How Can Life Go On?
Chapter Seven: DAMNIT!
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. But I do own Amelia. And also I don't own #1 Crush by Garbage
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. DAMNIT! I don't want to be here…I'm afraid. I haven't even been near a kid in like 8 months! And now I have to be stuck with one for a whole day! And with Alice! I really had no problem with Alice; it's more of that she left me friendless and heartbroken then that I hate her. I could never hate her. But I hate what she did to me…Just like Edward.
I was shaken out of my thoughts my Alice, "Come on Bella, we have to go and meet our new friend!" She squeaked with her really high and chipper voice. I stared at her for a second, then at her hands that were still on my arm, then at her again. She caught on and quickly pulled her hands away from me muttering a small, 'Sorry.'
"It's okay. You just startled me. No ones grabbed me like that in a long time…" I said with a huffed standing up. She had a small smile on her face. I raised an eyebrow at her, "What?" I snapped her.
"Oh it's nothing, but you haven't been that nice to me since before we…" She trailed off knowing that was a danger zone for me. She knew that I wouldn't be that nice if she said anything about that.
"Well let's get this over with. I want to get home so I can sit on my ass, listen to crappy music, and be bored as fuck…you know the usual." I passed by her, and she was trying to suppress her laughter. What? It was completely true…maybe some other things. But no hard drugs.
I stepped off the bus followed by Alice, then Jasper and Rosalie, and Edward and Emmett. I guess they were partnered together. I was walking to the front of the school when I saw Jessica and Lauren talking and giggling as they were looking and pointing at me. What bitches!
"Hey bitches! If your talking behind my back then your in the perfect position to kiss my ass!" I yelled at them. They looked a little peeved, but I was laughing my ass off. Until I felt a hand covering my mouth. I was big, bulky, and Emmett's. I trying to pry it off but it wasn't moving.
"What the hell are you thinking Bella! You could get in serious trouble for saying that!" He hissed in my ear. How am I going to get out of this? What would MacGyver do? I licked his hand. That's right; I was stuck in this, so I licked his hand…
"EW! Gross!" He screamed out and wiped his hand on my shoulder. Everyone of the Cullen's were laughing into there hands. I smiled at them all. Not my real smile but one of those big cheesy smiles you give someone.
I then turned to Emmett, "Somebody's going to punch you in the face one day, and I hope I'm there to watch and laugh." I shook my finger in his face and turned away. I new my shoulders were shaking from quiet laughter. But that's just the way it is.
"Did you see that Rosie! She licked me, sad something mean, then just walked away! What the fuck is up with that!" I could hear the pout in his voice from here. "Doesn't anyone else care besides me? What the hell!" I hurt him say louder then before.
I let out a loud cackle, "On the contrary of popular belief no one gives a flying fuck!" I laughed even harder now. Jeez…when did I become so mean? Oh yeah, when they left me! Ha-ha.
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear
I was walking down the sidewalk when I saw Lauren standing right next to a puddle. Can this be anymore easy? I stepped forward and pretended to trip. Come on, everyone thinks of me as a klutz? My hands fell into the puddle, but all the water splashed up on Lauren. Happy days, oh happy days! I stood up, wiped my hands on my jeans, and turned to Lauren to watch her bitch fit.
I heard her squeal, and scream. She turned to me and huffed in my face, "WHAT THE HELL YOU FREAK! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! THIS SHIRT IS DESIGNER!" I just put my hand on my chin, crossed my arms, and shrugged. She looked like a fucking clown! All the tons of make up she was wearing was running down her face, and her shirt was wet and clinging to her. And the shirt was white…
"Oh Lauren don't worry. You look alright. From a distance. At night. Behind a wall. Ha-ha! Just a joke, I really do like your make up though…just kidding, you look like you got gang-banged by a pack of crayons." I couldn't keep in my laughter anymore, I burst out laughing. She started walking away from me, "Hey I also like your padded bra, but I do think some of your bath tissue got wet!" I called after her.
