INVADER QUINN

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

Episode 1-011: Don't Hog The Pizza!

Date: Friday, November 6th, 2097

Jake Morgendorffer hummed to himself as he looked over his checklist. "Everything okay?" Dib Membrane asked him as he passed by. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Tonight's family night out, so I'm making sure that everything is finished on time so that I can get home early," Jake replied.

"Huh. Sounds fun," Dib said. "It will be," Jake said. "Well, just make sure you don't rush anything important. One step forward and twenty steps back if something goes wrong," Dib said before he walked away. "Yeah... don't need to deal with another explosion in the lab," Jake muttered to himself.

Stacey Morgendorffer adjusted the goggles on her head and her utility belt. "There we go," she said to herself as she stood in the middle of the living room. Daria was busy doing some homework. "Okay, I think I know enough of Quinn's defenses to get into the house. I mean, I was able to get inside a few weeks ago, so I should be able to do it again, and this time, I'm gonna... well, I'm gonna do something!"

"Uh-huh," Daria said. "Oh, Daria, could you set up the DVR to record Mysterious Mysteries for me in case I'm not back in time for it?" Stacey asked her. "Sure," Daria mumbled, not really paying much attention. "Oh, and here's a phone number for the Swollen Eyeball Association, in case something happens," Stacey said as she handed a piece of paper with a phone number on it to Daria.

Daria looked at the paper and then back to Stacey. "If you have to call them, tell them that the wolf has been trapped in the spider web. They'll know what it means," Stacey explained to her sister. "Right," Daria said. "I'm gonna go get a few more things ready, and then I'll be leaving. I should be back in time for Mysterious Mysteries," Stacey said as she headed upstairs.

Daria looked down at her homework. "Dammit," she muttered, having lost her place thanks to Stacey. As she began working again, her cell phone rang. "Hello," Daria said after picking it up. "Hey, Kiddo! Listen, I'm going to be leaving work early today, since I've gotten most of my work finished. So, turns out we'll be having family night after all!"

"Oh, um, okay," Daria said, somewhat shocked that her dad was actually able to finish his work on time, let alone early. "So, where would you guys like to go to eat tonight?" Jake asked her. "Um... let me think," Daria said, before she heard a jingle on the TV.

She looked up to see an advertisement for Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Pizza, she thought to herself hungrily. "Hey! Come to Bloaty's Pizza! We got games! We got pizza! We got Bloaty!" exclaimed a horribly obese pig costume on the TV. Daria could see a bunch of children rubbing pizza on their heads and one child even seemed to be slowly phasing through the Bloaty costume as the pig beast talked.

"What more you askin' for!?" Bloaty asked. "We love you, Bloaty!" the children said in unison. "I love you, uuuuhhhhhhhhh," Bloaty said before drooling in response to the grease-covered children. "Pizza," Daria said. "Come again?" Jake asked her. That new Pizza Empire place just opened up down town last week. This is a perfect opportunity, Daria thought to herself.

"Pizza Empire. We're going to Pizza Empire," Daria said into the phone. "Sounds great! I'll call Helen to let her know, and then we'll head there at eight. Since tomorrow is Saturday, you don't need to worry about getting home early for school," Jake said enthusiastically.

"That's right," Daria said with a small smile on her face. "Okay, I'll be home to pick you girls up at seven thirty, and then we can head over there and be ready by or before eight. See you then!" Jake said before hanging up. "Bye," Daria said. She soon heard footsteps as Stacey walked down the stairs.

"Okay, I got my spare battery for my communication watch, so I can contact you if anything happens while I'm still in Quinn's base," Stacey said. "Hey, Stacey, why don't you wait until tomorrow?" Daria suggested. "What? Why?" Stacey asked her. "Family Night's been confirmed. Dad is actually going to be leaving work early tonight. Mom gets off early too. We're gonna eat at Pizza Empire," Daria said to her.

"But... Quinn's base! I'm already suited up for it, and I spent two hours mentally preparing myself for this! If I don't do this now, then I may never be able to work up the nerve to do it again!" Stacey exclaimed. "Is that what all that hyperventilating earlier was?" Daria asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes! It took my two hours to calm myself down after working myself into a worrying frenzy about what could go wrong! I can't back down now!" Stacey exclaimed. "Fine, but be back before seven thirty, or else I'm coming to get you myself," Daria said. "Daria, the fate of the world is at stake! Don't you care that Quinn is trying to wipe out all mankind?"

