Disclaimer: Mostly JK Rowling's characters and definitely her world.

Little Lily

Chapter Eleven: Feelings

"Good morning my little sleepyhead." Ginny smiled as Lily yawned, stretching her good arm upwards. She looked up at Ginny, her eyes a little crusty, a few sleep lines pressed into her cheek, but otherwise wide away. She rubbed at her eyes and nuzzled her head against Ginny's shoulder tightly.

"You stayed all night?"

"Of course I stayed!" Ginny hugged her a little tighter than she already was. "After sharing a dorm with a gaggle of other girls, the hospital wing can be quite the lonely place at night. Not to mention a tad bit scary the first time."

"Big empty castle room that isn't particularly cozy." Lily nodded in complete understanding, lifting her head up to kiss Ginny's cheek. "I'm glad you stayed."

"Lilyyyy!" Luna's voice called as she opened the door and skipped in, followed by a bouncing ball of fluff.

As soon as he saw his favorite girl, Quaffle let out one of his rare high pitched squealing noises and broke into what could only be described as a bouncing, rolling attempt at running. He bounced onto the bed and rolled up Lily's legs into her lap, humming and pressing himself tightly against her stomach. Lily laughed, stroking him with her good arm and leaning forward to give him a snurfle. "Mmmm…I missed you."

"He wouldn't stop whimpering at all last night." Luna said, flopping down upon the bed and looking tired. "I was half tempted to break curfew and bring him down here. You don't have to stay here overnight again, do you? Cause if you do, Quaffle is staying here too."

"No, she should be able to go to breakfast once I've cleared her." Madame Promfrey came out of her office, carrying a potion. "Is there any pain?"

"I broke my arm." Lily said, frowning with that looked like a 'duh' expression in her eyes. She wasn't normally this cranky towards people, but she couldn't help it. She was quite sick of being stuck in the Hospital Wing by this point. She'd been there a whole day without much to do except for sleeping and playing wizard's chess with Luna, which they hadn't even been able to finish.

"Lily!" Ginny prodded her none to gently in the side. "That was rude."

"Sorry…" Lily frowned, but she was still partially irate. She loved her Luna and her Ginny, but she wanted freedom. "I don't like being a prisoner."

"You're not a prisoner. As soon as I've made sure you haven't done anything to further dislocate your bones, then you'll be free to go." Madame Promfrey seemed nonplussed by the attitude she was receiving. She'd dealt with it before in her time. She reached out and undid Lily's sling, revealing a plain white plaster cast inside of it. Lily winced as she held out her arm and Madame Promfrey gave it a tap with her wand. "Radionix!"

Lily's cast and arm were suddenly see through, the only visible bit of her her bones, which were pressed together, but with a few serious cracks here and there. She stared at herself in astonishment, looking at her insides the way one would look at an x-ray, only this was complete and utterly looking at her actual bones, not just a picture.

"They seem to be in the right places in order to heal while you wait for the potion. I've never met anyone before who was allergic to Skele-Gro, but I suppose there's a first for everything. Here, pain potion. It'll last you about ten hours, so you'll need to return to me for a bit stronger dose later tonight." Lily took the cup and downed the green potion, making a face at hour terrible it tasted. Madame Promfrey handed her a glass of water to clear the taste out of her mouth, and Lily gave a great sigh of relief.

"My arm's all tingly!"

"That means it's working. The tingling will stop in a bit. You're free to change into your robes and go." Lily smiled, slipping out of the bed at once, Quaffle rolling about on the sheets. Ginny helped her get the nightgown off and her school robes on, smiling.

"Want to sign my cast, Luna?" Lily asked, digging into her pocket to retrieve a quill and some color changing ink.

"Sure!" Luna said excitedly, taking the quill and unscrewing the ink bottle as Lily held out her casted arm. She dipped the quill into the ink and scribbled onto Lily's cast. "There! It's so much prettier now."

"You sign too, Ginny! And then I can be a walking autograph book!" Lily said, just as excited as Luna. Ginny laughed and signed her cast with her loopy signature.

