CHAPTER 11: When to Let Go

The Fourth's Lair

Desideria pouted as she ran her hands over the curves of the Puella Magi's frozen body, avoiding the lance sticking through her midsection. The girl was still warm and soft underneath the golden shell, she knew, but she couldn't feel her wonderful warmth without breaking it… what a pity. Without that warmth, it would be meaningless to feed on her Heart. Gaspare, however, had no such standards.

"Gaspare?" she cooed to the night without looking back over her shoulder. "You may start now, if you want. She's all yours. I trust you can handle her yourself?"

The Fourth was silent, as always. It nodded its shapeless head in agreement and stepped forward. A few of the gold and silver veins peeled themselves from Gaspare's leaden body. Moving very slowly, like a time-lapsed film of tree roots growing, they spread outward, a dozen of them attaching to the golden shell. The veins began to throb steadily as the feast commenced.

Desideria took two steps backward and disappeared. There were other victims for her to prey on, ones that would provide the warmth she craved…

Hiiragi Household, Takanomiya

"It sucks. It totally sucks."

"Uh-huh, it does."

"I mean, the episodes are finished, and they've already made us wait since the end of March…"

"Uh-huh."

"…and now they say that the last two won't air until the end of July! What gives? The last one was already a cliffhanger… do they enjoy torturing us?"

"I dunno."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "… Kagamin, you're not even listening to me, are you?"

"Huh? Of course I am," Kagami lied. She was lying on her bed while Konata talked at her, nestling the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she stared at her ceiling fan. Thankfully, she had been able to take the rest of her bath without incident, so she was now more-or-less relaxed. "Code Geass, right?"

"You know, Kagamin," said Konata, sounding unusually testy, "normally I don't mind when you zone out while I'm talking about anime and stuff… but lately it's like you're not even trying to pay attention."

Kagami sighed and put a hand over her eyes. "I'm sorry, Konata, I really am. I've just had so much on my mind…"

"I know, I know, but it wouldn't hurt to at least humor me, would it?"

"I guess not."

"Hmph."

"Konata?" Kagami took a deep breath and swallowed.

"Yeah?"

"If I ask you something… will you promise not to laugh?"

She could sense the corners of Konata's mouth curling into that blasted cat smile, even from across town. "Depends on what it is. I can't promise anything, but go ahead."

Kagami grimaced, already doubting that this was a good idea. "No wisecracks, either! It's kind of embarrassing, and I know how you usually are!" She dropped her voice, starting to blush before the question even left her lips. "Okay, so… um… in your anime and stuff, when two people like each other… how does it go, usually?"

A period of silence followed, very long and very uncomfortable.

"Konata?"

"Yeah, I'm listening," she said finally.

"Well?"

To Konata's credit, there wasn't even a hint of laughter in her reply. "It sort of depends on the story," she said, picking her words very carefully. "It's different in every genre. In romance anime, the couple is usually really shy at first, before they… get close at the very end, and there's a lot of conflict and drama and stuff in between. In a comedy, they'll start out by fighting all the time…"

Kagami sat up in her bed, paying full attention to the conversation for the first time since Konata called her. "Yeah, yeah?"

"And in most mecha shows, it's usually love at first sight, and the only trouble the couple has is when one of them gets kidnapped. I guess you'd-"

Her words were interrupted by a click and the electronic beeps of a keypad being pressed. "[beep]-gamin, [beep] there? [beep] What's [beep beep beep] –llo?"

"Hey! Do you mind?"

Tsukasa's voice came on suddenly. "Oh no! Kona-chan, onee-chan, please excuse me!"

"Tsukasa…" Kagami shook her head and groaned. She thought about chastising her through the wall, then thought the better of it. "Can't you use your cell? Who are you calling this late, anyway?"

"Sorry, onee-chan, I thought you were done already!" Tsukasa stammered sheepishly. "Sorry, sorry! You're right, I'll just call Yuki-chan on my cell… I'm sorry!" Click.

"Well, that was weird," said Konata. "Even for Tsukasa, I mean."

