(471)
"Do you have any idea how much liquor we've gone through in the past week?" asked Wally as he tossed an empty bottle into the trash compactor. There was a loud 'cling' as Roy heard it hit another pile of bottles.
"It's not like you have anything better to do," Raquel said, sucking on a lemon.
Wally leaned forward and watched her dreamily, earning him a slap across the face. "Ow," he grumbled.
"Fuck off, Kid-Mouth," she said, downing what had to be her eightieth shot.
Roy's eyes travelled to the living room, where Amelie was seated by the edge of the sofa, leaning forward with her arms wrapped around herself. David was beside her, stroking her back, whispering comfortingly into her ear. He leaned forward and kissed her face—right over a scar. Amelie gave him a small smile, and he pulled her towards him. Amelie buried her face into his shoulder, and Roy saw a tear trickle down her cheek. She caught his eye. He turned back quickly, gluing his eyes to his scotch.
"Where do you even get all this?" Robin asked, burping loudly as he drained his margarita.
"John Smith orders it," Raquel answered simply.
"Does RT know you use his android to order liquor?"
"He doesn't know it's illegal. I tell him it's a form of love, keeping it secret."
"He's still trying to get the whole 'love' concept," Zatanna explained to James. "If you play your cards right, you could milk all kinds of favors out of him."
"Yeah, except when he gets picky with his payback," Conner said. "You know he asked me to fuck M'gann once so he could understand the mating process?"
M'gann coughed up her soda (well, there was soda in it). "What?"
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him the stars were in the wrong position," Conner said. "Then I Googled him a porno instead."
"Did he watch it in front of you?"
"He watched like twelve. I went and came back and he was still watching them. He watched all night—until his batteries died."
"So now we know," Zatanna said. "Give him porn and he'll do anything."
"I think I'll go download some," Wally said, shaking his head and he swallowed a mouthful of caramel popcorn.
"May we please change the subject of this conversation?" asked Kaldur, rubbing his eyes.
"I swear," Zatanna said, biting her lip as she leaned closer to Kaldur. "You are so cute!"
"Someone get the camera," Wally said. "We've got RT a new porno!"
"She's not gonna bone him, Wall-man," Artemis said, rolling her eyes.
"And even if I did," Zatanna said as she and Kaldur reappeared, Kaldur sporting a bright red lipstick print on his cheek. "I wouldn't do it on the kitchen floor. I have more class than that."
"Okay, I'm with Kaldur," M'gann said. "Can we please change the subject?"
"They're drunk and bored and distraught," Artemis said. "What else do you expect them to talk about?"
"You think they might be fucking with us?" Amelie asked at last. "The League?"
"We've considered it," Zatanna said. "And we've agreed that they wouldn't because our response is beyond not worth the trouble."
"They could still do it," Amelie reasoned. "I mean—has anyone heard from them?"
Everyone remained silent.
"You think we're being fucked with?" Wally asked.
Robin shrugged, hiccupping. "I hope we're not," he said quietly. "I don't much like being fucked with."
"Wait until someone gets back from their shift," Artemis said. "We'll corner them."
Roy looked around at their drunk/determined faces, and he suddenly felt very bad for whoever came back first.
(378)
"You let him go?" Roy asked through gritted teeth.
Gemma shrugged, taking another bite of her French salad. "He's got a lot he needs to accomplish before you interrogate/kill him, Roy," Gemma said pointedly.
"Gemma," Roy said quietly. "He's an international criminal."
"He's also a closet gay who got a girl pregnant in a desperate attempt to keep himself straight because his mother is Catholic and he cares what she thinks of him," Gemma said.
Roy blinked at her.
"He's her only son," Gemma added, swallowing another bite of salad. "So there. Your facts are twisted and my logic is flawless."
"Did he tell you that?"
"Yep."
"And you believed it?'
"Roy, he's in a tough place," Gemma said. "I'm sure the police will catch him if he tries to steal again."
"He's not kleptomaniacal, you know," Roy said. "He doesn't steal because he's nuts."
"Like I said," Gemma shrugged again. "He's in a bad place. We've all hit rock bottom before."
"Did he cry for you?" Roy asked.
"He cried real tears, Roy," Gemma said. "He's in a really bad place. You need to stop being so insensitive."
"I'm insensitive?"
"Yes. You're an insensitive person. I felt his pain. But I understand that emotion is something you have difficulty with. Just give it a minute, let it sink in."
"Gemma," Roy said, taking a deep breath so as to avoid tossing her out the window. "He killed his mother when he was twelve. She was Jewish."
Gemma paused, her bite halfway to her mouth.
"He went to Juilliard to study acting. So yeah, he was probably pretty convincing."
Gemma eyed him, as though trying to determine whether or not she was being fucked with.
"He totally screwed you over," Roy added. "Which is actually pretty easy to do because you're pretty fucking gullible."
"Never heard that one before," she said sarcastically. "He went back to the bank. He said he left something there he needed."
"Which means he's waiting for me," Roy said. "You're really gullible, you know that?"
"You've already made that abundantly clear," Gemma said. "Here's an idea—I'm trying to lose weight. Why don't I go get him?"
"Why are you trying to lose weight?" Roy asked eying her tiny frame. "How could you want to get any smaller?"
"Do you want me to get him or not?" she asked.
"Maybe you should sit the rest of this one out," Roy said. "Greg Sykes is not your type of criminal."
"Right," Gemma said, nodding. "Because I'm so gullible."
"That's actually exactly why, Gem," Roy said, picking up his quiver and walking out the door.
(490)
"I'm gonna ask you some questions," Zatanna said. "And if I don't like your answers, then you won't like my persuasion tactics. Got it?"
