Yep, it's a two shot. Because Sulu insisted.

Oh, and before I forget: extra super special thanks to Sonar for all your encouraging reviews!

Quick word of warning: this does get a little crackfic-y at one point. You'll know where I mean.

Sulu strode ahead, confidently swaggering his way through the halls. Chekov followed behind, holding the foil as carefully and tightly as he could, as though it were a poisonous snake poised to bite or escape.

He kept waiting for someone to cross paths with them, be able to save him from this...predicament. He really didn't want to try to fence with Sulu in this condition. And his hands were slick with nervous sweat.

Wait a second, wasn't there a wall communicator in the gym? Maybe he could–

"Hello, Lieutenant Sulu!" someone said enthusiastically.

Commander Spock! For a split second, Chekov thought he might be safe. Then he caught sight of the Vulcan. He had this big, loopy smile, and his gaze, normally bright with intelligence, was disconcertingly glazed over, as though he were daydreaming.

"Well, hiya, Mr. Spock!" Sulu replied. "Whatcha up to?"

"I am attempting to be inconspicuous." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Dr. McCoy is searching for me so he can bring me to Sickbay. But he will not ever find me!" He gave them a nutty smirk. "I know all the best hiding places on this ship!"

Sulu giggled – giggled – in response. "You should come hide in the gym. That's where we're going. We're gonna go fencing. Right, Chekov?"

Chekov nodded, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Fascinating! I will accompany you," said Spock.

Now two swaggering, bare-chested men led the way, talking and laughing (yes, even Mr. Spock!), while Chekov lagged behind.

Suddenly Spock stopped dead in the middle of the passage.

"What's wrong, Commander?" Sulu asked.

"I...am not sure," he answered slowly. "Perhaps... I believe I miss my mother. I-I don't... I should've told her..."

Without warning he turned around and caught Chekov in a bone-crushing hug.

"You're so cute...a-and cuddly!" he sobbed. "I-I've always wanted to hug you, but it's...it's illogical..."

Startled, Chekov tried to pull away, but unfortunately Spock held him fast. He remained uncomfortably stuck in the Vulcan's embrace. So he awkwardly patted the Commander's back.

Sulu was no help. He just laughed like a maniac.

"You're...you're like a-a cute little puppy and y-you're so sweet a-and no one gives you the appreciation you deserve!" Spock bawled.

"Shh, it's alright, Commander," he said, not really knowing what else to say. After a few moments, Chekov tried again to wiggle free, but Spock tightened his grip.

"No!" he protested. "Don't go, you're so squishy..."

Just at that moment, the ship-wide communicator went off. "This is Captain Kevin Thomas Riley of the starship Enterprise."

Captain Riley? Oh, yes, Kevin Riley. But he was a Lieutenant, why would he–

"Cooks, I am ordering a double portion of ice cream for all crew tonight."

Ice cream? Had the entire ship gone mad?!

"And now, I will render an ancient Irish favorite." Riley cleared his throat and began singing. Badly. "I'll take you home again, Kathleen..."

"Thank you for the hug, Mr. Spock," Chekov said, "but I think we might be having bigger problems at the moment than whether I am, um...cute."

"...wild and wide to where your heart..."

He again attempted to disengage himself from the Vulcan's grip, but with no luck. Then he remembered the foil.

"I am sorry, sir," he murmured before quickly bringing the sword up and cutting the man's arm. In the same movement, he stepped out of range of either Spock or Sulu.

Spock pulled back, putting a hand to the slash as green began to leak through his fingers.

"...the roses have all left your cheeks..."

With one last worried glance over his shoulder, Chekov took off running. A wall communicator, a wall– Oh! A work station, even better. He leaned the foil against the wall, and then began typing like mad.

"...I watched them fade away and die..."

Riley was...the only one in Engineering? How did he...? Never mind, he'd get to that later. Now, he just had to isolate the frequency...

"...helm is down...sir, the auxiliary...can't understand what came over him...alert system B2, repeat, all decks, Baker Two..."

Dimly he was aware of Riley beginning the song over from the top. He really was a terrible singer.

Suddenly all frequencies went dead. Except for one.

"You interrupted my song, Lieutenant Uhura," Riley said. "I'm sorry, but there'll be no ice cream for you tonight."

So Uhura was working on it, too. Maybe if he linked his workstation with her console...

"And now, I will render Kathleen – one more time!"

"Oh, please no," he muttered aloud, wiping a trace of sweat from his forehead. It had gotten rather warm over the last several minutes.

Typing furiously, he began to override the security systems.

He heard a laugh behind him, unmistakably Sulu.

Chekov redoubled his efforts, fingers flying recklessly across the screen. Almost there...

Suddenly he felt strong Vulcan arms close around him. His feet were suddenly several inches from the ground.

No no no no no...

The console grew farther and farther away.

"Let me go!" he yelled, squirming uselessly. "I have to save the ship! I have to link with Uhura's station! I have to reprogram the ship!"

Spock only hugged him tighter, murmuring, "Cute little Chekov..."

"I am not cute!" he snapped, fighting all the harder.

Sulu laughed and laughed.

"Cmdr. Spock." Uhura's voice radiated from the workstation. "Please put Ens. Chekov down and step away from him."

There was a brief pause as the Vulcan seemed to consider her words. Then, slowly but surely, he did as Uhura asked.

As soon as his feet returned to the ground, Chekov dusted himself off, trying to regain a bit of dignity. Then he turned to the console.

Uhura was in the foreground, giving Spock a stern glare. The Captain was right behind her, trying to suppress a laugh. The teenager felt himself blush bright red.

"Is the ship retaken?" he asked.

"Yes," Uhura replied. "Scotty has retaken control of Engineering. Security will be in your vicinity momentarily to escort all of you to Sickbay. Uhura out."

"But I'm not sick," he protested as Uhura cut the transmission.

Immediately a certain Vulcan attached himself to the boy.

"Sweet little Chekov," Spock crooned.

Chekov just sighed and waited for Security.