"But she's not very good at it," Daria pointed out. "What do you mean!? She crippled the Millennium Mall, closed down Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe, and managed to steal dozens of people's organs, including our own!" Stacey retorted. "Yes, and I made her suffer for that incident, in case you've somehow forgotten," Daria replied.

"I haven't forgotten, Daria, but she's still dangerous!" Stacey exclaimed. "Yes, yes, I know. Now, remember, be back here by seven thirty, or you'll face my wrath for making me miss family night with Mom and Dad," Daria said with a glare as she watched Stacey leave the house and close the door.

"Wait... I wonder if Jane would like to go?" she asked herself. Daria quickly dialed Jane's cell number. "Hello?" Jane asked over the phone. "Hey, Jane, tonight's Family Night. My parents are taking me and Stacey to Pizza Empire. Wanna join us?" Daria asked her.

"Pizza... Empire? Seriously!? Aw, I wish I could," Jane replied. "What's wrong?" Daria asked her. "Mystic Spiral has a gig at The Zon tonight, and I've been chosen to help them set up the equipment," Jane replied. "Would you be able to join us after setting up?" Daria asked her. "I wish, but I have to make sure that the right cleaning solution is used in case someone throws stuff at the band tonight. Trent's planning on performing Ice Box Woman again, and you remember what happened last time," Jane said.

"Ouch. Yeah, I'd rather not go through that again. Why don't you just position some umbrellas around the stage?" Daria asked her. "Daria, you are severely underestimating the intelligence and competence of my brother and most of the band," Jane said over the phone. "Sorry about that," Daria replied. "Well, do you want me to get a pizza to bring back with me so we can share it tomorrow?" she then asked.

"Sure! Just keep it at your place until I come over. Do not bring it over to my place, or else we might have to share with Trent and the others," Jane replied. "Affirmative. See you tomorrow, bye," Daria said before hanging up. "Bye!" Jane said.

Stacey peeked over the fence of the house next to Quinn's. "There we go," she said quietly to herself as she silently began making her way to the freakish green house that housed Quinn's base. She heard a car approaching and dove behind a tree as she hid herself from view.

Peeking around the tree, Stacey watched as the car parked in front of Quinn's lawn. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity before she saw GIR, in his dog costume, stepping out of the car. "I'll see you later," GIR said before bounding away from the car. "Sure thing, little talking dog," the driver said before reaching over to close the door and drive away.

Stacey watched as GIR entered the house, leaving the door wide open. GIR, you really make things too easy, Stacey thought to herself before she quietly began approaching Quinn's house again.

Daria looked down at her watch. It was seven o'clock. She had finally finished her history homework from Mr. DeMartino, along with her math homework from Mrs. Anderson, and her English homework from Mr. O'Neill. She looked out the window at the darkened sky, before her wrist communicator came to life.

"Daria, I made it in! I'm inside the lower levels of the base!" Stacey exclaimed. "Stacey, it's seven o'clock. Get back home so that we can get ready for Family Night," Daria said. "But, Daria! I finally have a chance to cripple Quinn's base and expose her! If only you could see this place! There are things down here that I've never even dreamed of! I'm gonna blow it all up!" Stacey said with a smile.

"Stacey, get out of there and come back home, now," Daria said. "What? you're starting to break-what the!? Quinn!" Stacey exclaimed before a series of lasers shot past her. A beam of some kind hit her and she toppled over. "You won't get away with this!" Stacey shouted. Daria's eyes widened just as GIR's face appeared on the communicator screen, his eyes glowing red. Then static took over.

"Dammit," Daria muttered darkly as she got off the couch and went upstairs to grab her jacket and boots. She grabbed her cell phone and called her dad. "Hey, Dad? I need to pick Stacey up from somewhere real quick. If I'm not home when you get back, then just head over to Pizza Empire. I'll meet you guys there, with Stacey," Daria said. "You got it!" Jake said before Daria ended the call.