"What the hell is going on here?" asked Flash, struggling against the binds. "What are you doing?"
Zatanna closed the door, blocking everyone's view of Flash pulling at the ropes tied around his body.
"This is a very bad idea," Kaldur said, covering his face with his hands.
"I just wish I had a camera," Wally said.
A yell echoed from behind the door. "No!" They heard Flash yell. "No, no, no, no, no, no! I'll do anything—"
"This is such a bad idea," Artemis said quietly. "We're gonna be in so much trouble."
"Only if we get caught," Wally said.
"We will, you ass," Artemis said. "We can't keep him locked up in there forever! He'll go blabbing to Batman as soon as we let him go!"
"I don't think he's gonna tell anyone about whatever's happening in there," Robin said.
"Please! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! PLEASE GOD NO!"
"I think she might be touching his—"
"One more word, Kid Mouth," Artemis said. "One more."
"But don't you think that's a foul? Penises are totally off limits."
"I don't think Zatanna would do that," Raquel said. They all paused, considering it.
"GOD, NO! NO! PLEASE, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL! NO! NO! NO!"
Roy and Amelie were the only ones who didn't rush to the door and begin banging frantically on it.
"Zatanna, you're gonna get us totally fucked!" Raquel was shouting.
"Zee, please don't get us arrested!" Artemis was yelling.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIS DICK YOU SICK TWISTED BITCH!" Wally screeched.
The door opened at last. Flash's eyes were wide open. Zatanna was wiping her hands. "They're fucking us," she said flatly.
"What did you do?" Wally asked. "Will he still be able to use it?"
"What? Ew," Zatanna said. "I tickled him, you pervert."
"They're fucking us?" Roy asked. "Seriously?"
"Seriously," she said. "They caught an asteroid passing through about a week and a half ago. Conveniently forgot to radio it in."
"How far ahead are they?" asked Robin.
"Really far," Zatanna said. "Too far to catch up."
"You should've ripped his dick off," Wally said, glaring at Flash.
"Look," he said, panting. "We—we just—didn't—want—you guys—to be—disappointed."
Well, that certainly explained why they left Roy behind with them. But it still wouldn't be enough to protect them from what Zatanna and Robin had started a group huddle to plan out.
(400)
"It's not complicated, you know," Roy said stiffly. "All you have to do is duck when you see people aiming weapons at you."
"It's nothing," Gemma said, waving him of as she dabbed at the cut on her arm. "It's barely a scratch."
"It could have been a lot worse," Roy said. "He could have taken your whole arm off."
"You're so dramatic. At least we found him."
"Again. And he got away. Again."
"Brick-Top is good at getting away," she said. "But he's bad at staying hidden for long. I think he'll pop up again soon."
"And actually tear your arm off this time?"
"Drama queen," Gemma said.
"It's that ass James' fault," Roy said. "I told them he wasn't ready for the field."
"You're just getting frustrated because of Brick-Top," Gemma said. "Don't let him get between this team."
"He's gotten away every single time, Gemma," Roy said pointedly. "I just wanna know what steroid he's been pumping into his veins. Maybe if one of us gave it a shot, we'd actually be able to take him next time."
"You're letting him get the best of you," Gemma said quietly, rubbing oil onto the cut.
Roy looked down at her. "How are you not upset about his?" he asked. "He's got a new toxin. A new one."
"I am upset," Gemma said. "Believe it or not, I'm terrified. But I have let myself loose too many nights of sleep thinking about him. I'm not freaking out anymore. He's not worth it."
"I'm gonna pin James to a wall next time I see him."
"That won't accomplish anything," Gemma said. "He's still getting this stuff. Considering how new he is, I think he didn't do too badly."
"Why are you defending him as you dress your injured arm?"
"Because everyone deserves a chance," she said. "Everyone deserves a shot at proving themselves."
"And he just blew his," Roy said. He paused. "I think he did it on purpose."
"Oh, Roy," Gemma rolled her eyes. "Brick-Top has a new toxin. A new one. You have better things to worry about than James." She got to her feet. "I'm going back to the mountain. You let me know when you're past this crazy phase."
And she got to her feet, kissed his cheek, and walked out the door to his apartment, closing it behind her.
Roy waited until she was gone before he turned back to his wall and imagined James standing there. He pulled back his fist and sent it flying against the wall so hard it blew a hole in it.
"Shit," he murmured, halfway to punching it again.
(495)
"Captain Marvel?" Robin said into the radio in the Briefing Room. "It's me. We just want you to know that we have the Flash and he's alive and—well, he's alive—and we know that you guys are screwing us over. Safe to say you're all gonna get fucked pretty hard when you get back. Don't tell the Bat I said that. But because you're kinda young for that sort of trauma, we advise you to go straight home when you get back on Earth. Because we're not feeling too forgiving." A pause. "Later, bro."
Robin dropped the headset onto the keypad.
"It probably would have sounded scarier if I'd said it," Zatanna said.
"We ought not to have said it at all," Kaldur said, his hands on his head. "This is insubordination, what we've just done."
"Yeah, well, they insubordinated first," Robin said. "They said they would let us know when they found something. They lied through their teeth right to our faces."
"Give me a hand with this," Conner said to M'gann, who held open the balloon mouth as Conner cracked about eight eggs into it.
"This is really immature," Roy said. "They can't even have gotten that far. Maybe the bio-ship can catch up with them?"
"Yeah, but Flash doesn't know exactly where they are," Zatanna said. "We could end up on the wrong side of the planet and they'd have gotten to the asteroid already."
