Warning: This story is rated M for language and lemons and instances of sexual abuse.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation of Stephenie Meyer, I just amp up the angst and throw in some lemons...rated M for just that reason. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Here's the latest from College B&E! I'm really excited by what's coming and this chapter took quite a turn when Edward hijacked my mind and wrote a conversation I didn't know he wanted to have until it started flowing out onto the screen. Now to everyone who's reviewing and adding me to the various types of favorites…THANK YOU! That means so much to me.

BPOV

Monday morning came way too quickly as I sat in my room listening to the sound of Edward in the shower. He had a meeting this morning so I would be going to class on my own. He had offered to ditch it, but it was for his Organic Chemistry class, and I wasn't about to let him mess up an important class for me. The shower shut off and I could hear Edward make his way to my room just before the knock came. "Bella, can I come in?"

I got up and opened the door to see Edward standing there in his towel covered, still dripping perfection and I couldn't resist. I leaned up and kissed him, running my hands up his neck until I had a hold of the hair at the back of his neck, while his right hand cupped my neck and his left held his towel securely in place. "Thank you, I'm gonna need to remember that someone's on my side today."

Edward furrowed his brow and then kissed my forehead. "I'm always going to be on your side. Have a good day, and I'll see you as soon as my last class is done."

I nodded and Edward went back to his room, while I went to pick out something to wear. Finally deciding on my 'Jessie and the Rippers' t-shirt and a pair of jeans, I got in the shower and then dressed before heading out into the hallway.

Making it to class was the easy part, but walking into the lecture hall was much harder. I had made a point of getting there early and hiding out in the back so that I could avoid notice, but no such luck. Although no one said anything to me, a lot of people stared and then turned quickly before whispering to their neighbors. I had never been so excited to have Biology class start in my life. The class dragged, but finally I was able to get out of there and head to McCarthy hall for my Austen class.

This class was much smaller, and therefore harder to hide out in. A good Jane Austen novel had been my refuge, but in this classroom all I could think about was the fact that I had been reading an Austen re-hash the night Jake attacked me.

I barely held it together, but when class ended my professor asked me to stay behind. "I just wanted to give you back all of your assignments. I was impressed that you were actually able to get ahead of the class with your work, I look forward to your final paper."

I smiled, sticking the pile of papers into my bag and heading for the parking lot. The rain was falling just hard enough to be an annoyance and when I got to my truck I turned on the heat, letting the safety of my big truck keep me from going to pieces. Getting home, I threw my bag into my room and started cleaning, needing something to pass the time until Edward came home.

Working my way through the apartment, I was scrubbing the bathroom floor when Edward called out, "Bells?"

Finishing, I stood up and removed my gloves as I reached him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. His arms encircled me as the tears slowly came. "Bella, what happened? Did someone-"

"Nothing really, no one did anything there was just a lot of stares and whispers."

He pulled me closer. "I'm sorry Bella, it'll get better, I promise."

"Are you hungry, I could throw something in the oven?"

Edward shook his head as his nose burrowed into my hair. "I'll do it, you've been busy."

I felt his arms move lower and although it was a subtle change, it set something off. "Edward…can you loosen your arms?"

He shifted and then dropped his arms, running his hands over my biceps. "Was that too tight?"

"A little." My eyes fell to the floor and Edward bent down to enter my field of vision.

"This isn't our fault, and you'll get there."

"Hopefully you won't die from blue balls first." I chuckled and Edward shook his head.

"Don't even joke about shit like that." He laughed and then headed to the kitchen to throw something in the oven as I went to get my books.

Heading off to classes today, I was a little more at ease because I had survived yesterday.

Poetry class could have been a disaster, but Ms. Courtney barely acknowledged my presence as one of my classmates read his work. When class ended Ms. Courtney signaled for me to stay behind so I packed my things slowly and walked up to her desk. "Bella I want to tell you how proud I am of you. Most people who have been through something like you would have shut down. But the poetry your friend dropped off was so powerful, and honest…it blew me away. I would never dream of asking you to present those poems for the class, but I have assigned you the second last day class, so you have plenty of time to write something you'd be comfortable with the class critiquing. But keep writing like that, because it was truly inspiring."

I was nearly in tears by the time she finished. "Thank you Ms. Courtney-"

She shook her head at me. "Please call me Erin, Bella. Now are you done for the day?"

I sighed. "No I have class later, but my boyfriend is coming to get me."

She looked at me with a worried expression when Edward popped his head in and knocked. "You ready to…oh, I'm sorry, I'll just-"

I waved him in. "No Edward, it's alright. This is my poetry teacher Erin Courtney, Erin this is my boyfriend Edward."