With a sigh, Kagami flopped back down into her mattress. "You're telling me. I love her, but sometimes she's such…"

"… an airhead?" Konata suggested with just the hint of a chuckle.

"Yeah." She couldn't help but smile.

"So, about what you were asking…"

"Hmm? Oh, that. Never mind, it was stupid. Thanks anyway, though."

"Anytime, Kagamin." Then the snark that had been missing for the last few minutes returned to her voice in full. "If you're having romance problems, all you need to do is call Dr. Izumi's Love-Love Hotline! I'll be happy to help you with any bedroom techniques or tongue motions that you-"

CLICK. Kagami jabbed the phone's disconnect button so hard she almost broke it, her whole face glowing the color of a ripe cherry.

Izumi Household

Konata stared at the phone in her hand as the dial tone buzzed monotonously from the speaker. Maybe I overdid it a little.

Shaking her head, she placed the phone back in its cradle and turned back to her computer. Once again, she wished she knew what was really going on… Konata's suspicions about Tsukasa had been all but confirmed, as she had done an utterly atrocious job of hiding the signs, but Kagami was far harder to read.

If you'd just talk to me, Kagamin, maybe I could help. Mechanically she logged into Legend of Ultimaquest and began managing her equipment, her fingertip beating a rapid-fire staccato against her mouse button. It doesn't matter if you like Akemi, I just want you to tell me the truth…

Did it matter, though? She had wrestled quite a bit with that question for most of the past two weeks. So far, she was unable to come up with an answer. Kagami was precious to her, like a sister she had never had… She and Tsukasa and Miyuki were as good as family, even when they got on each other's nerves. And more than once, Konata had entertained the thought of being more than simply best friends with Kagami… an idea that had never fully taken root, but one that nagged at her from time to time nonetheless. Maybe when we're older, she would often think when it sprung up, or Maybe just once, for fun, or She'll never go for it, but what the hell, ask anyway. Romance was surprisingly hard to come by for the four of them, so she never really considered the possibility of anyone forming a relationship with someone outside the group.

Now, however, there was a frighteningly real possibility that that very thing was happening. Kagami had a crush, whether she could see it herself or not… and that thought was more terrifying to Konata than she would ever dare admit. That and other worries gnawed at her persistently, even as she immersed herself into the game.

What if they get serious, and she really does stop hanging out with us?

What if she stops talking to me?

What if it goes bad between them, and Kagami changes because of it?

Konata frowned and tried to clear her rebellious brain of everything but stat checks and battle plans. There was no sense in worrying about things that hadn't happened yet, dammit.

For the remainder of the night, Konata had far more difficulty with Ultimaquest's gameplay than usual.

Hiiragi Household

Kagami tossed the phone aside and fell on her stomach back to the bed, hugging her pillow tight against her burning cheeks. Damn it, Konata! All I did was ask a simple question, there was no reason to say perverted things like that!

Through the wall, she heard Tsukasa start to talk. The conversation was faint and indistinct, but unmistakably happy.

Am I going crazy? she thought. Or is this how everyone feels? Her legs kicked the air in frustration as she groaned aloud into the pillow. Already she was having second thoughts about hanging up… now there wasn't even Konata's rambling to distract her from thinking about it.

Is there a problem? And here, appearing as if summoned, was a distraction, but an unwelcome one. Kyubey appeared on her dresser and tilted his head. His tone was slightly cautious, as if he was afraid she would throw something at him again.

"Oh, it's you," she grumbled without looking at him. The thought of throwing something was tempting, but it didn't seem to be worth the effort. "I'm surprised you're even showing your creepy little face around me, after what you did…"

What did I do?

Kagami shot him a glare that would have burnt a hole in concrete. "What do you mean, what did you do?" she shrieked. "You were watching me in the bath, you perverted freak!"

You should keep your voice down, said Kyubey with infuriating calm. The rest of your family could hear you talking to me, and that would raise awkward questions, wouldn't it? Try speaking to me mentally.

Taking his advice was the last thing she wanted to do, but the little freak had a point, damn it all. She supposed she would have to practice this sooner or later, anyway, so… All right, she thought at him, wrinkling her brow in concentration. Can you hear me?

