So I HAD to update today because it's my one year anniversary on fanfiction!...Not a big deal, but to me it is! Happy Aniversary to me! Ok Im gonna stop being weird now, and what the hell is up with me and making people cry? This story is sad apparently? And okay,yes you SHOULD be mad at Carlos,even I was pist at him because thanks to him Kendall does bad things, and okay ciggarettes arent that bad, but Kendall used to be obsessed with them and they used to make him sick and then would lead him to drinking,so yeah, Carlos can do bad too,okay?

Kendall's lips were trembling as he leanend against the wall to the boys bathroom,he was on the floor sitting agaisnt the wall, tears falling down his face.

Carlos was pist at him,Carlos hated him,Carlos was never going to talk to him again.

The stress that he was feeling bad his head spin, his whole world was falling into peices and everything was turning into crap and everyone hated him and he was so depressed,
Carlos was his best friend and now he hated him, James was his other best friend and he wanted to beat the shit out of him, all his other friends were pist.

Kendall sighed as his eyes fell on the bag that was by his side.

He shouldnt do it,but his mind was to fucked up to care as he opened one of the smaller spaces up and pulled out a carton of cigarettes, he had smoked since he was younger, since he was thirteen or fourteen, and he had even smoked one time when he was pregnant because Brunette Jennifer had upset him but he had only done it that once, never again but he felt so guilty, he could have seriously hurt his baby, but thank god she was okay, another blessing.

Kendall picked out one of the little sticks and took out the dark green lighter, thankful there was no smoke alarm in here.

Kendall lighted it up and brough it took his lips, letting out a happy sigh as he took the first breath.

"Fuck yes." he muttered as tears continued to fall.

The blonde blew out the smoke and brough it back to his lips.

He knew it was bad, but it calmed him down,maybe him feel so much better, it was better then cutting himself to release stress, and he knew that from experience, he had done it after his dad had died and yeah, it wasnt Carlos who had ,made him stop,it had been Logan,because he had promised him.

He had been sitting in his room,lips quivering as he watched the blood fall down his arm, the day before Christmas Eve, he had been watching the blood run from the single repeatededly cut place and telling himself it was all his fault and it should have been him.

And then Logan had walked in,he had grabbed the pocket knife from Kendall and threw it out the window after opening it,allowing it to fall in the garden, he had pulled Kendall into his arms and had scolded him until they were both sobbing.

That was the night he and Logan had gotten together.

Flashback:

"Dont ever do that again!" Logan scolded to the blonde that was in his arms.

"I-I'm-m S-s-Sor-sorry." Kendall sobbed out, hands latching onto Logans sweathervest and shaggy hair.

Logan sniffed and placed a kiss to the top of his head.

"I cant lose you,you idiot,your not allowed to take yourself away from me,you hear?" Logan asked, a bit of his old southern drawl coming out in the end.

Kendall whimpered and nodded into the crock of Logans neck.

"I love you to much to lose you." Logan whispered to himself, thought Kendall still heard him, big eyes moving to look into Logans.

"What?"

Logan blushed and started spluttering out his words but Kendall silenced him with a kiss, Logan gasped,not moving for a second but then his arms came to hold Kendall back,arms wrapping around the slender little waist.

When Kendall pulled away he was blushing.

"I'm so sorry Logan I-"

Logan kissed him long and hard,silencing him.

"Dont be sorry." Logan said when the seperated once again,a exited edge in his voice.

Kendall smiled and looked up at Logan with big eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I kinda sorta...I uh...I love you,Logan."Kendall blurted out.

Logan grinnend.

"I love you too...you wanna be my boyfriend?" Logan asked with a blush.

"YES!" Kendall screeched before attacking Logans lips,arms coming around to wrap around Logans neck,Logan smiled against Kendalls lips, pulling the blonde closer to him.

"You have to promise me something." Logan whispered when they pulled away.

"Anything." Kendall whispered back.

Logan grabbed Kendalls bloody hand again and kissed near the cut.

"Promise me you'll never do this again."

"I promise."

End of Flashback

Kendall was pulled out of his thoughts when the bathroom door opened,Logan walked in, sighing when he saw the cigarette in his hand,he sat next to Kendall against the wall,frowing.

"I thought you gave that shit up." Logan said as he eyed the thing.

"It relax's me." Kendall shrugged, he took out another one and then offered it to Logan with a sharp gesture, almost shoving it in his face.

"Want one?" Kendall asked him.

Logan looked at it for a second and then sighed, he got up and locked the door to the bathroom before taking his place back next to Kendall and taking the object from him.

"I shouldnt be doing this." Logan muttered as he lighted it up.

"Doing what?" Kendall asked him.

"Letting you smoke. It's terrible for you." Logan said, breathing out some of the smoke he had breathed in.

"Your doing it too." Kendall reminded him.

"Yes,but I'm just doing it once. You used to be obsessed with these killers." Logan said as Kendall took another cigarette out,finsihing his first one.

"Used to. Key words. I havent smoked in two years. It's just...I need to relax." Kendall whispered.

Logan sighed but he let it go, he knew it was a bad thing to do,but he didnt want Kendall to be more pissed at him,he was finally getting closer to Kendall,and he dint want to ruin it. Logan looked over at Kendall again.

"Isnt that enough?" Logan asked him.

Kendall dug into his bag and held out the half full carton of cigarettes.

"I promise, as soon as this carton is done,I'll stop." Kendall vowed.

Logan sighed and then looked down at his lap,muttering something under his breath.

"What?" Kendall asked.

"How come you can always keep your promises?" Logan repeated.

Something crossed Kendalls face,but before Logan could really understand what it was it was gone, and Kendall was looking at his shoes,thinking about something,but Logan couldnt understand what it was,he knew it was serious,Kendall was knawing at his right thumb nail,and his left foot was bouncing. Something he did when he had something serious on his mind,and it was crazy to think that even after almost three years,Logan knew Kendall better than anyone else,even Carlos,and he had never had to ask Kendall how he was feeling,
he just needed to look at Kendall to know.

Kendall's hand disapeared into his bag again and he pulled out one of thoose mini glass bottles of Alchol you sometimes found in hotel room's,the front said VODKA in big thick letters, Kendall popped the top open and downend the small bottle.

"Did you really ever love me?"

Logan was clearly cought off gaurd by the question, his eye's widening and his mouth falling open.

"What?"

"Did you really ever love me?" Kendall repeated.

Logan sighed.

"Of course I did."

Kendall nodded, thinking again.

"Then why'd you do it?" Kendall asked him after a moment.

Logan sighed again, looking over at his ex after a moment, Kendall had a blank expression on his face but there was tears in his eyes,it was odd, it had taken himm three years to get enough guts to ask that question,one he had been wondering for so long, and it was there of all places, in a locked boy's bathroom, smoking cigarettes and having the most terrible week of his ife.

"Becuase I was stupid." Logan said.

Kendall nodded as thought he knew it all along, but he knew there was more then that,and Logan knew he knew as well, but Kendall didnt press, because know he was reassured, Logan had loved him,mayebe he could get him too again.

This was short but I hope you guys liked it anyways, so please tell me what you thought and review! Most likely next chapter Kendall and Carlos will make up.
Lots of love,
Sarah