The recognition of his name from my earlier poems came quickly and she smiled. "It's nice to meet you. Bella if you ever need anything, my door is always open."

Walking out after her Edward led me down the stairs. Heading to where I parked, he held out his hand as he opened the passenger side door. "Bella, why don't you let me drive."? I shook my head and tried to walk around him, but he shot me that helpless puppy look and then motioned to the truck cab with his head, where sitting in his shoebox, was Fitz. "I scheduled his check-up today, I hope you don't mind?"

My face melted when I looked at my furball and I handed over the keys happily to climb in and cuddle with my boy. Driving to the vet, I noticed Edward's eyes flash to me more than once, but I stayed focused on Fitz, letting him bring up whatever he was contemplating in his own time.

Pulling into one of the parking spaces, we were quickly shown into one of the exam rooms, where Fitz set off to explore the exam table as best he could. When the vet came in she checked out his eye, which was thankfully better, and then started checking out his weight and other vitals before watching him try to walk. I got really upset having to watch him struggle like that, but I knew that eventually he would be strong enough to do it on his own, and that's when it clicked. Edward's cautious eyes in the car were his own version of my angst over Fitz. He wished more than anything that he could take this away, but knowing that was impossible he was determined to wait for the day I could "walk" again, and he would be there for me until that day. I reached over and took his hand, squeezing it as he smiled over at me.

After the vet's appointment, we went to McDonalds and ate in the truck as our little dysfunctional family and then Edward drove me to class before promising to pick me up. Shakespeare was one of the largest classes offered by the English department, so I sat back and was pleasantly surprised when the Mel Gibson version of Hamlet was going to be taking up this week's classes. When class let out I exited without incident and sitting at the corner was Edward's Volvo. Climbing into the car with him, I leaned over and kissed him with a little more enthusiasm than he had expected, because honestly, I didn't care who saw it.

Getting home, there was a message from the DA on our machine asking for me to set up a preliminary meeting to discuss the case against Jake. My stomach tightened and Edward was right there to try and calm me, but there was no use. I wasn't any more ready to sit in front of the prosecutor than I was ready to think about having to testify in court with Jake sitting in the room. With no appetite, I brought Fitz into my room and went to bed early.

Classes Wednesday were fine, and after sitting down with Dr. G, I felt a little better about meeting with the prosecutor, so I called and made an appointment for Friday. Thursday was another uneventful day, but at 3am on Friday morning I woke up with a terrible anxiety attack, getting sick before I spent the better part of an hour trembling in bed before Edward woke up to go to the bathroom and heard me.

Wordlessly, he climbed into bed with me and pulled me into the security of his arms. I took in a stilted breath and tried to breathe in as much of his scent as I could before I fell asleep. When I woke up, Edward was sleeping in what couldn't be a comfortable position, but there was still a smile on his face. I couldn't understand the love there, but I wasn't stupid enough to question it, so I just woke him up so that we could get ready for our day.

Once again, poetry class with Erin was easy enough, but driving over to the meeting with the prosecutor was where my nerves got going. By the time I walked into his office, I was completely on edge. One of the paralegals showed me into his office and got me a bottled water while I waited for him to arrive. After a few minutes the door opened and a young man carrying a box of files came through the doorway, before kicking it closed and dropping the box on the floor next to the desk he sat down at. "Hi, you must be Isabella Swan, I'm Alec Canon, and I'm the prosecutor in charge of your case." He reached his hand across the desk and I shook it, noticing how young he looked, how many cases had he tried?

"Call me Bella, it's nice to meet you Mr. Canon." His eyebrow curled up and he laughed.

"Bella, call me Alec, Mr. Canon is my dad. Now, let me get some basic information from you, if you don't mind?" I nodded and he pulled out a tape recorder. "This is the preliminary interview of witness Isabella Swan for case number 16843-4, The People of the State of Washington versus Jacob Black. Now Bella, first I want to get some background information. With the injuries you sustained during the attack on October 3rd you were put on a temporary medical leave from school, have you returned to classes yet?"

Letting out a deep breath I nodded, and then realized that the recorder wouldn't acknowledge that. "Yes, I started back to classes this Monday."

"And you intend to complete your semester?"

"Yes." My confusion was plain on my face and he motioned that it would be explained later, moving on to the next question.

"Alright Bella, how about we move onto the events that lead up to the night in question. Can you tell me how you met the defendant?"

Taking another deep breath and shaking my hands, willing away the trembling that had begun a few minutes earlier. "I met him at a party at the Med House."