She stomped her little fake Jimmy Choo's. Ha-ha this day is awesome! I was laughing so hard form what just happened I didn't even notice Mr. Greene walking up to me with Lauren right behind him. Damn it. Every time I start to have fun, people always come to ruin it.
"Oh Miss. Swan. Great to see you again, but when you do come back you run a nuisance in my school. I've heard that you were very rude to Mr. Mason. And now you purposely splash Miss. Mallory and make snide jokes about her appearance afterwards?" What was this? 20 questions?
I opened my mouth to say something sarcastic and most likely stupid, when I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, and I heard a velvety, soft voice, "Mr. Greene I usher you that Isabella here didn't mean to splash Lauren. I watched it for myself and I saw Bella trip and fall into the puddle." He finished with his heart stopping smile.
I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Wait what? Sure kisses can be shared with anyone, but kisses to the cheek mean something. It's the true sign of affection. And I just showed affection to Edward…oh shit…
He looked down at me with a smile. I smiled timidly back. I then realized what I was doing, and I had to stop. I looked back at Mr. Greene just in time for him to start talking again, "Okay Miss. Swan thanks to Mr. Cullen you won't have to leave right now." Darn! "But you need to act better today, and you should start acting like an adult." He said sternly.
My eyes turned to slits, and I glared at him, "Adults are just kids with money," I said sarcastically, "And Mr. Greene, I piss excellence." With that I turned around and started walking away. I heard Edward moan, and run after me.
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you
"God damn it Bella! I get you out of trouble and all you do is get yourself out of trouble a minute afterwards! Well will you learn to not put your foot in your mouth?" He stated angrily. Wow. Just wow. What a douche! I can't believe that he just said that!
"Edward just shut the fuck up right now! Okay, you have no reason to be saying that, because that would make you a hypocrite! You're just a fucking hypocritical jackass! "He had no reason to say that I put my foot in my mouth. What a douche!
"I'm hypocritical! I'm fucking hypocritical! That's a lot coming from you Bella! You're the one keeps fucking with my emotions and saying I broke your fucking heart! You're the one that one second you're all loving then the next your being a complete bitch and you call me a douche! Do you fucking love playing games or some shit? Cause that's all you're doing! But that's fucking you! You're a game player, and you call me heartless! So that makes you a hypocrite." I've never heard Edward yell at someone like that before…
"Are you done? Because with all that said it makes me feel like you don't want me. But yet you say all the god damn time that you fucking miss me! So fuck you Edward. You're just a lying sack of shit. So next time you start to miss me, just fucking remember, I didn't walk away, you let me go. Don't you remember Edward? Don't you remember leaving me in the forest it was only a few months ago. Fuck you."
I started walking away, when I felt Edward hand on my shoulder. I turned around sharply, "What do you want n-"My words were cut off with his lips. I was shocked and tense for a few seconds before I kissed back. And this wasn't just our- I'm high as fuck and so naïve kiss. This kiss showed all our emotions. Pain, misery, sympathy, empathy, triumph, contempt, disappointment, fear, anger, joy, happiness, indifference, and so much more.
I felt a tight hand on my shoulder pulling me from Edward's embrace. "And what in the son of Hamlet do you think your doing?" (A/N: I'm sorry I just had to put that in, my teacher Mr. Patashio used to say it!) Mr. Banner said angrily into my face. I peeled his hand off my shoulder and shrugged.
"Having fun making out with a dude, waiting to get this show a-rocking. You know the yoush…" I said, and ran my tongue over my teeth. I looked up at him, and boy was he upset! Ha. I need more nicotine. The cigarette didn't satisfy.
"Well I hope your happy Isabella because you just scared fifty-seven 6 year olds for life!" He then gestured over his shoulder to a little mod of short people. They all had little shocked expressions on there faces. I silently waved to them, and gave them a smile.
This blonde lady stepped forward, and started speaking to all of us, "Hello I'm Shirley, I work with the first graders here. " She had a big fake, shit eating grin. The kind that I can't stand, "So I want to ask the children to go and find there friends for the day." Some of the students started walking forwards timidly, "Yes, yes thank you. And I would like to ask Emmett, Alice, and Edward Cullen, Jasper and Rosalie Hale, and Isabella Swan to please follow me."
When Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie walked over and stood next to her me and Edward just stood our place. "Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan can you please step forward." She looked around but didn't even look at us. I decided that the game we were playing was long enough. I jumped into Edward's arms and he walked us over to Sherry or whatever the hell her name was.
When we finally got over to her, I hopped out of Edward's arms and stood right in front of her. "Bella Swan here at your service." And gave her a sly smirk. Edward just gave a small wave. The lady had a look of pure horror on her face, but turned around and started walking us to a small building.
When we were outside the small building we had to go with our partners. When I went to stand near Alice I swear I saw Shirley relax a little. Yeah thank the holy name of GOD that I wasn't partnered up with Edward. I needed to think a lot and being partnered with him would not help in anyway what so ever!
I slouched against the wall of the building and closed my eyes. I felt fumbling on my lips, so I opened one eye and I saw Alice messing with my face. I quickly grabbed her hand from my face, and gave her a questionable face.
"I'm sorry I was trying to fix up your make up a little, but I don't have your lip gloss so I was trying to smear the little bit you have on left…" Her sentence sort of died at the end, when she noticed that it wasn't the right this to say.
I heard Emmett snort a laugh, and turned to him and smiled. I quietly pulled out my lip gloss from my bag and smeared some on my bottom lip. I closed my lips together and smiled weakly at Alice for a sort of thank you I guess. Shirley came back out of the room, and quickly ushered us inside.
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored
She escorted Edward and Emmett first; apparently they got the only boy in the class named Marcus. Then she showed Jasper and Rosalie to a little brunette girl with glasses named Cheney. Then she came to Alice and me.
She gave a cutesy little smile to Alice, but when she looked at me her smile started to fade and turned into a sort of grimace. I just mouthed a simple 'Fuck You' to her with a blank face. She looked a little taken aback, but pulled her self together and walked us to a little girl with short brownish blonde curly hair that was sitting in the corner reading.
"Amelia come here and meet your new friends. " Amelia stood up and walked over to us, "This is Alice and this is…Isabella." She sneered my name. I fucking swear if this bitch didn't get over her damn high horse, I was going to punch her in the face.
Amelia stood up from her seat, set down her book, smoothed out her little floral dress and walked over to us. She gave me and Alice a once over and said the most smart ass thing I've ever heard someone under 5'0 say, "There is no need for friends is this cruel world, but I guess these to genius's will have to do." She said in a frigid voice, fixing her striped tights and putting her little loafers back on. She was being a bitch to me, and not even looking at me! That just is not right…
I heard Alice gasp and what little Amelia said, but I was NOT going to be bested by someone that hasn't even hit puberty yet! So I put on a tight smile bent down to her eye level, "Hello Amelia I'm Bella. Now I don't want to be here as much as you do, but guess what? Life sucks so now we have to be stuck together for a few hours, isn't that just to damn bad? But for those few hours I would like you to show me and my…" I was gesturing to Alice, and I was about to say friend, but no… "Classmate here would really appreciate your respect. Or I will find it another way and yes I would go there…" I stared right into her eyes saying each word slowly and smoothly.
I raised and eyebrow at me, and did a little smirk, "Oh really? I highly doubt that you would be capable of doing such a thing." She said in a loud whisper into my ear. I raised my eyebrow at her this time. I looked up at Alice, and gestured towards Amelia.
Alice rolled her eyes, "Oh yes she would." I gave her a smile out of appreciation, then turned back to Amelia who had shock written all over her face. I nodded my head and stood up slowly. When I finally stood to my sloughing height Shirley came back in.
"Oh I see, your all getting along," She grimaced a smile when she saw Amelia's shocked expression and me standing in front of her. "Okay kids pack up your backpacks, and put on your coats. We are going to Tilicum Park!" And surprisingly she sounded excited.