Yes.

Now that she wasn't speaking aloud, more of Tsukasa's conversation with Miyuki filtered in from the next room. She heard what was clearly a giggle… then she chastised herself for eavesdropping and focused back on the little whatever-it-was that was staring at her expectantly.

Good! Now explain yourself! What the hell were you doing watching me?

I'm always watching you. It's my job while Homura's not around.

Not like that! I mean, why were you watching me while I was… The mere thought of that made her start to blush. No way in hell would she even think that word, not to him. … while I was naked? she finished, deciding that that was enough to be outraged about.

I detected chaotic thought patterns, an elevated heart rate, increased perspiration and hormonal production, and other biological signs associated with human emotional distress. I thought you might be under attack.

Kagami blinked. Seriously? That's what you thought was happening?

Of course. Why do you ask?

You mean… She clutched at her sheets. You're telling me that you have no idea what- Look, don't you know about… about emotions? Feelings?

No, he said matter-of-factly. I know of them, but the workings of human feelings are a mystery to me. Why? Did your heightened physical state have something to do with your emotions?

Well, wasn't that a small relief... the freak was a little furry Vulcan. I don't want to talk about it, she thought. Just promise me that you won't say anything about what you saw to Homura, all right?

You want me to hide the truth? Kyubey tilted his head further to the side.

YES. God, yes. Can you do that?

Of course I can. I'm well practiced at it.

Kagami thought she heard the tiniest hint of amusement in his voice, but she decided it was only her imagination. Good! You'd better, she thought at him. Grabbing a light novel from her bedside table, she began paging through it, trying to find where she had left off.

After a moment or so, a much louder giggle drifted through from the next room. Kagami frowned and lightly rapped her knuckles against the wall. "Tsukasa, could you keep it down a little? I'm trying to read."

"S-Sorry, onee-chan," said the muffled voice from next door.

Kagami rolled her eyes and went back to the novel. What on earth are she and Miyuki talking about so much lately, anyway?

The Fourth's Lair

For the first time in its existence, the Fourth paused in the middle of its feeding. For just a moment, it had felt the statue twitch… but that was impossible. The statue was not alive, it was just another object to feed on, to drain dry of its precious Heart and absorb into its armor when it was finished. The Fourth's intellect was limited, but it knew within itself that it was the only being that truly lived. Everything else, its victims, its Spawn, even the others of the Nine, were merely objects. Objects existed to be collected, fed on, and absorbed, or to be discarded and thrown away. The Fourth therefore determined that the statue had not moved at all, and began sating its hunger once again.

A fraction of a second later, the statue exploded from within. The Fourth's impossibly heavy, lumbering body was actually pushed back a meter by the force of the blast, as its front side was riddled with a million tiny shards of pure gold. It examined the shards, fascinated, then it slowly lifted its gaze to where the statue had been… and it took several paces backward.

It hung in midair, a great dark egg that seemed to be composed of pieces of the night sky. Stars and nebulae swirled within it, and it radiated a strange, terrible power… The egg slowly split apart like a blossoming flower, its shell parting to take the shape of two jagged, asymmetrical wings. The small being connected to those wings coughed and greedily sucked in breath as she emerged and fell to the ground, like a great dark butterfly hatching from a chrysalis… Her wings trembled and spread to full width as she shakily rose to her feet. The Fourth's lance still impaled her through her midsection; she grimaced, took the hilt with both hands, and began to pull. It made a sickening wet tearing sound as it slid out of her body... the pointed tip sank into the hole in her back, then re-emerged from her stomach a moment later, its golden surface stained red. With it finally removed, she sank to her knees.

Her magic went to work immediately. The ten-centimeter hole slowly began to close. Flesh crawled back into place, torn muscles, nerves, and tendons reattached, bones knit together, and when the process was complete she rose, severely bloodied but alive, supporting herself with the lance, and fixed the Fourth with a stare that burned ice-cold as midwinter.

Her lips moved, but no sound came out. She coughed and tried again: "Take…" she said slowly, "… this… back."

