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Erin's POV.
Everyone knows.
The sideway looks, the knowing smiles, the winks…everyone knows Jay and I are a thing. I should have known, in a place this small, where everybody knows everybody's business, you can't keep anything a secret. We tried to keep our relationship a secret, but rumors spread like wildfire. To be honest, we did a pretty rubbish job of hiding our feelings. We kept sneaking off to the back staircases for stolen kisses, and tiptoeing up to the roof as soon as the lights were off. I don't regret any of it. I'm happy. Yes, I, Erin Lindsay, am happy. Jay makes me happy.
Jay, on the other hand, is hesitant about being "public". He subscribes to the idea that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. The guy is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, afflicted with the "what if" disorder. He constantly thinks, "what if something bad happens, what if the Aedes finds me, what if they take you, what if, what if, what if..." I understand where he is coming from. I get it, but sometimes Jay is so wrapped up in the past and future that he tends to overlook the present.
I guess I'll just have to keep his mind busy.
x
Dawn is slowly breaking and the sun is just peeking over the horizon now. We are in my room, curled up on my bed basking in one another. My head rests against his bare chest, making circles with my thumb beneath his collarbone. I smile with the memory of last night. He grins down at me, making me want to take this moment and freeze it in time.
I would say for the first time in my life I really understand the difference between having sex and making love. Because I'm pretty sure that's what we do. Even when it's hot, passionate, mind-blowing, off-the-radar sex, it's still tender, all-consuming, and perfect.
"I like this… being with you," I tell him.
He runs his hand through my hair and says, in a throaty voice, "Me too."
We exchange a long, sloppy kiss, and I sigh against his lips. Sliding a finger under his chin, I tip it up, and then lean forward and kiss the hollow of his throat where it glistens. It tastes salty, giving me a buzz of satisfaction that it was me who made him hot and sweaty like this. We've created this bubble in the last couple of weeks, but as comfortable and cozy as it is, it burst as soon as reality hits. This time it's the footsteps outside in the hallway letting us know the Refuge is slowly waking up.
Jay twirls a lock of hair around his finger and inhales deeply. "I should go. We have to be at the pen in less than an hour," he says, his voice more convincing than his eyes.
Sighing, I lift my head and look at him. "I don't want to think about anything outside these walls. Right now, all I want is to be here with you."
I draw the purple comforter up and over us and resume resting my head against him. But Jay slowly pulls away and clicks the bedside lamp on, flooding the room with light. He reaches down to the floor, snatching up his discarded boxers. I notice the trail of our clothes littering the floor. My pants, his shirt and pants - all haphazardly over the floor.
"Don't go," I say, and move toward him sitting on the edge of the bed. I press my lips to his broad back and wrap my arms around his middle. He turns in my embrace, his eyes soft as he pulls me for a chaste kiss.
"They…" he motions with his head towards the door. "…Will probably see me leaving if I don't leave soon."
"I think they already know," I tell him playfully, but his whole demeanor turns serious. His eyes deepen into pools of dark blue, his brows furrow slightly, but his lips remain perfectly noncommittal; no hint of a smile, but no scowl either.
"We have to be more careful," he says.
"All I'm asking for is 5 more minutes," I tell him sweetly, and he seems to relax at that. Jay smiles and leans in to place a quick peck on my lips, but I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him for a deep kiss. He relents and lets himself be pulled in. I can feel him almost giving in, but at the last second, he pulls away. I want to tighten my grip and refuse to let him go. But I don't. Instead, I wrap my naked self in a blanket and watch him pull his pants over his boxers and yank his shirt over his head.
"Big day today." I tell him. "So, do you think Mouse will be there?"
He finishes zipping his pants. "There's only one person who could've sent that communique."
Two days ago we received a message with only two words: Korangal Valley. Jay immediately knew it was from Mouse. How? We don't know. He didn't provide specifics and was very vague about it. All he said was that it's a place only Mouse would know. I want to know more, but I don't want to push him. He will tell me when he is ready.
The whole team is going there today. I'm trying not to worry, but the idea of Jay betting everything on a hunch scares the shit out of me. Maybe that's why I want to stay in our bubble a few moments longer and forget the world outside my bedroom walls. I bet he can see the concern etched on my face because he bends down and brushes his lips against my forehead, then my lips.
"It's him," he tells me.
"I just…I worry it's a trap."
"It's not. You gotta trust me on this. The Aedes doesn't know about Korangal Valley. Mouse is the only one that knows, and we need to go get him."
