Waha! I'm here :P Yes, here, cough, on time. Listening to Under the Sea in Japanese, Kingdom Hearts II version. You'll see why. Cough.
Warnings: OOC-ness, Bar setting, cursing, more stupid ness and, uh…oh, right, streaking.
(a big, shadowy face fills the whole screen .it is so big, that it is blurry, and impossible to tell who it is. Zoom out. The face has one black iris and one red iris. The face is slightly obscured by black bangs, but the rest of the hair is pulled back. The face has strange…wrinkles, er, creases on either side of the nose. A hand appears and brushes bangs, though they fall back in place again. Face grins goofily)
Itachi: Dei-chan Dei-chan Dei-chan Dei-chan! I'm so excited!!!
(zoom out, Itachi is seen full length, though actually a little hard to see. It appears to be night time, since it is dark but there are quite a few lights from the city. A truck zooms by. Itachi is wearing a dark tee shirt and dark jeans).
Deidara: What what what what? Why are you so excited?
Itachi: We're going into a bar!
Deidara: Um, it's not the first time we've went, yeah.
Itachi: but it's the first time we've gone in with a camera! (bounces in circles)
Deidara: Er… okay, Itachi-kun, calm down, yeah?
Itachi: (reaches behind camera) Come on, let's go! Go go go!!!
Deidara: I-itachi-kun…did you by chance get a hold of Sasuke's permanent marker before you got here?
Itachi: Hm? Marker? Oh yeah, I did! (giggles) Sasu-kun was sleeping so I took his marker and drew on his face. I wrote "Naruto" on his cheek and put a heart around it. And then I drew lines on his face like mine. (points to his wr-er, creases on his face) I know he secretly admires them. Who knows, he might actually have them when he grows up! I mean really, he looks just like me when I was a little kid! It's so cute!! (waves hand) Dei-chan? Are you okay?
Deidara: Hm, oh, are you done? Er, I mean, Itachi-kun I think you should stay out here for a while and get some fresh air, yeah.
Itachi: No, I want to go in! I need a drink…
Deidara: No, you need fresh air. Plus, we have to wait for Kisame to get here, yeah.
Itachi: (sits down on pavement) Grr, Kisame no baka get here now! (makes high pitched whiny sound) a/n: Cough, sorry, uh, interruption. I'm kind of basing Itachi off of me. hehe… Only, Jimmy is the one who gets high. I get accused of being on crack. Sasunaru is my drug!!!!! Back to the "story".
Deidara: (mumbles) I need to tell Sasuke to lock up his markers…
Itachi: (turns to camera) Camera!!! Poke poke poke! (pokes it)
(camera jerks away before returning back to Itachi, though at a distance)
Deidara: Don't do that!
Itachi: (sniffs) Wah! Dei-chan is mad at me!
Deidara: (sighs) No, no, no! Dei-chan isn't mad, he just doesn't want you dirtying the camera lens, or else Director Dude will skin Dei-chan alive.
Itachi: Ohh… (pokes camera again)
Voice1: (sing song voice) I'm here!!
(camera turns to a talking shark. A big, talking, plushy shark.)
Itachi: KISAME!!! (flings self at shark) HE'S HERE, NOW WE CAN GO IN!!!!
Kisame: Ow. That still hurt, even through my shark suit. Why the hell did you bring a knife?
Itachi: Hm? I don't have a knife with me…
Deidara: Cough.
Kisame: Th-then, i-it's not…what I think it is, i-is it?
Itachi: (reaches into pants…no, not THAT way, in, as in…erm… Charli: Stupid, just say "reaches into pocket" CG: oh. Okay. Reaches into pocket) Oh, it's Rock-chan! (coos, and pets pet rock)
(camera focuses on Kisame)
Deidara: So…about your, uh, suit. Explain to the audience why you are wearing it.
Kisame: (turns to camera) Once upon a time, there was a good guy named Kisame. He was indeed a good guy, but he didn't think things through very well sometimes. One day, he went and made a bet with a STINKING CHEATER NAMED SASORI—
Deidara: Sasori is not a "stinking cheater," he won the bet fair and square, Kisame!
Kisame: Fair and square my ass. Anyway, so this guy named Kisame made a bet with this guy named Sasori and lost. The end. THERE, I ADMITTED I DIDN'T THINK THINGS THROUGH THAT WELL, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? THAT SASORI IS A GLORIOUS UBER SMEXY SEX GOD?!!!
(cricket chirps)
Itachi: Oh damn.
(camera turns to Itachi who is digging through his POCKETS, again. The shark stomps over)
Kisame: (crossly) What.
Itachi:(whines) I forgot my lighter…and Kisa-kun is mad at me…
Kisame: (puts fins in air) Thank you, Kami-sama! He forgot his damn lighter!
Itachi: But now they're gonna miss my show…
Kisame: What show?
Itachi: Duh, the lovely show where I've my lighter and I start a big bonfire and everybody contributes by feeding the bonfire their drinks and Rock-chan plays the super cool role of Side Kick Window Breaker when the barbarians and cannibals get angry and turn on us and—
Deidara: Oh, right I know how this show goes: Rock-chan breaks the window and together you two hop out and escape these "barbarians and cannibals," by HOPPING RIGHT INTO A COPS CAR. AGAIN.
Itachi: (sniff) Kisame AND Dei-chan are mad at me!! (puts head in hands and wails)
Deidara: I swear, not even one drink yet and he's like this!
