I own none of the characters of Bones
"I don't know if I can do this Booth."
"Yes you can." He encouraged her.
"What if I get scared and freak out? I'll be stuck."
"Then ask him to pull over and I'll be there."
Olivia, Bones' therapist is now having her work through her fears and anxieties so she can move on with her life. Over the past few months, Bones has grown comfortable being alone with men who she is friends with, Booth, Hodgins and her interns but when it came to being alone with a man that she didn't know, a stranger, she would find herself suffering from a panic attack. She still has been unable to get into a cab with a male driver, see a male doctor or even teach her classes if there were male students in attendance and she couldn't continue to live like that, afraid to interact with strangers so Olivia came up with some assignments for her patient to help her work through her fears so she live as a normal, functioning member of the human race again. Her first assignment was tonight and Olivia wanted her to get into a cab, multiple cabs with male drivers and ride throughout town. She was absolutely terrified even though Booth would be following behind her.
"I…I…can't do this Booth." Bones whispered terrified when the cab pulled up.
"Yes you can." She shook her head. "Bones you have to do this. You can't continue to live your life in fear."
"Ya coming or what?" The driver asked and Booth opened the door.
"No. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Bones told the driver. She turned to walk away but Booth gently grabbed her arm. He wasn't going to let her walk away and as much as he hated to act like a hardass he knew it had to be done to help her get better.
"She's going." Booth told the driver and then he turned to Bones. "You're going." He gently pushed her to the car. "Get in."
"No. I'm not ready."
"Yes you are." He shut the door. "I'll be right behind you."
"Booth." He heard her cry as he walked away.
Where to lady?" The cab driver asked Bones.
"I…I…I don't know."
"If this is some kind of weird sex fantasy thing between you and your boyfriend I don't want any part of it." The driver said.
Bones took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Her hands were shaking, her heart was pounding furiously, she felt as if she was going to hyperventilate and she was sweating. "Just drive."
"I need a destination."
"Straight. Just drive straight." She whispered in a shaking voice.
"Whatever." He mumbled as he pulled the cab out onto the road.
"Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes." She began to chant to herself. According to Olivia, she only had to stay in the cab for fifteen minutes the first time. Once that was accomplished she could get out, receive reassurance from Booth and then get into another cab for a longer time period. Her chant had changed to ten minutes when the cab jerked forward because the driver had to slam on his breaks to avoid hitting the car that pulled out in front of him.
"Fucking Bitch." The cab driver screamed and Bones lost what little control that she had.
"Stop."
"What?"
"Stop this cab. I need to get out." She was becoming hysterical.
"Look lady, I can't pull over. I'm in the middle of a damn intersection.
"I…have to get out." The light up ahead turned red and the cab had to stop. Seeing an opportunity Bones got out and rushed across three lanes of traffic to the sidewalk.
From his SUV, four cars back Booth saw the cab door open and Bones rushing across the street. Flipping on his siren and blinker he slowly inched his way over to the far right lane. He only used his siren because the drivers in D.C. are rude and they wouldn't have let him over with only his blinker on. After what seemed like forever he finally got over to the side of the road, to his Bones. Not wanting to risk getting hit, he climbed out of the passenger side and rushed over to Bones who was standing in an alley, shaking and sobbing. "Bones, it's me Booth." He told her as he approached.
"Booth?" She questioned.
"Yeah Bones, it's me."
"Oh Booth." In two steps she threw herself into his arms and he held her shaking form.
"Tell me what happened."
"I overreacted but…but I couldn't help it. He yelled…and…and…"
"Hey, I need my money." The cab driver yelled as he walked over to them. "Where are the cops? I see the flashing lights. I want the cops cause this lady tried to skip out on her fair."
"I am the cops. What does she owe you?" Booth said as he glared at the cab driver.
"Twenty two dollars."
"For five minutes? I don't think so." Booth took a ten out of his wallet and handed it to the guy. "Get lost." Grumbling, the cab driver walked away.
"Booth can you take me home? I know that I'm supposed to do this cab exercise but I'm just not up to it tonight." She was still shaking and visibly upset so Booth could not make her complete her assignment.
"Yeah sweetheart. Let's get you home." He led the shaking, scared woman to his SUV, buckled her in and then they drove in silence back to her apartment.
"Feeling better?" Booth asked when Bones finally reentered the living room after her shower. He knew whatever happened in that cab hit her hard because he heard her sobbing in the shower.
"I'm fine." He watched her go into the kitchen and grab a wine glass. Her hand was shaking so bad that he was surprised that the glass didn't break. He stepped in when she grabbed a bottle of wine.
