Chapter Eleven
December 10, 1976
"All right. I'll call when I'm on the way–give you a better idea when I'll be there. Yep. Bye." Ennis hung up the phone and went upstairs into the office and sat down across from Jack, who looked up and regarded him with curiosity. "I just talked to Alma. I'm gonna go pick the girls up the day after Christmas. She don't want em to ride alone on a plane or bus and I can't say I blame her. They ain't that old yet–they're still little girls to me."
Jack smiled, knowing full well Junior and Franny would always be little girls to their daddy. "I don't blame you guys either," Jack said, then sighed. "I spose now Bobby'll be after me ta go with an visit my folks, knowin there's a car trip ta Wyoming in the works."
"We can, if ya want to," Ennis said.
"That's the thing, I don't really want to. It'll take more travel, which means less time fer the girls ta be here and I want them to be here as much as possible," Jack said. He was quiet for a moment, lost in thought, then his eyes lit up. "Ya know, if Bobby had somethin ta distract him, maybe he wouldn't put up too much fuss about not going. We been talkin about gettin a dog. Maybe that's what we oughta get for Christmas."
"Are you thinkin a bribing your son?" Ennis asked, his eyes twinkling.
"It'd be fer all the kids, a course," Jack said, his voice defensive. "We been talking about it fer ages, ain't we?"
"Yeah, I know, I'm just givin ya shit, Jack. Besides, I wanna be able ta spend all the time I can with the girls."
"We'll take Bobby out there this summer, maybe let him spend a few days again and we could head into the mountains fer a few days."
"Sounds like a good idea," Ennis agreed.
"I'll talk to Rusty, see if he knows a good place to find a puppy, something that'll be good with kids," Jack said.
"All right, let me know what he says."
"I had an interesting phone conversation this morning, too," Jack said.
"Yeah? Who'd ya talk to?"
"Faye."
"How's she doin?"
"She tried to sound like she's doin good, but I don't think she is."
"Hmm."
"Ennis, I was thinkin . . ."
"I guess one of us ought to." He smiled at Jack.
"Very funny. I was thinkin about invitin her up here for Christmas." Ennis didn't say anything, so he went on. "We're gonna have a house full a company anyway, with your sister and the girls here. I didn't mean she'd have ta stay here, we'll put her up at a hotel."
"Mmm. . . I guess she'd probably appreciate bein able ta spend the holiday with her grandson. Specially this year."
"I think it's been real hard on her, bud."
"Yeah," Ennis agreed, then narrowed his eyes and tried to hold back a smile. "Maybe you should invite your parents, too."
Jack put up his hands and leaned back in his chair. "I don't think I'm ready for that. Maybe if it was just my momma. The old man wouldn't ever leave the ranch, anyway."
"Maybe someday we could invite em out."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Well, sounds like you got some phone calls ta make. I guess I'll get back to work." Ennis stood up started towards the door, but at the last moment he stopped and turned around, went back and leaned down to kiss Jack and say softly, "I'll see ya later."
Jack paused his dialing, his finger still in the number hole, holding it in place, and watched Ennis walk out of the room, his emotions playing tag in his heart. Love, irritation, desire, anger, longing–all took their turns being 'it'. Ennis had disappeared before he let go of the dialer, heard the 'clack, clack, clack' as it returned to rest, and realized he'd forgotten which number he was on, so pushed the button down, released it, and started dialing again.
"Hello, Sunshine," Russell's bright grin lit his face as Beau's reddened, just like it always did when Russell addressed him with the nickname he'd christened him with.
"Hello, Russ," Beau said, touching his shoulder as he went past him into the kitchen to put down the bag of groceries he carried.
"And my beautiful son," Russell said, leaning into Tyler's hug.
"How are you feeling today, Dad?" Tyler asked.
"Good, good. I have a surprise coming in about an hour. Are you making supper?"
"I told you we were," Tyler replied.
"Better make extra," Russell replied.
"Why? You expecting company?" Tyler asked, struggling to keep his voice neutral and exchanging a look with Beau over Russell's head.
"Maybe."
Tyler got a pan out of the cupboard and put it on the stove before asking, "Who is it?"
"Ah, that's the surprise," Russell said.
"Dad, it's not Steve, is it? Because I don't feel like I can see him right now."
"No, no, of course not. I haven't heard from him for weeks." Russell sounded distracted. "I'm going to go lie down for a few minutes, if you boys don't mind?" Russell said, more announced than asked, heading for the living room already.
"Go ahead, we'll let you know when supper is ready."
"Do you know who's coming?" Beau asked quietly.
"I'm guessing it's my sister. I don't know who else it would be, unless it's one of my aunties or uncles or friends of Dad's."
"You're not worried?"
"No," Tyler replied, his voice quiet and not quite convincing.
"How long has it been since you've seen your sister?"
"About a year, I think. She lives up at Red Lake. She was married, but her husband took off a while ago."
"Do you get along with her?" Beau asked.
"Yeah, I guess so. She's older, so she was kind of bossy. Still is," Tyler replied, concentrating on peeling potatoes and putting them on to boil. When the meal was almost ready, they went into the living room to wake Russell. He sat up and rubbed his face. "They're here," he said, hearing a car rumble into the driveway.
Tyler looked out the window and a small smile appeared on his face as he turned back to his dad and Beau. "It's Leah and the kids." He opened the door to let a young girl and boy in. They looked up at him with shy, dark eyes. "Hi, come in. Do you remember me? Your uncle Tyler?" They both nodded. "How are you? You're getting so big!"
A young woman followed them through the door, stopped at Tyler and gave him a hug, saying, "Hello, little brother. What'd you do to your hair?" She didn't wait for an answer before she went to her dad and gave him a hug. "Hey, Daddy, you're looking good," she said, then stood up and turned to the children. "Go on, give your grandpa a hug."
They each put an arm around him and murmured, "Hello, Grandpa."
Leah finally looked at Beau and asked, "Who's this?"
Russell stood up and said, "This is Tyler's Sunshine I told you about."
"This is Beau," Tyler said, stepping close to him. "Beau, this is my sister, Leah, her daughter Star and her son Quinton."
"Nice to meet you, Leah. And you two, too," Beau said. Star and Quinton giggled at him. "How old are you?" Beau asked them.
Star held up four fingers and Quinton said, "Five."
"Are you hungry?" Tyler asked. They both nodded.
"Daddy said you were cooking," Leah said.
"It's just about done, come on into the kitchen." Tyler, Beau, and Leah went into the kitchen, while Star and Quinton settled on the couch next to Russell.
"He looks better than I expected," Leah said, her voice low.
"Looks can be deceiving," Tyler replied. "I think he's been waiting for you."
"I couldn't get away till now," Leah said.
"I'm not blaming you, I'm just telling you what I think," Tyler said. "Are you staying for a while?"
"Daddy didn't tell you?"
"He didn't tell me you were coming until an hour before you got here and then he didn't even say it was you who was coming."
"I'm moving back."
"Here? In the house?"
"Where else would I go?"
"What about when Steve is here?"
"He can find someone else to stay with. He's not bringing a bunch of people in here to drink or fight around my kids. Or around Daddy. I'm here to take care of him, but, Tyler, he told me I could live in the house when he's gone. He said you were leaving," she said, her voice uncertain at the last. "Is that true?"
"Well," Tyler started slowly, "he told me I shouldn't stay here. I guess that meant he didn't want me to stay."
"Tyler, I'm sure that's not what he meant." She tried to catch his eyes, but he turned away and opened the silverware drawer. "Tyler, come on, let's go ask him."
"No, I don't want to upset him," Tyler started, but she was already on her way back to the living room.
Beau ran his hand across Tyler's back as he turned away to bring the silverware to the table. When Leah came back into the kitchen Russell, Star, and Quinton were behind her. They were all seated at the table before Russell addressed Tyler.
"Tyler, when I said you shouldn't stay here, I didn't mean you couldn't. You can, if you want to, but your future will be so much better if you go to college and do the things you dream of doing. And your brother . . ." he trailed off, looking at his grandchildren. "Well, you know how he feels about you right now."
Tyler looked into his father's dark eyes and was disconcerted, as he so often was lately, by the clarity and honesty in them. He nodded his head and said, "I know, you're right."
"You know you're always welcome here, little brother. And you," she looked at Beau and added, with a smile, "Sunshine."
Ennis could hear nothing but the even beat of his own heart, the steady draw of Jack's breathing next to him, and the occasional creak of the sleeping house. Faint light was just starting to illuminate the room around him, but the ceiling above him was still lost in shadow. He turned his head and could see the blurry outline of Jack, sleeping on his back, his head turned toward Ennis. His hair was a messy dark shadow against the white pillow case, his impossibly long eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheeks, his mouth slack and slightly open as he breathed deep and even. Ennis let his eyes adjust until the only thing in focus was Jack's face. Each feature, already burned into his mind, became clearer and more dear than before. His thoughts drifted to the night before, playful kisses that turned serious; Jack's body, sweaty and straining against his; their simultaneous release; finally, their passion spent, they fell asleep in each other's arms. It was a change from the days on Brokeback, or even the camping trips, when they could drop their pants have sex whenever the mood struck and be as wild and loud as they wanted. Things had changed.
It was a necessary change, with Bobby around, and Kelly, the farmhands, the girls, during their visits, and now Franki. He thought about how careful they were in public, the rare occasions when they were out together, where they gave no indication they were together or more than roommates. He realized they weren't like that at home, that they'd given into an unspoken agreement that when they were at home, they wouldn't hide their feelings for each other. His face burned at the way he'd been sidestepping Jack's kisses, stepping away from his hands as they reached out to touch or brush him, ever since his sister had shown up on their doorstep. He was tired of it and he knew how Jack felt about it–hurt, betrayed, and maybe even angry.
Ennis turned on his side to face Jack, reached out and ran a finger against the soft skin of Jack's bicep. His heart ached, overflowing with too many emotions that he was ill-equipped to process. He propped himself up on his elbow so he could look down and see Jack's face fully. His fingers went, seemingly of their own accord, to Jack's face, to caress the soft skin at the rise of his cheekbone, to trace a curving line around his full lips, to run a gentle path down his stubbled cheeks, and finally, to smooth the silky hair back from his forehead, allowing his feelings and all the words that stuck in his throat, to channel through his fingertips. Jack's breathing hitched and his eyes opened a crack.
"Hey," Ennis said.
"Whaddareyadoin?" Jack mumbled. "Somethin wrong?"
"Nothin's wrong. Go back t'sleep."
"Hmm . . ." Jack sighed, then closed his eyes again. He licked his lips and opened his eyes again, a little wider. "You okay?"
Ennis leaned down and kissed his lips before replying, "Yeah."
Jack pulled Ennis's head down to his chest and put his arms around him. "Come here," he whispered.
Ennis nuzzled into Jack's chest and took a deep breath. "I love the way ya smell in the mornin," he murmured.
"Somthin's wrong with yer nose."
"Aint' nothin wrong with my nose."
"Well, ya practically live in the barn–I bet I smell a bit better than that."
"Ya don't smell anything like the barn. Ya smell . . . like . . . you."
Jack chuckled, the sound echoing in Ennis's ear that was pressed against his chest. "Yer sure profound in the morning, baby. Ya sure you ain't talkin in yer sleep?"
"I ain't asleep." He ran his hand slowly across Jack's stomach, his fingers stirring the soft trail of hair on it.
"Mmm . . ." Jack purred, adjusting his hips. When Ennis didn't take things further he frowned and asked, "You sure yer okay?"
"Mm-hm," Ennis mumbled. "Go back t'sleep, Jack."
Jack ran his fingers through the short hair on Ennis's head and leaned in to plant a kiss on it.
"I'm fine. Just . . ." he stopped, still unable to put voice to the emotions he was feeling. Instead, he clutched Jack tighter and pressed his face into Jack's neck.
"It's all right," Jack whispered. He ran his hand up and down Ennis's back, over and over, until he felt Ennis relax and his breathing even out. He thought Ennis had fallen asleep, so he was surprised when he spoke again.
"I'm sorry, Jack, fer the way I been lately."
"You don't need ta apologize," Jack whispered.
"I do." He picked up Jack's hand and held it to his mouth, kissed each knuckle, then laced his own fingers with Jack's. "I do."
The silence stretched out again, counting time with the brightening of the early morning gloom, until Jack broke it again. "Ennis, if we could, and I know we can't, but if we could . . ." he trailed off and was silent for a couple of beats. "Ah, never mind."
Ennis propped himself up on his elbow again and looked down into the deep, blue depths of Jack's eyes, darker than usual in the dull morning light, lost himself there for a moment, before saying, "I would. I do."
Jack blinked and reached up to run his hand down Ennis's cheek, to run his thumb across his lips, before saying, "I do, too."
Ennis kissed him then–a long, meandering kiss that spun out until they felt it from the tops of their heads to the tips of their toes and back around again.
When they broke apart, Ennis looked down into Jack's half-lidded eyes. "Ya know, we made this promise already. Remember that?"
"Of course I remember," Jack said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I guess sometimes we need, I don't know, to say it again. It ain't like we got rings on our fingers ta remind us."
"I don't need a ring on my finger ta remember how much I love ya, Jack," Ennis said, his voice low and fierce.
Jack's eyes softened and he ran his fingers around Ennis's ear, then down his cheek. "I know that. I don't either. But I wish, sometimes, that we could wear rings to show the rest of the world that we belong to each other. That our love is just as real as a regular married couple." Ennis didn't miss the trace of bitterness in the last few words. "Anyhow, I don't think it hurts ta tell each other, specially now, when things are still new and we're still gettin useta each other."
"Yeah," Ennis agreed. He put his head back down on Jack's chest and snuggled closer.
"You goin back ta sleep?" Jack asked.
Ennis yawned and nodded at the same time. "Think so," he mumbled.
"Ennis?"
"Yeah, darlin?"
"I love you, too."
Ennis was still for a moment and then he was kissing Jack. His lips and hands caressed and clutched, his desire flaring like fireworks. When he broke away, they were both breathing hard.
"I thought you were goin back ta sleep?" Jack whispered.
"Change in plans. You complainin?"
"Not a bit. Come back here," he said, his hand on the back of Ennis's head pulled him close again.