Itachi: (looks up) Speak of the devil's poop, I need one! Let's go Rock-chan! You're not mad at me, are you? I shall confide to you my problems over a few drinks, eh, Rock-chan? Yeah! (walks away)
Kisame: Hey.
Deidara: I have a name.
Kisame: Deidara. Sorry for calling Sasori a cheater.
Deidara: Hn.
Kisame: …so…now that I've apologized, that makes you obligated to answer me one question.
Deidara: no, it doesn't, but fine.
Kisame: (takes deep breath) Does this suit make me look fat?
Deidara: (sigh) No…
Kisame: You don't sound very sure, Dei-chan.
Deidara: no. it does not make you look fat. Besides, we all know you have sexy hott body underneath all that plush or whatever the hell you're wearing.
Kisame: Hehe. Yeah, I know. Thanks Dei-chan! Luv ya! (runs off)
Deidara: (mumbles angrily) (bleep)ing cocky narcissist…oh well. I guess that's just always going to be the Kisame we know. Although now that I've told him that, tonight's probably going to be the fifth time he gets drunk enough to go streaking.
(camera swivels 180 degrees to face Deidara)
Deidara: If he does it before I can turn off the camera, be sure to blur him. Blur him very well. Director Dude will not be happy if he gets sued for scarring the minds of the innocent children who may be watching this. Now, to the bar!
(stomps to the graffitti'd door. It is thrown open and a familiar black haired boy and a guy with an orange mask greet us)
Deidara: Sai? What are you doing here?
Sai: (innocent face) Karaoke and a few drinks?
Deidara: Sai! You're not allowed to be here!
OrangeMask: Yeah, Sai. You're a bad boy.
Sai: (glares) You brought me here, Tobi.
Tobi: (looks around frantically) SHH!!!
Deidara: Hn, looks like Tobi's the bad boy now, bringing an underage kid here.
Sai: I'm not a kid! I'm 18 in a few months! (a/n: I don't' know the drinking age in japan, but let's pretend it's 18, if it isn't)
Deidara: (stern) No drinks.
Sai: (jaw drops) Oh, come on, Dei-chan! You're no fun! (stomps off)
Tobi: So, since when did Deidara acquire the Mother Hen traits?
Deidara: Shut up, Tobi. I'm not in a good mood, an—oh (bleep).
Tobi: What? (looks to the left and staggers back) Oh. No. No. That's not happening. That can't be happening. Already? No, no way. Oh my god, QUICK DEI-CHAN, TURN THE CAMERA OFF!!!
(camera shakes around. Everything becomes a little blurry)
Tobi: is it off yet?!
Deidara: I don't' think so! I can't find the button among the other buttons!
Sai: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Deidara: Looking for the off button. You didn't touch any drinks did you?
Sai: Why are you looking for the off button? Kisame's gonna sing karaoke!
Tobi Deidara: (grimly) We know.
(Sai reaches for camera. We see Deidara with a look of horror on his face)
Deidara: NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING SAI?!!
(We see the shark on stage behind the microphone)
Sai: Silly, taping Kisame's performance! He told me to.
Tobi: No, don't do it, Sai! You're going to wipe out half our fans!!!
Sai: he can't be that bad.
Deidara: It's not his singing, it's— (microphone feedback) ITAI!!!
(camera shakes horribly, then refocuses on Kisame. Zooms in expertly.)
Kisame: (clears throat) Sorry about that, folks.
NearbyPerson: Oh (bleep) isn't he that one guy?!
NearbyPerson 2: The fat shark? Hm… oh (bleep) HE IS!!! (thud. He fainted)
NearbyPerson: … Check please. (chair screeches. He must have left)
Kisame: It's good to see you guys again! I know you guys couldn't wait to see me again.
(someone screams)
Kisame: (cringes) Ow…uh…so, what was I saying? Oh, uh, well. I'm gonna sing… mah, how about you guys guess it? Haha! SUSPENSE!!!
(crowd groans)
Deidara: (groans even loader)
Tobi: (meekly) Three drinks?
Deidara: Approximately, yeah… (bang)
Sai: Deidara, don't do that. You'll lose brain cells that way.
Deidara: I'm probably going to end up losing them all in just a few moments…
(Xylophone/Marimba/Whatever the Heck Intro of "Under the Sea" starts. Kisame starts swaying drunkenly. Crowd screams in agony.)
Kisame: tonari no kaisou wa aoku mieru sa
(Your neighbour's seaweed seems greener
riku ni yuku no wa ooki na machigai
(To go on land would be a big mistake
mawari wo mite goran kono umi no soko
(Look at your surroundings, at the bottom of this sea
nante suteki na sekai da kore ijou nani wo nozomu
(its such a lovely world, how could you wish for more?)
subarashii UNDER THE SEA
(Its wonderful, under the sea)
Crowd: SHUT THE (insert assorted colorful language) UP!
Bartender: YOU'RE KILLING MY CUSTOMERS!
(lights flicker. Strobe lights come one. Music changes)
Kisame: Thanks DJ Itachi!
(another bang from behind the camera; Deidara. A SLAM! Crack! Tobi lost brain cells too, as well as his mask.)
Kisame: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt…
Tobi: (leads the crowd in screaming) NOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Onstage, Kisame takes off the top half of his shark costume. Tis Half Naked Kisame!)
Tobi and Deidara: TURN IT OFF!!!!!!
Sai: Wha—AAAHHH!!! (thud)
(Random grunts and cries of pain. Kisame continues singing. The crowd continues screaming in agony. Screen suddenly goes black.)
um.
…I didn't kill anyone did I?