"I need more eggs!" Wally said.
Artemis approached him with an enormous box of eggs. Roy rolled his eyes and looked at the garage door longingly.
"No, bitch," Raquel said to him. "Nu-uh. You'll get totally lost. They could come back any minute."
"And when they do, we'll probe them all," Zatanna said.
M'gann winced at the word. "Proper 'probe'?" she asked. "Because that does a lot of damage to the mind."
"No, not proper 'probe'," Zatanna said, rolling her eyes. "They've kept us here for weeks, even Roy. They've treated every one of us like children. Like immature children."
"You're stuffing balloons with egg yolk," Roy said flatly. "How is that not immature?"
"They started it," Zatanna said. "If they want to treat us like kids when we've done nothing to earn it, then we'll act like kids. That's our friend that might possibly be breathing out there. This is our fight, too. We got our asses whopped by Brick-Top more times than they ever did. We were the ones who fought him in the storage house. We were the ones who fought him on the Star City Bridge. We were the ones who went to the asteroid. We're the ones that watched it happen. This mission—from beginning to end—was ours. They only stepped in because they thought we couldn't handle it. I say we egg them, and that's just the beginning."
On any normal day, Roy would have agreed with her. But not that day. On that day, all he could do was stare at the garage door and listen as Wally called out for more eggs and Artemis wondering if they should fill balloons with custard as well.
(409)
The black sky wasn't a bad sign, Gemma insisted.
"It's a good sign, she said. "Dark doesn't always mean bad, and light doesn't always mean good."
"It was bad tonight," Robin said. "He got away. Again."
"It's okay," Gemma said, trying to reassure herself as much as Robin. "Tomorrow is a new day."
"Tell that to Kaldur and Roy when they get back," Wally said, biting his fingernails. "We're dead meat."
"Your bad mood is upsetting the ship," Megan said, stroking the wall of the bio-ship.
"Not half so much as it upsets me," came a voice as Roy and Kaldur boarded the ship. Kaldur looked a little weary. Roy was seeing red. He zeroed in on David, who was doing his best to blend into the wall.
"You let Brick-Top escape," Roy growled at David.
"Cut him a break, Roy," Gemma said. "He's still getting this. He's new."
"He's been here for a month," Roy said bitterly.
"And he's still learning. How good were you after only a month of training?" Gemma asked.
"Good enough not to let an international criminal get away when I had him in plain sight. You didn't think anything through," he added to David. "Reckless and impulsive. You let him slip away and you almost got the rest of us killed!"
"Not on purpose!" Gemma said.
"Enough," Kaldur said, rubbing his temples in an effort to massage out what Roy imagined was a hairpin headache. "If making mistakes is a crime, then all of us are guilty. Let us return to the mountain for debriefing. M'gann, take us home."
The ride back to the mountain was icy, to say the least. Gemma stayed seated beside David, sweetly reassuring him that he would not be entirely blamed for the failure of the mission, and that considering how new he was, he'd done quite well. Aside from the sing-song tone of her voice, no one else spoke.
"What went wrong?" Batman asked at the cave.
"Ask him," Roy said, tilting his head towards David.
Gemma rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Right," she said. "Because we're in the presence of a god and no one's allowed to screw up a little in the beginning."
"A little? A little? He got away, Gemma!"
"As if no one in this room has made stupider calls!"
"Gemma's right, Roy," Artemis said. "I made bad choices, too. Accidents happen."
"Accident? Is that what you're calling tonight? An accident?"
"Enough," Kaldur said. "I'd chastise you all, but I'm too tired. Drop this now. Brick-Top will appear again. When he does, we can hope that we've all learned from tonight. Go home, everyone. Gemma, come back in the morning and we will discuss the lead."
Gemma made to walk out of the room, but Roy held out his hand.
"I need your help with something," he said.
Despite the bitter venom between them moments before, Gemma slipped her hand into Roy's and they left through the beam, arriving one by one at a phone booth in Star City. Roy's car was parked faithfully in the alley. Gemma slid into her seat and buckled up, pulling her hair into a high ponytail. Roy dropped into the driver's seat and slid the key into the ignition, hauling out onto the street.
"What was he talking about?" Roy asked after a few seconds.
"Hm?"
"He said you'd talk about a lead. What lead?"
"I found a lead."
"I know that. What was it?"
"Some soil in the warehouse where we fought him last month."
"That soil was actually a lead?"
"Yep. Specific to a planet a while away. We're gonna analyze it tomorrow. If I'm right, then we've found his base of operations. We won't even need to wait for him to pop up. David will be glad."
"Glad that his mistake didn't cost us everything."
"Don't be so hard on him. He's new."
"You're awfully defensive of him."
"I'm defensive of anyone that gets on your bad side."
"Why?"
"Because you're so insensitive."
"How am I insensitive?"
"David has sensitivity issues. You're an insensitive, tough love, take no prisoners guy. He needs to have someone on his side."
"And this has nothing to do with the fact that he was an Abercrombie model?"
"What does this have to do with that?"
"His modeling portfolio is all you've been looking at for a while now."
"He's not ashamed of his past. I know that's rare on this team, but David has an actual life out there."
"And I don't?"
"Not really, no. You live, breathe, eat, and sleep Red Arrow. You need to find an outlet."
"Maybe I'm not insensitive. Maybe you're over-sensitive."
"Maybe that's a good thing."
"Not for us. Not when David is showing you his underwear campaign."
"He doesn't have an underwear campaign, you jerk."
"You're too soft with him. He'll never learn if you baby him. You do this to all the new recruits. The cute ones, anyways."