Daria looked at Quinn's freakish green house with a hint of disdain on her face as she trudged forward. She pushed the door open with surprising ease, although given that GIR had once again forgotten to both lock it or close it properly, that was pretty much expected. Daria saw that the TV was on, and GIR was sitting on the couch, watching a commercial for Bloaty's Pizza. This commercial featured the bloated pig beast snorting while consuming a pizza in front of several children. "Hey! Look at Bloaty! We gots a brand new pizza with cinnamon crust. So if you like the taste of stuff, then you're gonna love this pizza!" Bloaty then farted and grimaced.

"Uh-hoooaaaaaaahh!" Bloaty grunted in pain. "Bloaty hate his life!" Bloaty said with a look of horror on his face, as though the actor inside had just now realized what had become of his life. Following this was a commercial for Pizza Empire. "Welcome to the Imperial Palace of Pizza and cheesy goodness! We got pizza, mozzarella sticks, sausage, bread-sticks, strombolis, and more! Welcome... to Pizza Empire!"

Daria felt her mouth begin to water as she watched the images and footage of people enjoying pizza, mozzarella sticks, meatballs, spaghetti, strombolis, calzones, sausages, and even lasagna. Pizza, she thought to herself. She felt her stomach growl. "Feast on our delicious stuffed-crust pizzas, sip our delicious milkshakes and soda, and take home some hot, cheesy bread-sticks and cinnamon sticks, and lick your fingers clean of the barbecue sauce from our chicken wings! What more could you possibly ask for!?" cried the announcer of the commercial, before the Pizza Empire logo took over the screen.

Daria shook herself out of her stupor and looked at GIR. "Hey, where's... uh, my sister?" she asked the little robot, who was not wearing his dog costume. GIR looked over at her, questioningly, before his eyes glowed red and he jumped off the couch, landing on both feet on the floor and producing a number of cannons and guns from his head and back. "HALT! You are an INTRUDER!" GIR shouted.

"Where... is Stacey?" Daria asked again, this time firmer. GIR retracted his weaponry and resumed his normal blueish glow. "She went down there," GIR said as he pointed at the toilet in the kitchen. "She... went to the bathroom... in the kitchen?" Daria asked with a raised eyebrow. "Noooo!" GIR chirped. "She went downstairs to the lab and stuff!" GIR chirped before walking over to a table and activating the elevator underneath it.

Daria walked over and joined GIR on the platform as it descended into the base. Daria sighed as she waited for the elevator to reach its destination. Meanwhile, GIR turned to look at her, smiling as he examined her. Daria glared at the little robot, who quickly looked away from her and back at the wall.

Daria returned her attention to the wall of the elevator, memorizing the level numbers as they passed several floors. GIR attempted to leer at her again, and this time and scowled at him, causing him to cower back this time. By the time they reached their destination, Daria was about ready to remove the robot's eyes from their sockets.

GIR leapt off the platform as it was locked in place. Daria stepped off and followed GIR over to a room with several large tubes of some kind. "This is the lab?" Daria asked GIR. "No, this is the teleporter room! Quinn took Stacey to the station after I caught her snoopin'!" GIR said excitedly with a smile. "The station?" Daria asked the robot.

"Uh-huh! Master Quinn finished building it a few days ago!" GIR chirped happily. Daria had begun to suspect that GIR was either not entirely sane, or improperly programmed. "So, which one did they use?" Daria asked GIR. "Uh... that one!" GIR exclaimed, pointing at the teleporter with a strange crescent symbol on it. "You're sure that they took this one?" Daria asked GIR. "Yes!" GIR chirped, before adopting a confused expression. He then shrugged his shoulders in defeat after attempting to think.

"Well, are you coming with me?" Daria asked GIR. "Nope! Mastah says I have to stay here when she's away!" GIR said while nodding his head. "Right. Well, I guess you'd better get back upstairs. That TV won't watch itself," Daria said before stepping into the teleporter.

She looked at a panel built into the chamber of the teleporter and slid it open, revealing a keypad and a small screen. She couldn't understand any of the characters of the Irken alphabet, although she did recognize the colors of some of the arrow keys. Hesitantly, she pressed a green button before sliding the panel cover closed. After a few seconds, there was a bright flash, and Daria covered her eyes.

GIR stared at the empty space inside the teleporter for a minute, before he walked back over to the elevator pad and returned to the living room in order to watch TV.