"You mean the patch of grass surrounded by trees? Yeah that sounds exciting!" I sarcastically replied. What? If can be a bitch, why can't I? I heard a small giggle, and for a second I thought is was Alice, until I looked to my right and saw Amelia with her hand over her mouth trying to stop the laughs from erupting.
I looked down at her and gave her a small smirk. I looked over to Shirley, and she looked flabbergasted. Ha-ha I still love that word! I pushed my bangs out of my face, readjusted my hat, and started walking over to the door.
I heard gracefully footsteps and small little footsteps following me. I turned to see the Cullen's helping the kids with their coats. I looked over to Alice and Amelia, Alice was trying to help her with her coat but Amelia was completely ignoring her. I'm actually starting to like this girl!
They got all packed up and walked over to me. Amelia with a very cute purple toggle coat, and a smashing ladybug backpack. I grabbed her small hand in my bony pale one, and we walked out the door. We walked down the little stoop and walked over to the bus. Well here we go…
(A/N: I was going to stop here, but…WHAT THE HELL? ^_^ )
We have been at the park for at least 15 minutes, and oh my jebus did I need a cigarette! The lack of nicotine is killing me! Maybe if I just left for a moment, they wouldn't notice that I was gone…No. I'm here for a reason and a purpose. And I needed to be here right now. Ah fuck it.
I stepped away from all the running children and reading Amelia, and when I got to the line of trees I ran like hell. I was about 120 feet in, and I knew no one would see me behind all the underbrush.
I lit the cigarette and quickly put it to my mouth. I took one slow soothing breath in. and oh my jebus, it was so good! I put the cigarette back to my lips, and pulled my coat tighter around me. I heard rustling in a bush near by, "If you're going to be here, at least don't be a pussy and come out in the open."
"Oh Bella there's no need for language like that. Can't you be more empathic?" I heard the sweet, gentle French accent. I turned to meet two crimson red eyes. Laurent.
"What are you doing here?" I said. No fear evident in my voice, just anger, shock, and complete loathing. Why was he? Wasn't he suppose to be somewhere sucking the life out of a innocent human?
"What does it look like dear Bella? I've come to kill you. To avenge my dear friend James." He had a sickly sweet smile. It made me sick to my stomach just looking at him.
"But why avenge him on my behalf? I had nothing to do with his death! He tried to kill me! I had no say in what happened to him! I was to busy having vampire venom running through my veins!" I yelled in Laurent's face. How dare he think that I had anything to do with James's death! I probably would have killed him if I could…but still.
"Well can't find your dear Edward. Or should I say your ex-boyfriend. But still we have no idea where he i-"
I stopped him there by interrupting, "No Edward is right through there. But I wouldn't recommend going out there if there a whole bunch of people out there and 6 angry vampires. But I must tell you he will be here in less than 2 minutes."
He looked at me quizzically for a second, "Isn't he your ex-boyfriend? Why is he anywhere near you?" he sneered at me, ending with a smile.
"For one no is not my ex, he is the biggest mistake of my life…" I bit my lip softly, "And please, he wanted me back and I totally turned him down." I said with a smirk, taking another drag.
I then felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around to see a pissed Edward. For a second I thought he was pissed at me, but then I saw him looking at Laurent. Okay good. I wasn't in totally deep shit.
I took a drag from my cigarette, but I felt a hand take it out of my mouth. I looked at Edward to see him smashing it with his foot, "You bitch!" I yelled at him in mock anger.
"Fuck off Bella. I have more important matters to deal with right now." He hissed at me. I raised my eyebrows at this. And this is how he expected to win my heart? Yelling and being pissy at me? Oh hell no.
"Oh look who finally grew some big sparkly balls. I hardly care what you have to say right now Edward. Just kill him. I'll be over there smoking another cig, since you smashed mine jackass!" I walked away from them, and sat down on a fallen over tree and took a cigarette out of my pocket and put it between my lips.
I got more comfortable on my seat on the log. I dusted off the moss that was on the front of my jeans and I looked up to see Laurent and Edward staring at me. I pulled out my lighter and held it in my hand. I looked back up to see them still not doing anything. I did the precede sign with my hand and light my stick.
