"Gai are you sure this is faster? I mean, maybe it's because of some funky ninja illusion…but…it really looks like this turtle is just plodding along."

"Hacchoo."

"Bless you." I answered automatically.

"No, well…yes, thank you. But this is not just any turtle, this is Hacchoo. He is made for carrying great weights over long distance."

"You think I weigh a lot Gai?"

"No! Of course not, you are as light and fair as a flower, Akiko-chan. But it is his nature, to carry things, Hacchoo."

"Ah…anyway are you sure? We don't seem to be moving very fast."

"Yeah, you should reach Konoha by mid spring at least."

I craned my neck to the side to stare at the jackal faced ANBU that was suddenly plodding along besides us at a leisurely pace. I recognized the voice though.

Okay fine, maybe I didn't recognize the voice. But no one else in Konoha has brown hair and neon green bangs.

"Hi Takeshi. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Obito is the regular slave master you know. Got practice my ANBU sneak." He turned to look at me, giving me the full frontal view of his cackling counterpart. A jagged zigzag made for a feral grin on its white face.

"And your dodging, and your detection, not to mention your inability to follow a simple order. I do recall telling you to go find out who that was and report back."

Takeshi waved past me, at a solemn bird mask. I couldn't make out exactly what kind of bird it was, but it was distinguished and fit Obito's character very well.

"Gai, cruel and unusual punishment is forbidden by the Hokage."

Gai leapt off the turtle, excuse me, Hacchoo, who was still plodding along, now three ANBU plodding along beside it. Takeshi was walking backwards and easily staying ahead.

Kakashi was now on my right, where Takeshi had been before he'd skipped ahead to walk in front. Kakashi's mask was a wolf or dog. It wasn't somber like Obito's or mocking like Takeshi's it just was. Expressionless, not taking any side. Seemed very politically correct.

"Kakashi! My eternal rival! How dare you mock my act of selfless generosity towards Akiko-chan's plight!"

Plight? What plight?

The wolf slowly turned towards me. I stared right back at the little eyeholes, not answering. Since Hacchoo's gate was rather bumpy and Kakashi appeared to be floating along the ground it must have looked like my eyeballs were bouncing to keep his gaze.

"If you wish…I could summon something faster."

We stared at each other for a few moments. If I had been him, I would have walked into some bush, or at the very least stumbled over a rock or root. But he easily stepped over a log, even without looking at it. It might have been romantic if I hadn't been staring at a porcelain mask. It kind of ruined the moment. Although I had to admit it was something of a treat to see him in the whole ANBU getup.

Gai oh so graciously prevented my need to respond. "Ha! Despite your genius ability, my summons can defeat yours in all areas!"

Hacchoo stopped plodding along. Everyone else stopped with him.

Takeshi rubbed his hands together. "Oh boy I can't wait to see how this turns out."

Without any regard for its rider Hacchoo suddenly committed felony number 17 on why I hate ninjas. The whole disappearing with a cloud of smoke. Someone grabbed my hand and lessened my chances of developing cancer from breathing in the stuff by pulling me out. Kakashi looked down on me for a moment, reminding me that there was a whole head of height difference between us.

"You better go stand next to Obito, summoning takes up a lot of space."

He gave me a gentle nudge towards the edge of the clearing. Obito was reclining against a tree, there was a large rock conveniently right next to him. I was a foot from it when Takeshi appeared crouching right where I was going to sit. The jackal mask grinned cheekily at me inches from my face.

Then suddenly he was bowled over by a greyhound wearing a funky vest, a forehead protector and little wristbands on all four feet. He was swiftly followed by what appeared to be a flying turtle with goggles and a speed helmet.

"I win speed." Kakashi intoned dryly.

Both animals disappeared in poofs of smoke. I took the opportunity to claim the vacated rock.

"You will not prevail, strength is the turtle's forte!"

IHIHIHIHIH

"I can't believe you exhausted your charka Kakashi, I thought you had more than that!"

Kakashi twisted to the right slightly to glare at Takeshi.

"Woah, stoppit!" The sudden shift threw me off balance because I was supporting his right side. Obito was trudging along in front of us, an arm around Gai's waist to keep him vertical. I guess he was stronger than Takeshi though, either that or Kakashi was heavier because it took two of us to support him.

"Whoops, sorry." Kakashi chuckled lightly. "Maa…why don't we get something to eat, with any luck I'll be able to walk after a good meal. I know Hobachi is right around the corner."

"Or the ramen stand is down the road." Gai called from up ahead.