The Fourth barely raised its shield arm in time. Homura hurled the lance like a javelin; it tore through the boulders of its Lair as if they were made of tissue paper, flying straight and true as a bullet. The pointed tip crashed against the Fourth's silver shield and kept on going, spearing it through its armored body. Orange blood began to ooze from solid lead as the Fourth stumbled, losing its footing and falling to one knee. It was feeling things it had never felt before, that it had no comprehension of: pain, and a terrible creeping cold. The lance was spreading its molten gold over the Fourth's body. It was becoming an object… The Fourth was an object, just like everything else…

Homura's wings beat the air, lifting her off the ground. Her ebony bow appeared in one hand, an arrow of blazing violet fire in the other. Notching the arrow in place, she allowed herself the faintest hint of a smile as she thought to herself: This is for you, Mami-san. At the point of the arrowhead, a spell circle sprung into life, carving itself into existence as if someone were writing on the air. Homura's wings streamed out straight behind her as she gathered her power into the arrow, drawing it back… the arrow doubled, then tripled in size, until it was twelve feet long and the width of a tree trunk.

"Requiem Violetta," she whispered.

The arrow left a thunderclap in its wake as she let it fly. It streaked from the heavens like a comet, finding its target with deadly accuracy. It sheared the lance in half and plunged straight through the Fourth's petrified body in a shower of orange blood before it exploded with a resounding roar.

Slowly Homura floated back to the ground, to the lip of the crater her arrow's detonation had made. Even through the smoke, she could tell that the mangled form inside was dead for good this time. She sighed, and blessed relief washed over her…

Then her wings flickered out like candles as she collapsed into the crater, tumbling down its slope and coming to rest in a motionless heap beside a fragment of the Demon's shield.

Hiiragi Household

Tsukasa fell back into her pillows with a contented sigh, her face flushed and shining with perspiration. "Yuki-chan," she whispered into the phone, "that was… amazing… thank you…"

"There's no need to thank me, Tsukasa-san," said Miyuki's voice on the other end. "I enjoyed myself as-" Then, suddenly, the line went silent.

Tsukasa blinked and tapped the speaker. "Yuki-chan? Hello?"

"I'm still here," said Miyuki, sounding strained, "but I'm afraid I will have to go now. There is something I must take care of… I'll see you in school tomorrow, Tsukasa-san."

"Aww." Tsukasa stuck her lower lip out. "Okay, then. See you tomorrow…" Then, almost as an afterthought: "I love you, Yuki-chan." She held a hand over her mouth and giggled at her own boldness.

"I love you too, Tsukasa-san," said Miyuki warmly. Then the line went dead.

Feeling mildly disappointed, Tsukasa flipped her cell phone shut and looked over at her bedside clock. To her amazement, it was already almost midnight… time with Miyuki always seemed to go too fast, but it still astonished her that they had talked and done other things for over two hours… That thought was punctuated with a gaping yawn. Too tired even to change into her pajamas, she laid back into her mattress, shut the lights off with her remote, and quickly fell into a sleep full of pleasant dreams she would never share with her twin sister.

Kasukabe

Homura's eyelids fluttered open. She was lying in the middle of the street, her transformation undone. Her body was stiff and unresponsive… trying to move too much sent black acid coursing through her veins. Biting back a pained moan, she managed to turn herself over, to look at the silver ring on her left hand…

Her heart skipped a beat. The amethyst set into the top of the ring was almost completely black. Oh no. Where is it? Where's the Seed? Her eyes scanned the street frantically. It couldn't be far, she had been standing right at the mouth of the crater when she-

There it was, lying just a meter away. Her legs wouldn't move; painfully she dragged herself forward along the asphalt with her hands, tearing her school uniform and scraping her newly-healed stomach on the rough surface. Less than half a meter now. Come on. I have to reach it. I can't leave yet, I can't… Another stream of acid burned her body from the inside as she reached out for it, her fingertips almost touching the cloudy surface of the translucent black cube…

Then a foot dropped down upon her wrist, crushing it against the street. The foot wore a shoe that she recognized, an Oxford that belonged to a particular middle-school uniform…

"I must admit, I'm surprised," said Desideria, still wearing the face and form of the Homura of the past. "You're far more skilled than I imagined, Homura-chan."

