Chapter 11: Just For a Second

They drove in silence for awhile with Edward sneaking quick peeks at Bella who was staring outside the window already regretting her decision.

"Soooo..." Edward drawled.

Bella turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here at that house?" he asked.

"Visiting." Bella said shortly.

"Visiting somebody special?" Edward pushed on, trying to get Bella to say something more than one word to him.

"My father." Bella finally said after a moment's silence.

Edward felt a jolt of shock but he arranged his features to be neutral.

"Did you guys talk things out?" Edward asked casually.

"He wasn't there. I talked to Sue. His wife." Bella clarified.

"Oh well that must've been nice." Edward commented lamely, mentally smacking himself for the awkward comment.

"Yeah. It was great. Super awkward and informative." Bella said dryly.

Bella cursed herself for making the spontaneous decision of going with Edward. It was a disaster waiting to happen and she wasn't sure whether she could withstand the consequences if Tanya ever found out there were together. Her thoughts were interrupted when Edward veered to a sudden stop at the side of the road. Bella jerked in her seat and she stared at Edward in shock. Edward's fists were clenched and he seemed frustrated. Bella sat in a stunned silence, waiting for Edward to spew his anger.

"Can we..." Edward started to say angrily. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

"Can we pretend...just for a second that there was nothing stopping us. That there was no Tanya and no business that we had to worry about and we could just be together just for a second without any of those worries and just try to enjoy ourselves together?" Edward asked softly.

Bella swallowed hard and she raised her hands helplessly.

"It's too dangerous to not think about the consequences and to just go and do it. Getting into this car was a mistake and I shouldn't have done it. I wasn't thinking. I should just grab a taxi and go." Bella stammered but Edward wouldn't let her unlock the door.

"We're going to talk this out now or else you avoid me like the plague any other time. If we don't figure this out now and compromise so we don't both regret it, I don't think you'll ever let us talk it out." Edward said stubbornly.

"There's really nothing to talk about. We're from two different worlds. I'm trying to find my own aspirations and you're trying to make your family proud..our two goals don't match and we don't go well together." Bella grasped desperately at some excuse.

"That was very terribly thought out." Edward said.

Bella opened and closed her mouth like a fish but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I know that us being together is a huge risk for the both of us. But it's just something I want to see whether the spark I felt when we first met is still there and I want to do something for me. And not just for what my family wants me to do." Edward insisted.

"We don't even know if this will work. What if we take the risk and get together, but then it doesn't work out and I lose out and you lose out. It just isn't worth it." Bella shot back.

"Why can't you just take a leap of faith with me Bella? Why can't you just trust me on this?" Edward growled.

"BECAUSE! We have no guarantees that this will work out. What if it doesn't? What are we going to do? I won't have anywhere to stay and you'll disappoint your parents. There's no possible way that this risk is going to be worth it." Bella gritted out, trying to convince both her and Edward.

Edward grabbed Bella's hand and even when she tried to squirm out of his hold, he held tight unwilling to let her slip away.

"Listen to me. Whatever happens we can face together. I just know that we have something and if I let you go we will both regret it. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen and I want us to be something more. Why can't you see it my way?" Edward asked in frustration.

"If we find something here, wouldn't it all be worth it in the end?" Edward pressed on.

Bella turned her gaze on Edward and her gaze was cold and no emotions seemed to process.

"You're not using your brain to think. You didn't think it out logically. You just think there's this whole romantic thought that could happen but it never will. I thought usually girls think like this, I didn't think that you would think like that too." Bella said.

"What's so bad with wanting happiness for myself?" Edward asked softly and Bella's features softened for a second before her guard went back up.

Bella's lips squeezed together and she refused to say another word.

"When I was younger, I used to idolize my father and my brothers. Not that they had any time for me to talk to them or play with them of course, but just seeing them all professional and business like made me want to be like them. But gradually as I got older and more pressure was set onto me, I realized that this wasn't what I wanted. It was so boring and sad and they never seemed to smile unless they closed a huge business deal. Either way, everything was about their business. They lived breathed and ate business. They rarely had time for fun and they rarely had time for family. I don't want that for myself. I made a huge mistake when I proposed to Tanya merely because I wanted to make them notice me just for on second I wanted them to acknowledge that I was part of their family and that I too could eat breathe and live business. I could be successful without their help and I wanted to prove it." Edward let go of Bella's hand and stared out the window.

"Of course, even before I knew that this wasn't the life for me, but I pushed on and I wanted to just show them something. Something that they could say 'Oh, yes my son/brother created that company all by himself and he's very successful now.' The same way that I talk about them. Don't get me wrong I love them very much and I'm very proud of them but I do wish they would just listen to me for once. Just about what I want to do. What I think about and how I feel about certain situations. I thought that opening this business was going to get me all that recognition and I wanted to feel good about myself in the family. But then I saw you working hard by yourself, and you didn't want to trouble others and you wanted to just follow what you wanted to do without anybody knowing. And I realized that I should really just be happy with what I do and whether they acknowledge it or not, I'm still part of their family and it would be nice to get some acknowledgement, but I would rather them be proud of something that I'm proud of and not what I know that they'll be proud of." Edward trailed off and Bella's heart melted.

"I know that I'm being unreasonable. But if I didn't start doing something for myself I think I might go crazy and I don't even know how I would be able to get out of my shell of a business family to do something I want to do." Edward finished.

He looked at Bella and her facial expression was softer and he grinned.

"Let me take you somewhere." Edward offered.

Bella's expression was suspicious but nonetheless, she nodded.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked as he started up the car and merged with the traffic again.

Edward smiled mysteriously at her and she felt her eyebrows crinkle in confusion.

"We're going to meet my mom."

This chapter gives a lot more insight in Edward's life and now they're going to see his mom! *gasp*. Hope you guys like it! Stay tuned for Bella meeting Esme! :D

xoxo,

cookiemander