"So it's not okay for me to be tight with new recruits that I'll be working with on missions where my life could be in danger, but it's okay for you to get laid at press events?"
"That never happened."
"Please, I know it did."
"How would you know? We were talking on the phone. Did you go through the phone and check?"
"No, but I could hear it in your voice. I'm young, not stupid. You were asking me out, and your playmate was blowing you under the table."
"She did not blow me under the table."
"I don't care where she did it. I know she blew you. First time you ever ask me out, you do it over the phone getting laid by a psycho fan. Or wait—was it Briana Dermont?"
"You're so eager to assume the best of everyone, but always the worst of me."
"I only have the worst to work with when it comes to you, Roy."
"You jump to conclusions. You always do, and you're always wrong. The soil won't help, it's not a lead. It's just soil."
"We'll see tomorrow, then, won't we? Or maybe next week, when we find out my lead is right and we're on our way to take down Brick-Top."
"You're not going next time we catch a real lead on this guy," Roy said.
"What?"
"You're not going. You're staying in the control room."
"Why?"
"Because it's dangerous and you'll get hurt."
"Because I can't handle myself out there?"
"Because it's dangerous."
"Because I'm a girl?"
"That's not what I said."
"It's what I heard. Is M'gann going?"
"Nope. Connor's gonna break it to her."
"Since when is the Junior League a sexist team?"
"It's not. It's not like that."
"Is Zatanna going?"
"No."
"Is Artemis going?"
"No."
"Is Raquel going?"
"No."
"Then how is it not sexist?"
"We talked about it, and we just don't want to see you get hurt."
"Oh, how touching. It hurts more how sexist you are."
"I told you, it's not like that."
"You said you needed my help with something."
"Yeah," he said. "I need you to crystallize my wall."
"Why?"
"I think I might have lost something in it when I re-plastered it last week."
"Why did you re-plaster it last week?"
"Because it had a hole in it."
"Why was there a hole in the wall?"
"Because I punched it in, okay?"
"You have anger issues, Roy."
They were silent for a few minutes.
"If I end up skipping," she said at last. "You should know it wasn't for you."
"Doesn't matter," Roy said. "As long as you're not there."
"You're such a jerk sometimes, you know that? You hurt."
"You hurt, too, when you want."
"I hurt? I'm the over-sensitive one, aren't I?"
"You hurt when I'm freaking out trying to keep you from being ripped to shreds like last time we saw Brick-Top," Roy narrowed his eyes. "Of course, I have James to thank for almost killing you."
"You seriously want to start on this again?"
"Yes, I do want to start on this again. That idiot almost got your arm blown off. It's not even the first time he's fired something at you."
"It wasn't his fault," Gemma said. "He was supposed to get acquainted with the arsenal! How was he supposed to know what the thing did?"
"I didn't expect him to know what it did," Roy said as he pulled into the parking lot at his apartment building. "But I'd expect him at least to know not to point and shoot the damn thing at you!"
"He was new!" Gemma defended as they walked through the lobby, into the elevator.
"He was an idiot! But of course you'd defend the new recruit, the cute guy from Laguna with a tan and seven huskies!" Roy said as the elevator doors closed.
"Well, you're awfully interested in the cute new recruits, are you trying to tell me something?"
"Did you kiss Donnie Train at Senator Kearney's Valentine's Day party?" Roy asked as the door opened and they proceeded through the carpeted halls.
"You and I weren't even together on Valentine's Day, what does it matter?" Gemma asked as Roy unlocked the door to his apartment. "Which wall is it?"
"This one," Roy said, pointing at the nearest one. Gemma placed her palms on either side of it. In seconds, it turned to glass. A credit card was suspended inside.
"You wanna get it?" she asked.
"Later," he said. She shrugged, collapsing onto his couch and tossing her dark blue bag aside.
"You still haven't told me if you kissed him."
"Why would that be important? We weren't even together."
"I've never given you any crap about the guys you've been with before me, but every time a girl so much as walks past me, you freak!"
"When have I ever done that? I asked you an honest question!"
"And so did I! Did you kiss Donnie Train?"
"No. Did you get blown as you were asking me out over the phone?"
"Yes, I got blown."
"And all this happened in the five or so minutes that it took you to ask me out?"
"Yes."
Gemma made a face, not an angry one, but one that was rather proving her point.
"See?" she said. "I might be close with recruits and over-sensitive, but I've never lied to you about any of the guys in my life. I'm not even mad about it! You see a guy talking to me, and you think I'm sleeping with him. You're so immature. Flawed judgment."
"I have flawed judgment?" Roy asked. "I didn't make the flawed judgment that allowed Greg Sykes to escape. He left because you threw him a pity party. You're over-sensitive—yet again—and people are still getting hurt because of it!"
"How does having a heart make me a bad judge?"
"Having a heart has nothing to do with this," Roy said. "You problem was that you got lazy. If you had done your research, then you'd have had a shred of a clue that Greg Sykes was a stage actor once. Working up sob stories for an audience is what he does. But you didn't know that until he was gone because you were too busy cutting diamonds to decorate your room with and shopping at the new square and shoving French salad down your throat to lose weight that you don't need to lose."
Gemma eyed him for a split second. "Do you believe in magic, Roy?" Gemma asked finally. "Because I do. I believe in the pretty fairies that create the materials in our weapons—which they invent themselves, by the way—and recreates their suits every time someone gets hurt and makes the French salad that I shove down my throat," she pauses. "You're so unforgiving and angry all the time. You still won't talk to Donnie Train."
"He called me Speedy. You know I hate that name."
"He made a mistake."
"Introducing me to the mayor."
"Again—a mistake. I keep forgetting the word doesn't exist in your dictionary, but we normal humans make them all the time."
"You're all smiles for every guy you meet," Roy says. "But you've only got daggers for me."
"Only tonight because you're such a jerk. You're a jerk to Donnie, you're a jerk to David, you're a jerk to everyone you see."
"You're awfully defensive of them. I knew you knew Donnie before. Did you date him?"
"Are you kidding? I introduced him to you. Why would I do that if he were my ex?"
"Please, I know the way your glitzy ass works."
Gemma paused. "I didn't date him," she said, glaring at him.
"Then you slept with him," Roy said, shrugging. "It's okay. I'm not mad. See? I can be forgiving too."
Gemma stared at him. "Roy, you're the second guy I've ever dated, ever," she began. "You're also the worst guy I or anyone else could have dated because you're an insensitive, jealous, cold machine that can't own up to it."
She picked up her scarf and walked out the door. Roy only stared at the knob, counting the seconds until she realized that she forgot her purse and came back in. It took four seconds.
"By the way," she added. "I'm a virgin."
And she closed the door and left again, her purse still forgotten, leaving Roy in complete silence.
(497)
"FIRE!" Zatanna yelled as the tube glowed yellow.
"AAAHHHHH!"
"Oh, sick!"
"What the HELL?"
"Victory!" yelled Wally, high-fiving Zatanna.
"Is this...custard?"
"This is good fucking custard," Ollie said quietly, licking some off his finger.
"Who's idea was this?" Black Canary asked, stepping forward angrily as she squeezed egg yolk out of her hair.
"All of ours," Zatanna said. "Minus Roy and Amelie and Kaldur," she added.
"Well, then all of you minus Roy and Amelie and Kaldur can consider yourselves on probation," Black Canary said.
"Is there coconut oil in this?" Ollie asked, licking off his glove. "It's fucking good."
"It's weed, actually," Wally said quietly to himself.
"Well, we'll take the probation," said Zatanna. "But you can't say you didn't earn it."
"What are you talking about?" asked Black Canary.
"We know you fu—screwed us," Artemis said, holding another balloon at the ready. "We know you found the asteroid and chose not to tell us."
"Wha—Flash," Black Canary murmured.
"Yeh, Flash," Raquel said. "And Gemma'zur teammate, nt yurs. We don't 'ppreciate benscrewed ver, 'n youcan put uson all the probation you wan', but these balloons're jus' the 'ginning o yo' probation."
Ollie and Black Canary stared at her.
"She's been through more vodka in the past hour than you went through in college freshman year," Robin said. "But I'm pretty sure it hasn't done anything to her aim."
Black Canary sighed.
"Is Flash alive?" Ollie asked.
"Yeah, he's alive," Zatanna said. The zeta tube glowed yellow again. "Prepare to attack!" Zatanna yelled again. Roy crawled underneath the desk of the supercomputer, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
"Wait, no!"
"FIRE!"
"AAAAHHHH!"
"What the fuck is this?"
"What is going on here?" asked a low voice. J'ann.
"Can you hold on for a second while we explain?" Ollie asked.
"Ainno splainin' to it!"
"Is she drunk?" asked another voice. Superman.
"Completely. But as you can see, her throwing arm is still spot on."
"I wouldn't suppose you had anything to do with this, Zatanna?"
"Are you kidding? This whole damn thing was probably her idea."
"I helped!" yelled Wally.
"You're all in more trouble than you can put into words," said another voice. Captain Atom.
"Alright, then," Zatanna said. Roy popped his head out to see her shrugging. "But you're just as screwed as we are."
"Flash," Ollie said simply to Captain Atom.
"You shouldn't have tossed us into the dark," Robin said. "This is our mission, too."
"Where is all this even coming from?" Black Canary asked. "You guys are just kids."
"So you seem so hell bent on believing," Zatanna said. "Which is why this shouldn't come as surprising to you. Isn't this what kids do?"
"Zatanna," Superman said, sighing. "Please, please put down the balloon and let's talk about this like grownups."
"Oh, so now you wanna treat us like grownups?" Zatanna asked as Artemis scoffed.
"Can we speak with a sane adult here?" asked Ollie.
"Yeah," said Hal. "Where the hell's Roy?"
"Hiding under the computer," Robin said.
"No'hiding," Roy said. "Jus' steerin clear o the blas'zone."
"You wanna come out here so we can all talk?"
"Nah. Something tells me the next strike is coming soon. Choose your words wisely."
"Put that thing down, Zatanna," Black Canary said.
"Not until you tell us what you found on the asteroid," Zatanna said. "And give us a damn good reason why you didn't call it in like you said that you would."
"Look," Black Canary said. "We just didn't want to disa—"
"Don't use that word," M'gann said. "Don't."
"Roy, get out here and say something to them," Ollie said.
"Screw you," he said. "I 'ntend ta die wit dignigy."
"Roy's drunk," Robin said. "He's been doing nothing but getting drunk and trying to figure out how to sneak into the garage without us noticing because he wanted to go after you."
"There's been a lot of talking lately," Zatanna said. "First Flash talked. Then we talked, then there was a lot more talking that led us here. But you didn't talk. You just screwed. There's a time and place for foreplay. This would have been it."
"Call Batman," Captain Atom said. "This is nonsense."
"Yeah, call Batman, will you?" asked Robin. Superman stepped towards the computer.
"Not you," Wally said. "Green Arrow can do it."
Superman stayed in place.
"Slowly, Ollie," Black Canary said. "No sudden moves."
"They're not snakes," Ollie said. "They're kids."
"FIRE!"
SPLASH.
