Chapter 11: You're A God - (Vertical Horizon): I've got to be honest, I think you know. We're covered in lies and that's okay. There's somewhere beyond this I know...but I hope I can find the words to say. Never again no. No never again.
000
The transition from the scorching Cornerian summer heat to the air-conditioned apartment felt as relieving as ever and he couldn't help but shudder at the coolness that smacked him in the face upon stepping inside. He tossed his keys in the bowl by the door and headed towards the kitchen, dropping his bag on the couch on the way. When he reached the fridge he wasn't surprised in the least to find a practically full gallon of milk already inside of it, but he went ahead and placed the second, just purchased, jug in with it.
It still doesn't make sense. She calls me to pick up milk, and I get here and there's still a full gallon from this morning.
Not wanting to launch a full scale investigation on the matter, and not really caring either way, he decided to head down the hall in search for the vixen, and perhaps an answer to his question.
Maybe she doesn't feel well. Or maybe something happened. She sounded kind of...sad earlier. I wonder why?
He allowed his mind to travel back in time an hour or so, the vulpine recalling all six of the voluptuous females that had seemed more than eager for his attention. He couldn't help but grin as he remembered just how smooth he had been around them all, and how obsessed they seemed to be with him.
None of it had been serious...atleast...not to him. Sure they were friendly, beautiful, and flirtatious. But there wasn't anything else behind all of that. They were almost his age, but they acted like they were still in high school and that only made it that much more easier for him to keep his cool around them.
Still...I wouldn't mind meeting up with her again. Brooke.
Of them all the black she-wolf had spoken the least but said the most, her eyes and the vulpine's locking more than once during his short little stay with the group. Maybe she was different from the rest of them...or maybe she was just shyer...either way, compared to the rest of her friends she was by far the most breath-taking, and even now he found himself visualizing the tight curves of her body that seemed to stretch her black two piece to the limit.
Would you stop it! Have some self control for once.
He cracked a grin at his conscious before stepping forward, now at the vixen's closed bedroom door and placing a paw on it.
"Hey Krystal!" he called, giving the door a few pecks, "You in there?"
He stood by, perking his ears forward and listening for the sound of the vixen's voice to answer him. After a few seconds without getting a response he placed his paw on the handle and opened the door a few inches, poking his head inside and looking around, remembering all too well what had happened to him the last time he had been in this situation.
"Yoohoo...Krystal?"
As he pushed the door open further the vixen's bed came into view and he could make out her form laying down on it, her head turned away from him as she listened to her iPod. He waited a few seconds more before allowing a playful smirk to come over him. He slid forward and padded across the room, worrying more about her feeling his footsteps rather than hearing them.
Well...whatever it was that had her upset, maybe I can cheer her up.
When he was within a foot or so he abandoned the stealth method and jumped up on the bed, landing beside her and causing the vixen to jump in surprise. He immediately allowed the laughter to escape him and after a small moment of fear, followed by annoyance, she did as well, reaching up and pulling out the ear buds as she rolled over to face him.
"Damnit Fox. Don't do that!"
He merely smiled back at her, that same amused twinkle in his gaze as he met hers. "Oh c'mon. You were asking for it. All alone in here with your ears plugged."
"I'll remember that later." she answered, still holding a playful look but now reflecting another, more distant, emotion.
"Anyways," he started, holding her gaze for a second more before falling over on his back and looking up at the ceiling, "I meant to ask you...what was with the milk run you sent me on? We've got two gallons now."
He waited a few seconds for her answer, eventually allowing his gaze to rest on the vixen's feet and slowly make its way up her body until he met the waist high cutoff line of her shorts. Once again he couldn't help but imagine the vixen standing beside the she-wolf from the beach, his thoughts doing their best to decide just which one of them looked more beautiful. In his heart he knew it was Krystal. But every time he told himself that he was also reminded that the vixen wasn't his to own or look at.
Whereas Brooke was still fair game.
But a little guilt wouldn't be enough to stop him. Especially since he had yet to meet, or even learn anything more than the name, of the cat that she was going out with.
