AN: so just a bit more talking as usual, more about feelings and getting hurt but hey, it'll get better
AN2: To; TrustInFaith: thanks for all your suggestions and ideas, they're going to help :D
AN3: To Penny Lane: Remi is a Belgian shepherd, a woolly one lol. I just thought that as Rachel lives alone she'd want a companion and that type of dog can be friendly looking but also make you feel secure. Plus I really want one lol
AN4: Thank you! For all the reviews, adding to favourites or alerting and just reading this. This story is by far my most successful story yet! :D
Posted: 16/8/11
Not more feelings
The long blonde haired woman stood outside her front door rummaging through her hand bag for her door keys. She had a carrier bag tucked under her arm with her clothes from the night before. Of course she could just ring the doorbell and let her mother struggle to the door to let her in, but she was trying to delay that moment; when her mother would bombard her with questions and worry making her feel guilty.
There they were, her keys; they were now in her hand. She steadied her nervous breathing and rehearsed the lie she and Rachel had agreed on in her head. She could lie, she lied her way through high school, mostly to teachers and Finn… but Finn wasn't the brightest of people… he used to cheat off Brittany in most of their shared classes… any who she could lie I can do this just stay calm She reassured herself.
She finally put the key in the lock and turned it, hearing the distinct click; she then pushed the door open, stepped in and quietly closed the door behind her.
"Quinnie, thank goodness you're home we were worried" Judy was in her face the moment she turned round. She had obviously mastered the crutches now she was allowed out of the wheel chair. "Kid's your mum's home!" She yelled over her shoulder before turning around and striding over to an arm chair and dropping herself into it.
Quinn heard stomping footsteps of her two favourite people. The two fair haired children ran across the living room and into their mother hugging her round the legs "Hey guy's I'm sorry I didn't get back sooner" she squeezed them closer before letting them go "Were you good for grandma?"
"Yeah" They both replied simultaneously. Quinn looked over at her mother
"They were very good" Judy smiled at the little happy family "Oh it's such a shame Daniel won't be here for Christmas day tomorrow, you look like such a perfect family"
Yeah: look Quinn thought to herself. Quinn then noticed two big parcels in the corner of the room in metallic red wrapping paper with red bows on them "Where did they come from?" The young woman looked towards her mother
"They arrived a couple of hours ago, looks like Santa got here early right guys?" Judy called over to the children
"Yeah, we're gonna go play" Alyssa announced taking her brothers hand and leading him back to the play room
"No more drawing on him" Quinn called to them as they walked past 'grandma' and dutifully kissed her on the cheek
"I won't" Alyssa called back innocently
"Or dressing him up in your dressing up dresses!" she called a bit louder
Alyssa stopped on the open landing looking down at her mum "But he likes it" she harrumphed
Quinn looked at Logan who smiled as if to agree "fine, but if he says she doesn't want to anymore you let him go"
"Okay" Alyssa shouted as she went into the playroom, her brother following
Quinn dropped herself in the middle of the sofa. After a moment of thinking she turned her head to her mother who was reading a magazine "Should I be worried about him?"
Judy put the magazine in her lap "No, he probably just likes the attention from his big sis, I know of other little boys who have dressed up in girls play dresses before"
"Okay, but I'll be keeping an eye on him" she joked
"So, how comes you didn't come home last night"
"Oh my secretary, who has been a good friend lately, drank a few too many and I made sure she got home alright; I wanted to make sure she was okay so I stayed over… you know in case she was sick or something"
"Oh was she okay" Judy eyed her daughter curiously
"yeah as far as I'm aware she was asleep the whole night"
"Oh good" Judy bought the magazine up again and continued to read
"Mum? Is it okay if I go run some errands I need to get a couple of last minute things"
"Sure; then two are occupied it'll be fine"
"Thanks"
Quinn went upstairs and changed into her own clothes. Rachel had lent her a pair of jeans (that were a little bit too long for Rachel) a t-shirt and a big, oversized grey hoody. Quinn folded the lent clothes up and left them on her dresser. Once she was in her own clothes (similar to what Rachel had leant her anyway" she said a quick good bye to her kids and mum, before going to her car.
She pulled out her phone and selected a popular name.
The phone rang for what seemed like for ever before finally someone answered
"What the hell do you want Fabray"
"Davis" she corrected
"Whatever, you'll always be Fabray to me. What the hell do you want?"
"I really need to talk San"
"Can't this wait?"
"San I did something bad" Santana could hear her friends voice cracking up on the other end of the line
"Okay, come over"
"Make sure you're dressed when I get there I don't want a repeat of that other time" she tried not to sound bossy, or feel too embarrassed (at least she'd remembered to call first)
Santana sighed "We will… I don't exactly want you walking in on us again either" she tried to lighten the mood
"In my defence you had just buzzed me into the building and said the door was unlocked"
"In my defence you took your time getting to our floor and me and Britt got bored"
"Okay enough I'm starting to have flash backs… see you soon?" she asked timidly
"See you soon" the Latina confirmed
…
"Q are you okay?" Santana asked sitting on a sofa perpendicular to the chair where the blonde was sitting. Brittany then walked in managing to carry 3 cups of coffee and putting them on the coffee table.
"Yeah Quinn you're sad what's wrong"
"I did something bad last night" she picked up a cup of coffee and held it with both hands quickly warming them.
"We're your friends Quinn, we won't judge you, right San?" The taller blonde asked her wife
"Right" the Latina agreed
"I-I, slept with Rachel" she looked down
"… and how do you feel?" Santana asked cautiously
"Wrong" she looked back up
"Why?" Brittany asked that one word question of doom
"Because I don't feel bad about it… I wanted it, I drew her in I encouraged it, I enjoyed it, I-I don't know what's happening" she started to well up so she hid her face again
"So what it is Q? do you have legit feelings for her?"
