You Don't Say You Love Me Chapter 11, a janet evanovich fanfic

Disclaimer: The characters belong to J.E.

This is a song-fic with the song Lost Without You by Delta Goodrem

You asked if I had a song for Morelli when he found out Steph was married. This is it Margaret. Thank you for all your questions and suggestions. They make me a better writer. This one's for you. To all of you who review, thank you so much. All of your questions and comments make me a better writer. You are all great.

Chapter 11: Lost Without You

Joe Morelli's POV:

I pulled into my driveway and turned off my Jeep Cherokee before sliding out of the car and heading to the house. I still wasn't used to not hearing Bob's nails on the floor as he ran to meet me. I sure did miss that dog. Nearly as much as I missed Cupcake. I'd had a long time to think about the letter she left me. Then when I heard her dad had told Manoso where she'd gone when he wouldn't give me anything to go on, well I was pretty pissed. When I heard she'd been kidnapped I prayed she'd be found. I determined when she came back to Trenton, I'd stop at nothing to get her back.

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes (I say)
A little righteous and too proud
I just wanna find a way to compromise
Cause I believe we can work things out

I heard through the grapevine that Cupcakes family was being flown to where she was. I knew she'd be back soon and then I could start my campaign to get her back. I smiled thinking about the reunion we'd have. I'd use the line that the boys missed her and she'd be putty in my hot little hands. I was a little frustrated when my Captain called me into his office and told me he needed me on an undercover assignment. I had no choice but to accept the assignment. I'd have to be careful so Cupcake wouldn't get wind of the fact I'd be working with Terry again. I smiled and licked my lips at the thought of working that closely with Terry. She was always ready for a ride and I was always more than happy to give her the ride.

I thought that I had all the answers
never givin in
but baby since you've gone
I admit I was wrong

I pull into my driveway and turn off my Jeep Cherokee before sliding out of the car. I head for the house and when I open the door I expect to hear Bob rushing to meet me. Nothing. Then I remember Bob ran away. I shake my head and go inside the front room and sit down on the sofa. The phone rings and I pick it up. It's Mooch.

"Hey Joe, did you hear Stephanie is coming back today?"

"No. Really? That's a stroke of luck. Thanks Mooch. I owe you one." I hung up the phone vaguely aware Mooch was trying to tell me something else, but I don't have time for that now. My Cupcake is back in Trenton and I'm going to get her back. I hurry upstairs and shave before stepping in the shower and cleaning up. I hurry and dress and head over to her apartment.

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
how am I gonna be strong without you
I need you by my side
if we ever say we'd never be together
in the end you wave goodbye
dunno what I'd do
im lost without you

I reached her apartment in no time and took the stairs. I knocked at the door hoping she'd hurry and answer the door. I was a little impatient and knocked a second time before the door was finally opened. I smiled as I saw her standing in the doorway. My eyes darkened with arousal. Why I had ever let our sex life fall by the wayside was a mystery to me. She was just as hot as she was at 16 when I'd taken her behind the counter of the Tasty Pastry. Well no more. From now on I was putting our sex life as a top priority.

"Hey Cupcake, the boys and I missed you."

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms across her chest. I frown. Usually she's already melted when I use that line. I put on my serious face and ask, "Can I come in?"

"I don't think that's a good idea Joe."

"Why not?" I push her door open and step inside. Manoso comes out of her bedroom and glares at me. I return the favor. My fists clench and I stand up as straight as I can. "What the hell are you doing here Manoso?"

He smiles at me but remains silent. Cupcake puts her hand on his arm and smiles. "Ranger has every right to be here Joe. We got married 4 weeks ago in Vegas."

"What! What do you mean you got married? How could you do that to me Cupcake?"

"I told you in the letter I left that we were over Joe. When Ranger came to Seattle and found me, I found out he loves me every bit as much as I love him. We flew to Vegas and got married before heading to Hawaii for a honeymoon. We just stopped by so I could pick up my things and move them to Haywood."

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

"Cupcake..."

"I'm not your Cupcake. Don't ever call me that again. I am glad you stopped by though Joe. It saves us a trip. It seems Bob decided to go on a journey. He showed up in Seattle and helped save my life. We took him with us to Vegas and he was the flower dog at my wedding."

I smirk at her, "Only you would have a flower dog."

She shrugs. "I'd like to be able to see Bob regularly."

"You mean like visiting rights?"

"Well yeah."

I try to think how I can make this work for me. Maybe if I get her over to my place enough I can put a wedge between her and Manoso. I feel his gaze on me and turn to meet his gaze. I swallow hard. I know what that look means.

"Alright Stephanie. I'll drop Bob off when I go undercover. Would that work?"

"Of course I'll take care of Bob when you go undercover. I'd also like to see him other times too though. Maybe I could get him every other weekend."