"Oh that..." she started, mimicking him and turning until she was on her back, "I thought that we were running low, and by the time I realized there was still an entire gallon left I figured you were already at the store so I didn't bother calling you."
Why do I find that hard to believe?
Deciding not to press much further into the matter he instead chose to steer the conversation a different direction.
"You're losing it." he muttered sadly, shaking his head and shooting her a look of playful sympathy.
"I am not." she retorted, looking back at him with an amused glare, "I just forgot."
"Just like how you forgot to cook me supper like you promised?" he went on, still harboring that same look of playfulness, "Remember our deal?"
He felt movement on his side and looked over to see the vixen rolling out of bed, taking a second to stretch before stepping around in front of him. "Okay fine." she replied, smiling at him, "I can take a hint."
She doesn't seem too upset right now.
"Here." he said, throwing his hand up to her, "Help me up."
"What? You aren't tired are you?" she asked, sporting a smirk.
"I'm exhausted."
"Oh really?"
"Really." he replied, still holding his hand up and grinning at her. "I've worn myself out."
"From doing what?" she questioned, placing her paw around his as she prepared to pull him up, "Hitting on girls all day?"
A few things happened then, surprise overtaking them both being the first, followed by...well...even more awkwardness.
She was in immediate disbelief at herself for saying it, her heart having taken over the vocal commands for a mere second as she finally voiced that small spark of jealousy that had been thriving within her for the past hour. Why she had said it she didn't know, but it was obvious to them both by the look on her face that she instantly regretted it.
The first time the opportunity had presented itself she had wasted no time in calling him out on what she had seen him doing earlier that day...but that it bothered her that much, when she knew it shouldn't...she found it almost too hard to believe.
He was just as equally surprised that she knew about it all, and while it was obvious to them both that it shouldn't matter he still couldn't help but feel guilty about it for some reason. It was as if he had cheated on her, not in real life, but in his own mind. That no matter how many times he told himself they weren't together, that it would always be the case in his heart. So for her to have somehow known about his little adventure with the group...it made him feel sick to his stomach.
It must have been the surprise that overtook them both for that split second that caused what happened next.
As she had said it she attempted to pull the vulpine up from her bed, but the words she had accidentally spoke seemed to freeze her in her tracks as she realized what she had just done. And he had been just as shocked and surprised at her comment, so where he would have helped her in the task of lifting his body off the bed, he instead remained motionless as his mind took into account what the vixen had just said.
So rather than pull him up from the bed, she pulled herself down on top of him.
Everything seemed to freeze then. It was as if there was so much going on between them in such a small sliver of time that the only thing that either of the two could manage to do at the moment was look into the others eyes and try to figure it all out.
He had noticed the jealousy in her voice as she had said it, but he was still too surprised to realize what that could have meant. Instead he allowed his focus to lock onto the vixen that had fallen on top of him, her paws resting on each of his shoulders, her muzzle inches from his own as she remained above him and held his shocked gaze.
"Fox...I'm...I'm sorry." her voice hardly a whisper.
For only a second more they remained like that until the vixen finally stood back, allowing her paws to slide down his chest as she pushed herself back onto her feet using his stomach. He laid there a moment more before finally sitting up and looking up at her, a drooping tail now in front of him as she faced away.
She knows. And even though there shouldn't be a damn thing in the world wrong with it I still feel like shit for it. Damnit! Why did I do that?
He couldn't help but imagine himself in her spot, allowing his mind to believe that she had the same feelings for him as he did her, and then imagining how such feelings could be hurt as he watched himself pompously hit on six girls at once.
But she doesn't feel that way. She just feels bad for...for...ah hell I don't know! But it's not what you think it is!
"Krystal its-
"I shouldn't have said that." she interrupted him, still facing away. "It's none of my business."
"No it's-
"I'm sorry."
"Krystal." he muttered, rising to his feet and stepping up by her side, "Stop apologizing. It's no big deal."
It's a fucking huge deal.