"So, how did it feel to fly, Lily?" She asked, handing her back the quill. She hadn't wanted to bring it up the night before. She was a bit worried that the crash would have put Lily wary when it came to flying, but she needn't have. Lily bounced again, the way she always did when she was excited about something.

"Oh, Ginny! It was the most amazing feeling ever. It was like… like…" Lily searched for a word.

"Like you were home?" Ginny asked, remembering how Harry used to describe how being on a broom felt for him the time they'd discussed it.

"Yeah!" Lily nodded and beamed still. She picked Quaffle up with her good arm and Luna grabbed her school bag. "What class do we have first today?"

"It's Saturday, Lily!" Luna shook her head at her best friend's forgetfulness and helped her sling her bag over her shoulders so it hung down.

"Oh….oh! Ginny you'll stay with us today, oh won't you?" Lily begged, gripping onto the older woman's hand and looking up at her pleadingly. Ginny sighed and tousled her hair.

"Yes, Aunt Ginny! Stay!"

"'fraid not, huns. I've got practice starting at eleven." Ginny looked down at their disappointed faced, Lily had stopped bouncing. "But I'll stay for breakfast."

"Ok!" Lily laughed, beaming up at her again and hugging Quaffle tightly to her chest with her good arm. He snuggled against her, not the least bit ready to be away from her again. The foursome headed down to the Great Hall where they were immediately surrounded by excitable first years, wanting to know what it was like to be up on a broom, and a few other students who recognized Ginny and had the courage to ask her for an autograph, most of them girls.

Lily and Luna dragged Ginny over to the Ravenclaw table, taking their usual seats and piling food onto their plates. Ginny smiled as she watched them… they had to be just about as close as Ron and Harry had been when they were at school. It was kind of like how she'd heard Harry and Fred were the new Fred and George, causing mayhem whenever they deemed it needed.

"Er... eh-hem." Lily turned in her seat to find a slightly pink faced Xavier standing there. He held out a roll of parchment. "I er… I copied down yesterday's notes and assignments for you." He shoved the roll of parchment at her before she could respond and then quickly retreated, grabbing some toast as he left the Great Hall.

"I already did that for you." Luna said a bit scathingly, watching Xavier go. She looked over Lily's shoulder at the roll of parchment as she opened it. "Though… I didn't quite do it in that amount of detail." Xavier's notes consisted of neat hand writing and a lot of parenthesis, as though he'd written down both what was on the board and what the professors had been saying in Transfiguration, Potions, and Defense against the Dark Arts.

"It must have taken him forever…" Lily said, staring at the notes with wide eyes. "That was really nice of him." She rolled the notes back up, thinking she'd go over them later when she started her homework. She tucked them safely away in her bag.

"Was that a friend of your's, Lily?" Ginny asked curiously, her eyes having followed Xavier from the room.

"Not really… He doesn't want to be friends with anyone…"

"That's because he's a rotting, stinking Malfoy."

"If your family disowned you when you got put in Ravenclaw, you'd try everything you could to get back in their good graces." Lily said defensively. She wasn't sure why she kept standing up for Xavier. He was a jerk most of the time… but then… he'd also taken the time to copy out his notes for her. There was a nice boy behind the jerk somewhere. She just knew it. "He's not as bad as you think he is."

"Whatever." Luna rolled her eyes and jammed an egg into her mouth, the subject finished. She didn't like to fight with Lily, so she'd decided not to pursue it.

"He's a Malfoy in Ravenclaw?" Ginny asked, looking interested and quite surprised. "I've never heard of such a thing. His folks must be outraged."

"They sent him a Howler when they found out. They said he can't come home until he proves himself worthy of being a Malfoy again." Lily frowned, stabbing her fork into a sausage and biting into it. "But I think he should just ditch them and be himself."

"It's not as easy to give up one's family as you might think." Ginny shook her head at her, not really knowing what to tell her.