I look at Manoso and know I have no chance. "Sure Steph. We'll work it out. I'm going to miss you. I really do love you."

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blurs
baby I'm so lonely all the time
everywhere I go I get so confused
your the only thing thats on my mind

"I appreciate you letting me share Bob. I remember the first time I saw him." she says. Then goes over the conversation she and Simon had.

I poured a cup of coffee, and there was a knock on the door. I opened the door, and a big orange thing rushed in. "holy cow!" I said. "What is it?"

Golden retriever," Simon said. "Mostly."

Isn't he big for a golden retriever?"

Simon dragged a fifty-pound bag of dog food into the foyer. "I got him at the pound and that's what they told me. Golden Retriever."(pg. 92 HS)

"He's become part of my family."

On my bed so cold at night
I miss you more each day
only you can make it right
no I'm not too proud to say

At that point Bob walks out of the bedroom and ambles over to where I'm standing. I pet him and ask him if he's ready to go home. I turn and sadly look at Cupcake. She gives me a finger wave and I turn and sadly walk out of her apartment.

Bob and I head down to my Jeep and I slowly drive us home, lost in thoughts of loosing Cupcake.

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How I wish I had one more chance to hold her and show her how much I love her.

If I could only hold you now
make the pain just go away
can't stop the tears from running down my face (ho)

I pulled into my driveway and Bob an I headed inside. I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV for noise. I sat lost in my memories of Cupcake. I was unaware of the passage of time or that tears streaked down my face. I didn't even turn on a light when night fell. It wasn't till Bob came over and started pawing at my hand for attention that I became aware of my surroundings. I rubbed the back of his head and went to let him outside. I filled his water a food bowls before going back to the door and opening it to call him back in. Bob was laying on the ground with his nose pointed towards the road. I called him and he turned to look at me before turning his head back in the direction of the road. I went out and knelt down to pet him. "I miss her too boy. I miss her too."

Over the past seven months I've been walking around in a vacuum. All I can feel is pain at loosing my Cupcake. I open the door every other weekend to see Manoso standing there waiting to take my dog to spend the weekend with her. Hell, at least Bob seems happy. However, when he comes back Bob mopes around the house till the next time he gets to go for a visit. I've been coming to the realization that I should probably just let her have the damn dog. All this does is keep me in limbo, living for the chance at seeing her again. I gotta get on with my life but I'm lost without Cupcake. My Captain asked me to come in early today. Manoso agreed to come over and get Bob earlier so I could make the meeting. I walk into the Captain's office and he asks me to close the door. I sit in the chair in front of his desk and meet his gaze.

He hands me a file and says, "I need you to go undercover Joe. This could take some time though. It's not an easy in and out."

I look over the file and feel myself get excited for the first time in a long time. This is something I can really get my teeth into. This is the one thing I have. I'm a good cop and I'm damn good at my job. I look up and meet the Captain's gaze. "I have nothing to stop me from taking this assignment."

"Are you up to it? You've been different lately Joe, and I need to know if I can count on you."

I nod. "I can do this sir. I feel excited about something for the first time since I learned Stephanie married Manoso."

"I thought that might be what was fucking up your brain. You sure you're up for this? It could take as long as a year to get what we need here."

"Sir, I have nothing standing in my way here."

"You have a dog don't you?"

I nodded and gave a week smile, "Yeah, but I'm sure Stephanie would be more than happy to have Bob for an extended time. What's more I'm sure Bob would be ecstatic to be with her too. All he does when he comes back from his visits is mope around."

"His visits?"

I nod, "Stephanie asked for visiting rights. We agreed every other weekend and when I'd go undercover on assignments."

"You think she'll keep the dog full time for an extended time then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay Joe. The assignments yours."

I stood and walked out of the Captain's office. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and punched in Cupcake's number. She answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Cup...Stephanie?"

"What's up Joe?"

"I have to go undercover. Can you keep Bob? Before you agree, hear me out first. This case could take a long time to settle. I don't think it would be fair to Bob to have him stay with you for all that time and then pull him away when I come back. What I'm really asking is...will you keep Bob...for good?"

"I can keep him? I don't have to bring him back to you? You're really going to let me keep him?"

I could hear the tears in her voice when she spoke and my heart clenched. "Yeah. I'm letting you keep him for good."

All I heard was crying for several seconds and then suddenly a voice was growling, "Who the hell is this?"

I winced. I was glad I was on the phone and not doing this in person. "This is Joe Morelli. I was just asking Cup...Stephanie if she could keep Bob permanently. I'm going undercover for an extended time and I don't think it's fair to Bob to let him get comfortable in your home only to rip him away when I get back home. She got emotional when I told her she could keep Bob for good."

There was a pause and then Manoso said, "Thank you for letting her have the dog Morelli."