Alec looked up. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, the Med House is a form of off-campus housing, it was an alumni gift to the Med School at the University, they have a huge party at the beginning of every semester and my roommate is pre-med, so he invited me to go with him."

Understanding now, Alec continued to take notes. "And what happened that night?"

My heart raced, as I knew that I couldn't really answer that question properly. "I can't really remember. I was there with Edward, my roommate, and we got separated and I found him making out with a girl he ended up dating for a while, and I got annoyed and that's when I met Jake. He brought me inside and got me a drink…a couple of drinks actually. I remember him making a move, but nothing happened that night, and then the next thing I remember is waking up at like 3am when Edward's sister Alice found me asleep on the porch."

Alec looked as though he may have stumbled upon something as he asked his next question. "Have you ever lost whole portions of a night like that?"

"I'm on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine that you aren't supposed to mix with alcohol really, I normally only really have beer, but sometimes it makes me sleepy, and the time I lost had been because I was asleep, but I never really forgot things that happened while I was awake."

"And you left the area where you had been hanging out with your friends because your roommate was making out with another girl?"

"Yes, Tanya Denali."

Alec grimaced. "And what is the current status of your relationship with Edward Cullen?"

"We just started dating."

"Bella, I know this is going to be a hard topic to talk about, but the defense is going to go there. Was Edward the reason you changed your opinion on your relationship with Jacob Black?"

I shook my head violently. "No. I didn't find out that Edward had feelings for me until the day we started dating; I had tried to break up with Jake on more than one occasion. I had started drinking and hiding out in my room to escape what was happening because he would be so sweet one minute and then he would flip on a dime. I'd go to talk to him and he would always be in his room and he'd end up…forcing himself on me. Then I stopped going over there for a while, but finally I went back that Friday to break up with him, because I couldn't take it anymore. And then when I walked in there he was snorting coke and then he saw me he offered me some, and when I went to leave he grabbed me and raped me again. It was the most violent he had been up until that point, and when he left to go camping I knew it was my only chance to go to the hospital without it getting back to him from someone on the Peace Officers. When I went to the hospital I needed to have them check me out, but even then I couldn't' give the officer his name. It took what happened the night he broke into my apartment for me to finally tell the police everything. I still wanted to believe there was a reason behind it. But he was so crazed that night, there's no excusing what he did."

Looking out the window, it was the beep of the tape recorder that brought me back out of it. "Thank you Bella, that will be all for today. I want to give you fair warning, over the course of the meetings we have leading up to the court date, I will be asking you about these events over and over in preparation for when you testify, I'm going to need you to be prepared for that."

"I will. Can I ask what you meant when you asked if I was planning on completing the semester?" I waited as he put some of his papers in order and then met my eyes.

"Just that some victims don't go back to class that quickly, I was wondering if you were still undecided, that's all."

I shook my head. "No, I plan to finish my semester; I won't let him take that too."

Alec nodded and then stood up to walk me out. "It should be a little while until I need to see you again, right now we're looking at an early February court date. So unless something else comes up, you'll hear from me when a trial date is set. Thank you for your time Bella."

"Thank you Alec." I managed to utter at slightly more than a whisper before I exited his office and went back to my truck. On the way home the panic attack was threatening to break through when something in one of the store windows caught my eye and I pulled over.

EPOV

Bella should have been home by now. I knew she had the meeting with the prosecutor, but there's no way it was taking this long, so naturally my mind began to go to places my mind didn't need to be going. Then I remembered the menacing look on that guys face, Jake's friend, at the grocery store and I started pacing.

The sound of keys in the door had me running to throw it open and envelop her in my arms. The gasp that echoed in my ears was like an answered prayer, as her arms wrapped around my neck. "Where were you?"

Pulling back Bella saw the expression on my face and kissed my temple. "I'm sorry I worried you, but I was on my way home when I drove past that hardware store so I stopped in."

I looked past her to the cans of paint and bags of supplies on the hallway floor. "You were serious about the room makeover?"

She nodded and then looked into my eyes with an intensity I had come to know all too well. "When I'm in that room all I think about is how that was where I hid away, that was the place where the nightmares would find me, and I can't live like that. I need a change and short of moving, painting is the next best thing."

"Well we won't be able to finish it tonight, so are you going to just wait and start it tomorrow?"

Bella's face fell slightly and I tried to think what I had just said that could have upset her like that. "I was hoping we could start tonight and I could spend the night in your room…but if you'd rather…"

Oh shit! She was reaching out and she thought I was pushing her away. Pulling her lips to mine I kissed her tenderly and then let her go. "Let's start moving stuff out of your room, that way we can eat before we start painting."