Daria opened her eyes and looked around the large teleporter room of what must have been the station. Unlike the many maroons and other red and purple shades of Quinn's base, the station had a more familiar blue and purple look to its metallic interior. There was still a slight bio-mechanical feel to it, but it was more subdued than the inside of the base.

"Hmm." Daria stepped forward and looked around the room a bit more, seeing the various doors around it. She looked at one door with a rectangular symbol on it, and entered a new room, carefully in order to avoid detection. She checked her watch, noting that it was seven thirty-two. "Gotta hurry," she whispered to herself before she looked up and finally took notice of the sight in front of her.

The aforementioned sight almost took her breath away. In front of her was a large window, at least two-thirds of a meter thick, and from inside, Daria could see the Earth from an orbital view. "Holy shit," she whispered to herself as she looked at the planet. "I'm in a space station," she said to herself. Maybe Quinn is more competent than I realized, Daria thought to herself. Maybe Stacey's right. If Quinn can build a space station like this without anyone noticing, then maybe she does have the potential to conquer Earth.

Turning around, Daria re-entered the teleporter room and made her way into another hallway. She saw a maintenance hatch above her, along with a small ladder connecting it to the floor. The shades of blue and purple became stronger now, and the station's interior began to feature a greater resemblance to Quinn's labs in her base. She soon heard maniacal cackling from beyond the door in front of her.

"So," Helen Morgendorffer said as she looked up at the sign for Pizza Empire. "This is where Daria wants to eat this time? Well, she does love pizza," Helen said to herself as she walked inside the entrance of the extravagant building. She walked over to a small cushioned bench and sat down, waiting for the others to arrive.

She sighed as she leaned back against the wall, before she felt her phone vibrate. "Oh, please, Eric, not now," she muttered to herself as she answered her cell-phone. "Hello," she said. "Helen, it's me, Eric. I can't find my favorite pen! I need you to come back to the office and help me look for it!" Helen frowned.

"Eric, as one of the partner's of the firm, you are a full-grown adult, and as such, should be fully capable of finding your pen," Helen said sternly. "But Helen~!" "No buts! Tonight is Family Night! My husband and I have been planning this for at least six weeks! I am not about to disappoint my girls and husband because you, a full grown adult, are unable to find your precious pen in your own office! If it is still missing by the time your hours are over, I will help you look for it tomorrow," Helen said firmly.

"B-But! But I-" "Good bye, Eric," Helen said with a smile before hanging up. She turned off her phone to prevent Eric Schrecter from calling her again. "What a needy, whiny shit-head," she muttered to herself as she leaned her head back against the wall. She noticed a woman with magenta hair walking out of the restaurant with four boxes of pizza in her hands.

"That's a lot of pizza," Helen noted. The woman stopped to look at her. "I love pizza," she said with a smirk. "Must have cost a lot of money," Helen said. "I can afford it," the woman said. "I certainly hope so," Helen said. She noticed that the woman had a very Goth-like vibe and also wore similar attire, with dark blacks, grays, and so forth. She was also wearing a necklace with a skull-shaped pendant hanging in the center, and she had fingerless gloves.

"Well, are you getting that for a party?" Helen asked her. "Heh, no. Just myself... and my niece... and sister-in-law, and my stupid brother," she said before she exited the lobby and waiting area of Pizza Empire. Looking out after the woman, Helen could have sworn that she recognized the face of the girl sitting in the car that she was entering, as well as the woman in the driver's seat.

"You know, Stacey, I must say that I am quiet impressed with you for getting as far into my base as you did," Quinn said, not noticing the door on the upper level of the room sliding open or the figure emerging from it. She was in a large, circular room, with a giant container in the center, holding Stacey inside of it. There were three levels to the room, with Quinn being on the bottom level, and a set of ladders and catwalks making up the third level.

"You know, if you hadn't made the stupid mistake of sending out that communication signal, I might never have caught you... but I did catch you!" Quinn exclaimed. "And by the Irken rules of conquest, you are now my prisoner," she added with a smile was she walked over to a cart and tray holding various equipment. "Now, what experiment shall we perform first?" Quinn asked with a smirk. "I know! How about we see what your organs look like... on the outside! Get it? On the outside!" Quinn laughed.