"My parents gave me up just fine." Lily said after a few moments, her voice full of venom as she stabbed rather harshly at an over-easy egg yolk. It burst under the pressure and began bleeding yellow insides all over the plate.

"That's not true." Ginny sighed, wincing inwardly about the subject. So was this what had been going on in the girl's mind? How long had she been thinking these things and not saying them aloud? Had she just kept them to herself to save the Weasleys from the harm of hearing them? Gosh, she was just like her father…

"Yes it is." Lily said, mutilating her eggs further, her body full of anger. No matter how many times she'd told people that she was indeed one of the Weasleys, they always looked at her in shock, as though they couldn't believe someone like her could be part of that particular family. And then, when asked who her parents were, she would shake her head and say she didn't know, and that was usually the end of the conversation. "If they had wanted me, they wouldn't have ditched me."

"Of course he wanted you! He didn't want to leave you." Ginny said desperately, remembering the note that had been left with Lily. It was still in her mother's apron pocket, where she liked to keep it safe. "But he had to Lily… there are… there are some things that can't be explained. But you've got to know, that he wanted you."

"No." Lily said, her entire golden plate covered in a yolky mess. "He… my dad…" She said, recognizing Ginny's use of the word 'he'. So that meant she must know that it had been her father whom had left her. But why would he have if he wanted her as Ginny said he did? It made no sense unless he didn't want her. "He didn't even leave me with family. I'm not a Weasley."

"Of course you-" Ginny started, but Lily cut her off, gaining the eyes of those closest around them and the Weasleys sitting down over at the Gryffindor table.

"No! I'm not a Weasley! I look nothing like any of you! And you won't even tell me who my parents are! I've counted! Gramma… Mrs. Weasley… she had seven children. Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred who died ages ago, George, Ron, and you. And none of you are my parents, so how could I be a Weasley? I don't have any red in my hair or freckles…" Lily was distraught now, having dropped her fork and broken down in tears at the full admittance of what had been going on in her head.

"Lily, listen to me, ok? It's true, your parents aren't Weasleys, but your dad… he might as well have been." Ginny thought back to how Harry had come that first summer, and how she had seen him just about every summer after that, joining her family. She knew he'd been like a seventh brother to Ron and an extra son to her parents. "He didn't really have… we were his family, for the most part."

"Then who was he? What was his name?" Lily asked, her eyes beseeching Ginny to tell her the truth, for an answer that would make absolute sense, that would indicate what Ginny was saying to be true. That he father had really been an adoptive part of the Weasley family… just as she had become.

"I… I can't say…" Ginny sighed, feeling that now was not the time. If Harry's letter (and she was convinced by this point that it was from Harry) was true in saying that he and Lily were in danger, then she wasn't about to give Lily the information whomever was trying to hurt them were seeking. It was a stupid idea, but Ginny felt that as long as Lily didn't know exactly whom her father was, then she would be safe. Nobody would be able to come and take her away from her.

"Then it's a lie…" Lily pushed her plate away, grabbing up Quaffle. "It's all just been a lie. You don't know who my dad is, otherwise you'd tell me. I'm not really a Weasley…" She stated this with finality before she bolted from the room.

Ginny sighed, placing her head down in her hands. What had she done? She loved Lily to bits, but she still hadn't been able to protect her from what was the truth and what was a lie. If only Harry hadn't just left her with them… if only he'd come and asked for help instead. But no, he was always too worried about someone else getting hurt. He wouldn't have involved them except to leave his daughter where he knew she would be the safest and receive the care she deserved… and at that moment, Ginny felt like she'd failed at giving her that care.

"Aunt Ginny, are you alright?" Luna asked reaching a hand up to tug at one of her aunt's hands.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Eat your breakfast." Ginny sighed, letting her hands fall and reaching out to give her niece a one armed hug. She remembered when Luna had been born… Hermione had been so impossibly excited about the fact that she had a girl… and Ron had been incredibly anxious over it. He'd gone into a state of panic, wondering how he'd cope when she was older, because he'd never really been able to understand girls much. He'd flooed Ginny asking how the hell he was supposed to understand his own daughter? And now he and Luna were closer than he'd ever been with Harry.