I rolled my eyes and shifted my grip on Kakashi's arm which was draped over my shoulders. I could see the gleam in Kakashi's eye as a smirk appeared against the fabric of his mask.

"Or Tokoshi is just beyond that."

"Or Yuukaido."

"Or Henate."

"Bonji's pork bun stand!"

"Hunu sushi."

"Tehai oden!

"Remuyo Soba."

"Demaro Tempura."

Takeshi threw his head back and laughed, I smiled. The five of us plodded along even slower than Hacchoo the turtle.

IHIHIHIHIH

It turned out that we went to Hobachi, which, to my utter surprise was a ninja hangout. Who knew there was such things? The entire restaurant went silent and turned to watch us sidle through the door sideways. Kakashi managed to flash a peace sign with the hand draped over me. "Summoning contest." He explained.

This earned rounds of laughter. Chuunins, Jounins, ANBU all cracking up like normal people. I must have been the only person other than the waitress who didn't have a ninja headband strapped across my forehead, or around my waist or over an eye as Kakashi's now was.

Obito shuffled over to a table where a few other ninjas obligingly made room for all us. The little hooks on the wall behind us, normally used for coats and hats were laden with katanas, ANBU masks and cloaks. Pole arms were stacked neatly in the corner with some very suspicious looking umbrellas.

I wasn't even carrying my nail file. Did I feel out of place…just maybe.

The waitress wandered over to our table and cocked her head at me. "Haven't seen you around, you must be new huh?"

Not… really. "Yeah, something like that."

"Well, what can I get for you then?"

"Ahhh…"

"Try the tempura Akiko, go for the tempura!"

Obito gave Takeshi one look and he leaned back laughing. "I wouldn't suggest it unless you like really spicy food, Akiko."

"You should probably go with udon, they make it really well here." Kakashi suggested.

"Udon then?" the waitress asked.

"Sure," I replied. "With beef please."

"Coming right up! The rest of you having what you normally do?"

"Yes that will be fine, Titaka." Obito confirmed.

Holy cow, how often did they come here? A couple times a week maybe?

"Hey, Kakashi! Where were you yesterday? You getting too good for the rest of us?"

Scrap that this was probably part of their might time routine between brushing their teeth and hopping into bed.

"We were on our way here when we saw this poor girl passed out in the street…we just had to stop and help her. It was our duty as ninjas."

"Yeah, right! Your last excuse was more believable! Obito I can't believe you're letting this guy make you late too!"

Obito shrugged and sipped his tea.

Thank goodness I'd worn my hair down today, the huge bruise on my temple was hidden behind my bangs. I quietly sipped my tea as people laughed around me. Yep, it was all too funny. So funny I forgot to laugh and was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"So Kakashi who's your friend?" A new ninja sat down at our table, his headband was worn like some type of cap and he was miraculously able to drink tea and chew on a piece of straw all at the same time. I wonder how many months it'd taken him to master that trick, drink around a straw and not have it leak out of the edges of your mouth.

I glanced to Kakashi's other side, Takeshi was two cents short of hyperventilating. Well of course they were talking about me!

"Oh this is Akiko. She's a friend." He nodded towards the ninja who'd spoken up. "Akiko, this is Genma. We work together sometimes."

I gave him the complementary smile and wave. "Hi."

"So what's a pretty girl like you doing around with this looser? "

Ahhh that type of co-worker. I shrugged. "Takes one to know one." I muttered.

"Oohhhh, shot down Genma!" Takeshi cried.

I winced. Leave it to Takeshi to overhear me. A couple more of the ninjas at our table broke off their conversations to watch. But I was saved, the udon arrived.

Snatching up a set of chopsticks I gave the udon a scrutinizing look before grabbing a noodle. For some reason everyone at the table was watching me. I gave the bowl another careful look.

"Did you do something to it?" I demanded. Dropping the noodle I poked around the bowl for anything even mildly suspicious.

Genma grinned all too smugly. Takeshi shrugged. "We just want to see if you like it or not."

Frankly the soup looked okay, although Obito was now staring at it suspiciously too. I reasoned if anything happened Obito and Kakashi would look after me, Takeshi too, if only for the fact that he got free breakfast from me.

Without further ado I stuffed a noodle in my mouth and ate it. It tasted just like every other beef udon I'd ever eaten. I looked up to see everyone staring at me still. I shrugged. "Tastes okay. I don't know what you're all fussing about."

Genma shrugged and smiled sending a sideways glance at my bowl. I decided he was pulling my leg and being an absolute jerk about it. I mentally labeled him as a troublemaker. Satisfied at my decision I tuned back into reality and glanced to my left to see that Kakashi's bowl was empty, he mask was also back in place. I guess he was always like that or something. He caught me frowning at him and smiled back. I scowled, he was just too bizarre. I ate my Udon and tried not to think too much.

"Hey Titaka babe, some sake would you?" Genma called.

"Perfect! Kakashi! I challenge you to a sake drinking contest!" Gai cried.

IHIHIHIHIH

It was just one of those days.

The situation was very familiar only a little worse this time. There was just good way to balance the load with Takeshi now inebriated too. He and Gai were giggling hysterically, Takeshi was actually lying over Obito's left shoulder, and Obito's right arm was literally carrying Gai by his waist. I suddenly had new respect for all that training Obito was putting the two of them through.

"Tell me again why I have to lug him up four flights of stairs?"

Obito jounced Takeshi a bit cutting off the giggles in favor of seasick moaning. "You know where he lives, and Gai is too unpredictable drunk."

I sighed and maneuvered us towards his apartment, sighing. "Okay, okay. See you tomorrow I guess."

"Good night Akiko-chan."

"Night AKIKO!" "SAI-YO-NARA!" Takeshi and Gai called.

"Good grief, at least you're the quiet type of drunk." I growled, hobbling down the street. Unfortunately that's pretty much all I could do with at least twice my weight hanging off one side.

IHIHIHIHIH

The stairs were hell. But I managed to pull him up one step at a time. If he hadn't been randomly throwing his weight around every few minutes I would have thought he'd fallen asleep on me. It was a grueling process.

We got to his door.

"Kakashi, where are your keys?"

"Mmmmm….."

"I don't suppose you could say that in a comprehensible language?"

"….mmmmm …" he mumbled.

I was beginning to have nightmarish visions about having to drag him to Gai's, or my house. Or…shudder wake Clarisse up. The ANBU uniform he was still wearing had no pockets, only a massive Katana and that funky mask. Then I happened to catch sight of a funny round pouch on his left hip. That was probably where they were.

Okay…this was going to be tricky. Shifting my grip on his waist slightly I jerked at the flap of cloth that covered the top. It popped open with a click. The pouch was just out of reach, what a pain. Bracing myself I let him sag over my shoulder slightly and stuffed my hand into the opening. My fingers poked something relatively like a scroll. Who knew maybe it actually was a scroll. Either way it wasn't keys…there were a few round things, also not keys, a smaller pouch…

"Woah, no! Stop that!" Kakashi's other arm had randomly decided to drape itself over my shoulder. This changed his center of balance, which threw off my center of balance which threatened to tip me backwards towards the cement floor.

"…mmm…."

"Damnit!" Frantically I pushed against the wall for purchase, but they didn't even have decorative ridges I could brace my hand against. Instead I tottered backwards smacking into his door which broke open under the impact of our combined weight, the inner bar of his doorframe snapping off with a crack.

His dead weight followed me right down to the floor, which was fortunately carpeted beyond the doorframe. His arms were somehow locked around my shoulders now, the rest of me trapped under him.

"You're such a pain!" I hissed, trying to scoot out from beneath him.

Just then Clarisse's door opened. She had probably woken up at the sound of the doorframe splintering. Thank goodness. She stepped into the hallway, saw us, gave me a thumbs up and quickly scuttled back into her apartment.

"Hey wait! Clarisse!"

I exhausted my vocabulary while I slowly worked my feet under me, and then because he still refused to let go of his grip on me, dragged him into the room and over to the bed. I managed to reach back and push the door closed behind me with more effort than doors were ever meant to need.

Getting him on the bed was so hard I seriously considered just dragging the pillow and blankets onto the floor and leaving him there. It looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in a while though, and I did manage to get him up on the mattress after much too much work.

Then I wiggled out of his grip, despite a few sleepy little protests that sounded too cute to be coming from someone in ANBU gear. Alcohol is funny like that.

Then there was the issue of getting him out of his armor, which I wasn't planning to do, but it was somehow attached to the katana and I knew sleeping with that would be uncomfortable. Then wrestling off the sandals, a trial in itself as he kept trying to slide his feet under the blankets despite the shoes.

But finally I deemed him ready to sleep, and he was already oblivious to the world stretched out in his natural habitat. Then I walked myself home, showered, brushed my teeth and slipped into bed. It was two in the morning. Mom and dad weren't going to be happy come sunrise.