"It's cause I'm a fucking ninja."
You don't need to repeat it! We get it, he's a ninja. He does ninja things. He does the N*rutos everywhere and wants to become the h*kage of the Hollywood Village. We get it.
Angra got up, finding a couple caltrops lodged in his body rather painfully as he arduously pried them out. That stung like a bitch… this guy was gonna get both tonfa-shivs! Yeah, that's a cool new name for his crappy weapons that could barely cut paper.
"I'm gonna mess you up so bad when I get my hands on you… oi, Robin! Let's take him down!"
No answer. Unbeknownst to our protagonist, Robin had vanished and was now replaced with a conveniently placed stranger in a suspicious green mantle, that was currently absconding from the shinobi shenanigans. Oh hey look, a chapter title.
He assumed that Robin had fucked off or had fallen victim to the traps. Or both. If both, good riddance. If not, good riddance. It would've just meant that he had one more ass to bail out if things went south. That also meant that if he got away and Robin didn't, Angra would be held accountable for that casualty. Lone wolf style was truly the way to go.
That being said, the lack of a decoy/meat-shield was quite disappointing to Angra's overall strategy.
The smoke cleared, but the ninja was nowhere to be seen. Angra decided to just start clearing a bit of an area by awkwardly kicking caltrops away.
No wait, that was the dumbest idea he's ever had. He's fucking BAREFOOTED. When had he even been able to afford any kind of footwear? What the hell was he thinking?! He yelled in pain as he rolled on the floor clutching his foot… and rolled into more caltrops. Jeez, what a fucking travesty. Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen, has become a caltrop hedgehog rolling around at the speed of profound.
Anyway, after that tomfoolery… he repeated the whole process again. This actually earnest display of stupidity was enough to lower the ninja's guard as he emerged from his expertly positioned wall disguise, peeling the wallpaper off of himself and just observing Angra's misfortune. There were no words that could describe the combined confusion and discouragement that the eager ninja felt right now.
"… This is highly inappropriate for what I was going for."
"GET THESE DAMN CALTROPS OFF OF ME!"
You couldn't help but feel a little bit bad… nah, this was fucking hilarious. Though the ninja felt a little bit bad cause he's a chuuni-ass chump that pretended to have no feelings except epic ones when he actually had all the feelings. After a few more minutes of thrashing around, Angra finally gave up the will to fight back and allowed the shinobi to pull those suckers out.
Pluck.
Man, there were a lot of them.
Pluck.
Like, so many caltrops. So many that you could build an entire caltrop village out of it. Call it Caltropolis and we can call it a day.
Pluck.
"Why the fuck are these caltrops sticky anyway? I thought they were just meant to be a one-off deal of agony, not a monthly subscription of "fuck-you" with a side of "especially your ass"."
"I coat them in adhesive, which is also toxic. Prolonged agony of my foes is the intended effect but…"
Pluck.
"Oh goodie. I don't need no antidotes cause toxins don't affect me. I'm filthy enough inside already. They just put me through unimaginable bouts of pain."
Pluck.
"Speaking of which- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH GOD IT BURNS!"
Angra curled up into a pathetic ball as he shuddered and writhed from all the pain coursing through his body. Sometimes he wishes the toxins would just kill him. Whoever came up with this idea for his character needed a kick in the shin. The ninja simply sighed and pulled something out the wall… is that a fucking camcorder?
"I was trying to shoot an action sequence for my project… the dark, epic and action-packed battles of "Demon of the Blood Moon". Part 7, "Lying in Wait, I Am One With The Shadow and One With My Inner Fire".
"First of all, title is way too long. Just make it "Part 7, Shadows and Fire". Secondly, NGGGGAAAAAAHHHHHG FUCKFUCKFUCK!"
"Hm… I suppose you're right. I don't want to spoil too much in the title. I shall take your feedback into great consideration. By the way, I am Fuuma Kotarou, and I'm a-"
What a lovely, concise introduction that hasn't been cut down in any form to prevent a recurring joke getting too old. Anyway, moving swiftly onward, it seems that Angra is out of commission for a bit. A long bit. The longest of bits.
In fact, we can skip to the end of the day now cause he's pretty fucked. It is now that the readers are reminded that we've had several chapters on the same day. It's time to finally make some chronological progression. The silent round of applause is deafening.
Upon recovery, it was home time. What a counter-productively eventful start to the academic life for Angra. He managed to find himself kidnapped by a psycho-sadistic fox lady, pummelled into the floor by a cat, stun-locked by a megane-bitch, mocked by a pansy priest prick, ALMOST shot in the face, witnessed the murder of an innocent SPRIGGAN, got a faceful of loli-lizard ass and lastly incapacitated by chuuni-chode fucker's toxic traps.
In all honesty, could've been worse. He could've been eternally sleeping down on the riverbed, in his snug pair of concrete slippers. Not that the "agency" was a mafia or anything, but it was all the same to him.
He found himself saddled with Nobu, Robin, and Cat for the journey home… speaking of which, where was home exactly? His old place was pretty much destroyed. Robin seemed to have the answer as they exited out the school gates.
"Accommodations are nearby, off of campus. I think you'll have a room assigned to you in Dahag's quarter."
It seemed like each of the Houses had separate accommodation quarters just outside the academy grounds. The walk away from the school was pretty typical as far as anime scenery goes. A road that went along a sloped riverbank, with a bridge at the end of it that crossed into the main city.
Such details had eluded Angra until now since y'know… he was kinda focused on other things in the midst of his abduction. Thankfully he didn't have to go all the way back to the city since the quarters were on this side of the bridge.
After a few minutes of walking, they came to the first quarter… or seemed to. The fact was that it was so big and magnificent that they saw it from a fair distance away already, and it became that much grander as they approached it.
Yeah, that must've been the Sirrush quarters. Massive, golden walls completely sealed it off from the world of peasants that surrounded it. The interior must've been an entire housing district in its own right. The place didn't have a gate. Instead, it had some kind of portal that needed a pass to be accessed, according to Robin. Any and all invasion plans of the present and future had been simultaneously put down by this immense display of security.
Next to it were similarly sized quarters, belonging to Hydra. Instead of golden walls of finery, these ones were marble walls of solidarity. They were just as huge and just as defensible, though they had a gate rather than a portal. However, that gate was also manned by fucking armored soldiers that each looked like a formidable Heroic Spirit. Each one was probably equal to twenty Angra Mainyus.
Nah. That'd be a bit too generous for Angra.
Speaking of which, these weren't really academic accommodations at all. They were more like housing districts from an MMO or something. The scale of them all was way too grand… wouldn't some people enrol in the academy just to live here? Angra definitely would.
The most normal quarters were next. A fenced off area filled with blocks of flats, the accommodations had some nice garden areas and even a little general store in the midst of it. Vouivre was the most ordinary-looking House out of them all, perhaps too much so. Angra is kinda glad he didn't get wrangled in with them.
And then was… a bunch of ordinary residences? Robin saw the confusion on Angra's face and explained:
"These are normal houses that belong to normal people."
"Okay I gathered that, but why? Shouldn't the Dahag quarters be next?"
"… You'll see when we get there."
And so they walked through this ordinary neighborhood… Angra's expectations weren't high to begin with but this was still a bit of a surprise. After venturing a couple blocks over from the other living quarters, they arrived at…
"… How did I not see that sooner?"
A tower-shaped apartment building. For some reason, it was quite the depressing sight to behold. Maybe because, in comparison to the finery of Sirrush and Hydra, it came off as a towering symbol of the corporate corruption and normalcy that most modern architects resign themselves to when designing such facilities in the current times…
Maybe Angra was looking too deeply and negatively into it. He was fucking great at that. Nobu skipped forward and jumped herself half-way up the stairs that led to the entrance before turning to them.
"It's called the Ogawa Complex. The landlord was nice enough to let Dahag use it as accommodation. It's a win-win!"
Wait… was the landlord lending accommodation? As in, they weren't part of the academic society? Were Dahag not entitled to their own-
Of course they weren't, now that Angra considered it. Knowing Merlin, they probably cut Dahag accommodation from the budget to save money. This was now entirely expected of this sorry excuse for a House. Still, an entire apartment block to themselves? It couldn't have been all that bad.
The only concerning thing right now was the prospect of the Cat having her own room. Right now, it seems like she was already having a turf war with the neighborhood black cat-
"Hiiissss! Cat is the biggest dog, Cat owns this yard now!"
A ballistic black cat missile was sent into the stratosphere by a well-aimed paw hammer. Rest in peace, featureless household feline. Your single sentence of relevance shall be remembered.
"OOOOWAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Jeez Cat, keep it down."
Robin berated the unusual victory cry of the Cat as he coaxed her up the stairs with what seemed to be cat treats. Of course, it worked and she was soon bolting up them like no tomorrow. Angra made his way into the plain yet spacious lobby area. Nobu led the way to the stairwell, going straight past the elevators. They had a sign saying "Forever Out of Order".
… Huh.
"Don't try and take the elevators, ever. Robin learned the hard way."
"Let's not talk about that."
Robin shuddered. That sounded kinda scary, but also kinda exciting. Maybe it was something for Angra to mess around with some time.
They ascended the stairs. It was unusually quiet here… there didn't seem to be anyone else living here either. Well, if it was Dahag usage only, then there wouldn't be anyone else there. Nobu turned to them as they reached the first floor.
"First floor! This is where First Years like us lodge, obviously. I'm in 101, the best room. That's cause it's closest to the stairs."
She pointed at the door that was, sure enough, labelled as 101. Wow, it was actually what it said it was. A whole new world opened up for Angra.
"Weakling and Cat, you two should be in… 103 and 104, right at the end. Easy, right?"
Sure was easy, though if Robin was in 102… then they were the only ones on this floor.
"There're only four apartments on this floor? Where are the other guys?"
"They live elsewhere. We're the only freshmen that live in academic lodgings right now. Means we got this floor to ourselves, woo!"
How odd, though it was kinda nice. Still, this complex had a chilling vibe to it for some reason… though it kinda complemented Dahag's overall theme so maybe it wasn't bad at all. Angra approached the door marked as 104.
"I swear, if there's someone in here, I'll slap you."
"Hooo. Would you like a shot to the face or the balls? I can line them up if you'd like! Just like Sn*per Elite!"
"Uh, I think I'll just say "good night" and leave it there."
Jeez, how aggressive. Choosing to opt for the safer option of avoiding that confrontation altogether, Angra found a key under the doormat. He shrugged and entered the dark apartment. Considering his luck up until now, he expected some psychopath to disembowel him for walking in on their satanic ritual or something.
In quite the merciful turn of events, it was actually just a clean and ordinary apartment inside. Angra let out a sigh of relief as he entered the bedroom and sprawled himself on the laid-out futon. Actual separate rooms for sleeping, living, and toileting! A working shower and sink! Bedding without lumps and/or sharp bits! So comfy…
It was so comfortable in fact that he fell asleep right then and there. Considering all that he had gone through, following a life of complete inactivity… he got some pretty decent mileage. Perhaps, despite all the responsibilities and tribulations, this academic life wouldn't be so bad after all. So ends the first day of Angra Mainyu's crazy new lifestyle… somehow in a state of tranquility.
Let's fix that.