Why hello again!

So let me be the first to say congratulations because you people are the first in my fanfic-writing career to get an update on THREE (count 'em, three) different computers. Don't believe me? I'm quite serious... our laptop broke, which has all of my files for this story and I decided to write in the basement for once... which makes me think of a review I got on this a while back but—I don't own anything at the moment.

Chapter Ten

I've lived in this place for a good year and a half and I've never seen it empty. Every time I come into the apartment someone's there, even if it's not always Sadie. It's true that she doesn't let everyone off the street rent a room, but there's always the odd hooker, friend... someone that's living there that I haven't met for whatever reason.

It's been two hours, and all I've heard is snoring from Max's room, and Prudence left thirty minutes ago to go on her date with Rita. I don't know where everyone else is or could be, and the guilt has been gnawing at me ever since I left the awkward silence of the living room, where Max and Prudence had been sitting across from me, attempting to think of some way to get me to talk about what happened down in the basement.

The door opens, I can hear it creak somewhere, and then Max's head pops into the room. "Hey Judey, just checkin' up on you..." With that he's gone, and I'm tempted to find him again, grab him by the shoulders, and shake him until he realizes that I don't need to be checked up on. I can take care of myself, and I'm not about to go into the bathroom with a razor or anything of the sort.

Or maybe I will. Just to show Max. Maybe to give him something to actually worry about instead of him worrying over the insane thought that I'm actually going to off myself. I spent God knows how long in a basement trying to stay alive and when I almost gave up, the police come. If I spent that long trying to keep myself from dying I don't think I'm going to commit suicide any time soon.

"Jude?"

I look up to find Sadie standing in the doorway looking stressed out, but a bit concerned. She stands there for a bit, arms crossed, seeming a bit apprehensive about continuing. I wonder if she knows that Jojo sold his guitar, and that there's no way she's going to get her "big break". Did he tell me that he told her about it?

"D'you want anything to eat?" The way she asks, the way her voice sounds, makes it seem like that's not what she came here to ask at all. I sigh. I don't like people having to beat around the bush, thinking I'm too fragile or some other reason that isn't true. I want the truth, but maybe Sadie doesn't want to hear the truth... so she had to stop herself.

"... sure." I sniffle, bring my hand up to my face and pinch the bridge of my nose. The headache is back, that dull thud thud thud behind my eyes, that hammer... something drops onto my palm and upon looking down I realize it's a drop of water. Tears. One after another they roll down my cheeks and I bury my head in the pillow to avoid looking at Sadie. I can never seem to keep my emotions in check when she comes around, and I've never liked crying. It makes me feel weak, vulnerable and I don't need that right now.

"... Jude?" I feel the bed shift a bit as she sits down on the end of it, runs a hand through my hair. She's the mother out of this whole group; a sexy, lenient mother, but a mother none the less. "Do you want to talk about it?" But her words are apprehensive. She remembers the last time I 'talked about it' where I tore up my arm and they had to sedate me... she doesn't want it happening again, it's too much to deal with.

I don't reply, but bury my head further into the pillow. Thud thud thud my headache is like a drum beat, never-ending and making me cry even more because it won't stop and I'm so tired... but I'm afraid to go to sleep.

I'm trying to make the tears stop as Sadie whispers comforting things to me. For the first time since I woke up I want someone to hold me, to use some sort of comforting gesture whether it's a hug or someone holding my hand. I sit up, head lowered so as to not let Sadie see my tears.

"Are you okay?"

Silence. Then I do something I'm not really sure I'm aware of until I feel her arms wrap around me, one hand stroking my hair as I rest my forehead on her shoulder and let out loud, hiccupping sobs that embarrass me more than anything.

Thud thud thud

"S-Sadie I c-can't s-s-stop e-e-e-everything from c-coming back," I wail. "I d-d-don' want it t-t-to come buh-back!" She continues to stroke my hair as I cling to her like I used to cling to my own mother when I was a child and there would be a storm going on outside, our power would go off sometimes and leave us in the dark.

I'm terrified of the dark.

It used to bring me terrifying images of monsters, long claws dragging across the floor and their fangs dripping poisonous venom. To me those monsters were the evil in the world, every shove by a boy in school and every person who dared to call me a bastard because they knew more than they should have about my lack of a father. Now all that comes to mind when I think of the darkness is Jeannot's movements behind me, the knife glinting in the light that he only turned on when he came downstairs and that stupid stool that he left for me after everything was done.

"Shhh..." Her movements seem awkward, like she's never dealt with something like this before (which I'm sure she hasn't) but it's comforting. I'm not sure why it is I'm letting her touch me when everyone else is being pushed away.

My eyes snap open, tears stopping gradually as I sniffle every once in a while. I don't let go of Sadie; it's as if she's the one holding me together at the moment and if I let go I'll drop back into the basement and I'll never get out.

Thud thud thud.

Okay so that didn't go in the direction I wanted it to... but I'd like to build on Jude's relationship with Sadie more because you hardly see that besides a friendship sort of thing in the movie, anyway.