We need help."

"Shit, Yuu got hurt?" Lavi was worried now, "What happened? And what about you?"

"We had to fight with a NOAH. I'm okay, for the most part. I've got a nasty cut on my head but that's about it. I think I can make it. But Kanda's been bleeding; I tried to stop it, but…"

"Where'd he get cut?" Marie's voice.

"All along the left side… the guy we fought used lasers and Kanda, the idiot he is, pretty much impaled himself on them… his left shoulder's bleeding pretty badly, and," Allen sucked in a shaky breath, "and I'm not sure if the lasers hit too close to his heart or not…"

Marie sighed in relief.

"That's good--"

"Good!?" Allen had to control his voice from being too loud, "Good? Marie, he could die, how is that good? I just said I don't know if it hit his heart!"

"Allen, listen to me. Kanda's got situs inversus, that is, his heart's on the right side. That's how he can afford to get beaten up so much- people naturally aim for the left. As long as his right side's okay, he'll be fine."

Allen blinked slowly and squinted back the tears.

"…that's good, then."

- - -

"Ah, Allen! Good to see you again! It's been, what, a year?"

"Just about, Mr. Bak."

"You've…er…grown a bit!"

"You don't need to say that to make me feel better."

"A-Anyway…ah, Mr. Walker, good to see you as well."

"Likewise."

"Now, I called you here today because the Order wanted me to test something with your arm. I assure you it's nothing life-threatening or painful. I've just got to make a few adjustments."

"Alright!"

"…what do these adjustments involve?"

"Minor tweaking…rewiring…things like that."

- - -

"Just hold on," Lavi had said, "we'll be there as soon as we can."

He'd also said something else, but Allen's world was getting dizzy again, and he began to wonder exactly how much blood he had lost thanks to the wound on his head. Timcanpy fluttered around him anxiously.

"I'm fine, Tim," he promised, "just a little tired."

Allen leaned back against the closet wall, fingers dancing across Kanda's neck, briefly tracing his jaw and making his lips twitch. Allen smiled.

"Well, if you're frowning at me, at least you're still okay."

- - -

"A gun?! You gave my fifteen year old son a gun?!"

"C-Calm down, Mr. Walker. It's not dangerous to Allen…"

"Not dangerous?! It's a bloody gun! How is that not dangerous?"

"Oi, Walker, quit freaking out."

"Cross – you!"

"Yeah, me. Look, he's fifteen, that's older than you were when you became a soldier, and it's old enough for a gun. He's not that much of an idiot to misuse it, I don't think. Or do you have that little faith in the brat?"

"Mana…"

"Allen, stay out of this."

"Mana, I can handle it!"

"Allen I said--"

"Mana! I'm fifteen! I'm not a kid anymore; I can do this. Besides…I…want to be able to protect my friends and family. I want to be stronger."

"So the kid has guts after all. Bravo."

"Don't be ridiculous Allen. A gun is not a toy. I don't care if you're fifteen or fifty, I'd rather not see you armed with one."

"Mana, I said I can do it. I want to do it, and I will! Don't treat me like a baby! I'm going to be a soldier one day, I know that already!"

"…how do you know that? Do you know what you're getting yourself into?!"

"It's not like I have a choice. Cross told me…the Order's going to come for me eventually. And if I don't listen… who knows what they'll do to you, Mana. I know… I know that you deserted the Order years ago… and they let it slide for some reason… but if I… if I don't listen to them, something could happen to you."

"Allen, be selfish for once! Don't think of me, think of your future!"

"I always figured I'd be a soldier or something anyway… I like protecting the things that are dear to me. I…I've felt rather useless all these years. This gives me a purpose, you know?"

"You're only fifteen…"

"It'll be okay. I'll be okay, Mana."

- - -

Allen blearily opened his eyes as Tim tugged at his hair.

"Huh? When did I… when did I close my eyes?" he murmured, trying to rub the sleepiness from them. "…Kanda…!" His eyes snapped to his still-unconscious companion, and he was relieved to see him breathing somewhat steadily.

"I'm glad…" he sighed weakly, and his eyes drifted close against his will.

- - -

"This is where you can practice. Don't worry; nobody uses this warehouse anymore so you can destroy it all you want."

"Is it safe?"

"Ah…of course! The Order wouldn't let a new recruit practice in a place that was dangerous!"

"Aw, it'll be fine Mana. I can't wait!"

"Allen…just be careful. This is a gun, remember- not a play thing."

"I know, I know. Okay, watch me now, Mana!"

Boom.

"Wow. Haha, look, it's almost like a firework, Mana! 'cept it's cement and dust."

"Excuse me, how much power is in that gun?"

"Chief Bak said it wasn't wired to the maximum but…I believe it's functioning at 85 percent potential."

"That's 85 percent?!"

"Wonderful, isn't it?"

"Ha-ha! Mana, look!"

"Allen, don't fire at the ceiling--"

"Oops… sorry, Mana, it kind of just fired itself…but look! Isn't it cool? Kinda like rain…"

Crack.

"Mana? What's wrong?"

"Allen, move!"

Breath in--

"ALLEN!"

--breath out.

(it's raining, it's pouring)

Breath in--

Thud.

--breath out.

Crash.

"MANA!"

(and he wouldn't wake up in the morning.)

A/N: Sorry if that was hard to read. And the ending's kinda morbid, I realize. Well, whaddya expect, death is morbid. :P I just have too much fun writing it...

ANYWAY. Hope it made sense, in the weird format it is in and all. Next chapter is gonna switch back to focusing on Kanda, since he is my favorite to write. :3 And he is the main character of this little story.

Situs inversus is a REAL medical condition, where all the organs are 'flipped', so one's heart is on the right side along with everything else that's usually on the left side. Cool, huh? :D

Reviews will be used as Kleenex that don't burn my nose. -A-