But despite what his heart was screaming at him to do and say, he instead chose to follow his mind this time. He knew that he had to say what was best for her, not him, and as long as he knew she was truthful to someone else, whoever he was, he would respect her for it.
"I don't care if you saw that." he went on, swallowing the shame that came with the words, "It's not like it matters right?"
Because we're just friends remember?
She slowly turned to face him, a distant look of heartache in her eyes as she held his gaze and finally nodded. "Yeah." she replied, attempting to force away the previous moment's scars, "Right. It's just...It's your life, not mine. I didn't want you to think I was prying or anything."
"We're roommates," he answered, putting a mask over how he really felt as he sported a grin, "It would be hard not to."
She allowed a small laugh to escape her but they could both tell it wasn't honest. Despite what either of them told the other, or themselves, after all of this being brought out into the open the two only had to work that much harder at disguising their feelings.
"Besides," he went on, placing a paw on her shoulder, "I guess I had it coming from day one."
"No," she replied softly, forcing a smile, "I got you back for that."
They stood there for a moment more, each of their minds still dwelling on the events that had just transpired between them and trying to figure out what could be done to make them seem okay. Eventually he lowered his hand from her shoulder took a few steps for the door, pausing as he reached it and turning back towards her.
"If it makes you feel any better though," he started, shooting her a smile, "None of them looked as great as you."
As soon as he said it he turned for the door, not wanting to see what type of reaction she'd have to the comment. He wasn't sure why he did it. It was just another thing that would end up causing more trouble than it was worth...but at the moment it just seemed like something he had to make known to her. Despite what she thought of it, good or bad, he just had to let the vixen know that she was still leagues ahead of the six females that she had seen him with. If anything, maybe it would cheer her up.
But it wont. Why would it matter to her? My opinion of her has no influence...right?
He heard the door behind him close and was about to let out a sigh of disappointment until he felt another presence at his side. He looked over at the blue fox, receiving a blushed smile in return as she followed him down the hall. From behind he felt her tail playfully intertwine with his own and, even though it felt just as wrong as ever, he couldn't help but enjoy it.
000 A little while later
After hearing the door close she allowed herself to fall down on her side, taking up most of the room that the couch had to offer now that the vulpine was gone. She took in his scent, enjoying the taste it left in her mouth as it reminded her of the ocean and sand. She had done this with Panther, but his seemed more tart and bittersweet, nothing like the vulpine's who was currently taking a shower.
It had been a few hours since the incident in her bedroom but that didn't keep her from replaying it over and over again in her mind. Even now she continued to kick herself for allowing those words to escape her, knowing all too well how stupid it had made her look in front of him.
I bet he thought I was spying on him, or that I'm jealous.
You can't be jealous you idiot. Get control of yourself!
Why did I say that? I mean...I know I was upset, not because I was jealous or anything but just because...because...
I was spending my day off alone while he was off with a bunch of-
Is that what you're going to use an excuse this time? Being lonely because you had no one to hang out with? Is that really the best you can come up with?
It's better than saying that I love him.
You don't love him. Just friends...remember?
Desperate for something to pull her from her emotionally distressed thoughts she sat back up and reached forward for the remote. All she had to do was keep her mind occupied, to not worry about what he said or did around her because she knew that it didn't matter. She loved Panther, not Fox. Fox was her friend, Fox did things that friends did and Panther did things that boyfriends did. Besides, if today was any indication of the vulpine's feelings, he apparently didn't think of the vixen as anything more.
Not if he's able to do what he did today.
Who cares? Stop thinking about it! It doesn't concern you who he goes out with.
She gripped the remote tighter, continuing to click through channels one by one but never really noticing anything that was on any of them. Despite everything she told herself that concerned all that had happened that night, her mind kept returning to those same words over and over again.
"None of them looked as great as you."
Every time she thought she had a grasp on the situation those same words would pop back into her head and screw it all up again. What had he meant when he said that? Was he just being nice or was there more to it? And if it was more than just a compliment, if he meant it to be seen as something else, then what did she need to take from it?