We changed into sweats and moved everything outside into the living room with the exception of her dresser and bed, which we pushed into the center of the room and covered with a drop cloth. After eating some pizza, we started trimming out the wall behind her bed.

Bella was very determined as she rolled the paint on the wall. I wanted to loosen her up so I took my thumb and ran it along the roller and then turned her face and caressed her cheek with the paint-covered thumb. The look of shock on her face was so worth it as she rolled her roller across my face. The paint fight went on for a few moments until she ran her paint filled hand through my hair.

"No fair!" I only half faked horror as she giggled. "How was your meeting?"

She exhaled loudly and then went back to painting. "He knows we're dating, and we focused on that because the defense will, but now he just wants me to work up to telling him everything without panicking, he wants me to be ready to hold my own during cross-examination. I don't know how I'm going to get through it."

"We'll get through it together." I whispered as I kissed her hair and we moved on to the next wall.

An hour later the first coat was on the walls and we were getting ready for bed, being sure to wash all the paint out of our hair. Bella climbed into bed and when I joined her, she snuggled in lightly and quickly fell asleep. I, however, was the one haunted by what had happened to her that night. It wasn't even the night he beat her so much as it was remembering all the nights and days she spent locked in her room, all the sweatshirts and long-sleeved shirts she had worn, and all the times I ignored my better judgment about the fact that something was wrong.

Around 2am it was too much and as Bella had rolled over and was snuggling with one of my pillows, I got up and went into the kitchen. Sitting there at the table with my glass of OJ, I stared at her furniture and clothes and other possessions and walked straight into her room.

Opening the can of white paint, I carefully began to paint the trim around her light blue walls and then moved onto the ceiling. It took a while, but finally I was done. Stepping back to admire my handy work, that's when I heard her voice. "You weren't there."

I turned to smile at her but the pure panic on her face stopped my heart. "Bella?"

I walked over to her and she pushed me away. "Don't touch me. We went to sleep and then I woke up alone…in your room…in your bed…what was so important…did you have to finish painting in the middle of the night…or am I so…repulsive…that even you can't stand to spend the night with me."

The combination of the sea of self-loathing I had been swimming in since I tried to fall asleep and her words brought the bitch out of me as I started crying to keep from yelling too loud at the absurdity of her thought process, or the fact that she had just compared me to Jake. "How can you think I don't want you? Jesus Bella, I've willingly jumped through more hoops for this relationship than most guys would even think about, so don't do that! Don't try to lump me in with him. The reason I came in here was all I could think about was how long you hid out in here because I had been too fucking clueless to see it, and when I did I didn't man up and ask you what was going on. So I came in here so that tomorrow night you could go to sleep in your own bed without any of that haunting you, that way one of us can sleep at night. Because I don't. I spend every waking moment studying you, trying to see what sets you off so I don't ever do it again, and every night I get a crappy night's sleep trying to come up with ways to make things easier on you. Bella, everything I do right now is about you. I'm busting my ass in school so that I'm worthy of you, I sit on the floor in the living room trying to teach Fitz to walk right so that you can stop worrying about how his life will be if he can't walk, shit I even know how to defrost food in the microwave now so that I can help out in the kitchen so you don't have to do it every night. You have domesticated the fuck out of me, and the only thing I can think is 'Thank God!' Because I don't want to be the guy I was, the guy who hooked up with girls at parties, and drank just to see how much I could stomach, or put my clothes in a trash bag, but moved my porn in a suitcase. That guy was out to have fun, and from the moment you stood in front of me in that skimpy outfit with the yellow gloves on and the scrub brush in hand I wanted to be someone you could love. It took me way too long to figure it out, and evidently I'm still not getting it right, but don't doubt that I'm trying."

I stood there panting as I finished my diatribe, which I was already regretting parts of, mainly because the tears hadn't stopped flowing for either of us since I started. Then Bella opened her mouth.

BPOV

Well, that definitely wasn't what I expected. When I woke up to find him gone I thoroughly freaked out. I knew he had probably just gone to the bathroom, but when I found him in my room, having just finished painting the first coat of white, I was pissed. Then came that spectacular rant. I know it should have made me angry that he was yelling at me, even though I could tell the volume was more frustration than anger, but all I could do was focus on what he was saying. He was telling me how much he loved me, and how it had changed him in wonderful and frightening ways. In being there for me he had taken on my neuroses and even if he thought he was becoming a better man by standing by me, I wouldn't let it destroy the reasons I loved him.

Opening my mouth, I didn't know how to say what I felt so I decided to show him. Walking over to him, I tugged on his arm and sat on the bed. When he joined me on the plastic covered mattress I pulled his head to rest on my chest and I tucked his glorious hair under my chin, rubbing his back with one hand while I held his face there with the other. We sat there for a few minutes before I found my strength. "Edward, I don't want you to become another victim of everything that's happening to me. You couldn't have saved me, and you can't blame yourself for it. I'm getting better, but you seem to be taking on what I cast off. You need to tell me how you're feeling. And I should be more open with you. If we're sleeping in the same bed, wake me if you're getting up, that way I don't panic. And don't try to change too much; I fell in love with the guy who took better care of his porn than his clothes." I laughed, remembering to file that away if I ever needed to deflect Alice's rage. "Please come back to bed with me."

Edward looked up at me and took my hand, leading me back to his room.

After the rough night that was our first real fight, Edward and I spent a quiet weekend finishing my room and studying. The following week went surprisingly quickly, with all the midterm madness over, everyone was now pushing towards the Thanksgiving Break in two weeks. There wasn't much to deal with until my meeting with Professor O'Hara. Sitting in the seat opposite her, I quickly felt the acid rise in my throat.

"I'm not going to waste time and baby you Isabella, because I know you better than that, so just tell me, are you going to teach those classes or will I have to find someone else?"

Looking across at her, I cocked my head to the side. "I already told you that I'm fine to teach for you while you're at the conference."

"Isabella, do you remember what the companion reading to The Virgin Suicides is?" She wasn't making eye contact as she shuffled through the folders on her desk.

"Yes, I do, and although it's not my favorite story at the moment, I have no problem teaching it. And I decided that I want to combine the classes, get them done in one shot."

Nodding, she handed me the papers she had been looking for. "Good, I'm glad to hear it. I'll make the arrangements; you just get ready to teach those uncultured brutes. I'll speak to you again between now and then, have a good weekend."

Walking out of the office I went straight back to the apartment where and exhausted looking Edward was passed out on the couch. I went into my room and pulled out the papers O'Hara had given me.

When Edward opened my door, he looked so sad and I got up to give him a hug. "What's wrong?"

Resting his forehead on mine he looked over towards my desk. "I had a bad day. My damn history professor, he's riding me about this paper and-"

I looked up at him. "Did you do it?"

"Yeah, but I half-assed it and he knows it, he keeps telling me to rewrite it."

"So do it. Why stress when you can fix it up this weekend and get him off your back."

"You're right, I'm just being stubborn." Stepping back, Edward's hand grazed my breast and I gasped, because even though it was a split-second, it felt amazing. Catching his hand, I brought it back to my chest and he froze as I held it there. "Bella…what are you…?"

"It's okay, just move slowly."

That was all the encouragement he needed. Leading me into the living room, we sat on the couch as he began to caress my upper body through my shirt. This was something completely new and kind of junior high, but I think that's why I responded to it the way I did. Jake had never touched me, not like this at least. So this wasn't something I could link back to him. Edward's talented fingers worked their magic and without ever making contact with my skin, he already had me feeling like a new me.

EPOV

I damn near lost my mind in the last ten minutes. I went from bitching about a paper that I really should have revised already, to having Bella grab my hand and press it up against her breast. I've dreamed about touching Bella for so long that once I actually had her on the couch, which I knew would be a more comfortable place for her; I had to concentrate really hard in those first few minutes not to move too fast. The sounds escaping her were not helping either. I was doing everything right from the sound of it as she pulled my face to hers and kissed me.

Sliding my hand along the fabric covering her side, I slid my hand across her ribs and moved them across her hip and down her thigh. Running my hand up and down her thigh, Bella moaned, but the moan soon ended in a whine as she ended the kiss. "Edward…"

"Too much?" I looked into her dark brown eyes and saw the confusion there.

"No, but if we keep going…it will be. And I can't handle that." She looked down shamefully and I placed a finger under her chin, pulling it back up.

"Don't…don't feel bad. I knew it was going to end; so don't worry about my expectations, because they weren't anything more than what you just gave me…which was pretty fucking awesome. Now, I'm going to…"

"Take an ice bath because your girlfriend is a tease?" She smirked up at me, although it didn't reach her eyes.

"No, I'm taking a shower because I have an overactive imagination and a ridiculously hot girlfriend." I went to my room to grab my clothes and Bella called out after me.

"Fine, but forget about picking out a shirt, because one of us is going topless tonight."

I heard her giggle a second before I let out a short chortle and made my way into the bathroom.