Up on the second level, Daria watched with morbid fascination as Quinn began retrieving a series of tools from the tray. Okay, what is it with Quinn and human organs? Never mind that, she could kill Stacey! Pizza or not, I'm not letting Stacey stay here any longer, Daria thought to herself as she walked down a ramp and over to the giant containment tube.

Quinn gagged when turned around and saw Daria. "D-Daria!? How did you get here!?" Quinn asked angrily. Daria turned to glare at the alien. Quinn wasn't wearing her disguise, and so Daria was able to see Quinn as she truly was for the first time. "Let her out... now," Daria demanded. "Um... no. Besides, it's not as if you can do anything anyway," Quinn said haughtily as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"Then I'll just get her out myself," Daria said. "How do you plan to do that? Daria-Human, that container is made of the strongest-" Daria kicked the container with one of her boots, causing it to crack and fracture. "-material in the... oh," Quinn said as her antennae fell against her head in dumbfoundedness.

Daria quickly ran over to the ramp as the crack grew in size, and the liquid in the tank came pouring out, destroying the tank and pushing Quinn against the wall of the room. Daria walked over and grabbed Stacey, pulling her up to her feet. "Thanks, Daria. Now, let's finish her off! Come on, what do you say, huh? You and me, what do ya say?" Stacey asked her eagerly. It became quite apparent to Daria that Stacey would not willingly leave the station with her. She checked her watch. It was seven forty-three.

"What are you doing!?" Stacey screamed as the door to the hallway room opened. She entered the hallway, strapped to a floating gourney as Daria pulled her along. "Daria, what is wrong with you!? We have to go back and stop Quinn; she's vulnerable!" Stacey cried in confusion and anger.

"Look, tonight is Family Night! We only get so many of these during any given year, okay? I do not intend to miss out on this one, and you chose where we ate last time," Daria retorted with a hint of bitterness in her otherwise monotone voice. "But why can't you just go tomorrow?" Stacey asked her. "I just told you why!" Daria snapped at her sister. As much as she loved Stacey, there were times when her sister definitely got on her nerves.

"But Quinn! We have chance to stop her! We can end her reign of terror! Reign of terror, Daria! Reign of terror!" Stacey cried. It was clear that her behavioral options were either this or hyperventilating. Then again, she could have just been going on an adrenaline rush from all of the excitement. Either way, Daria just wanted to get back to Earth, and eat pizza with her family. Daria didn't notice that the maintenance hatch from earlier was open.

Entering the teleporter room, Daria's eyes widened in shock as she saw the glow from the cut wires around the teleporters. Quinn was standing on top of them, sneering at her and Stacey wickedly. "There's no escape, Daria! I've cut the power to my teleporters," Quinn said before she leapt down to the floor and smiled in apparent victory.

"It would seem that your pitiful rescue attempt has now become nothing more than a pitiful failure!" Quinn taunted. "Doesn't this station have... you know, escape pods or something?" Daria asked her. "Of course; they're right over there," Quinn said, pointing at the door for the escape pod room, not that Daria could read the sign above the door.

Daria silently dragged Stacey into the room with her. "Stupid, stinking hu-aack! Sneaking, conniving, rotten dirt-child!" Quinn hissed as she realized her mistake. She ran over into the escape pod bay and saw Daria climbing into a pod, with Stacey already inside. Quinn rushed over to one of the other pods and climbed inside.

Daria glanced at the control scheme for the escape pod and grabbed the control yokes after pressing some buttons. Please don't self-destruct, she silently prayed. The escape pod rose into the air as its boosters and flight systems came online. Small dots of light came to life and various areas on the little ship as well.

Quinn saw this and snarled from inside her own pod. "So! You think you can outsmart me and get away in my own ships? Think again!" she shouted to Daria, although Daria couldn't hear her. Soon, the communication console came to life, and Quinn saw Daria's face on the screen. "Daria!" Quinn snarled. "Hey, how do you activate the pod's defenses?" Daria asked her.

"You press the small triangle on your upper right corner," Quinn said professionally. "Oh, thanks," Daria said with a sly grin. "You're welcome," Quinn replied with a smile, until she realized what had just happened. "Aarg! You wretched little worm!" Quinn growled just before the door to the bay opened and Daria's pod flew out into space. Quinn quickly followed suit, pursuing her target with determination.

Quinn activated the offensive weapons of her pod and fired a series of energy pulses at the other pod. "Don't even think about out-flying me!" Quinn shouted as she hit her target several times, only narrowly missing the nacelles and engines.

Daria grunted as the pod shuddered from the impact of each energy pulse blast. "Aaahh!" Stacey cried out before she began hyperventilating. Ordinarily, Daria would try to snap Stacey out of this state, but she was currently preoccupied. She tapped the right hand triangle and looked at the various symbols and shapes that flew across a holographic screen in front of her. "What does any of this mean!?" Daria cried.

"Aah!" Stacey cried as the pod shuddered again. Daria maneuvered the ship to avoid another round of pulse fire and watched the stream of energy shoot past the cockpit. She gulped as she accessed a menu that showed imagery of the defenses. Daria began scrolling through them, before a jolt from another successful hit caused her to hit a grappling hook-type feature. "I've been flying ships since before you were born, pitiful Earth-monkey!" Quinn sneered on the communication screen.

"Hold onto something!" Daria said as she prepared to maneuver the pod. "I can't!" Stacey cried out. Daria brought the ship into a vertical loop as she fired the hook at Quinn's pod, pulling hers right into it, albeit upside down, sort of. They were in space. Their horizontal and vertical axis had been inverted from each other, basically. Daria smiled at Quinn before waving at her.

Quinn merely snarled, knowing that firing her blasters at close range was suicidal. However, she could activate the inertial dampening thrusters. She smirked as she did so, but Daria's pod stayed hooked to hers, and both vessels began tumbling through the atmosphere at high speed. Daria and Stacey both began screaming in terror at their situation, while Quinn merely began laughing at the sight. She had done plenty of maneuvers much crazier than this back in her training days.

She cackled madly as she heard the warning klaxons of her pod announcing the temperature rising. Soon, however, that stopped, and she frowned after she saw how quickly the ground was approaching. She then felt herself being forced back against the seat of the cockpit as both pods fell down to the Earth below. It was now that Quinn began screaming.

Jake Morgendorffer walked over to the waiting area of Pizza Empire as he saw Helen sitting on a bench with her eyes closed. He gently shook her shoulder to wake her. "Hey, any sign of the girls?" he asked her. "Um, no. I thought they would be with you," Helen said as she yawned and stretched her limbs. "Well, Daria did say that she would be picking Stacey up from some place. So they'll both be here together," Jake said.

"I hope so," Helen said as she looked at her watch.

"Aah!" Daria and Stacey cried as their pod rolled over on the ground and crashed into the back entrance of Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Daria grabbed onto the edge of the cockpit and climbed out, grabbing the gourney with Stacey strapped to it as she made her way into the parlor. She was about to open the door when the Bloaty mascot entered the room. He took off his costume, revealing himself to be a huge bloated man with multiple chins and a horrible stink.

"I eat too many pizza he said tiredly as he sat down on a bench. Daria's mouth hung open in shock and disbelief that someone could actually get so obese and still walk under their own power. The man hiccuped and gurgled before groaning. "Oh, no more pizza," he said to himself sadly. Daria grabbed Stacey's floating gourney and pulled her along as they exited the room and entered the employee lounge, quickly entering the rest of the parlor.

Daria grabbed her cell phone and retrieved it from her pocket. "H-Hello, Dad?" she asked over the phone. "Daria? Where are you? It's already eight o'clock, Kiddo!" Jake said with a worried tone. "I-I know. Stacey and I... had to make a detour. Someone is following us, and we're trying to lose them. We'll be a bit late," Daria said. She heard a car alarm coming from outside as she and Stacey neared the exit.

Hearing the jeers and cheers of small children, Daria watched the younger kids playing. At the arcade area, two kids were playing some kind of shooting game, and both kids cheered, until one of them was disintegrated by the machine. The other child screamed and ran away from the arcade machine. Daria shuddered at the sight and resumed dragging Stacey with her to the exit.

She was almost there when she saw a maroon and green blur shoot forward into the door, knocking her back to the ground. Daria stood up and saw Quinn glaring at her, adjusting her hair piece. She had her disguise on now, and there was a murderous look on her face. She reached behind her back and brought out some kind of laser pistol. She had a wicked smile on her face as she stalked forward.

"Good bye, Daria. You've been a thorn in my side for far too long," Quinn said as she prepared to disengage the safeties of her weapon, until four mechanical mascots rushed over and began singing at her. Quinn fell back to the floor as the nightmarish mechanical monstrosities chanted and sang around her.

One was a pig, with nasty looking teeth. Another was some kind of moose, with a metal claw hand, and another was some kind of weasel with buck teeth. The fourth was a cow with red eyes and a horrible mooing sound. "Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo! Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-deeeeeeee!" The pig beast screeched horribly. Quinn found herself trembling with fear at these... mechanical beasts of frivolity.

"What sort of... Earth monsters... are these!? Uuaaahhhhh!" Quinn screamed as she got up and ran out of the restaurant. The mascot machines then turned and began chanting at Daria and Stacey. Daria grabbed one and shoved it out of her way as she dragged Stacey behind her on her floating gourney.

Daria checked her watch. "Dammit! Will we still make it if we walk?" she asked herself out loud. Just then, she heard a car pull up beside her. "Hey, Daria, right?" Daria turned to look at Andrea's mother, Tak. "Yeah. Um... Ta-uh, Andrea's mom," Daria said. "What's with her?" Tak asked Daria as she noticed the floating gurney. "Wait... where did you get that?" she asked Daria.

"It's a long story," Daria said. "We were in Quinn's space station, and she tried to experiment on me!" Stacey cried out. "Yeah... what she said," Daria said flatly. "Do you want a ride home?" Tak offered them. "Actually, tonight's Family Night, so maybe you could take us to Pizza Empire?" Daria asked.

"We just came from there," Tak said. "We?" Daria asked her. The window rolled down and Daria could see Andrea and a woman with magenta hair. The woman opened the door. "Get on in," she said. "Um-" "Do you want to make it to your family night, or not?" she asked her with a frown. "Y-Yes," Daria replied, slightly intimidated by this woman.

Tak chuckled. "Gazelene, don't scare them off," she said. "Hey, only my father gets to call me that. No one else, not Dib, and not you," Gaz said. "Okay, fine, Gaz," Tak said playfully.

"Well? Get in," Gaz said to Daria. "Um... how will we fit my sister in there?" Daria asked her as she looked back at the floating gurney. "Hold on," Tak said as she put the car in park and exited the vehicle. She walked over to it. "Oovostgor, estgarth," she said. The straps immediately detached themselves and the gurney dropped to the ground. "Yikes," Stacey said as she jumped off. The gurney then began compacting itself.

"How... how did you-" "Ask me some other time," Tak said with a knowing smirk. "Now come on, let's get you to Pizza Empire," she added as Daria and Stacey entered the back seats of the car. "If you sit on the pizza, you're buying new ones," Gaz threatened before Daria closed the door and strapped herself in.

"Hey, wanna see something neat?" Tak asked. Before Daria or Stacey could respond, Tak put the car in reverse and backed up all the way to the intersection before turning around and driving away. "Was that even legal!?" Stacey asked her. "Depends on your point of view," Gaz said with a smirk.

"Okay, they're fifteen minutes late, and Daria said that someone was following them," Jake said worriedly. Just as he brought out his cell phone, the door opened and Daria and Stacey walked inside the restaurant. "Kiddo! You're okay," Jake said. "What took you guys so long?" Helen asked with concern. "It's a long story," Daria said. "We had to hide out at Bloaty's Pizza Hog for a little bit," she added.

"But that's almost on the other side of town," Jake said. "Yeah, we got a ride from Andrea's mom," Daria said. "Yeah, and we got to meet Andrea's scary aunt," Stacey added as they approached a podium where a waiter was standing. "Did she have... magenta hair?" Helen asked. "Yeah, why?" Stacey replied.

"So that's who that was," Helen said. "Huh?" Daria asked her. "Oh, I just ran into that woman when I got here. She actually had four boxes of pizza with her," Helen said. "Yeah, they were in the car with her," Stacey said warily. "Can we serve you?" the waiter asked as the group approached the podium. "Table... or booth for four, please!" Jake said with a smile. Daria felt herself smiling as they were led to a booth near a buffet area. "You know," Daria said as she looked around, "I could get used to this place in the future."

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora.