Chapter 11

Tapioca landed smack on Strong Mad's belly (he was still on his back). She scrambled off, ignoring a twisted ankle, and stood up, taking in her surroundings. It would have been pitch dark had it not been for the hole they entered through. Through the dim light she could make out many different corridors leading away from the room they were in. It was almost like a maze. Tapioca felt a light switch on the wall and flipped it on, and with a buzz and a flicker, like an old neon sign, the streetlamps on the walls crackled to life. The lamps and the cobblestone floor and walls made the maze seem like an indoor town. They heard what sounded like faint organ music coming from one of the halls. Off they crept, peering around the corner, and saw a little green goblin looking around anxiously and dancing as if to communicate.

Tapioca broke into a wide grin. "Hi, goblin!" she said as though she were used to seeing these things all the time. (Actually, she was, she had seen both real and imagined goblins many times.) The goblin just stared and blinked at her. Tappy then communicated in what little Goblin Dance she knew.

"Do you know how to get out of here?" she carefully stepped. The Goblin Dance language was not unlike Dance Dance Revolution, one misstep and your entire meaning was lost.

"You have an odd accent. Are you from around here?" the goblin danced. "If you found a way in here, then you must know a way out."

"I don't have an accent, just an injured ankle," Tapioca replied. "And believe me, you don't want to go out the way we came in."

"Well, there is a way, but I can't take you there," the goblin answered. "We have to find some Unguraits."

"Unguraits? I thought they were an urban legend!" Tapioca cried excitedly, the anthropologist in her getting the better of her. Suddenly the goblin stomped hard on the ground, creating a loud, dissonant chord which shook the whole room. Strange little red lights began to turn on in the dark corners of the corridors. The two soon realized these weren't lights. They were eyes. Little robed creatures began to scurry out from the shadows, making ghoulish high-pitched chattering noises as they swarmed towards the goblin.

The Unguraits crowded around him as he gave them instructions. The first sign Tappy noticed that something might be fishy was the goblin had switched to a language she didn't understand. Was this really for the Unguraits' benefit, or was he trying to keep her from listening? Secondly, the goblin used what sounded like a conjugation for the infinitive gumuu, which was Goblin Dance for "to kill". Tapioca hoped it was a false cognate. Yes, it could easily be. After all, the Chekts' word for "to kill" was similar to the Sterrances' word for "to bathe". Tapioca sort of hoped it meant "to bathe". These guys reeked. But all hopes were dashed when the Unguraits unsheathed their claws and turned as one to face the duo. Their little green supposed "friend" was giving orders to destroy the intruders after all. The Unguraits charged, but ground to a halt in front of Strong Mad. They raised their claws skyward and began bending down in front of him, then straightening back up, making odd little noises as they did so.

"ooWAAAAAA-oo…ooWAAAAAA-oo…ooWAAAAAA-oo…"

Turning to Strong Mad, Tapioca asked, "Um, is there something you'd like to tell me, Madman?"

"Yeah, are you their aerobics instructor or something?" the goblin danced. Of course, Strong Mad was completely clueless as to why the Unguraits were behaving this way. Tapioca finally keyed him in. "They think you're their leader. So get them to help," she hissed.

"UMMM…GET US OUT OF HERE!" Strong Mad ordered, and then the Unguraits did the most bizarre thing. They climbed on top of one another, forming a tower that went all the way to the dirt ceiling. While the topmost Ungurait dug away at the ceiling, the others grabbed the ankles of the one above them and kept hanging on while the topmost one went farther and farther into the earth. Slowly the chain of Unguraits snaked up into the ceiling. Tappy realized she was probably supposed to grab on at some point, so Strong Mad hoisted her up and she took hold of an Ungurait's robe. By now the Unguraits had branched off in all directions, creating a network of tunnels, and once Tapioca was inside, she let go. Wait…now how was Strong Mad going to get up here? Apparently, he'd found a way somehow, because she heard his familiar grunt as he clawed his way up behind her. It was pitch dark, so neither of them could see a thing. Tapioca felt around in her skirt pocket…no, she couldn't still have it…she did! She still had Strong Bad's lighter! She flicked it on and shone it around, scrambling up a tunnel to her left. The roots of some ancient, enormous tree blocked the way. Tapioca used Madame X's nail file to hack through them (as you can imagine, by the time she was through the file was worn down to almost nothing) and they continued on their way. Soon the passage was too narrow for Strong Mad to pass through, so back they went, to where the tree roots had been. Tapioca picked up the biggest of the discarded roots, lit one end, and handed it to Strong Mad.

"I'll go back up this way, you can take that bigger tunnel," she told him. So the two split up, and Tapioca finally reached the end of her tunnel. She shone the lighter around, and found herself in some locked closet. Mops, buckets, a big keyring…perfect. Tappy grabbed the keyring and hopped down the tunnel to find Strong Mad. After a while, he returned from his tunnel also.

"Well, whadja find?"

"IT'S NIGHTTIME!" he answered.

Hmm. Quite some time had passed. "Um, anything else noteworthy?"

"WHERE WE WERE!"

"Really! With everyone else in those little padded things?"

"YEAH!"

Just then, an Ungurait tapped on Tapioca's leg.

"Alright, Strong Mad, take these keys and unlock the glass doors while I see what this guy wants," Tapioca instructed him. The Ungurait beckoned her to follow him. "I smell your kind," he told her, even though she didn't understand Ungurait. Up the tunnel they went, which led straight into…what looked like the underside of a bed.

"I'm telling you, The Cheat, there's nothing under the bed!" Strong Bad argued.

"Wir rir rir," The Cheat insisted. He lifted the bedskirt to prove his point.

"Hi guys!" grinned Tapioca's head, impishly poking out from a hole under the bed.

"What the crap!" yelped Strong Bad.

"Wir rir?" The Cheat shot an "I-told-you-so" look at Strong Bad. Tapioca crawled out from under the bed and saw Strong Bad and The Cheat had taken up lodging in the Case Place hotel for the night. It said so right on all the bar soaps and towels the two had crammed into their suitcases.

"How can you guys afford this place?" Tappy asked. "Don't tell me you pulled out that old 'charity kid' chestnut again."

"Hey, if it works…" Strong Bad answered. Tapioca hopped on the bed.

"What are you guys watching?" she asked, looking at the TV.

"A tragedy in progress," was Strong Bad's response. Tapioca's heart caught in her mouth.

On the screen, Eh! Steve was nudging a taupe-colored egg decorated with designs around its middle that matched those on his waist.

"Eh! Steve!" said Eh! Steve.

The egg hatched and out popped what looked like a female version of Eh! Steve.

"Eh! Stephanie!" said Eh! Stephanie.

The starry sky and mountains in the background faded to a sunset and an ocean. Hearts bubbled out of the ocean and rose into the sky as the two happy trapezoids jumped up and down.

"Well, Sweet Cuppin' Cakes has officially jumped the shark," Strong Bad sighed. "Bringing in new characters to attract female demographics."

"Yeah, right!" Tapioca countered. "Eh! Stephanie is a very well-rounded character." Finally she remembered her agenda. "You're probably wondering where Strong Mad is."

"Oh, just NOW you think to bring up that quasi-important matter!" Strong Bad sneered. "Some girlfriend you are!"

Tapioca bit her tongue and brought Strong Bad and The Cheat up to speed, and then it was under the bed and down the hole, where Strong Mad awaited them.

"I DID IT!" he yelled, jangling the keys and holding his torch high.

"Excellent," replied Tapioca. "I've decided not to lead them through the tunnels, we'll instead form a mob and stage an overthrow," she announced as they made their way through Strong Mad's tunnel. Strong Bad whipped out the video camera dramatically.

"This revolution," he crowed, "will be televised!"