Just then Edward and Laurent started there fight. And boy was it nasty. They the jumping and the biting, and the throwing and jus the awesomeness of the fight I have ever seen. And I've seen a pillow fight between two boys. (A/N: I'm sorry the description of the fight sucked, but you know, this is Bella we are talking about ;).)
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart
In the end Edward got his arm ripped off, and his ear flew at me. But Laurent got his spinal cord ripped out of his neck.
I walked over to Edward who was still missing his left arm and his right ear. I had his ear in my hand, it was kind of weird. I grabbed my lighter from my front pocket and lit Laurent on fire. He caught on fire instantly, and I watched the pretty smelling purple smoke swirl in the gray sky.
I heard Edward wince, and I looked to see him putting his arm back on. I had to swollen back the bile that rose in my throat. I took a calming breath and walked over to him. I helped him straighten his arm so that it was perfecting in line with his shoulder before he cracked it in.
I took his ear and put it in place and watched the skin reconnect before my very eyes. It was so beautiful, and majestic, but I couldn't help being disgusted… "Ew…this is so gross." I moaned as I watched the last bit of skin reconnect.
"Well if someone wasn't a little bad girl, and stayed with the group none of this would have happened!" He laughed, "Jeez Bella you should come with a warning label." He chuckled.
"Good girls just never get caught," I shrugged, "And if you can't be a good example, be a warning." I said with a smile. And not one of my fake smiles, this one was actually real! And it felt weird…
"Any other stupid things to say before we get in front of the children?" He said with a sly smile. Oh ho oh…touché.
"Umm, okay. Never steal money, the government hates competition. The police never think it's as funny as you do. And you'll never find the right person if you don't let go of the wrong one." I choked on the last few words as they came out of my mouth.
I looked at Edward and he looked hurt. But why? Oh shit! He took my words wrong! I quickly stepped in front of him, "And the wrong one is Sebastian." I said, looking straight into his eyes. They lit up so bright, it was beautiful, it looked like melting gold, "But I don't when or how I will accept you. I do love you Edward, but I need to be in love with you. And I know that I'm not there yet."
I did a sad smile, but a smile at that. Edward looked away from my eyes and up at the sky. "I understand Bella. But all I ask is that you make your decision correctly. That's all I ask. Because you know how but I love you, and you know how much I'm in love with you. And I hope you understand that." He looked pleading into my eyes.
I made a huge sigh, "What do you do when the one that broke your heart is the only one that can fix it?" It was my turn to look pleadingly into his eyes. He didn't answer me so I just went on, "But also the one who can fix it you totally love. I fell in love with your hugs and kisses, with your smile, your advice, your love, your kindness, and the times we laugh together. But most of all I love how you are always there for me, even when I'm asleep."
He gave me a weak smile, and I gave him a small smile back. It was suck a special moment until my foot decided to get caught on a upturned root. I almost hit the ground when suddenly to stone cold arms wrapped around my stomach and waste. "Bella? Are you okay?"
The truth was that my ankle was a little sore and I knew I would have a bruise and my heart was beating very hard against my chest and that kind of hurt too. "AHH…fuck that hurt." I was going to lie but then the shock retracted and I felt the bruise forming. "But I will tell you the most common lie I tell, I'm fine…" I gave another sad smile and stood up straight and walked out of the patch of forest.
I walked to see Amelia actually playing with other kids! Holly Crow! I stood there smiling, and watching the little girl running around with her new friends. I then saw Lauren and Mike fighting across the field. I started chuckling when I heard Edward approach behind me.
"Oh look Eddy-kin's she's riding solo." I turned to him, "Just messing, she's riding everyone." We were both trying to contain our laughter, but couldn't… I was leaning against his chest laughing while he had his arms wrapped around my waist.
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me
I heard a little humph close by. I looked around to see Amelia on the ground clutching her knee. I ran over to her to see what was wrong.