"I don't know San, I think so, I must do… I don't know what happened, we were at the office party and this woman who works with us, knew Rachel. I learnt more about Rachel, she used to be… self-destructive, drinking and sleeping around… and this woman talking to Rachel like that just made me… jealous"
"You have feelings for her then" Brittany stated obviously
"Yeah, Q, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know; nothing I guess"
"Well what about her, how does she feel?"
"I don't know, we didn't talk"
"Well you need to talk to her; you need to get everything out in the open" Santana started
"Go somewhere open, not too open, some-where neutral so you're both on the same level" Brittany added
"Okay, thanks you guys… I had to at least tell someone you know,,, how comes you didn't flip I mean hello I committed adultery with a woman"
"Your husband is a bag of crap and it's unlike you to do something like this so it's more than just sex for you and so what if it's a woman we're not going to judge" Santana finished laughing lightly.
"Thanks, for the support"
"We'll support you whatever Quinn, remember that?" Brittany offered
"Okay, I'm going to phone her and talk to her about meeting up soon, I'll just get tomorrow out the way first"
Quinn stayed for a bit longer (mainly because she knew she was winding Santana up) before she went home. Luckily she had been hiding a bag of presents in the car so she carried them into the apartment pretending she'd just bought them.
…
Christmas day
Christmas day was simple. Quinn ended up cooking all the food because of Judy was on crutches. The two parcels were from Daniel (of course). They were new bikes. Both of the children got so excited they started riding them round the pent house apartment, until they nearly knocked Judy over. Quinn managed to scold them and make it to the bath room before she laughed at the scene that had just un folded in front of her.
Logan later pulled a small rectangle box from under the tree, he handed it to Quinn; it was for her for her husband. She opened it to reveal a diamond bracelet. It was beautiful but it instantly made Quinn feel a little guilty before she became suspicious. Was he trying to buy their love?
…
That night Quinn was finding it hard to sleep, she'd been so exhausted the night before she found it easy to sleep but this night, all she could think about was Rachel: Rachel and her in bed; having to talk to Rachel tomorrow like she promised herself she would; just having Rachel hold her as she slept.
It was a cold night, and maybe she was crazy, but it was Rachel's. Quinn got out of bed and slipped Rachel's hoody on, the one she lent her. She bought the hood up and got back into bed, snuggling into the hoody as if it was Rachel embracing her. She didn't care how crazy that sounded, she felt comforted and happy
…
The day after Christmas/Saturday
Just phone her, you need to chat, you need to be somewhere neutral and you need others there so you don't slip up again. Ally and Logan want to go ride their new bikes at the park, ask her to meet you there
Quinn was sitting on the edge of her bed holding her phone in one hand and her head in the other
She hit the button and let it ring; she then heard Rachel's comforting voice on the other end.
"Hello, Quinn, is something wrong?"
"No, every things fine… I just wondered if you wanted to meet me, Ally and Logan at the park? I realise its freezing cold outside but they really want to try out their new bikes… and I'd really like to talk about you know"
"Sure, I could bring Remi… unless they're scared of dogs"
"No, I'm sure they'll be fine, Remi is a really tame dog anyway"
"Okay the two of us will meet the three of you" they discussed a place and time to meet
…
Rachel was waiting by a bench, at the spot where Quinn suggested they meet. Remi stood by her side.
She couldn't help but smile when she saw the blonde woman approach with her two kids on their bikes with safety helmets on that made their heads look way too big.
It wasn't long before Alyssa and Logan got bored of their new presents and were more interested in Remi and the tennis ball Rachel had given the dog to play with.
Quinn and Rachel sat on the bench. The park was fairly empty for a Saturday morning (They figured most people were tired for the celebrations and over eating and over drinking from the day before) just a few couples taking 10.30 am strolls.
The blonde and brunette watched the children and dog playing on the grass opposite. The laughter and playful barking filled both of them with joy to hear.
"So… are we going to talk?" Rachel asked softly
"Yes" Quinn kept looking forward the same way Rachel was, towards the happy calming scene in front of them "I need to know how you feel about… us; after what happened the other night"
"I'm scared to say?"
"Why, because it will hurt me?"
"Possible… it will hurt someone in the end"
"Just tell me please"
"… I really, really like you Quinn" she chanced a glance to the blonde sitting next to her "What about you?" she looked away again
"I really, really like you too… but-"
"But you can't act on anything because you don't want to hurt them…" she gestured to the happy children playing with Remi, throwing the ball or teasing her with it "I understand"
"… it's like your inside my head" Quinn whispered sadly "So what do we do?"
"We do nothing, because despite how I feel… how we feel; nothing can happen"
"Can we still be friends?" Quinn asked in the same sad tone as before
Rachel turned and half smiled "I would love to still be your friend… am I still your secretary" Quinn just nodded
After a moment of almost tearful silence Quinn slowly moved her hand onto the the space between them on the bench; where Rachel's gloved hand was already resting. She took her hand comfortingly and rubbed her thumb along the brunette's knuckles.
"What are you doing?" Rachel lent a little bit closer without looking at the happy scene of her dog and Quinn's children having fun and whispered
"Pretending for a few more minutes" she whispered her answer back
What did she mean; pretending? Pretending we're together… pretending that-that we're a happy family? Rachel started an internal battle with herself
No that's what you want to pretend Rachel, snap out of it, this was your decision. You could have told her to leave her husband, be with you, you could have said those three little words that are resting on the tip of your tongue. No you won't do that, you'll do what you said you'd do, you'll help her and then be on your way; even if it tears you apart inside…
Any thoughts?
It will get better ;D
Reviews are encouraging! :D
I haven't read through this; I'm too tired right now but I wanted to update anyway :P