Alejandro was the first inmate to wake up the next morning. As soon as the cells were unlocked, the Spaniard did not hesitate to get out of the cell. It was roughly six in the morning and the sun was not going rise for another hour, but Alejandro wanted to head over to the communal showers before Justin or Trent woke up. Unfortunately, Justin and Trent were not Alejandro's only problems, as Alejandro found out when he realised that he was being followed by a hoarse, obnoxious voice.
"Gosh! You're such an idiot, Alejandro!" Harold called after Alejandro. Alejandro ignored Harold and continued walking over towards the showers.
"Are you deaf as well as an idiot?! GOSH!"
Alejandro turned around to face Harold. He wanted to punch the lanky young man in the face for pissing him off, but instead he smiled and asked: "Greetings, mi amigo! How can I be of your assistance?"
"How could you be of any assistance to anybody?!" Harold demanded. "You are too idiotic to do anything right! IDIOT!"
Alejandro scowled. "So, what the hell do you want from me then?" he glared.
"I wish to inform you that I know what you have done to Justin," Harold revealed.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Alejandro rolled his eyes. He figured he knew what Harold was talking about, but then again, Harold could be talking rubbish as usual.
"I have analysed those handprints on Justin's neck," Harold glared at Alejandro. "I know they are yours."
"What makes you say that," Alejandro scoffed.
"I know everyone's handprints," Harold explained. "As soon as I was incarcerated, I took the liberty to observe the hands of all of my fellow inmates and I have reached the conclusion that those handprints are yours. You need to do a better job at covering up your tracks. Sadly, I don't think this could ever be possible for you, considering your limitations."
"I have a question for you, Harold," said Alejandro.
"Go ahead," Harold encouraged. "Considering that you are such an imbecile, I encourage you to ask as many questions as you could."
"Okay, well here is one," Alejandro replied. "Are you insane?!" he shrieked.
"No, I am not insane at all," Harold answered. "As a matter of fact, my parents had me tested, and it confirmed that I am not insane."
"The fact that your parents had to get you tested leaves a very ominous sign," Alejandro snickered.
"I wouldn't be going around using big words like 'ominous'," Harold warned Alejandro. "You might not even know what those words mean."
Alejandro was sick and tired of Harold. "Listen, dweeb: no matter how certain you are that I am at fault for Justin's injury, you're going to have to prove that I was responsible for this," he pointed out. "The burden of proof lies on the accuser, not the accused. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have my shower in peace, before everybody else wakes up!" And so, Alejandro walked away. Harold continued to stare down at Alejandro before he disappeared down the corridor.
Trent was the third contestant to wake up. This frightened Trent, because he is normally the ninth contestant to wake up. Whenever Trent wasn't the ninth contestant to wake up, something bad was happening or about to happen. He climbed out of his bunk to wake Scott and Noah up.
"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Trent shouted at his cellmates. Noah and Scott murmured several expletives as their heavy eyelids heaved open.
"What do you want?" Noah grumbled.
"Wake up! Wake up!" Trent repeated himself.
"We heard you already!" Scott snapped.
"Hush! Not so loud!" Trent hissed. "The number seven is in this room right now! And it's glaring at us!"
"What are you talking about?" Noah demanded, sitting up straight.
"Look over there and you'll see what I'm talking about!" Trent snarled, pointing towards the other side of the room. Noah and Scott complied, and in the darkness, they saw something immensely terrified them.
In the corner of the room were seven glowing red eyes. All of them were arranged in a horizontal line that was roughly 175cm above the ground. They looked unfriendly.
"What the fuck are those?!" Noah asked, terrified.
"That is the number seven you heretic!" Trent exclaimed. "You brought it to this cell, and now it is going to cause havoc!"
The red eyes rearranged themselves until there was a horizontal line of three red eyes, with a diagonal line of five eyes suspended from the right corner of the horizontal line. The centre of the figure remained at 175cm above the ground.
"See what I mean!" Trent shrieked. "It's forming a seven! Which it is!"
"I don't know if that is the number seven, but it is freaking me out," Scott whispered.
"It is too the number seven!" Trent slapped Scott across the face nine times. "I warned you guys nine times not to let the number seven into our cell, and what do you guys do?! You let it in! Now it wants to kill us nine times and it's all your fault! Especially you, Noah!" Trent added, slapping Noah nine times.
All of a sudden, the glowing red eyes disappeared. Next, Chef's hard voice echoed through the men's section of the prison.
"ALRIGHT YOU FILTHY MAGGOTS! YOU'VE SLEPT IN LONG ENOUGH! TIME TO GET UP AND HAVE YOUR SHOWERS! CHOP! CHOP!" Chef bellowed.
"I'm afraid that Chef is going to have to wait a while," said Noah, looking over at Scott. Scott nodded and pounced on Trent. He held Trent down while Noah punched Trent in the stomach eight times for slapping them.
The girls were already up and showered by the time the boys made it to the canteen. Gwen and Zoey were drawing and cursing at each other at the same time. They were literally frenemies. The boys realized just how insane things were, some of them wished they stayed in their cells.
"I look so good today!" Beth walked into the canteen with Blaineley's dress down to her feet where she was almost tripping. "Jo was right! I should have asked Blaineley to borrow this dress a long time ago!"
"You look like a kid playing dress up..." Duncan snickered at Beth.
"So, you like it?" Beth happily asked.
"No." Duncan told her. "You're probably going to fall because Blaineley is like 5'10 and you're like 5'0..."
"Thanks for your concern!" Beth replied, not getting that not one guy found her attractive. "I bet Chris will love this dress on me!"
"Probably not." Lightning looked Beth up and down. "Blaineley looks super sha-hot in that and you look super-sha not."
"The number nine would look better in that." Trent told her. "Can I have it for the number nine?"
"No!" Beth glared. "I'm not giving it to an imaginary number! If I wear this dress, I can be the most attractive girl in this place!"
"Only if every other girl gets eliminated." Eva told her. "Staci is even more attractive then you."
"Damn right!" Zeke yelled and shoved his hand down Staci's pants making Staci moan as he pulled his hand out and put his index finger in his mouth. "So wet and so delicious..."
"I didn't need to see that." B replied and nobody heard or listened to him.
"Can someone explain that to me?" DJ asked. "Why does everyone keep putting their hand down their pants and yell in agony?"
"DJ, I'm concerned for you." Dawn told him. "Your Aura is so innocent, it's almost white like nothing I've ever seen before."
"Let me try." DJ was determined to be like everyone else. He shoved his hand inside of his pants, not touching himself in any way at all. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"That is so...not right..." Lindsay told him. "BJ, I don't even like know how to respond to that."
"I really want to show you the right way to do it..." Leshawna admitted. "Not because I like you in that way but because I feel bad for you but I also don't want to get shoved in the hole for showing you..."
"I'll show you DJ!" Sierra happily told him, she was no longer drugged. "If I show you then that means that I can get yelled at by Chef and thrown into the hole with Cody AND Cameron!"
"Yeah, let's do it!" DJ happily agreed.
Sierra walked over to DJ and took his hand, everyone was watching because they all wanted to see DJ finally have some action and they didn't even care that it was weird to watch at this point, even Leshawna and Noah who were avoiding the insanity. Sierra slowly guided DJ's hand to the waist of her pants and just as DJ's fingertips made it inside her pants.
"ALRIGHT YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE!" Blaineley came running in naked. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SNUCK INTO MY PRIVATE SHOWER AREA AND STOLE MY DRESS!"
"Sha-wow!" Lightning looked up and down at Blaineley's naked body.
"Wow..." Izzy drooled. "Good Morning, Blaineley...I see your nipples are hard..."
"IZZY DID YOU TAKE MY CLOTHES?!" Blaineley yelled. "YOU'RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE PRISON AREA!"
"I didn't do it." Izzy told her, not taking her eyes off Blaineley's body. "I was having a threesome with Katie and Sadie this morning."
"It was Beth." Eva pointed to Beth standing in the crowed. Beth took Duncan's advice about it being too long and ripped a good part of it off and made it into a scarf that she was now wearing with the dress that came up to her knees.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Blaineley yelled. "YOU STOLE MY DRESS AND RUINED IT!"
"Now it fits!" Beth happily told her. "I have a matching scarf now!"
"I'LL STRANGLE YOU WITH THAT MONSTROSITY!" Blaineley yelled. "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR NOW!"
"You mean you only own that one dress and that's what you wear every day?" Heather asked her. "That's kind of gross."
"Chris said yesterday you can't harm contestants personally." Dawn reminded Blaineley who calmed down and glared at Beth.
"Duncan, do you like it better now?" Beth walked right up to Duncan and spun around, completely ignoring Blaineley and her threats.
"No." Duncan told her.
At that moment, Chris walked into the canteen and looked Blaineley up and down and then Beth in Blaineley's torn up dress.
"Do I even want to know?" Chris asked and smirked. "I wish I could allow this to air but I can't no matter how hilarious this is. Blaineley, we do have a rule that we're not allowed to be naked around contestants in public areas. If you want to be naked with any of them, you'll have to do it when challenges aren't taking place in non-filming areas."
"I don't want to be naked with any of them, Chris!" Blaineley yelled. "Beth stole my fucking dress and tore it up!"
"Is this true?" Chris asked Beth.
"Blaineley wasn't using it," Beth shrugged.
"Yeah, that counts as stealing," Chris shook his head. "You're going to have to give that back to Blaineley or else you're going in the hole."
"But I want to impress Duncan-" Beth protested, but Chris cut her off.
"No ifs or buts, Beth!" Chris barked. "Take it off, give it back to Blaineley, go back to your cell and come back with your prison attire!"
Beth sighed. "At least Duncan will get to see my vagina," she shrugged, taking off the dress and handing it back to Blaineley.
"Give me that, you little slag!" Blaineley snarled at Beth.
"Beth wished she could be a slag," Dakota snickered.
"Fuck off, you know shit!" Beth glared at Dakota. She walked over to Duncan in a seductive manner, but Duncan hurled when he saw her vagina. Mal pulled Duncan away and said:
"Stay away from him! He's mine!"
"Beth, stop acting like a slut and get into your prison uniform!" Chris ordered. "You're making everybody uncomfortable! Fuck it- EVA! DAKOTA! Take her away and bring her back with her uniform!" Eva and Dakota eagerly complied with Chris's orders and dragged Beth away, kicking and screaming.
Fifteen minutes later, Eva and Dakota returned with a kicking and screaming Beth, this time wearing her prison jumpsuit.
"At least she's properly clothed," Chris scowled.
"I'm not!" Blaineley scowled. "My dress no longer goes past my knees!"
"I like it better that way," Izzy chirped, licking her lips.
"Enough! Time for today's challenge!" Chris barked. "Follow me to the sports hall!"
Jo's ears pricked up. "There's a sports hall?!" she gasped. "This is the first time of me hearing of it!"
"Yeah," Chris laughed. "We decided not to tell you guys about it just for fun. Now come along!"
The sports hall was quite big. It was 100 metres in length. Jo, Eva, Tyler, DJ, Scott, Zoey, Duncan and Geoff were all impressed.
"Can we use this whenever we want during our free time?" Eva asked.
"You can," Chris smiled. "But first things first! Your challenge is to run from this end of the hall all the way to the other end after Chef blows the whistle. When he blows again, you guys must run all the way back. This will go on and on until there is only one inmate who has not fainted or gotten sick. Last inmate standing will win immunity at tonight's elimination ceremony. Two inmates will be going home tonight."
Chef came marching into the hall in his army uniform. "ALRIGHT MAGGOTS! GET YER BUTTS TO THE STARTIN' LINE, NOW!" The inmates scurried over to the starting line upon Chef's command. Trent forced himself in between Katie and Sadie so he could be the ninth from the left, earning glares from Katie and Sadie. Chef blew into the whistle and the contestants started to run. By the time most of the contestants had reached the other end of the hall, Justin, Noah, Harold, Beth, Staci and Sam had thrown up or collapsed. Justin was crying because he tripped and fell on his face.
"I'M UUUUUUGGLLYYYYY!" wailed Justin. "NOW ALEJANDRO AND HEATHER WILL NEVER LOVE ME!"
"We never loved you!" Heather yelled from the far end of the hall.
"Even by my own standards that is pathetic," Noah deadpanned.
On the way back, Tyler tripped and hurt himself, Sadie threw up and Trent simply stopped running.
"WHAT ARE YA DOIN' MAGGOT!" Chef bellowed at Trent. "YER NOT DONE!"
"Yes, I am!" Trent scoffed. "I have to be the ninth to drop out!"
"FINE! GO JOIN THOSE OTHER PUSSIES WHO HAVE DROPPED OUT!" Chef yelled. Trent walked over to join the drops out by the bleachers and demanded that Noah punch him again so that Trent would be punched nine times altogether. Noah punched Trent in the stomach twice and Trent shoved Noah off of the bench in retaliation.
Chef blew the whistle and the inmates still in the challenge run to the other side. Taking a page out of Trent's book, Sierra pretended to trip and dropped to the floor.
"Oh, my knee! My knee!" Sierra pretended to whine. Unfortunately, the contestants ran back the other direction and Eva tripped over Sierra, resulting both women getting hurt.
"YOU SPASTIC! YOU WERE IN MY WAY?!" Eva screamed. She proceeded to attack Sierra and Chef intervened. He grabbed both girls and threw them at the bleachers.
In addition to Eva, Katie, B, Leshawna and Ezekiel got sick or exhausted in that same run. On the next run, Lindsay collided with Scott. Gwen blindly ran into them while Geoff and Bridgette deliberately tackled them because they were rapists and the lacked self-control. Duncan dropped out because the lingering effects of the drug Mal had given him took a tool on his strength and Lightning ran so fast that he ran into the wall, much to Jo and Trent's delight.
"STOP RUNNING!" Trent shouted. "THERE ARE NINE CONTESTANTS LEFT!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP MAGGOT OR YOU'LL BE DOIN' TEN PUSHUPS!" Chef threatened, and a frightened Trent complied.
Dawn was the next to get sick and along with Zoey and Heather. Mal got sick on the next run and both Alejandro and Izzy fell ill in the next run, leaving it down to Jo, DJ and Dakota. Ultimately, Dakota was the last one standing.
"DAKOTA IS THE WINNER!" Chris cheered.
"No fair!" Beth protested. "She only won because of her nuclear powers!"
"And you only got Blaineley's dress because you stole them!" Dakota retorted.
"Save the catfights for later, ladies!" Chris barked. "Because B, Dakota, Dawn, DJ, Duncan, Eva, Ezekiel, Harold, Katie, Mal, Sadie, Staci and Tyler have yet to share three facts about themselves! So, let's go to the safe space room one last time!"
The cast found themselves in the safe space, which didn't exactly feel safe at all! Sierra was glaring at everyone who was on team Leshawna, Zoey was glaring at Duncan, Beth was staring at Duncan, Mal was glaring at Beth, Justin was staring at Heather and Alejandro while they were sitting as close to Chris as possible to not have to be harassed by Justin or Trent.
"You two are invading my personal space..." Chris looked at the two of them. "Heather, I can feel your breath on me."
"You said this was a safe space." Alejandro spoke. "We're sitting as close to you as possible because nobody will bother the host."
"How about both of you just grab your chairs and sit on each side of me within an arm's length distance?" Chris suggested, more like demanded.
"Can I sit next to Alejandro?" Trent asked Chris who was getting pissed off.
"You can sit nine seats next to Alejandro." Chris glared. "No more stupid requests or questions! No dumb interruptions either! We're on a schedule! Tyler... 3 facts, go and no long drawn out stupid reasoning's behind these facts! I have places to be!"
"Where do you hav-" Scott went to ask but Chris wasn't allowing it.
"What the fuck did I just say?" Chris glared. "Tyler, three facts go!"
"I really love Lindsay but sometimes I just screw around with other contestants on this show." Tyler admitted. "I mean, what does it matter? She only knows me about 10% of the time. I've recently started to have sex with Owen, it started on the plane back during world tour. I have a thing for blondes and Geoff and Bridgette are too extreme... even for me!"
"Wait!" Justin yelled. "You and Owen?! He's so disgusting!"
"How come you let Justin speak out of turn?" Scott glared at Chris.
"I'm genuinely curious." Chris admitted. "Go on..."
"Owen is the most gentle lover I've ever had." Tyler admitted. "We have an open relationship but we're pretty serious and I was bummed when he got sent into the hole. After we'd make love, we would have extreme food eating contests and he showed me how to win any farting competition!"
"Are you serious?" Justin was shocked. "He tried to shit in my mouth!"
"I think he just hates you." Tyler laughed. "He's never done any of that shit with me. You just have to get him to understand his ways."
"That's actually... sweet." Heather's eyes started to tear up. "Is Chef cutting onions?!"
"Let it out, Mi amour!" Alejandro's eyes started to water. "Owen and Tyler's hatred for Justin is beautiful! If he truly treated Justin like that because he secretly hates him, I never would have wished him away from this game!"
"HEY!" Justin yelled. "I think Tyler's a liar! Can you do something about his lies?!"
"Honestly?" Chris laughed. "That one fact made up for 3 facts and it pissed you off and made two of the greatest players in the game cry? good enough for me!"
"I'm the most extreme fact master!" Tyler fist bumped the air.
"I want to go next." Ezekiel told Chris who told him he didn't give a fuck who went next. "Okay, so I'm not actually home schooled, I just dropped out and lied to make myself look smarter!"
"I still love you." Staci held his hand.
"I need to add that to my blog..." Sierra made a mental note.
"I save all my toilet paper after I wipe myself and sniff it." Zeke admitted and pulled some out of his pocket. "You want some, Staci?"
"Smells so much better then flowers!" Staci took a huge whiff.
"Enough with the gross facts!" Chris almost barfed.
"Final fact?" Zeke thought for a second. "Total Drama has been my favorite season ever because I didn't get voted out first and because I met an amazing girl! Staci...my family has an amazing history and together we'll have the best history ever to tell our kids, will you marry me?"
"YES!" Staci stood up and hugged Zeke. "My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-Uncle Steve invented marriage and before that people just lived together and had sex with no rules or commitment." Everyone was disgusted or shocked by Zeke's marriage proposal
"I personally hate that great uncle of yours for inventing commitment." Chris told her. "Commitment is an awful thing and people get mad at you if you don't give them rings and you make them st-"
"Can I go next before you say something you'll regret?" Mal smirked at Chris who realized that Mal did in fact save his ass.
"Uh...Yeah." Chris stopped himself. "Mal, three facts... go!"
"His name is Mike." Zoey couldn't help but correct Chris.
"It's fine, sunshine." Mal winked at Zoey who blushed. "First fact, I don't worry about money. I do enough odd jobs that pay extremely well."
"Like what?!" Lightning wanted to know. "I could use a good job where I don't have to worry about money!"
"Jobs that I can't and won't talk about on international television." Mal smirked at Lightning. "They make it so I don't have to worry about money."
"Like a plumber?" Lightning asked.
"Are you a gardener?" Lindsay asked.
"Sure..." Mal rolled his eyes. "We'll go with that. Fact two is something most of you know and that's that MPD does not come with a reset button so all the personalities are still there but I have complete control over them and they have not come out in over a year on their own."
"I'm SO proud of you, Mike!" Zoey happily told everyone. "Now everyone knows!"
"We already knew." Noah told her.
"Right..." Mal rolled his eyes at the fact Zoey still didn't get it. "Final fact is that if anyone comes near what's mine, I'm going to track them down after this season is over and they'll find out exactly what I do for a living...Beth."
"You're going to go to Beth's house and do free plumbing?!" Lightning was amazing. "Can I get a sha-quote?! Better yet, can you come and do some sha-free plumbing at my house?!"
"Lightning, you idiot..." Lindsay rolled her eyes. "He's gonna go and help Beth make a garden!"
"I'm done, Mclean." Mal rolled his eyes at the stupidity. "Sweetie, why don't you go next so this safe room shit can end faster?"
"Mike, I already went!" Zoey blushed. "I'll go again though! Fact four about me is tha-"
"He isn't talking to you!" Duncan yelled and Mal looked at Chris and smirked.
"Clearly he is." Zoey told Duncan and crossed her arms. "I'm his sunshine and his sweetie. Mike, who are you talking to? Me or that fatass who ate all your food and is always clinging to you in hopes of becoming a fan favorite again! That's literally the only reason Duncan attaches himself to you! Tell him you're talking to me!"
"Whoever." Mal leaned back in his chair hoping this would break them both.
Duncan decided to stand up and say his facts, just to spite Zoey. "My first fact is that yes, I'm indeed an attention whore," Duncan confessed. "This is usually why my relationships end. Except with Courtney and Mal. Courtney only dumped me when I was no longer useful for her and Mal won't let me go."
"I KNEW IT!" Zoey screamed. "DUNCAN IS STEALING MY MIKE AWAY FROM ME!"
"SHUT UP! ZOEY!" Eva bellowed.
"Thank you, Eva," Chris smiled. "Continue, Duncan."
"My dad said in a video that he's not sure if he loves me," Duncan revealed. "In reality, try to imagine the Jewish mother stereotype on a Christian father. That's what my dad is like. He smothers me, emotionally manipulates me into visiting him and calling him every now and then… the only reason he was angry at me going to juvie or to prison was because it meant I could no longer be his 'mini-me' to parade around and dress up in Superman costumes."
"That is embarrassing," said Scott, sympathetically.
"Trust me," said Duncan, "if you think your dad is embarrassing because he tries to act all cool and hip around you, that kind of embarrassing dad is a million times better than what I was raised with. I still love him, but he's too much."
"I hope Chef is not like that," said DJ, cautiously. Just after he said that, Chef picked up DJ and pulled him into his lap.
"Final fact is why I went to juvie in the first place," Duncan finally revealed. He took a deep breath. "I… I… I peed on the mayor of my town!"
"You WHAT?!" Chris laughed. Zoey and Justin howled in laughter. Beth got extremely turned on by this.
"Look, I'm not proud of what I did," Duncan sighed. "But I lost a bet with a former friend of mine, I needed to pee badly and the mayor was an asshole… I regret it. Not because it is such an embarrassing crime to get convicted of, but because in hindsight, the mayor wasn't all that bad."
"Considering who you are competing with, you are still among the saner contestants on the show," Chris assured him. "Which isn't really saying much, but you catch my drift."
Duncan scowled as he sat down. As soon as he did, Mal got close to Duncan and whispered:
"I am going to do to you what you did to that mayor." Duncan was freaked out by this, but part of him was secretly excited by this.
"Degenerate," Zoey coughed, quietly enough so that Chris would not hear her but loud enough so that Duncan would.
"B! Since you can't talk, I hope you've prepared a sheet of paper for me to read off of," Chris told B.
B scowled. "I can talk, you donkey!" he growled. Nevertheless, he handed Chris the sheet of paper. He knew that Chris wasn't going to listen to him.
Chris read B's facts aloud. "First fact about B is that he was adopted. His birth parents wanted a girl but they got a son instead, so they tried to put B on hormones. Because doing such a terrible thing, in B's words, was rightfully illegal, child protective services came and took B away when B was seven."
"I'm glad I wasn't born a few years later," said B.
Chris ignored B. "Second fact is that all this trauma contributed to him being mute until he was adopted at the age of 13, where he began to learn to feel comfortable talking." Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. But we're running out of time so I'll allow it."
"Fuck you, Chris!" B cursed.
"Final fact! B likes to sing opera." Chris burst out laughing. B gave Chris the finger.
"Okay, sit down B," Chris chuckled. "That sheet of paper almost killed me! Staci! You're turn! And those three facts have to be about you, not your ancestors," he added, sternly.
Staci shrugged. "Well 26 years ago my mother and my father invented me!" she chirped. "Before that, I never existed! How sad."
"I don't think people were that sad before you were born," Gwen sneered.
"Speaking of that snarky Gwen bitch, I was the one who came up with Gwuncan," Staci revealed. "As soon as the first episode of Total Drama came out, I wrote a lemon about Gwen and Duncan on Fan Fiction Net. I was so happy when they hooked up!"
"You're just saying that so you can help Zoey get in Courtney's pants again!" Gwen yelled at Staci.
"You're delusional," Staci scolded Gwen. "Anyway, my final fact: I created the concept of mixing Nutella with maple syrup. I've already patented the idea and to anyone who steals it, I will come over to your house and I will-"
"That's enough, Staci," Chris rolled his eyes. "Dawn, let's get this over with! You know the drill!"
"Alright, I'm usually pretty calm but Zoey and Gwen combined bring out the worst in me!" Dawn admitted. "That's the first thing! Why are they on the same season, not once but twice! Chris, I understand they bring the ratings in but both of them make me want to resort to extreme levels of violence! I hate that I can see their auras because they're rainbow!"
"That sounds like so pretty!" Lindsay told her.
"It's not!" Dawn yelled. "It means they're all over the place and I can't read them! I'm pretty sure they both need to see a shrink! They give me headaches!"
"Would you be interested in mud wrestling?" Chris asked Dawn. "You and any other competitor with a vagina vs. Zoey and Gwen? The pay per view for that would bring me so much money!"
"Would you be interested in your aura, Chris?!" Dawn yelled at him glaring, losing her patience. "YOUR aura tells me a full story about what you've been up to! I don't know the whole story but I know a good part of it! If I could just concentrate enough, I would know the whole thing! Your aura tells me that you have company with you and tha-"
"Hey Dawn, I can read your future." Chris got wide eyed. "I see you with Gwen and Zoey peeling potatoes in a kitchen with Gordon for the whole day. Isn't it amazing that we can both see these things? I suggest you shut up and tell me the next fact."
Dawn did not want to spend the day with Gwen and Zoey and losing her cool and allowing Chris to know that she knew things about him even though she didn't know who seemed to piss the host off.
"My favorite color is black." Dawn slouched down and glared at Chris. "Like Chris's heart."
"You should be friends with Leshawna." Harold told Dawn. "Her favorite shade is Gray and she also mistakes it as a color. You two can be idiots together."
"Shut up!" Eva hit Harold. "I want to get this over with!"
"Final fact." Dawn had to think of a lie to end her turn. "I like to eat dirt."
"Me too!" Scott happily told her. "Hey Dawn, do you want to hang out?"
"What an interesting fact!" Chris smirked at Dawn for budding into his personal life or at least attempting to do it. "Do you want to hang out with Scott and we can arrange a nice dinner of dirt just for the two of you! You can do that or you can peel potatoes with Gwen and Zoey!"
"Do we really have to peel potatoes tonight?" Gwen groaned.
"That's entirely up to Dawn!" Chris laughed. "It's all about what she wants to do tonight!"
"I'll eat dirt with Scott..." Dawn groaned. "Chef, please arrange it."
"You heard the busybody, Chef!" Chris laughed. "Get on it!"
"Oh! Chris, you gotta let DJ help me do this!" Chef begged. "It's the first time I even found him! He's the best hide and seek player ever!"
"Sure! Take him..." Chris agreed. "DJ, you know the drill!"
"Fine." DJ was getting teary eyed. "I really don't like my Mama right now. I feel like she betrayed me by signing me up for Total Drama to be with Chef."
"This is just sad..." Duncan admitted and looked at Chris. "Does he have to say sad family facts? I just said enough for everyone."
"He can say whatever facts he wants." Chris even felt bad, which was rare. "DJ, you don't have to talk about your family."
"I know." DJ had tears running down his face. "I always wanted to know my Dad and he was right in front of me all this time and he couldn't have just told me on TDI when I was alone and crying in the cabin beds by myself! One time, Chef even pushed me in the lake and it never aired!"
"I was tryna teach you to swim!" Chef tried to defend himself. "I wanted to tell you!"
"Final fact?" DJ said. "I want to learn about sex! Well at least masturbation! I feel like I'm owed that much!"
"We'll talk about it in the kitchen!" Chef tried to hug DJ.
"I don't want to talk about it, I want you to allow me to have some kind of encounter and not stop me every time!" DJ told him. "If anyone here offers to show me you can't just throw them out of the game!"
"That's not happening!" Chef yelled. "Your Mama will kill me if I let that happen! We can talk about masturbating but I can't let no male or no female touch you!"
"DJ, go with Chef..." Chris tried not to laugh. "I'll be meeting with the both of you after this and we can all talk about the special advantages you'll be getting in this game!"
"I want special advantages in this game!" Heather told Chris. "I couldn't even get the mirror you gave to Alejandro and Justin and they don't even use it! You said I'd be thrown out if they gave it to me!"
"Fineeeee..." Chris groaned. "Alejandro do you still have the mirror?"
"Si." Alejandro nodded. "It's in our cell."
"Give Heather the mirror next chance you get." Chris told him. "Harold, three facts!"
"Heather won't be eliminated if I give her the mirror?" Alejandro asked.
"Nope." Chris told him. "It'll just keep everyone quiet and happy for now."
"Hold up!" Leshawna stopped Chris. "Why does DJ get special perks and Heather gets a mirror and the rest of us get nothing?"
"Okay, fine." Chris sighed. "Since we're clearly showing favoritism to DJ and everyone has a problem with it let's just have soup and salad for dinner tonight! Chef and Gordon always make me huggeeee amounts of food and I usually throw it away anyway so you can all have some soup and salad with the exception of Dawn and Scott who will be dining on dirt."
"You are all so inconsiderate to me and my facts." Harold glared. "Fact one, I went to a lot of summer camps but I went to an S&M camp and learned a lot of amazing things. When I dated Leshawna before I realized she was an idiot we tried a couple of things."
"You did NOT just tell the world that!" Leshawna blushed. "That was a long time ago!"
"C'mon DJ..." Chef grabbed him by the arm. "You don't need to hear these things. You can even help Daddy with the soup!"
Chef dragged DJ out and everyone secretly wished they were also being dragged out of the room right now. DJ in this scenario was lucky.
"I also own a rubber suit." Harold admitted. "It has it's pros and cons. If you fart in one of those, you're screwed."
"I think we can stop at two." Chris said not wanting these mental images. "Harold, please stop!"
"I also collect belly button lint." Harold told him his final fact. "Not mine though, that would be really weird. I collect it from other contestants on this show. I mainly did it while we were on the plane during world tour. Owen had a lot, so did Alejandro and Chef."
Alejandro was horrified. "Next to Justin and Trent, you, Harold, are the most fucked up individual I have encountered!" he shuddered.
"It's called a hobby! GOSH!" Harold defended himself.
"Harold, I told you to stop at two facts," Chris glared. "Now that you've said it, against my own demands, I'd be surprised if you're still in the game by this evening. Dakota, Eva, Katie and Sadie still have yet to share their facts with us, so you might as well enjoy your last few minutes here. Sadie: we'll start with you!"
Sadie beamed. "EEE! I'm like, such a huge fan of poetry!" she squealed. "Like, especially Irish poets like Seamus Heaney or Patrick Kavanagh."
"Patrick Kavanagh is from Northern Ireland!" Harold corrected her. "GOSH! You're such an idiot, Sadie!"
"Seamus Heaney is the one from Northern Ireland, not Patrick Kavanagh!" Sadie retaliated. "Number one. And number two: Seamus Heaney does consider himself Irish. Northern Ireland may be part of the United Kingdom, but it is still on the island of Ireland."
"Who's the idiot now, Harold?" Katie jeered.
"It was an honest mistake!" Harold protested. "GOSH!"
"Second fact about me," Sadie continued, ignoring Harold. "I like to put highlights on my hair. Katie doesn't want highlights on her hair, but she loves to put them on me."
"Not for me personality, but you look so cute in those highlights," Katie squealed.
"EEEEEEEEEE!" Katie and Sadie squealed in unison.
"As for my final fact," Sadie added, beginning to look embarrassed. "Everyone knows I'm bi, but I went through a phase in university where I was non-binary. Then Katie and I got kicked out of the LGBT society because even during that phase I never believed in that 2-spirit stuff. After a couple of weeks, I realised I only wanted attention, so I embraced being a woman and found some hobbies instead."
"Good for you," Chris laughed. "This is going to cause a lot of controversy when this gets aired. Katie! You're up next!"
"Thank you, Chris!" Katie beamed. "Anyway, whereas Sadie is more poetic, I am more musical. I still love pop music, but I actually prefer classical music. Especially Beethoven and Mozart. Second fact: I really like nerds. Except for Harold. He's a prick!"
"Thank god," Harold sighed in relief. "I would never go out with an idiot like you."
"Says the idiot who got Kavanagh and Heaney mixed up," Sadie sneered at Harold.
"You're just never gonna let this go, are you?!" Harold snarled. "Curse your pettiness! GOSH!"
"Final fact…" Katie took a deep breath. "I used to have anxiety. It was a huge factor in why Sadie and I were so inseparable. After going to counselling, I'm a lot more confident now. Sadie and I are still best friends, but we also have other friends beside each other. Also, a lot more enemies now, but most of them are those pricks at that 'pride' club at Uni, so whatever."
"That was very brave of you," Chris said to Katie.
"And you're even more bubbly now," Sadie added.
"Aww, you too," Katie replied.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Katie and Sadie squealed in unison.
"Too bad neither of you have learned to stop being annoying," Chris rolled his eye. "EVA! You know the drill. Go!"
Eva stood up. "I work in construction," she revealed. "It helps me to keep my anger in check, and it pays very well."
"A woman in construction?!" Zoey beamed. "How progressive!"
"What's so progressive about it?!" Eva demanded. "Very few women are stronger than me. I'm an exception to the rule. Which leads me to my next point: I get called a TERF every so often, but that's simply not the case because I'm not a feminist."
"Why don't you go onto your next point before this show offends too many people," Chris suggested.
Eva shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, I like to watch My Little Pony," she revealed. "It's actually a good show. You all should check it out." She sat back down.
"Last one before we eliminate someone," said Chris. "Who is coincidentally today's winner: Dakota!"
"I actually like my new form," Dakota grinned, showing her razor-sharp teeth. "I get lots more attention and it has helped to advance my career as an actress. Second fact: I never liked the iPhone. I prefer Android phones. Final fact: I like to roll around in the mud. Ever since I was a little girl."
"That is so weird," Bridgette shook her head.
"So?" Dakota shrugged. "It's a lot of fun and you get to have a nice, relaxing shower afterwards."
"So, you're finally admitting that you're a pig?" sneered Beth.
"Says the girl who raises pigs on her farm," Dakota retorted. "Who are pretty much the closest thing you'll ever get to having children, because no guy will date you!"
"Every guy wants to have sex with me! Even gay guys!" Beth protested.
"Now that everyone has shared some weird facts about themselves, it's time for the elimination!" Chris announced. "Remember: two people are going home, except for Dakota, who is immune! Write two names on your napkin but the inmates with the two highest number of votes are going."
Blaineley distributed the napkins to all of the contestants. Chris caught her whispering to them, urging them to vote out Beth, so he decided to distribute the napkins himself. After collecting the napkins, Chris slapped Blaineley's hand away when she tried to give him a napkin which she wrote on.
"Okay, so Dakota got no votes!" Chris announced. "Some idiot voted for her, but their vote won't count. Other contestants who got no votes are DJ, Mal, Scott, Dawn, Heather, Alejandro, Ezekiel, Staci, Sam, B, and… Gwen?!"
"We don't want her anywhere near Courtney," Leshawna revealed.
"Because you are on Zoey's side, aren't you?!" Gwen glared at Leshawna.
"Harold was another contestant who didn't get any votes," Chris added, confused. "Harold!"
Harold folded his arms. "Well it's obviously because of my mad skills!"
"No, Doris! It's because it's bad enough all of the losers in the hole have to put up with Brick!" Duncan retorted.
"Lightning, Duncan, Eva, Bridgette, Jo, Izzy, Noah, Zoey, Justin, Lindsay, Tyler, Leshawna and Sierra are safe," Chris revealed.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Sierra and Trent in unison.
"Beth is also safe," said Chris.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Blaineley. Mal and Dakota glared at Beth.
"So that leaves Geoff, Katie, Sadie and Trent," said Chris. "Trent is safe!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Alejandro, Heather, Lightning, Noah and Scott in unison.
"Geoff is also safe, meaning that Katie and Sadie are off to the cooler!" Chris announced. "But I'm not sure why, though."
"We didn't want them to be separated," said Dawn.
Sadie and Katie shrugged. "At least Brick is the only one we have to look out for," said Sadie, brightly.
"Plus, Anne Maria will be there, and we can watch Bridezilla and Jersey Shore with her!" Katie squealed.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the girls squealed in unison. All of the remaining contestants looked on at the eliminated girls in sheer horror.
"But- but what about the baby?!" Geoff protested. A tear began to well up in his eye.
"I'd hate to break it to you, Geoff, but Courtney has had an abortion," Chris lied.
"She WHAT?!" shrieked Geoff, Bridgette, Duncan and Gwen in unison.
"Yeah, when she found out she was pregnant with Geoff's bastard, she asked me to bring in a physician and now Courtney is no longer pregnant," Chris fibbed. "Owen got to have something to eat as well."
"EEEEEEEEWWWWW!" the remaining inmates groaned.
"I'm against abortion now," Noah spluttered.
"I was always against it," Eva spluttered.
"MISOGYNISTS!" Zoey and Beth screamed at Eva and Noah.
"At least that means Bridgette and I no longer have to worry about paying child support," Geoff sighed in relief. "PHEW!"
"And that means that I get to be the one to knock Courtney up!" Gwen beamed. Most of the inmates looked at her in disgust.
"Women cannot produce sperm!" Harold snarled at Gwen. "IDIOT!"
"Let's get out of here," Katie rolled her eyes.
"Agreed," Sadie shook her head. The two girls followed Blaineley out the door.
Courtney is going to be so mad when she finds out about Chris's lie.
ELIMINATED: Anne Maria, Courtney, Owen, Brick, Cody, Cameron, Katie and Sadie.