The Unbecoming of Chloe Saunders

11

Veritaphoba

The first thing she did was take a bath, unable to stand for too long without her weak legs giving out. While she soaked in the hot water, she felt the stitches across her forehead and thought back to the fight. She remembered screaming, her limbs suddenly moving, and then pain when she hit the ground, knocked away.

Her dad knocked on the door, pulling her from her thoughts. "I'm ordering some pizza, is that okay?"

She didn't have the heart to tell him she wasn't a big fan of pizza and said, "Yeah. I want cheese." As his footsteps faded away, she tried to recall the last time he was home with her. He'd avoided the house for as long as she could remember and when he was home, he normally stayed locked up in his room, working on whatever he hadn't finished at work.

The warmth of the water and the Ibuprofen she'd taken just before getting in lulled her senses and she lay there for the longest time, her eyes closed and head tipped back. Up on the counter, she'd set up her phone and speaker and the soft notes of a mix of different Broadway musicals soothed her thoughts, letting her relax completely.

It seemed like she'd only shut her eyes for a few minutes when her dad knocked again and she opened them. The water was cold now and she shivered as she stood and turned on the spigot while she used her foot to pull the stopper.

"Chloe, dinner's here," he told her.

"Okay," she said, careful not to raise her voice too much because her head was starting ache again. Another Ibuprofen, I guess, she thought flatly to herself as she put on the shower head and stood under it.

"Chloe?"

She startled; she hadn't realized he hadn't walked away.

"I love you."

Sure, he wasn't the most permanent father in the world and he wasn't home a lot, but that didn't mean he didn't love her any less.

"I'm glad you're okay. Well, I guess getting stitches isn't exactly okay and there's your headaches…" he rambled, worry seeping into his tone and she froze, her fingers stopping inches from her body wash.

Lauren had told him about her episodes. She hadn't realized Lauren even knew about them anymore. More often than not, Chloe fended for herself while Lauren worked.

"Yeah," Chloe managed to laugh weakly, "I'm just falling apart over here." She uncapped her body wash and washed herself until her skin was raw.

"You can tell me anything, you know that, right? Whether it's boys or drugs," Steve said.

Her stomach hurt when she got out and wrapped the towel around herself. The face of a stranger stared back at her, gaunt with protruding cheekbones and sunken eyes and waxy skin. Hair the color of ash-blonde, tinted with faint red, hung in wet clumps around her face. She looked horrible.

Sh, it's just me. Stay still. Quit squirming. Bile burned her throat as she wiped away the steam covering the mirror.

"And, I love you honey, but you're so thin, it's like a wind could blow you away."

"I know," she told her dad as she dried off, raked a comb through her hair, and dressed in holy sweats and a sweatshirt he'd given to her one Christmas. Everything hung off her like a sail and she felt like she was swimming in the fabrics; she even had to roll up her underwear and resorted to not wearing bras because there was nothing for them to hold anymore.

Even though her appearance had drastically changed since the Incident, she was surprised that her dad noticed. He was pretty oblivious; she remembered dying her hair before the Incident and him not even noticing over breakfast together.

When she opened the bathroom door, he was still there. His eyes widened when he saw her.

She wondered what she looked like to him: her mom or a skeleton.

"How's school?" he asked suddenly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, his thumb resting on her collarbone.

"Fine," she said. Except the entire school thinks I'm a whore and I'm sort of friends with a kid who got in a fight on his first day here and I have no friends. Oh, and I have these crippling bouts of pain. Dandy.

They both headed down the stairs and the smell of gooey cheese made her stomach growl. That was a first in a long, long time. Her mouth even watered as she took a seat, pulled open the box, ripped off a slice, and placed it in front of her. "Thanks." As she picked up the slice, ready to take a bite, she noticed he was staring again, only this time at her wrist.

She glanced over and realized her arm would no doubt appear ultra-thin to him; it was three times as small as his, and he wasn't even a very big guy. Discreetly, she pulled her sleeves over hands and took a bite.

Molten cheese and piping sauce hit her tongue and she winced at the small pain, but she swallowed it nonetheless. "It's hot," she told her dad as he picked off a slice, doused it in hot sauce, and tore into it too.

"Do you eat when I'm not here?" he asked gentle after he finished chewing.

Chloe was in the middle of her third bite and paused. "I do if I'm hungry. I guess I've been pretty stressed about school," she admitted, only a half-truth.

"And what about all your theater friends? Nate, Beth, Miranda?" he continued, meeting her eyes with a concerned stare.

They think I slept with Rae's boyfriend. Plus, I haven't spoken to anyone since…Out loud, she said, "We just sort of quit hanging out after the class ended." Shrugging indifferently, she pulled another slice onto her plate and the two of them ate in silence.

If only you knew, but you'd hate me for being so weak, so unable to fight…