"Damn, you fell. Oh shit your crying." I just noticed her eyes wear all red and there were little spots of liquid on her face. I then noticed the blood that was seeking from her knee. I quickly looked for what caused the damage. I ran my hand over the ground where she fell. I then felt a very hard sharp rock on the ground and it was covered in blood.
I threw the rock as far as I could and made it into the trees. I looked up at all the Cullen's signaling with my eyes to hold their breath. I ran over to Shirley and grabbed the first aid kit, and ran back to Amelia.
I dropped to my knees next to her, and wiped her tears from her face. "Shhh…its okay Amelia. It's just a scraped knee it's easy to fix." I said spreading her tights a little more so I could see the cut more easily.
She turned her head away from me, "That's not the reason I'm crying," She snapped at me, "I'm crying because those kids were chasing me, and making fun of me." She said and broke out into a new round of tears.
I was wiping the dirt from her cut, when I set down the rag and pulled her to my chest for a hug. "I'm so sorry Amelia, I wasn't here the whole time, and when I got back I just saw you running with some kids and I thought you were having fun with some new friends." I said rocking her back and forth.
"Where were you Bella?" She asked quietly against my shoulder. I pulled her away slightly so I could look into her eyes. I gave her a sad smile.
I pointed at Edward, "Do you see that guy? Well me and him were having a civilized conversation together for a while, but needed to talk about stuff that wasn't okay to talk to in front of other people."
"Yeah I've heard of him. A couple people called you a slut because they saw you making out with him earlier." I looked down at her in shock. How did little kids know words like that? I went back to cleaning her cut.
"And who told you this?" She pointed out a two little girls and boy, "And how are there partners?" She pointed at Mike, Jessica and Lauren, "Well guess what?" She leaned forward a little, "There friends are sluts. Really they are. Just look at the blonde one you pointed too…"
And just then Lauren bent down so her little mini skirt didn't even cover her ass and showed off her ratty ass thong. And her shirt was still see through. Even though I got it went hours ago.
She giggled at this. I finally finished with her knee and put a Band-Aid over it. I put a kiss on it, and she gave me a small smile, "Don't worry it will get better. And trust me I miss being a kid. Scraped knees are a lot easier to fix then a broken heart…" I looked away from her and bit my lip to keep the tears from falling.
This time it was Amelia's time to hug me. And it felt good to get the affection of a child. And such a sweet child at that, she didn't need to be ridiculed. "Come on let's go find a quiet place to read. But just one moment I need to say something to Alice."
Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored
I slowly stalked towards her, glaring at her. I finally got as close as I wanted to get. And we were about a foot apart. "What the hell is wrong with you? Didn't you see that she was getting ridiculed by those douches!" I pretty much yelled in her face.
She put her finger to her lip to signalize to be quiet. She then turned to whisper in my ear, "I was in the middle of a vision for the longest time. So I'm sorry." She sad with big doe eyes. They looked so stupid on her though.
"Just stop with the fucking doe eyes. That is bullshit, I get you were in a vision but still! God damn! And please you can't pull off the doe eyes, only Addie can." Out of all my old friends I missed Addie the second to most. Firstly Sebastian though. I missed him a lot.
"Is that why you can't be my friend, because you miss your old ones so much?" She sounded a little peeved. What a bitch! I didn't want to be her friend because she left me for 8 months!
"Wow, Alice, just fucking wow. That was just fan-fucking-tastic. Fuck you, okay. I don't want to be your friend because you fucking left me for 8 months! I don't want to be your friend because after all that time apart, you were just a bitch to me!
"And guess fucking what? Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left your side." I spat that in her face, and stormed off. I went to Amelia and grabbed her hand and walked to a more secluded part of the park.
This is going to be a long motherfucking day…
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.
A/N: Longest chapter yet! How was it? Did you like it? Bella has finally found her emotions! But when will she be ready? Ya so it's sort of a bit of a cliffy…but oh well. This chapter took 4 days to write! So yeah…and how did you like the song? I was watching Romeo and Juliet and heard this song and was like…"HEY THAT FITS PERFECTLY WITH A NICE E/B RELATIONSHITP! : )" So yeah…LOVE YOU!