Why are you like this Fox? Everything you say to me, it's like there's some hidden meaning behind it. Why can't I just understand you like I do everyone else?
She was just about ready to give up and give in to her urges knowing that atleast then, regardless of how things might turn out afterward, she'd have some answers. But before she could do anything she heard the distant sound of her phone, the vibrating echoing across the living room as she looked up and realized she had left it on the kitchen counter. Letting out a sigh she rose to her feet and padded across the room, pausing only for a second as she looked over the unknown number before flipping it open and answering.
"Hello?"
"There's my girl."
It had only been three words but they had been more than enough for her to recognize the owner of the deep, smooth tone that belonged the cat, and she felt her heart skip a beat in fear.
"Panther?"
"The one and only my dear." he purred back, "Did you miss me?"
"Miss you?" she asked, anger now creeping into her voice, "I've been trying to call you for almost three weeks. Why haven't you been answering your phone?"
"Oh that..." he answered, hardly phased by her growl, "Yeah I lost it. But no worries, I'm using some cougar's."
"And you waited this long to call me?" she exclaimed, surprised yet grateful at how concerned she sounded, "Panther I was worried about you. I thought something might have happened."
"Relax babe," he replied, the lack of care in his tone causing the vixen to feel even more annoyed, "Nothing is going to happen to Panther Caroso. Not when he's got you to come home to."
She knew that in his own stupid way the comment had meant to be seen as a compliment to her, but either because she was already mad at him or because she had been used to a different, more romantic form of flattery as of late thanks to Fox, she found herself struggling not to shoot back another angry comment.
"Speaking of coming home." he went on, "We're leaving on Wednesday, so we'll be back this time next week."
He paused here and the vixen knew he was waiting for her to voice some sort of cheerful comment about it, so she did, even though it was forced. "I'm glad." she murmured, the sound of the shower stopping in the background causing the mental image of Fox to pop into her mind before she added, "I really miss you."
"I know you do." he replied, his tone still cocky but somewhat emotional this time. "And when I get back I'll remind you why."
She had barely heard the comment, her attention now directed towards the bathroom as she listened for the sound of the vulpine exiting it.
"By the way," he went on, pulling her back into the conversation, "How are my assignments coming?"
"I finished them all." she shot back, the anger now returning somewhat as he so easily shifted the conversation back to himself, "So you don't have to worry about that."
"Great. Thanks babe."
"Yeah."
"Aight well we're going to hit the beach for the night," he answered, never catching the annoyed tone she had, "See ya soon babe. Love ya."
"Love-" she never got to finish before the call was cut off on his end, but it was almost as if she would have preferred it that way. After the past few weeks and everything that had went down in her life, in addition to that phone call, she realized it was getting harder and harder to say she still loved Panther Caroso.
She wouldn't get a chance to dwell on it, atleast not yet, as the sound of the bathroom door opening pulled her thoughts back to the vulpine. She took the few seconds she had to look over his half naked form, as always allowing her gaze to admire his chiseled physique before eventually having to look away and hide the blush that came with it.
"You talking to yourself?" he asked, now up behind the couch and looking down at her with a smirk.
It was all she could do to just hold his gaze, his hair still choppy and wet and his eyes sparkling with amusement, telling her that he was either over what had happened earlier or choosing to ignore it for the sake of keeping their friendship as strong as it had been.
"Just a phone call," she replied, smiling back at him.
Even after what happened earlier, after how awkward things should have been between us, we can still act like this around each other. Or maybe it's just him...
"Anyone important?"
She thought it over for a few seconds, running through the huge list of questions going through her head as she tried to think of what to say. Did she tell him who it was? Was now the time to finally bring Panther out into the open between them? She was aware he knew about the cat, but even so, neither of them had bothered to bring the conversation up. As if keeping it a secret from each other would be an excuse for everything that they had done for the past few weeks.
"No." she replied, knowing that it was half true considering the way he had been acting lately. "Just a guy I know."
He held her gaze for a moment or two more before finally nodding in acknowledgment. Either he knew, or didn't want to press her on the matter. Whatever the case, he only made things easier on them both by once again pushing the conversation elsewhere.
"So you're not crazy then." he muttered, smirking at her and causing the vixen to laugh, "That's nice to know."
"You going to get dressed or spend the rest of the night in a bath towel?" she asked as a drop of water fell from his face and landed on her hand.
Not that I would mind.
Stop that!
"I'm not sure." he replied, stepping around the couch and picking up his bag, "This does feel a lot more comfortable."
She blushed as he shot her another grin, leaving her to wonder that much more as to how he could act so calm and collected around her...as if what had happened earlier hadn't gotten to him as it had her.
Maybe because it didn't. Did you ever think about that? Just because you're all torn up over it doesn't mean he is.
He pulled out a few articles of clothing and stood back up, placing his paw on the towel and causing her to blush and look away as she expected him to disrobe right before her.
"Fox!"
"What?" he asked, now laughing at her as she timidly looked back over at him.
"I thought you were going to...change...right here...
"Well this is my room." he answered her, amusement still evident on his gaze as he watched her.
"This is our room."
"If you insist."
His paw returned to the towel again but this time she didn't look away, instead shooting him a look of both daring and playfulness. He matched the expression, holding her gaze for a few seconds more before finally cracking a grin and turning away.
"Fine." he said, stepping around the couch and heading down the hall, "I'll just change in your room."
"Fox!" she jumped up from the couch and chased after the vulpine, laughter escaping them both now as he easily escaped her.
She stopped halfway down the hall, her eyes widening in surprise as she watched the vulpine's paw stick out from inside her bedroom only to drop his towel in the floor. She knew it was just his way of playing with her, that this was how they acted around each other as of late and that he meant for it to lighten the tension between them.
But even though she knew that to be the case she still couldn't help but take another hesitant step forward towards her bedroom before she caught herself.
She hadn't went further than that one step...but the second she took it the guilt and shame began to overcome her as she realized what she had done. It didn't matter that she stopped herself from going any further...not after that one last step.
I...wanted to. I wanted to see him...
How can you think like that?
"You know, I like this switch." he said jokingly from the other side of the door, "You can have the couch. I'll take your room."
She wanted to think of a reply but was still at a loss for words, her heart and mind battling it out as she tried get over the realization of what she had just imagined doing with the vulpine. It wouldn't matter though as seconds later the door opened and he stepped out, flashing her a grin before making his way down the hall to her.
"Just joking." he muttered kindly, still smiling at her as he walked by, using his foot to kick the bath towel up in the air before catching it.
She turned and watched him step around the couch, tossing the towel to the side before falling down and letting out a sigh. Regardless of how affected she was by everything that had happened that day, Fox was acting as if none of it mattered. From an outward appearance nothing in him had changed. He was still calm and collected around her, he still made her laugh and seemed to do and say all the right things. Even after she had so stupidly said all of that stuff earlier, he just seemed to push it away and continue on treating her the same.
But that's okay right?
Of course it is! What? Do you want him to feel bad for doing something completely acceptable?
"You turning in?" he called over the couch, causing her to exit her thoughts and glance at her phone for the time.
It's almost midnight? Katt must be staying with Falco again. Well...if it's that late I guess I should get some sleep. I've got to work in the morning, and after everything that's happened today a good nights sleep might help.
"Yeah..." she answered, watching his tail flash across the end of the couch, "I'm kinda tired."
It wasn't completely true. She was tired, just not physically. It was a mental strain that her body had been put through for the past 12 hours and she was afraid that the second she laid down in bed that all she would be able to do was rethink about it all. Sleep would be elusive for her tonight, especially if she continued to replay the highlights of her day in her mind as much as she had been.
"Oh...okay." he replied, a little disheartened but immediately covering it up. "Night Krystal."
She waited there a few seconds more before finally letting out a sigh and turning away from him. "Good night Fox."
I can't keep this up. Something is going to have to change. I can't believe I'm thinking this but I can't wait till Panther gets back. Maybe then I'll get my head straight.
000