I gave a mirthless laugh, "He's never the same when he comes home. All he does is mope until you come to pick him up. It's time."

We ended the call and I headed out to my Jeep so I could get started with my new assignment.

I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is im lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
an all I know is
I'm lost without your love
I keep trying to find my way
and all I know is
I'm lost without you (ho)
I'm lost without you

I pulled into my driveway and turned off my Jeep Cherokee. I slid out of the car and made my way to the house. Once inside I headed up to the bathroom. I shaved the growth of beard I'd been growing for the past 18 months and then stripped down and got in the shower, washing my hair and the soaping up my body and getting as much of the stench off of myself as I could. It had been a long year and a half. I was happy just to have gotten out alive. I'd been able to bring down a major drug cartel and lived to tell the tail. I dressed in fresh jeans and a navy blue t-shirt, socks and running shoes. I strapped my gun holster back on and headed back out. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Cup...Stephanie?"

"Joe. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if I could see Bob for a few minutes. I just got back from the undercover assignment and thought if you didn't mind I could spend a few minutes with him."

She paused for a couple minutes and then said, "How about if we meet you at the park. Bob loves spending time at the park."

"Sure. I can be there in 15 minutes. Is that okay?"

Another pause and then, "Yeah. 15 minutes works fine."

I make my way to the park and get out of the Jeep. I make my way down by the pond and sit down on one of the benches. I look out over the pond and suddenly I see and orange blur running by me. I smile as the blur wheels around and comes racing over to me and puts it's nose in my crotch. I rub his ears and tell him how good it is to see him again. I turn and look over my shoulder and see Stephanie. She is even more beautiful than ever. My heart races at the sight of her. I feel the response I'm powerless to prevent. She is slowly walking over to us. I turn back to Bob and make the most of this time. I've made a decision. It's the only way. If I don't, I will never move forward.

Stephanie stops behind the bench and speaks softly, "I'm glad you're okay Joe."

I turn and look at her, "Bob looks really happy." I smirk and can't resist, "How are he and Manoso getting along?"

She laughed. "You won't believe it. Bob is the best behaved dog in the world. He never touches any of Ranger's stuff. He still chews and eats things he shouldn't, but none of it belongs to Ranger."

I chuckle, figures. "So whose stuff does he destroy?"

"Mainly Lester and Vince's. I don't know why other than Lester is always playing jokes on everyone and Bob doesn't seem to like it when the jokes are on me. Vince made a comment on Bob's manners and ever since then nothing of Vince's is safe."

"Always knew Bob was a smart dog."

She laughed. Man I loved this woman!

"So, how's your life going Stephanie?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

I nodded.

"I am happier than I've ever been. My life is everything I could have ever hoped for and so much more."

"Do you ever wonder about us?"

She shook her head no. "We never would have worked Joe. I could never commit to you because the love I felt for you wasn't the forever kind of love. It was a child's love. What I feel for Ranger is a love beyond any I've ever known. With him I'm not afraid of the future. I embrace it."

I nod. "I'm glad you're happy Steph. Thank you for coming to meet me. I'm glad I got to see you and Bob one last time."

I could tell I'd surprised her. "You're always welcome to visit Bob."

"I appreciate that Steph. But I've come to a decision. I've decided to accept a transfer to New York. I'll get a promotion and pay raise to boot. I can't get past you. If I stay here, I'll never get past you. I'm hoping that by making this move, I'll be able to get on with my life. Even if it's only my professional life."

She nods. "I'm sorry Joe."

I shrug, "The heart wants what it wants. That's true for both of us."

At that point I hear the sound of a babies laugh. She turns and smiles and I turn to see what's captured her attention. Manoso is walking towards us with a baby in his arms. He stops beside Stephanie and nods to acknowledge me. "Morelli."

I nod, "Manoso." I look at the baby. It's a girl with Manoso's hair color and Steph's wild curls. The baby's skin tone is a cross between the two of them. The facial features are pure Stephanie as is the startling blue color. She's a beautiful baby...so like her mother. I shake my head, "I can't believe your a mother Steph."

"I know. I find it hard to believe myself." She smiled at the man and child.

"What's her name? How old is she?"

She gave a radiant smile and said, "We named her Caitlyn Maria Manoso. Katie for short. She's 9 months old. She was born a month early because she refused to wait any longer to be born."

"She's a beauty Steph. I'm really happy for you."

"Thank you Joe. I wish you well in New York."

Manoso gave me a narrow eyed look and after a pause he nodded.

I reach down and give Bob one final pat and say, "Take care of him."

"I will. If you're ever in town, give me a call and I'll bring him so you can see him."

"Sure." I know I'll never be back in Trenton alive. It hurts too damn bad. If I stay here I'll stay lost without her in my life. Going to New York is my chance to have a life. Even if it is half a life. I stand and turn, walking away without looking back.