"This probably isn't the best idea right now." He told her, taking the bottle from her.
"It will help me calm down."
"I've got something better. Let's get you some water." Reaching around her, he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "Come on, let's sit." With his free hand he led her to the couch and handed her the water. "I'll be right back. Sit tight." He quickly disappeared into her bathroom and got her one of the Xanax pills that Olivia prescribed to her for anxiety, she hadn't needed the pills in months but he knew, tonight, she needed them. She was really shaken. Within minutes, he returned to the couch and took the empty seat next to Bones. "Here." He dropped the pill in her empty hand.
"What's this?"
"A Xanax."
"I don't need it."
"Yeah Bones, I think you do. Look how badly you're hand is shaking. Take the pill. It will help you feel better."
"Okay." Booth was surprised but grateful that she didn't argue with him.
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" She shook her head no. "You shouldn't keep stuff bottled up inside. It's not healthy." Bones sighed and laid her head against his chest. "Talk to me sweetheart." He requested as he wrapped an arm around her.
"A car cut the cab off." She was speaking so softly he really had to strain to hear her. "He got so mad and he called the driver a fucking bitch." She began to cry. "That's what they…they kept calling me. Every time that they raped me they called me a fucking bitch. They told me that I deserved it, that I wanted it. Did I deserve it Booth because I can sometimes come off as a bitch?"
"Hell no you didn't deserve to be raped."
"Maybe God is punishing me." She sobbed into his chest.
"You don't believe in God Bones." He reminded her.
"I don't understand Booth. Why did this happen? What did I do?"
"I can't answer that question Bones. There is no logical reason why it happened to you. The only thing I know with absolute certainty is that you did nothing, absolutely nothing to deserve being raped."
"You have to answer that question Booth. There has to be an answer. There is an answer for everything." She was getting more and more upset.
"Shhh Bones. Shhh baby, calm down." He soothed.
"Why Booth? Please tell me why?" She mumbled tearfully.
"I don't know. I wish I had an answer because I know that it would help you but I just don't know." He continued to hold her as her sobs finally subsided.
"I'm sorry that I lost it." She whispered once she had finally calmed down.
"Everybody is entitled to lose it every now and again."
"I want to complete my cab assignment tomorrow. I know that I can do it."
"I've always known that." He kissed the top of her head.
"Are you staying tonight?" She whispered sleepily. He knew that the Xanax was taking effect.
"Are you kicking me out?" Over the past month, Booth had basically moved in with Bones, sleeping the same bed with her, holding her tightly but that's all it was. It never went beyond that. Truth be told, Booth enjoyed holding her every night when he slept.
"Of course not. I'm just making sure. I don't think that I can be alone tonight."
"Bones, you'll never be alone again."
"That's nice to know."
"I completed your cab assignment." Bones proudly told Olivia at the beginning of her next therapy session.
"Congratulations Temperance. I'm very proud of you. How did it go?" With a self satisfied smile, she relayed the events of her assignment, from the first disastrous attempt to the second successful attempt. She told Olivia of the men that got into the cab with her as passengers and how after she had a panic attack after the first one joined her but after that she handled the remaining male passengers well. She later found out that the passengers that entered her cab were all co-workers of Booth's. Leave it to Booth to push her to the limit but make sure she was safe at the same time. He was always protecting her. "You are making wonderful progress Temperance."
"Yes I know."
"Is Seeley still staying with you at night?" Olivia asked
"Yes he is."
"I think that it's time that you sent him home."
"But…I…why?" Bones stammered.
"We have found that you are starting to be able to function normally by yourself in society again. Now we need to know if you can function alone in your apartment at night."
"Booth, he doesn't mind staying."
"Yes I realize that but he may not stay forever."
"He said that he will wait until I'm ready. He promised that he would never leave me and Booth has never broken a promise to me."
"I believe that he has every intention of keeping that promise but what happens if there is a case that takes him out of town? You need to figure out if you can handle being alone."
"When do I have to do this?" She asked softly. Bones wasn't sure if she was ready to give up the security of his embrace while she slept.
"How about tonight?"
"Tonight? Like today?"
"Exactly like today. If you just keep putting it off, it will make it harder for you."
"What happens if my nightmares return?"
"Besides a few minor nightmares you haven't had any in six months. Do you really think that they are going to return Temperance or are you using them as an excuse?"
"An excuse." Bones mumbled.
"Then I think you know what needs to be done and when, right?"
"Yes I know."
"Very good. Now is there anything else you would like to talk about in private before I ask Seeley to come in?" Olivia always started the sessions alone with her patient and then she called Booth in for support when discussing emotional things and for his input since he spent the most time with her.