There is intensity and steady resolve in his voice.
"See-you-later kiss?" I ask softly.
He smiles, his blue eyes crinkling as he leans in. I grab hold of his shirt and pull him to me. I lean back, trying to pull him onto the bed one last time, but he brakes the kiss and shakes his head.
"You're killing me woman. You know that, don't you?"
"I hope not because I have plans for later and they require you to be alive." I beam him a cheeky grin.
The edges of his mouth tilts into a dangerous smile while he assesses me through fiery eyes. "I will hold you to it."
He places one final kiss on my lips, and I can hear a deep growl in his chest. I'm smiling like an idiot. Jay leaves, but his presence is still everywhere in my room. It is as though he is still standing in front of me. I close my eyes and inhale his lingering scent.
I'm falling for him. hard. So hard. And yet somehow it feels right. Him, me, together...
Everything works. We work. I don't know how, don't know why, but maybe I don't need to have all the answers. Maybe it is enough to just feel wonderful.
x
Morning flies by. Before I know it, we are on our way to Korangal Valley. I decide to take the old 300 and Jay "volunteers" to come with me. During the drive, he is so concentrated that he doesn't even blink. I look over at him and he looks deep in thought. I reach for him. I touch his arm, and he looks at me.
"What's on your mind?" I ask.
He swallows hard and turns away from the foggy window. He looks down at his lap, shaking his head. "Nothing, really. I just hope Mouse is okay."
"Why wouldn't he be?" I ask cautiously. Silence. I watch him straighten up and clear his throat.
"Mouse was privy to a lot that happened in the Aedes. There are plenty of people that want him gone."
"Let's hope he is okay."
His face stretches into something that might be taken for a smile. I decided not to push the subject anymore. I reach across the console and squeeze his hand. Aside from the occasional conversation that comes through the radio, we drive the rest of the way in silence.
When we finally arrive, it almost seems like we stepped into a different dimension. I have never seen a place like this. Bare as all hell. The trees are strangely stripped of their bark and look white like ghosts. Some are torn violently from their roots and felled. The sunlight peeking through the trees looks gray and it shafts between the trees, clouded by a creeping fog that obscures the true color of everything. This place gives me a whole new bad vibe that I've never felt before.
Jay walks ahead of us, as we slowly fall back – not to be seen. I can hear his labored breathing over the radio. Why is he breathing so hard? I watch as he stops and reaches for his ear piece.
"Down there." He points and quickly disappears down a hill.
We pick up our pace and see the edge of a town – hidden. Korangal Valley, I think. The broad thoroughfare is all that remains of whatever stood there. It's a lot like any abandoned town I've seen before, except it is very much alive – with people. It's a familiar and also a disturbing site. An unsettling juxtaposition of the old world and the new.
"Fall back." Jay's voice filters through the radio. "Turning the radio off."
We position ourselves on a hill close enough to still see him, but far enough that we won't be able to get to him if anything goes sideways. This fact alone sends dread down my spine and it pricks every nerve in my body. I try to ignore it.
"What now?" Antonio asks.
"We have to let Jay do his thing. This is as far as we can go without putting him or us in danger."
I look in my binoculars and see him stop in front of what looks like the centerpiece of the town – a theater. The Grand Palace. Like the rest of the town, it is badly damaged and its facade is shoddily fixed up. But still standing. Two men exit the theater and eye him up and down. They exchange words. I can't hear them. They pat him down and usher him in. Fear squeezes my chest so tight that I find myself struggling to breathe.
"I think we should have some boots on the ground," I suggest.
"No," Hank shakes his head. "This is not our place. Everyone goes home tonight."
"What about Jay? We can't just sit here and wait. We need to do something," I say.
"Jay can handle himself," Hank says, then adds, "He is more valuable to them alive..." Than dead.
The idea is supposed to be reassuring, but I find no comfort in it. I grit my teeth at the thought of sitting here and waiting hours for him to return. Not knowing what is going on is worse than the fear of going along with him. However, all I can do is wait hope Jay is okay.
x
It's been almost three hours and Jay still hasn't come out. I can't just sit here and wait anymore. It's not in my nature. Against my (and anyone's) better judgement, I venture down towards the town.
"Erin!" I hear Hank's loud whisper. "Come back here. You're going to get yourself hurt!"
I stop briefly to think about his words. I know it's dangerous and we don't really know anything about this place, but I can only think about one thing now, Jay. I pick up my pace and continue descending the hill.
"Danmit!" I hear Hank say and it's the last thing I hear from him.
I round the corner and find an entrance to the theater from an alley. The door is locked, but I'm an expert at picking locks, specially these old ones. In minutes I gain access and slip inside. I'm behind the stage, I can tell. I walk around until I'm in the main hall. This once grand theater has been largely gutter – seats are torn out, fixtures and fitting stripped, curtains ripped from the windows. Looking out over the stage, I can see the royal box, which looks like it's been converted into an office of sorts. I can tell the seats were removed and replaced by a desk facing inward, a chandelier hanging above it. The whole set up seems gaudy and ostentatious – the work of someone who wants to project an aura of power, I figure.
I climb slowly up the stairs towards it until I hear voices. I take a tentative peak inside and all I see is a tall man seated in a battered leather armchair behind the desk. The man is older than most I've seen –older than Hank. Though his skin is weathered by the elements, he appears healthy and well-groomed. A rich mane of hair, full set of teeth.
"You and I should be in business more often," I hear the man behind the desk say.
"I think we will keep this a onetime deal," I hear Jay's voice and the tightening my chest eases a notch. He is okay.
"I can make you a very rich man," he says. "Just name your price and I can make it happen."
"I appreciate the offer, but I'm good."
"I haven't met anyone like you in a while," the old man says, his voice even and nonchalant. "But I'm a man of my word. You hold up your end of the deal and your friend is free to walk out of here."
I don't hear Jay's reply, instead I hear a sound that's hard to place. Something like a THUMP. Them all at once, I catch a sharp blow to the side of my face, followed by different shock-waves of pain. Instinctively, I take a swing, but feel nothing but the open air. I look up, and I see the person I'm after. He's easily around six-feet tall, and looks like he's out for blood - my blood. I quickly lean backward to readjust my balance. Another two show up.
I run forward, ramming into their tough brick-like bodies, rapidly jabbing my fist back and forth. I try to block their kicks, but one catches me on the side, burning the whole way as it passes by me. I don't stop. Without hesitation I reach for my knife and jab one of them on his side. I pull the knife back and ram into the other's throat, kicking him to the floor with one blow. I quickly look over and see that I'm surrounded.
Three man, every bit as horrifying as the two I just laid out, grab me and drag me from the hallway to the royal-box turned office. I kick and scream. These men are filthy, their stench overpowering my nose.
"Look at what I found spying outside," the six-foot brigand leader says and throws me in the middle of the room. I fall on all fours. My eyes lock with Jay's and I see that he has a line going from his arm to a blood bag. They are taking his blood.
"She's with me," Jay pipes up immediately. He stares back at me and I read fear, pain, love and deep anguish in his eyes. "She was just checking on me. She is not a spy," he says.
"I ain't too sure about that," the leader says. "She put two of our men down."
"Is that so?" The old man behind the desk says. He makes a small movement with his hand and all of a sudden there is a line of his men, right outside the door. He walks closer to me and looks me up and down before licking his lips. I stop being scared and became disgusted.
"Two more bags," Jay pipes us. I watch as he carefully gets to his feet. "I can give you two more bags and she walks too."
"Two more bags?" The older man asks skeptically. He walks towards a cracked mirror on the wall and checks his reflection. He adjusts his tie as he contemplates Jay's offer. "Yong man, you're going to drain yourself."
"I promise I can give you two more bags, but she walks too."
It is only then that I see a short guy, messy hair, dirty clothes crouching down on a chair in a corner of this makeshift office. I notice that his skin is pale white, almost transparent. He appears ghost-like and almost supernatural. Mouse, I think.
"It's hard to pass up an offer like that. I know I won't get this chance again." The old man is silent for a moment, staring me straight in the eyes. "Two more bags and I let her walk." The old man says and I feel like the worse human on the face of this shitty planet.
x
"It was a pleasure doing business with you," the old man says.
Jay is so weak and pale. He can barely walk without our help. Mouse has one of his arms around his shoulder and the other is around me. We need to get him out of here fast. I'm scare he's gone go into hypovolemic shock. We drag him out of this hellhole of a town and towards the hill. Halfway up, the team comes rushing down to help.
"What happened?" Adam says. "What's wrong with Jay?"
"He had to donate blood in exchange for our release." Mouse says bitterly. "This one got caught spying, so Jay offered an extra two bags for her release."
Everybody quiets. Hank looks disapprovingly at me. He doesn't say anything. He knows I am already feeling bad enough without him saying, "I told you so".
"You Mouse?" Antonio asks.
"Yes. Well, my name is Greg Gerwitz, but everyone calls me Mouse."
"We've been looking for you," Hank says dryly. "Now, we need to get Jay back to the Refuge ASAP."
The drive back is quiet. Jay's head is on my lap. His skin is cold and clammy and his lips are thin and bluish. His breathing is rapid and shallow and his heart is beating so fast it seems like it's going to leave his chest. The fresh puncture wounds in his arms are purple and caked with dried blood. Guilt consumes me whole, burning a path straight to my soul. It makes me feel despicable. I know I shouldn't have gone in after Jay, and this retched feeling pales in comparison to how Jay must be feeling.
At the Refuge Jay is taken to the infirmary. IV in his arms and electrodes everywhere else. Dr. Rhodes gives him a shot of epi to improve circulation and assures the team that he will be fine, his body just needs to time to recover. "Nothing he hasn't done before," Dr. Rhodes says offhandedly. I know he didn't mean it as a jab, but his words cut deep. I can hear everyone's thoughts as loud as a bullhorn: Nothing he hasn't done for you.
I chew on my bottom lip and blink back the tears that has gathered, threatening to spill like a broken dam.
Everyone leaves and I sit with Jay, waiting for him to open his eyes. I lose track of time, but eventually I see him forcing his eyes to open. Even in the grayness of this room, I can see the blue of his irises, the clarity that is in them. He slowly pans his head to see his surroundings.
"Hey," I say. "How are you feeling?"
A smile pulls the corner of his chapped lips. "Better now."
My lips tremble and the dam finally breaks. The flood from my eyes stream down my face and pool at the corners of my mouth. "I'm so sorry," I tell him. "I shouldn't have gone…I-It is all m-my fault. I should have listened but-l"
"-Hey, hey," he says, extends his hand, and gently cups my face. I lean into his touch. "It's all good. I'm good."
Slowly, he wipes my tears away with his thumb. He pulls my face close to his and kisses me on my forehead, then on my lips - the tender gesture breaks me. I place my hand on his chest and kiss him back. My knees go weak and I melt into him, my whole body feeling like gelatin, almost like the earth below my feet is shaking, but it isn't an earthquake I'm feeling. I'm feeling relief, love and joy.
I don't deserve him. He is too good for me.
He breaks off the kiss and leans his forehead against mine. "Are you okay?"
The concern lining his face touches me deep in my core. I watch his eye peering at the right side of my face. Although the swelling has gone down, it is bruised purple, from my forehead to the top of the cheekbone.
"I'm fine. Just a few scratches."
"Maybe you should have Dr. Rhodes take a look," he says ghosting his hand over my right cheek.
"It's just a bruise," I tell him. "It will fade eventually."
He plants a final kiss on my lips and he is halfway to leaning back on the pillow when he suddenly bolts up. "Where's Mouse?"
"Probably at the pen with the guys."
In one swift move he pulls the IV out of his arm. "I need to find him," he says and swivels his feet off the bed.
"Wait, wait… you need to rest," I try to stop him, but he wobbles to his feet.
"I'm fine, just... lightheaded." He takes a few tentative steps until he finds his footing.
I don't have the strength to fight him on this. My brain has been thrown into a blender with all these different emotions and I can't even think straight. "C'mon them," I say, knowing I won't convince him otherwise. I take his arm and drape it around my shoulder. "Let me help you."
When we get to the bullpen, Jay wobbles away from me. "Where are they holding Mouse?"
"Hey, man. He's fine. You should rest," Alvin says. "We got it from here."
"No," Jay shakes his head. He brushes his hand over his head as if he can remove the pain as easily as a piece of lint. "I want to talk to him. Is he back there?" Jay asks, but doesn't wait for an answer. He trots to the back where he finds Mouse in an interrogation room with Hank and Antonio. Mouse appears to be typing away on a laptop in front of him.
Jay pulls the door open. "Mouse."
"Jay, you should be resting," Hank says, though he doesn't look surprised to see him there.
Jay looks between Hank and Mouse. "Everything good?" Jay asks, I can see the worry in his eyes.
Mouse doesn't even look up. He continues to type away on the laptop with manic focus. Only when he places the final click does she look up.
"All set," Mouse says. He turns the screen around and there is, the blueprint to the Aedes.
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