"AAHHH!"
"They don' li' bein called that," Roy said from his spot under the desk, taking another swig of vodka.
Ollie stepped forward slowly, looking back every few steps to check on his soaked comrades.
"Jesus," he whispered as he switched on the radio. "Batman, it's me. Look, we're all back at the mountain, but we've got ourselves a little bit of a situation."
"Is anyone hurt?" asked Batman's voice.
"No—well—I haven't seen Flash," Ollie said.
"He's breathing," Zatanna said loudly.
"Zatanna?" Batman called. "Are the team alright?"
"They're fine," Ollie said. "It's the League you should be worried about."
"The League? What's going on?" Batman asked. Conner came forward and pushed Ollie's chair aside.
"The League is in the middle of finding out exactly how it feels to take it straight up the ass," Conner deadpanned. Roy swallowed another swig of vodka.
"Superboy? Is that you? What is going on?" Batman asked.
"We've been asking that question for weeks," Conner said bitterly. "You've got some serious explaining to do. Get back here and we can negotiate."
"Don't take too long," Artemis called. "Our next strike is the laxative darts."
"Oh Jesus, no!" Ollie yelled. "Batman, get back here now! The whole mountain's gone ape-shit!"
"Put Red Arrow on," Batman said evenly. "Now."
"Red Arrow is presently unable to take your call," said Wally, standing beside Conner in an instant. "He's chasing away his hangover with another hangover as we speak. You can come back, if you like, and we can determine our next course of action."
"Or you can run away and delay your lashing," Zatanna called over. "In which case, you'll still get screwed."
Silence.
"Where is Aqualad?" Batman asked.
"No way," Wally said. "You're not reasoning your way out of this one."
"Two minutes," said Conner. "Or we'll break out the darts."
"Jesus, please no," Ollie said as Conner switched off the radio.
Roy took another swig of vodka. There was an easy way to solve this, he knew. Superman could have Conner on the ground in minutes. It would be a struggle, true, but he could have done it. Black Canary could have taken both Artemis and Raquel if she put enough effort into it. The League members outnumbered the team members by far. But they wouldn't try. Subduing this little revolution wouldn't change the sentiments. And Roy had to hand it to the League—they were handling the situation rather well.
"Do they really have laxative darts?" Ollie asked nervously under the desk.
Roy chuckled. "Youvnoidea," he slurred, gulping down another huge mouthful.
"Here cometh your salvation," Wally said as the zeta tube glowed yellow. "Or your destruction. Whichever one comes first."
Batman walked into the room, closely followed by Red Tornado and John Stewart. They paused abruptly at the scene before them, taking in everything. Roy under the desk, the League covered in egg yolk and custard, the team holding balloons, and empty bottles of vodka strewn everywhere.
"Why the hell does this whole room smell like pot?" John asked.
"It's in the custard," Wally said plainly. "Now step out of the zeta tube so we can hit you."
"Why can't you just hit them in there?" asked Conner.
"Because that thing's a bitch to clean," Artemis said. "Come out with your hands up."
"What the hell is going on here?" John asked. "Someone help me hold these kids down."
"Don't call them—" Roy warned.
"FIRE!"
SPLASH.
"Nasty!"
"God, stop!"
"Stop calling them kids, dammit!"
"Where the hell did you get all this pot?" asked Black Canary.
"James grows it in the greenhouse," Wally said proudly. "It's organic, hot stuff."
"Excuse me?"
"Out with your hands up!" Artemis said.
"Put that thing down," Batman said. "Put it down now."
"Are we on probation?" Zatanna asked. "Are we grounded? We didn't join this team to be tossed around like babies. You asked for babies, and you treat us like babies. Therefore, we'll be babies, and you should know—babies are quite a bitch to negotiate with."
"Zatanna..." Superman pleaded.
"Where is Red Arrow?" asked Batman.
"Under the desk," Robin said, tilting his head in Roy's direction.
Batman's eyes darted from Roy to the bottle in his hand. "How could you let this happen?" he asked. "You have a job to do."
"So'd you," Roy said, taking another swig. "You kin'o earned this. Look at'em, for shi's sake. Really fuckin' look at'em. They're traumatized 'n upse' 'n tired 'n now, they're angry too. You'c'n stam' this lil coup d'état down, f'you like. I'not gonna st'p ya."
Batman looked around at them all, either buying himself some time or honestly thinking about it. Roy figured it must have been the second, because in all honesty, they could have just stamped out the uprising. John Stewart certainly thought they should have.
"What the hell are we doing?" he asked. "Put Roy in a bed to sleep this shit off, and get them," he gestured to Zatanna, Robin, Artemis, M'gann and Superboy. "started on the cleanup."
"I strongly advise against that," said Red Tornado. "The junior team has come to us with a grievance. I understand that their methods of bringing said grievance to our attention are...questionable. But the fact remains that punishing them will not teach them anything. You may stop this upheaval today, but it will come again—on another day—and perhaps at a very inconvenient time. I highly recommend that we pursue the diplomatic course of action and negotiate with them. Understand and meet their demands. Zatanna has come forward claiming that we treat them as we would treat infants. Perhaps if we treat them as adults, they would feel more inclined to behave as adults would."
"You should listen to RT," Robin said. "He's got his head on his shoulders."
"Unlike all of y'all," John mumbled, shaking custard out of his fingers.
"Red Tornado is right," Superman said.
Batman bit his lip, thinking on it.
"You shoul'know," Roy said, sticking his head out from beneath the desk. "Theyggot lax' darts."
Ollie whimpered.
"Alright," Batman said. "We're open to negotiation. What is the problem here?"
"How could you not radio it in?" Artemis asked. "You said you would."
"We were worried about you," Black Canary said. "If Kaldur's theory wasn't right—and there was a fifty percent chance that it wouldn't be—then you'd be so disa—"
"Stop using that word," M'gann said. "Stop. Flash used that word. Disappointed. You guys didn't want to disappoint us. Like you're buying a puppy and you're worried it won't be our favorite breed. She's our teammate. We saw the whole thing happen, not you. This is our mission, it has been from the beginning. You could have stepped in at any time, and you didn't. Not until she died. And then you up and bolt and leave us behind like little infants—like we never fought Brick-Top a million times. Like we haven't broken a million bones each doing it. Like we didn't watch Asteroid Nine explode. This isn't fair. You're supposed to be the Justice League. What's so just about this?"
"It might interest you to know that we found something of concern during this mission," Black Canary said.
"Will it protect you from the laxative darts?" Wally asked.
Ollie whimpered again. "Jesus, no," he whispered, crossing himself.
Batman looked around at them all. His eyes fell on Kaldur and Amelie, all the way in the back of the room with their arms crossed, watching with tired eyes. "And you two?" he asked. "You've been awfully quiet."
"What's to say?" asked Amelie. "You betrayed our trust. You broke your promise. The balloons are probably uncalled for, but I wouldn't try to stop them."
"Kaldur?" Black Canary looked at him. "Please tell them to put those things down."
"I do not believe pelting balloons will help us overcome our anger," Kaldur said, pushing his weight off the wall and coming forward. "But what Amelie has said rings true. We have been betrayed. You have not kept your word, and whatever results you have found aside, we are not pleased with the way you have chosen to handle it."
"They'right," Roy said, crawling out into view. "You shoulda tol us. S'my girlfren ou'there. S'fucked up."
"Yeah, that's his girlfriend out there!" Robin agreed. "That's pretty fucked up!"
"Is that what he said?" John asked. "I thought his drunk ass was ordering a pizza."
"Dude," Wally said. "He's been drinking for days. You guys are pure fucking evil. This is the new Injustice League."
"Where's the Flash?" asked J'onn.
"Zatanna had a little fun with him," Wally said. "It involved penises. He probably won't be able to use his anymore."
"What?"
"Oh, God, they've all gone nuts!" Ollie said, backing against the wall.
"Wally's stoned," Artemis said. "Zatanna tickled him."
"Alright," Hal said, stepping forward. "What do you want? Just tell us what you want, and we can handle this like grownups."
"We want you to do what you've been doing for the past few months," Robin said. "Plain and simple."
"And what's that?" asked Batman.
"Absolutely nothing," Artemis answered.
"Because whining and bitching about how Brick-Top keeps getting away counts as nothing," Zatanna added.
"Your demands are unclear," Red Tornado said.
"We want you to step down from this mission," Amelie said. "It was assigned to us. We're the ones who have to finish it. Brick-Top is ours. You can stay put and do as you please here, or you can ship out to the Hall of Justice. It doesn't concern us either way. As long as you're as uninvolved with this operation as you were the day we started it."
"Oh, Christ..." Ollie moaned, huddling into a little ball in the corner.
"We'd be inclined to do so," Hal said carefully. "But...we can't."
"Why not?" asked Zatanna.
"Because...it's already been handled."
"What?" asked Wally, blinking a few times to keep them in sight.
"It's already been handled, I mean," Hal said again.
"What the hell does that mean?" asked Robin.
"It means..." Black Canary sighed. "Brick-Top is dead. We've already done it all."
And that was when Roy decided it was high time he slid back under the desk.
"Fire," Zatanna said quietly.
Roy passed out to the sounds of yelping in pain and Ollie's prayer to a God Roy didn't even know he believed in.
(410)
It wasn't until at least an hour later when Roy realized that about seventy percent (arguably ninety percent) of the fight was his fault. He tried calling her, but she wouldn't answer her phone.
"Gem," he said after being re-routed to her answering machine for the fourth time. "It's...it's me. Look, we really need to talk about this. I'm sorry, okay? Can you just...call me? So we can talk about this?"
He left two more messages like that before he realized she wasn't going to answer any time that night. Part of him thought he should go see her in person, zeta beam himself back to Mount Justice and break down the barricade in her bedroom, but he thought better of it. She wouldn't want to hear anything right now. He'd have to wait until morning.
Roy awoke at around three thirty with a text message from Wally telling him to haul ass to Mount Justice that instant. When he arrived, every member of the team was suited up or suiting up, many with mugs of strong coffee to keep the droop out of their step.
"Thank you for joining us, Roy," Red Tornado said.
"What's going on?" Roy asked, accepting a mug from M'gann.
"It's Gemma's lead," said Kaldur.
"The soil? What about it?"
"She was right," Robin said, bouncing up and down.
"How much of that have you had?" Connor asked, looking into Robin's mug.
"A few sips," Robin says excitedly. "This stuff is awesome."
"Get that away from him before he has a seizure," Artemis said. Connor took the mug from Robin quickly.
"About the lead?" Roy urged.
"The soil from the footprint," Kaldur began. "Comes from a far off planet called Ivalice."
"Ivalice is light-years away," Roy said. "It's further than Pluto."
"Yes, but a chunk of it broke off during the Middle Ages," Wally said. "An asteroid a little bigger than the Watchtower floated past Earth in the late eighteenth century."
"It's well out of the Earth's orbit by now, but still close enough to Earth for speedy travel to and from here," Robin said. "So it's likely to be the base of his operation."
"And we're going after it today?" Roy said. They nodded. "Then why are M'gann and Artemis suited up? I thought we established they weren't coming."
"Because they found out Gemma was coming and they threw a fit," Connor explained.
"Why is Gemma coming?" asked Roy.
"This is the complicated part," Kaldur said. "We found a material that could neutralize the toxin in Brick-Top's weapons."
"Neutralize it?"
"Completely. It dissolves it like a pearl in acid."
"And?"
"And the problem is that the material is practically radioactive," Wally said. "It's so toxic that we can't take a canister of the stuff onboard the bio-ship without putting all our lives in danger. We haven't tested it in a no-oxygen atmosphere. It could blow us all into a black-hole."
"But if Gemma comes, we won't even need to bring it onboard. Gemma can create the molecules needed to neutralize it right there on sight. She's our walking antidote."
"And of course, once the other girls heard about it, they wouldn't hear of being left behind."
"I'm sorry," said Raquel. "I seem to have forgotten this is a sexist organization."
"Where's Gemma now?" Roy asked, ignoring her.
"Black Canary's with her," Robin said, ushering to the antechamber. "Gemma doesn't want to come."
"I still can't see why," Connor said. "She was so adamant about coming along yesterday."
Roy swallowed hard and pretended not to hear. When Gemma finally came out, Roy could see from her face that she hadn't slept all night. Roy felt a sharp pang of guilt in his stomach and tried to smile at her when she looked his way, but she only nodded curtly at him.
"I take the fact that you're suited up to mean you're coming?" M'gann said hopefully.
Gemma huffed. "Unfortunately," she said.
"I don't get why this bothers you," M'gann said. "We've been talking about this for weeks."
Gemma sighed. "Let's just get it over with."
Gemma sat in the farthest seat from Roy onboard the bio-ship. No one noticed the strange, cold quiet between them. They were too busy discussing battle tactics and the asteroid and how the use of a chunk of space rock as a home-base was totally cheating. No one minded that Roy didn't talk. He didn't usually. But Gemma was never so silent.
"Why so quiet, Gem?" Artemis asked, inching towards her.
Gemma shrugged. "Not talky today," she said simply. "I just wanna be home."
"When this is over," Wally said. "If they don't give you some sort of medal, I'm gonna be pissed."
"Kid Flash is right, Alchemist," Kaldur said. "If not for you, we'd never have known where to look in the first place. We'd still be running in circles. You should be proud of yourself."
"I am...I guess."
"But there is something else on your mind," Kaldur said.
She sighed. "I'm just...tired. Can we just get this over with? I have to finish an e-mail to my dad."
Gemma was left in silence for the remainder of the ride. Roy could only bring himself to look at her twice after that, until as asteroid the size of a hemisphere came into view.
"That's gotta be it," Artemis said.
"It is," Gemma said. "It feels like it's got all the elements."
"Switching into stealth mode," M'gann said.
"Alchemist, can you feel any weak spots?" asked Kaldur.
"Get me closer," Gemma replied, unbuckling her seatbelt.
M'gann inched the ship closer to the asteroid, opening a small hole nearest to the rock. Gemma reached out and laid a manicured hand onto the surface.
"There's...there's a salt deposit just a little bit further ahead," she said. "The whole asteroid is relatively breakable. One bomb should be enough to create a ripple effect that could destroy it."
"Told you we didn't need to bring so many," Wally said to Robin, who shrugged.
"Better safe than sorry," Robin said. "So how do we get in?"
"Brick-Top built a network of tunnels leading to three main chambers," Gemma said, her hand still pressed firmly to the rock. "There's a lot of rooms and a lot of tunnels. The place is a labyrinth. The toxin is in the third chamber."
"Can you remember the way if we move the ship away from the asteroid?"
"I think so. As long as I'm touching some part of this thing, I'll have a map," Gemma said.
"And as long as Miss Martian is linking us, then we all have the map," Kaldur said.
M'gann nodded. "Connection established," she said.
"So what's the plan?" asked Artemis.
"This," said Kaldur. "We're splitting into three. Rocket, Kid Flash, Artemis and Zatanna will create a distraction in the North sector. Alchemist, show us the map."
Gemma nodded, closing her eyes. Roy closed his own.
"Jesus," Robin whispered.
Jesus was right. The tangle of zigzags and twists and turns that Gemma was showing them looked like a messy ball of yarn.
"Show us the North sector," Kaldur said. A pause. A single portion of the mess glowed blue.
"Miss Martian, guide us to this sector. This is the first drop-off."
"Got it," M'gann said, steering the bio-ship along.
"Miss Martian, Superboy and Robin will take the East sector," Kaldur continued. A single portion of the map, next to the blue section, glowed green.
"Red Arrow, Alchemist and myself will use the distraction as cover to enter the third antechamber and neutralize the toxin. By the time they figure out you six are only a diversion, Alchemist will have destroyed the toxin and this threat will be over."
"And Brick-Top will be in a strait-jacket," Artemis said hopefully.
"If we find him," Kaldur said.
"What about the other weapons?" asked Robin. "It's not just that toxin they have on there."
"That's why we'll destroy the entire asteroid," Kaldur said. "We'll plant it while the Alchemist is neutralizing the toxin."
"The time bomb is set for five minutes," Roy said.
"Long enough for us to get back onto this ship and clear of the blast zone," Wally said.
Raquel shrugged. "It'll work," she said.
"Team A, this is your stop. Be careful," M'gann said as the bio-ship came to a halt, a huge hole opening up. Raquel, Wally and Artemis nodded and hurried out.
"Good luck," Gemma called after them. As soon as they were gone, Gemma leaned her head against the window and sighed wearily.