"oo 'ure?" Much closer. Harry never talked with his mouth full of food.

"Chew then chat." Ginny smiled slightly, repeating Hermione's constant refrain.

"You're in a right state." Lily looked up from where she sat by the fireplace in the Ravenclaw common room, her face buried against Quaffle. As far as she was concerned, he was the only family she had right now. Her tear streaked faced looked up to find Xavier frowning at her. Looking around, she noted that the common room was otherwise empty; everyone else must be at breakfast, in the library, or outside. It was one of those super nice sunny looking autumn days. "D'you… d'you wanna talk about it?"

"I thought you didn't speak to anyone." Lily said a bit scathingly, glaring at him.

"Yeah well…" Xavier seemed to be fighting to find words. "You're not anyone… and you're crying. Did Weasley do something to upset you?"

"All the Weasleys upset me. They pretended I belonged with them." Lily said after a few moments of silence. She was even mad at Luna, though she knew she had only been trusting her parents' word when they'd told them they were cousins. "I'm not really a Weasley."

"I already told you that." Xavier rolled his eyes and flopped down into the chair across from her.

"Yeah well… you don't need to rub it in." Lily ran her sleeve over her eyes. They hurt from rubbing away the tears so much, but she couldn't get herself to calm down long enough to stop crying. She was just so out of sorts. She didn't know who her family was, the people she thought were her family had lied to her… her own parents didn't want her. It was a lot for an eleven year old to have to go through. "Your family doesn't want you either."

"Yeah well, you don't need to rub it in." Xavier mocked her, digging into his pocket and offering up a handkerchief that was bound to be a lot softer than the sleeve of Lily's robes. She took it and rubbed at her eyes, nearly smiling. Xavier leaned back in his seat, his brown eyes on her ponderingly. "Looks like we have something in common, Carpenter."

"I suppose we do, Malfoy." Lily offer him back his handkerchief and he took it, placing it back into his pocket, glad she hadn't blown her nose on it. "Thanks by the way… for the notes. They must have taken you forever."

"Not too long… I didn't really have anything else to do." Xavier admitted, his ears going pink as they had earlier.

"Would you like to study with me?" Lily asked after a few minutes of silence. She reached for her bag with her good arm, but Xavier shook his head.

"All I ever do is study…" He looked around the room, but found nothing interesting there. He pondered for a few moments before grinning slightly. "Have you ever played Gobstones?"

"No. What's that?" Lily asked curiously, tilted her head to one side. Her tie slipped and pressed slightly against her cheek. She still liked to wear it as a hair band most of the time as opposed to wearing it around her neck as she was supposed to, but the professors hadn't said a word to her about it.

"Want to have a game? I can teach you, it's easy. I play… used to play it with my brothers."

"Alright." Lily nodded. Xavier got out of his chair and hurried up the boys' stairs to his dormitory to retrieve his collection. He held up the a wooden box similar to the one Lily's potion ingredients were kept in and motioned for her to join him on a spacier part of the floor. Xavier opened the box and pulled out a small silver square which he placed on the floor and tapped three times in the center. It expanded, creating a two square foot space on the carpet that looked incredibly smooth. The square had circles on it, sort of like a darts target.

"This is my Snapper." Xavier pulled a large green and black swirled sphere from the box. Looking into the box Lily found herself staring at what appeared to be marbles, only they were more unique than normal Muggle marbles. There were solid colored ones, sparkly ones, double or triple colored ones, and clear ones with tiny little figures inside of them. Xavier had separated them by color, design, and size. Most of them were small, the size of average marbles, but there was a compartment with larger ones the size of Xavier's Snapper. "Here, you can use this one, since you like Quidditch." Xavier extracted a large clear Snapper containing what Lily saw to be a miniature Golden Snitch.