"There is one thing I want to discuss."
"Please."
"I want to kiss Booth."
"Well good for you Temperance."
"How do I do it?"
"Do I really need to explain to you how to kiss a man?" Olivia joked.
"Of course not. I have kissed many men." Bones didn't get the joke.
"I was just joking."
"Oh sorry."
"It's okay. Tell me, when you asked how do you do it, what exactly do you want to know?"
"How can I kiss him without kissing…them? The last time I tried to kiss him, all I could see in my mind was them."
"Well I have a couple of recommendations." Bones sat up eagerly in her seat. "First of all you need to kiss him, somewhere that the two of you have never kissed before so you can begin to create new memories."
"I can do that."
"Now secondly and most importantly, if you are kissing Seeley and you begin to migrate back to the men who raped you open your eyes and look at the man you are kissing and concentrate on him. With your eyes open you will be able to see that it is Seeley that you are kissing and it is Seeley that is kissing you back. You'll know without a doubt that this kiss is a kiss of love, that it's wanted not forced."
"That is acceptable but what do you suggest I do if your suggestion doesn't work and I can't separate the two?"
"Then you stop kissing him and you try again at another time."
"I appreciate your advice." Bones mused with a small smile as she began to make plans for a special evening.
Booth peered around the corner, holding his gun tightly, finger in the trigger, ready to squeeze as soon as he saw her. There was only one problem; his target seemed to have disappeared. "I know that you're out there. Come out and face me you coward." He taunted. All he needed was for her to move, even slightly and he would nail her. Checking out his surroundings and not seeing her, he quietly took three steps to his right, still partially covered and suddenly he felt a shot make contact on his chest and then he heard a giggle. "You've got to be kidding me." He grumbled as he started at the bright orange paint splotch on his chest.
"I told you that I was a good shot." Bones said proudly.
"Yes I know. You have told me many times. Where in the hell were you hiding?"
"I'm not telling you. I need that information to remain privileged because I plan on using it when we return in the future so I can win again."
"That will not happen Bones. Next time we come back you are going down." He playfully threw an arm around her shoulder.
"What is the saying?" Bones made a big show of thinking or pretending to think. "Oh yeah, I'll go down when pigs fly." A loud giant belly laugh fell from Booth's mouth. Bones never failed to amaze and amuse him at the same time.
After they returned their paintball guns and protective gear Bones suggested a picnic dinner at the lake which sounded perfect to Booth. After stopping at Wong Foo's and picking up the food that Sid choose for them they headed to the lake and ate their dinner on a blanket. "Did you know about the fireworks show?" Booth asked as he stretched out on the grass and placed his hands behind his head. Bones joined him on the grass but she laid her head on his chest and stretched her legs out in front of them so the couple resembled a lowercase "T"
"I may have heard something about it." Booth unconsciously began to run his fingers through her soft, dark hair.
"You are full of surprises tonight Bones aren't you?"
"I hope so." She mumbled quietly. She was very anxious about the impending second first kiss. She really hoped that she could go through with it and make Booth happy.
"What did you say? I didn't hear you."
"Never mind. It wasn't important."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure." She linked her hand with the one that wasn't running through her hair which was relaxing her to no end. They easily fell into comfortable conversation until the fireworks started and then they "Ohhhed" , Ahhhed" clapped and cheered at the appropriate times.
"That was a great show." Booth exclaimed happily as the two of them made their way to his SUV. "I love fireworks. When we were kids, every year Pops took us downtown to watch the 4th of July fireworks. We always got there early, found the perfect spot and then we spent the day eating greasy food and awesome desserts that the vendors offered."
"I'm not ready to go home yet. Are you up to taking a walk around the lake?"
"That sounds perfect." He quickly tossed their stuff in the back of the SUV, took her hand and they began a slow leisurely walk. "So what's on your mind? You seem a million miles away wrapped up in your thoughts."
"Well there is something that I need to discuss with you."
"Shoot."
"What? Why? I don't have a gun." She exclaimed, her eyes darting around her.
"Relax Bones. I didn't mean it literally. What I meant was go ahead and tell me what you need to tell me." He said with a grin. He loved that after all the years they have been friends and partners she still was so damn literal.
"Then you should have said that." She snapped.
"Bones."
"Sorry." She mumbled.
"So tell me what's going on in that ginormous brain of yours."
"You can't stay with me tonight."
"Umm okay but I got to know Bones, did I do something wrong? Have I crossed a line or pushed you too far?" Bones stopped walking and pulled Booth so he was standing in front of her. Taking his free hand in hers, so now both of their hands were now linked, she spoke softly.