Homura glared up at the Second hatefully, gritting her teeth against another spasm of pain as she tried to pull her arm free. The Curse Seed was so close… "Don't… call me… that…"

The Second ignored her. "What's wrong, Homura-chan? You just won a fight. Once again, you survived against impossible odds. You're alive, and you're not even hurt… so why are you making that face?"

The Puella Magi stayed silent, refusing to give her tormentor the satisfaction.

"Oh, that's right," said Desideria with a sickening air of mock revelation. "You're not alive. You're just a corpse, animated by that gem you wear. You threw away your life, my life, all because you didn't know when to let go… and the only way you can sustain your miserable existence is by using Curse Seeds to replenish your magic."

Homura's fingers strained, stretching as far as they could go. She began to feel a wavering on the edges of her consciousness. I have to hold on. I have to…

"You sold your soul out of love," whispered Desideria, kneeling down to her ear. "Love is the reason you still exist. The problem is, Homura-chan, that your love destroyed your world, over and over again, until even magic couldn't fix it… Your love stopped you from doing the one thing that would have saved your world… and your love led to our birth, so that we could punish you and all other humans for your sins. Your kind always talks about how powerful and wondrous love is, but it looks to me like yours is poisonous, cursed to bring misfortune to others. Or..." Her eyes sparkled with malevolence behind the red-rimmed glasses. "Maybe it's not love that drives you at all. Maybe that's why you're so very interesting to me. Maybe it's not love that keeps you going, but lust..."

A wounded cry tore itself from Homura's lips as she made a sudden, violent motion, toppling the Second over. She wasted no time, snatching up the Curse Seed and touching it to her Soul Gem while Desideria howled with merriment… The corruption lifted, taking her pain away as the black clouds cleared from the amethyst and were absorbed into the Curse Seed.

In a violet flash, Homura was transformed again, straddling the Second and pressing the barrel of a Desert Eagle into Desideria's forehead, tears running down her cheeks. "Shut up…"

The Second giggled. "It's really funny, Homura-chan. You fractured time, lost your soul, and put your world in danger because you loved her too much to let her go… and then after you finally saved her, you betrayed her! You fell in love with someone else!" Her giggling escalated into crazed laughter. "I wonder how she feels, knowing that her best friend stabbed her in the back? And if that wasn't enough, then you put the existence she gave so much to protect in jeopardy again, by making the exact same mistake! I think she'd be pretty angry with you, don't you, Homura-chan?"

The gun fired once, twice, thrice, again and again and again. Homura's scream of agony went unheard over its blasts.

A new Lair was forming, an intricate latticework of mirrors connected by golden chains. They were sitting on one, its glass stained with Demon blood, but unmarred by bullet holes. Mirrors surrounded them in an enormous dome reaching far over their heads, and in each one's surface was an image of Homura, laughing at the one that sat on the largest mirror, on the verge of breaking down.

"You know that's not enough," said Desideria. Her mouth was still moving amid the horrific slurry of meat, blood, and bone that was her skull. "You nearly died just now, Homura-chan. Are you really going to risk it again, just to kill me? Do you hate me that much? Do you hate me... as much as you hate yourself?"

Homura's shoulders sagged, just an instant before she blinked out of existence. In the space between one second and the next, she had fled the Lair.

Desideria's laughter joined with that of the mirror image Homuras as her skull began to reform itself.

Hiiragi Household

Kyubey's long ears perked up.

Looking over the top of her novel, Kagami raised an eyebrow. Something wrong?

It's Homura. She's on her way here, I can sense it.

The novel was swiftly tossed aside onto the floor. Now? thought Kagami in a panic. It's past midnight!

I know, said Kyubey. Something must have happened.

Kagami raced to her window and threw it open, scanning the street outside. There was no sign of anyone moving, no sound other than the hum of power lines and the singing of cicadas. "Where are you…?" she said aloud, more to herself than anyone else.

The last thing she expected was an answer to that question. Hiiragi-san, I'm close by, said Homura's voice in her mind. Her tone was halting, as if it was an effort just to talk. I need to… to stay with you…

Kagami's eyes widened. Why? What happened? Is something wrong?

There's no time to explain. I just need to… do something first.

Abruptly, the humming and droning simply stopped, and everything fell silent. What did you just do? thought Kagami over an outbreak of goosebumps. This was eerie…

I cast a spell on your room. No one will be able to hear us.

Th… that's nice of you, the rest of my family's asleep…

That's not the reason I did it. Hiiragi-san, brace yourself.

Brace myself for what?

There was no answer. She was about to ask the question again when Homura blinked into being in the center of the room and dropped her transformation, sinking to the floor…

Kagami screamed. Homura's black hair was tangled and matted, her entire back coated in dried blood… and Kagami could see the extent of it because the only thing the black-haired girl was wearing above her waist was a bra that had once been clean and white, but was now tattered and stained an ugly reddish-brown. A sharp copper scent assaulted Kagami's senses the moment Homura appeared, but now she could also smell the metallic tang of cordite, and the slick, oily sensation of smoke and ash… Her face was even paler than usual, and her eyes were rimmed with red from tears, hollow and gaunt.

"Homura! Oh my God, Homura, don't move!" Kagami ran to her side, at a total loss for what to do first. "I-I'll call an ambulance, or get a first-aid kit, or-"

"I'll be all right… don't bother…" said Homura softly as she tried to get to her feet without success. "It looks worse… than it is…"

What happened to you, Homura? said Kyubey from the dresser, appallingly unconcerned as usual.

"What the hell do you think happened, idiot?" Kagami snapped at him as she attempted to keep Homura down. "Something tried to kill her! Homura, please don't move…"

"My magic has healed my wounds," she said, trying to push Kagami's hands away. "I'm fine, I just need a place to stay tonight… I'm too tired to make it back… to the apartment… Please, forgive my intrusion into your home…" She turned her face away, avoiding Kagami's aghast expression.

"Homura, you look like you've been through a goddamn war zone, you are not fine!" shouted Kagami, forgetting about the presence of the muffling spell, but no longer caring whether she woke anyone up. "What the hell happened? What did this to you?"

"Demons," said Homura with a shudder. "I will tell you everything... in the morning. For now… I need to sleep… so tired…"

"Th-there's a futon in the closet," stammered Kagami, "Let me get it for you… or you can sleep in my bed, whatever…"

"The futon… will be fine." She still wouldn't look Kagami in the eye.

It only took a moment of digging to find the futon and a few blankets. When it was unrolled and furnished, Homura simply crashed down onto it and laid there, motionless.

Her whole body trembling, Kagami watched the other girl's chest rise and fall until her breathing slowed into sleep. It took a very short time. "Is… is she really gonna be all right?" she whispered.

I think she will be, said Kyubey. The battle must have taken a lot out of her. Anyway, now that she's here with you, I can keep an eye on your sister. I'll be here if you need me. With that, he turned around and phased through the wall like a ghost, leaving them alone.

Kagami paid him no attention. She continued staring at the girl on her floor, the girl she had only known for two weeks, but who was appearing in her dreams, her fantasies… Never before had she looked so weak, so fragile. The haunted look on her face, and the way she had avoided making any eye contact with her… whatever Demon she had just fought had done far more than just injure her.

And she went through that just to protect me?

Kagami swallowed. There was only one thing she could do. It was crazy, maddeningly inappropriate, and almost assuredly a very, very bad idea… but she had to do it anyway. Moving carefully, she bent down over Homura's face, felt her breath warm her cheeks, and leaned close, bringing their lips together. My first kiss… Please take it, Homura. Whatever it was, you went through it for me… This is the only way I can thank you. Please, sleep well…

The stars above held their breath for a second, for an eternity, as moonlight from the open window streamed down upon them both.

Gently Kagami pulled away, brushing her hair back into place. She crawled back into bed and turned out the lights, then closed her eyes and turned over, away from the other girl. Whether from exhaustion or not, she slept so soundly that night that she couldn't hear the intermittent sounds of Homura crying in her sleep.

END OF CHAPTER 11