"Gobstones is pretty easy to understand." Xavier began, reaching into the box and grabbing out a handful of the smaller Gobstones. "We'll start with the basic game. First one to get seven Gobstones out of the circle wins. But you can try and shoot the other person's Gobstones back into the circle, so it usually lasts longer than it sounds. Each Gobstone shot out of the circle is worth a point, each time one of yours gets shot back into the circle, you lose a point, but it's easier to get them out than to get them back in. Sometimes you can overshoot it and it'll go through the circle instead, in which case, the other person earns another point, but it doesn't count as an extra Gobstone out, so you still have to try for seven. To shoot, you put your Snapper between your fingers like this…" Xavier demonstrated, slipping the large green Snapper onto the first two fingers of his right hand. "And then you move your fingers like if you were going to snap them. That's why it's called a Snapper." Lily watched as he shot his Snapper into the circle, his finger clicking together as he did so. "Usually, the louder the snap, the stronger the shot. Oh, and I should warn you… Every time you lose a point, the Gobstone is going to spit at you. It doesn't hurt, it just smells foul."

"Well, it wouldn't be a wizarding game if the pieces didn't interact with us somehow, now would it?" Lily laughed, feeling a bit better as she watched Xavier pour about twenty of his Gobstones into the circle. "You go first."

Xavier nodded, concentrated, and shot his Snapper at the group of Gobstones. He hit a few, but because of the way they were grouped, they didn't scatter as far as they would have had he been able to just hit one. Lily bit her lip and shot her Snapper. It passed right by the other Gobstones and rolled its way out of the circle. Xavier laughed. "That's ok, you'll get it."

The two first years spent the next hour or so playing two games of basic Gobstones, Lily getting the hang of it about halfway through the first once, though Xavier still won. He was really good at the game, but then, he'd grown up playing it. They weren't interrupted, but some of the other Ravenclaws who had come up watched them until they grew bored and wandered away to do something else.

"I can't believe you'd rather play Gobstones with him than chess with me." Lily looked up as she was about to shoot her Snapper to find Luna looking down at her red faced. "He's just a jerk, Lily!"

"Hey!"

"Well, I can't believe you lied to me the way you did!" Lily retorted, taking her anger out on her Snapper as she shot it harshly at the Gobstones. Two of them rolled out of the circle, winning her the game, but she didn't even notice.

"How was I supposed to know it was a lie? They told me we were cousins! I was just as shocked as you were." Luna stomped her foot, looking rather like her father in her moment of rage. Lily sighed, feeling her anger with Luna ebb away slightly. Maybe she was right… it hadn't been her fault for not knowing…

"I'm sorry, Luna. I just… I was really hurt." Lily said, looking up at her best friend. She got up off of her knees and Luna tackled her back down with a hug, despite the other girl's broken arm.

"You're my best mate. You should know by now that I love you. I wouldn't hurt you."

"I love you too, Luna." Lily hugged her back tightly. "But you really shouldn't call Xavier a jerk, he's…" She looked down to find that the Malfoy boy and his set of Gobstones had disappeared. But the Snapper he had lent Lily was still there. She bent down and picked it up, holding it tightly. "He's nice if you take the time to get to know him."

"Sure he is." Luna grimaced. "C'mon Lily, it's almost dinner time and you know how Quaffle gets when he's hungry…" Lily looked down at her fluffy pet. He'd been watching the game of Gobstones curiously, but had otherwise been fairly quiet the past hour. Seeing Lily looking at him however, he bounced, humming up at her happily. She smiled and pocketed the Snapper, picking up Quaffle.

"What d'you say, Quaffle? Are you hungry?" The puffskein's stomach growled in response and his tongue slipped out of his mouth, aiming for Lily's nose. She giggled.

Well, there we go! Heh, I had fun working on the Gobstones rules, because I wasn't really sure how to go about them. I wikied the basics though. Anyways, lemme know what you thought! I'd love to hear from you and what you might want to see happen. Oh, and to snurfle is to hug something with your face. It's kind of like a nuzzle, only you use your entire face to do it.

Bunches of luffs and puffskein cuddles,

S.Q.O.