"You have done nothing wrong Booth. In fact since you saved me from my kidnappers you have done everything right. I've pushed you away, I've begged you to stay. I've cried on your shoulder, and I've hit you in anger and fear and I've almost shot you. Any other man would have left but not you Seeley. You have stuck around through fat and skinny." Booth had to smile at her version of "through thick and thin" "And I am and I will be forever grateful."
"So why are you kicking me out?"
"Olivia."
"Olivia huh? Is she taking over my side of the bed?" He asked with a grin.
"No. Absolutely not. She is afraid that I am too comfortable having you in my bed."
"Is that such a bad thing?" She couldn't help but smile.
"Olivia thinks so. There may be a time when you may not be with me."
"I'm not ever going to leave you Bones."
"I know that but there may be a time when you won't have a choice but to leave; you may have an out of town case for example so instead of waiting to see if I have nightmares when you aren't available to come to my rescue, like you always do Olivia decided that there is no time like the present."
"Are you ready to be alone at night?" He knew she was ready even if she didn't.
"At night, when you hold me I have never felt safer. I know that my nightmares won't haunt me while I'm in your embrace but at the same time I know that there is a chance that they will return if your not there and if they do I need to face them, alone. I can't continue to live in fear of sleeping alone anymore. If I get any nightmares tonight I will kick those nightmares ass."
"That's my girl." Booth said proudly. "So how long do I have to sleep alone for?"
"One week." He nodded in understanding.
"Bones I am so damn proud of you. You have come so far and made some amazing strides. As I watch you struggle to resume a normal life, I love you more every day." Bones knew that this was her opening. She placed her arms around his neck.
"I'm going to miss you so much."
"We'll still see each other every day." He wrapped his arms around her as well and hugged her, assuming that is what she wanted.
"Booth." She mumbled.
"Yeah Bones?" He pulled away from her so he could look at her beautiful face.
"I love you." Before he process what was about to happen, it happened. Her lips were pressing to his.
She began to move her lips against his and at first Booth didn't respond. He was shocked by what was happening but his head quickly caught up with his lips and he began to move his lips in time with hers. Bones was fine with the kiss until he began to respond and she felt her heart begin to pound faster and it wasn't due to arousal. Instead of pulling away she took Olivia's advice and opened her eyes. The instant she saw Booth, she instantly calmed down and was able to enjoy the kiss. "Wow." Booth breathed when they finally broke apart.
"I..I hope that it was worth the wait." She whispered, almost shyly.
"It was definitely worth the wait." He reached out and gently touched her face. "I love you too sweetheart." A tear of happiness slid down his face. "May I?"
"Please." Smiling, Booth leaned forward kissed her again and this time her response was instant. She was moving her lips against his and her tongue was seeking entrance into his mouth, which he obviously granted. A small moan escaped from both of them when their tongues connected and Bones kept her eyes closed for this kiss.
Reluctantly, they broke apart because they knew that they had to return to their respective homes. Slowly they returned to his SUV because neither of them was ready for this wonderful evening to end. They kissed once more before they got into the SUV and then they held hands the entire drive home. Both of them were in total bliss. "I know that I'm not allowed to stay here tonight but can I walk you to your door?"
"I would like that."
"Stay put and let me be a gentleman." He ordered. He jumped out and raced over to her side of the SUV and opened her door.
"That really isn't necessary. " She said as he assisted her out of the SUV.
"I know, but I love it."
"It's because of your alpha male traits that cause you to enjoy being so…alpha male." They rode up in the elevator is silence because they both knew when they reached the door of her apartment; this wonderful night would just be a memory.
"I know that I am supposed to kiss you and leave but is it okay if I come in?"
"Booth it will probably be easier for both of us if we just say goodnight out here in the hallway."
"Yeah I know that but I need my toothbrush and my shaving kit. Hopefully, I will be returning so I can leave my clothes and boxers here." Over the past month that he has been staying with her, some of his clothes had taken residence in a dresser drawer that she had cleared for him.
"If you walk through that door with me, I won't let you leave and I need for you to leave tonight because if you stay, I won't be able to ever let you leave me, even for a week."
"I'll wait right here." With a smile, Bones disappeared into her apartment and returned a few minutes later with a bag full of Booth's things. He took it from her and set it on the floor next to him. "Thank you for this amazing night Bones. I don't remember the last time I had so much fun."
"You're welcome. I wanted this evening to be perfect for you."
"It was. Can I kiss you goodnight?"
"You don't have to ask. You can kiss me anytime you want."
"I don't want to scare you."
"I trust you Booth and I know that you won't hurt me." He just stood there staring at this amazing woman while he wore a stupid grin. "So are you going to kiss me or not?"
"Oh yeah." He finally snapped out of his trance. He bent down until his face was inches from hers. "I am going to kiss you." He placed his hand on the back of her neck and they shared another, amazing, heart stopping kiss.
"Booth." He snapped into his office phone.
"I take it you got the file I sent you?" Special Agent Lauren Thompson asked.
"Hell yes I got the god damned file. Are they insane?"
"Legally, they have every right to ask for an investigation."
"No they don't." He practically shouted. "After what happened to Bones…"
"They didn't do it Booth, their family members are responsible for what happened to Dr. Brennan."
"And how in the hell do you think they became terrorrists? Their families raised those bastards to become terrorists."
"You need to calm down." Lauren warned.
"I am not calming down."
"I'm on my way down."
"I don't want…Lauren? Hello?" She hung up on him. "God Dammit." He muttered.
As he thumbed through the file that Lauren sent him, he grew angrier by the second. The family members of the terrorists that were killed during the rescue of the kidnapped group of anthropologists was filing a complaint against the FBI, stating that excessive force was used during the rescue. Personally Booth thought that the bullets to the head that those bastards received were just what they deserved but the FBI may not be on the same page as Booth because the were initiating an investigation.
"Excuse me sir?" Agent Jackson said, poking his head in Booth's office.
"What?"
"Can you take a look at something?"
"Can it wait?"
"No sir. I have to be in court in forty five minutes."
"Fine." Sighing in irritation, he pushed away from his desk and followed the agent to his desk, leaving the file on Bones' kidnapping on his desk.
Of course the simple item that needed looked at wasn't so simple and instead of a couple minutes that Booth planned on spending on Jackson's problem turned into ten. Assuming that Lauren was waiting, impatiently in his office he rushed back and his heart took a nose dive into his stomach when he saw the wrong woman sitting behind his desk thumbing through the file on his desk. Booth stepped into his office and shut the door.
"What is this?" She asked, her voice, void of any emotion.
"You shouldn't be looking at that Bones." There were pictures of all of her injuries and detailed written reports about the torture she endured.
"Why do you have this?"
"I can explain Bones." The normal softness of her face was gone, replaced with hurt and anger, more anger than hurt.
"That's probably true but I don't want to hear your bullshit explanation."
"My explanation is not bullshit." He snapped. "This is an FBI case and I'm an FBI agent. It's logical that I would have your case file."
"Does it turn you on, does it get you all hot and bothered when read what happened to me?" She yelled.
"That's disgusting Bones. It makes me sick to my God damned stomach." He shouted.
"It was here, sitting on your desk. I know that you were reading it and you sure as hell don't look sick to your stomach."
"If you would just give me a chance to explain instead of sprouting crazy accusations then it would actually make sense."
"I never sprout anything Booth." She screamed.
"Just let me explain Bones." He reached out to touch her but she jerked away from him.
"Don't touch me, you…you sick son of a bitch. This whole time you have been telling me to move on from the tragedy that I experienced but this whole time…this whole time..." She picked up the file and threw it across his office. "I trusted you Booth."
"You can still trust me Bones. That hasn't changed."
"Everything has changed Booth." She stormed past him and out of his office.
"BONES. Wait." He yelled after her, causing all the surrounding agents to look up at the superior agent as she rushed out of the office. "What?" He snarled at his staff. "Don't you have a job to do?" The agents quickly returned to work and Booth slammed the door. "God Dammit." He muttered, kicking a chair out of his way. Making his way to his desk chair he collapsed in it, head in his hands. Bones had come so far and now, because she saw this damn file he didn't know how she was going to handle it. She has worked so hard to put this damn thing behind her and because she did a very un Bones like thing and jumped to conclusions all of her hard work just flew out the window.
From the corner of his eye he saw one of the evidence photographs. He picked it up and his heart broke all over again when he saw the bruises that covered Bones' beautiful body. She made it through the week alone at night with flying colors and as soon as the week was up, he returned to her bed. Their relationship has gotten so much stronger over the past month. Bones had become very comfortable kissing him and he had become very comfortable returning the wonderful kisses. She had finally trusted him again and now, because of that damn file they were probably back to square one. As he stared at the picture in front of him, he began to realize that a romantic relationship between them wasn't met to be. They have come across so many obstacles and when they scaled one, another, bigger one was waiting for them and at this very moment, as tears rolled down his face he wasn't sure if he had the energy to complete the obstacle course.
Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated