Chapter 11:
"Are you coming down?" Luke asked his nephew over the phone, not bothering with small talk.
"Luke," Jess pleaded, silently begging him not to this up again. "Don't."
"Jess," Luke sighed. "You're going to have to come eventually."
"I know," he said running a hand through his unattainable hair. "But it's only been a week and…" he hesitated. "I'm not ready."
Luke sighed again, disappointment written across his face plain enough for Lorelei, who was seated right in front of him, to see.
"I miss you," he finally said. Jess sighed, he hated her for making it so hard for him to visit his uncle. She was like a ghost, her memories everywhere in that town as if taunt him. He couldn't face it. The therapist that Luke, Matt, and Chris were forcing him to see would probably agree.
"I miss you too," Jess said softly after a moment of silence.
"We can come visit you," Luke suggested anxiously. He wanted to see his nephew at all costs.
We, no. Jess couldn't face Lorelei. He knew she was on his side. Her loved her for it but he couldn't be in the same room with his soon-to-be-aunt. She was too much like her. Her blue eyes would kill him. Those blue eyes were just enough to send him straight back to intensive care.
He hated himself for being so weak. Old Jess would scoff at his attitude. Laugh at the fact that he was so damn scared of her.
But the traces of old Jess were only found in his literature, appearance, and laid back attitude.
He's fearlessness? Gone straight to hell. Recklessness? Untraceable.
"No." He didn't give an explanation. Just a vague answer that reminded Luke of old Jess. Luke sometimes missed the old Jess, the fact that he was unbreakable. The very opposite of the Jess that was talking to him over the phone; that Jess has been on the verge of breaking for as long as both of them can remember.
He didn't argue. He wanted his nephew to get better and if that meant not being able to see him, then so be it.
"Call me later?" Jess asked, biting his lip. What he meant was, don't be angry, I'm not pulling away; this has nothing to do with you.
"Course," Luke said automatically.
"Thanks, bye Luke."
"Bye Jess. Take care?"
"I will," he said reassuring his uncle.
…..
There are three steps to love. The first is chemistry; the need, the want, to be together. It's hard to have a good relationship without it. But chemistry only last so long. And when kissing becomes a habit and the way your body's light up when your near just becomes familiar and comfortable you have to rely on the two other steps.
The second one is interests. If the fire died, then you're stuck with talking. And if you have nothing in common then it's pretty hard to discuss things. You find where you click. There are things that you could debate and argue for hours and never lose interests. Without it, then your relationship is not a relationship; it's just a hook-up.
The third, and what was arguably the most important, is the basis of every relationship. Trust, the truth, no secrets; it's that feeling when you wake up in the morning and have no doubt that the other person will be there. They just are as if it didn't occur for them not to be.
Rory sat in her room while Paris was at work. She had figured out what went wrong with her past relationships. With Dean, she had had only the third step. Loving him was easy because you didn't have to feel. It was as if it was the most natural thing in the world and you didn't have to question it. He was just there and she never assumed he wouldn't be. Even while she was dating Jess, he was still an option. She knew that if anything had gone wrong with Jess should go back to easy. To simple. But that was the problem: she didn't want simple. She wanted exciting, she wanted to wonder, and she couldn't with Dean. Kissing him wasn't like a rainstorm and she couldn't talk to him. What was there to talk about? He adored her but the feeling wasn't mutual. He was a puppet, created for Rory's entertainment. But without her, he was lifeless. And she had gotten bored.
She only had step one with Logan. He was different and experienced and she had never had that before. She liked the attention, the fact that the player chose her to settle down with. He was her distraction. Her distraction from the pain from Simple-Married!-Dean and Runaway Complicated Jess. They had no common interests. He was a spoiled rich kid raised in high society. She was raised in…Stars Hallow. He had gotten in to Yale because he was the son of Mitchum Huntzbergers. She did everything she could to get into Yale. She loved reading, he was forced to read. He cheated on her, so step three is shot to hell. Besides chemistry, that died down eventually, they wouldn't have worked. As much as they had both wanted it to in the begging; sometimes love isn't enough.
With Jess, she had step one and two. He was different from the other two. His kisses made her weak needed and girly and she never once worried that he would cheat on her. Her body seemed to fit perfectly against his. There chemistry was heart stopping and unbelievable. And he had the same exact interests. He loved to read; he loved the same kind of music, and liked to trash the same kind of movies. There was always something to talk about. He kept her guessing. The excitement of not knowing what he was going to do next kept her on her toes. Until it tripped her and left her on the ground. She was scared with him. He wasn't her puppy dog like the others. If he wanted to leave he would, it was easy as that in her mind. She never believed she was enough to keep there. He was wild and spontaneous. And he proved her right. He left, without so much as a goodbye; so much as a second thought. She couldn't trust him because he had enough to break her. He knew everything about her and he had enough to break her. And that scared her. No boy had gotten under her skin like he did, no boy was as closed off and independent with her as he was. Dean and Logan would fall apart without her. But she would only fall apart without Jess.
But she couldn't trust him. That was the biggest step and they didn't have that.
She wondered, silently as she made a pro and con list, if they ever would.