By Kalnaman
Warnings: I've changed the rating to T, because there is mention of physical and sexual child abuse. Nothing graphic I promise, I could never write that, it was hard enough to mention it. It was a hard chapter to write. I couldn't help tears from falling down my face when I wrote it, so big hankie warnings too.
Stephen was white as a ghost. "T-There's n-nothing wrong, D-Dad." He stammered.
Gideon studied his oldest son closely. "There is something wrong Stephen. I can see it on your and Spencer Jay's body language, please tell me what's wrong. What happened when Hotch and I were gone? No matter what happened I promise I won't get mad. You're not used to taking care of your baby brother, let alone as a baby."
"Nothing happened, Dad. Please believe me."
"Okay if nothing happened, then why is Spencer Jay acting like this? And you white as a ghost? Maybe nothing happened physically, but you could have said something to your brother that has upset him."
Stephen's body started to shake, much to his annoyance, and his eyes started to tear up. Why does my dad have to be a profiler? And why can't my stupid emotions cooperate with me for once? Damn that accident I had over a year ago, Stephen thought.
Gideon gave Spencer Jay to Hotch and went over to Stephen and hugged him. "Hey there, Stephen. Why are you so sad? I promise no matter what you tell me, I won't get mad."
Stephen was about to answer, but the phone rang. He smiled a fake smile. "The phone is ringing. I-It's probably something important."
"We'll let it ring. Won't we Aaron?"
"Yes. Whoever it is can call back later."
Gideon nodded and then turned his attention back to his oldest. "Stephen, please tell me."
Stephen studied his dad, uncle and brother and they all looked expectantly at him. He didn't like being cornered as he was at the moment, and having no control. Like it wasn't bad enough that he hadn't any control over his life at all. He needed to find a way not to reveal his secret, but how? Then he had an idea. He could reveal one of his secrets that didn't embarrass him as much as his real secret did, though it was still embarrassing.
"I-I told S-Spencer, that he shouldn't be ashamed of needing diapers and to be changed by others. Since he is a baby physically and we see him that way."
"Go on there's got to be more."
"Okay… I told him… T-that I wet the bed till I-I w-was t-ten and t-that was e-embarrassing, since I-I wasn't a baby then." Stephen said and by now the tears ran down his cheeks freely.
Gideon hugged him tighter. "It's okay, son. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I hope your mom supported you…"
Stephen started to tense and his body shook even more. That worried Gideon a lot. He was afraid to ask but he did anyway. "What did she do to you?"
"S-She g-got a-angry. S-She beat me every time she found me wet in the bed. A-and soon after s-she started t-to put me in d-diapers at night and t-treat me as a-a b-baby. She said a-as long as I a-acted as a b-baby she would t-treat me a-as one. S-so she bought a giant c-crib and o-other different kinds of baby stuff."
Gideon was speechless. He wondered if he'd ever been a good profiler. Because if he had been he'd found out that his ex-wife would be able to hurt her own son like that. He would have known, and made sure his son was safe. Why had he never noticed that there had been something very wrong? He would never forgive himself; of that he was sure.
"S-Son. I-I'm so sorry I wasn't t-there for you. I…" Gideon couldn't stop his tears they ran down his cheeks freely.
"I-It's not your fault, Dad. It's mine. It was my fault that you left mom, and that she had to beat me and treat me as a baby. All my fault."
Gideon lifted Stephen's chin up so they could look into each other's eyes. But Stephen looked down, too ashamed to look into his dad's eyes.
"Look at me, son." When he didn't , Gideon said, "Please. Look at me."
Stephen reluctantly did. "YOU did NOTHING wrong! You hear me. You were just an innocent child. I left because I thought you would have a better childhood. I wanted your mother to re-marry. Marry someone that would love you and treat you as a son. So that you could have a full time father and I wanted your mother to have a full time husband. But I couldn't be that, at least that was what I thought at the time. If I had known what she would do and blame to you, I would have stayed and made sure you were safe."
"But it was my fault, Dad! Mom told me so. And to make sure I understood that it was my fault she beat me and a-as a p-punishment I-I had t-to take o-over your role as h-her h-husband." With that Stephen broke down. Gideon cried too, he held his son's head against his chest and comforted him as well as he could. "You were only six when I left for good. Only six…" Gideon looked over his son's head to Hotch. Hotch looked sadly at him and hugged Spencer Jay in a tight hug. The baby looked sadly at his dad, tears showing on his face too, though no whines or cries could be heard. As comfort, Spencer Jay had a thumb in his mouth along with a pacifier.
Suddenly something came to Gideon. "Stephen, when did you start to wet the bed?" Gideon was sure he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from his son.
"S-Six. Why?"
"Six. So you started to wet the bed after I left you, after your mother started to…"
"Yes, I guess…"
"You see. It wasn't your fault. It was mine and your mother's. I should have known she would be capable of treating you like that. If only I had known. Your mother had no right to treat you like that! No right!"
"But it was my fault, Dad! It was, she said so!"
TBC