Robert the Grey
Joined Mar 12, 2010, id: 2286443, Profile Updated: Jul 5, 2011
Robert the Grey: Telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help all shit-writers since 2010.
Hello, there!
If you're reading this, then it most likely means that I hurt your delicate little "feelings" and didn't kiss your ass in a review. If that's the case, then boo-hoo! I don't care! The people that come to this site are here to read fanfiction, not the random jumble of words and horrible grammar you crapped into your keyboard. Go ahead and PM me with your pathetic complaints, if you wish, but I will just laugh at you. If you try to spam me or troll me, I will simply block you, and that will be the end of it. But seriously, you fuckwits should all get down on your knees and thank whatever you worship that someone took the time out of their busy schedule to actually give you criticism, instead of bitching and moaning about it.
That said, I'd like to add that I will leave a positive review, if I feel a story warrants one. If I feel that a writer is honestly trying, and not just being an idiot, then I may leave advice and words of encouragement. Unfortunately, the site is clogged with lazy bastards who couldn't pass a Spelling and Grammar Test if their lives depended on it, so the stories where the writer is honestly trying are, sadly, few and far between.
My Complaints
Mary Sue/Gary Stu- What the hell makes you people think that your character has to have godlike power and beauty, and no flaws whatsoever? Despite what you think, it doesn't make your character interesting. It makes them boring and annoying, because it isn't believable. There is no need to use ten pages to describe how your character looks and what they wear, complete with comparisons to sunsets, rainbows, etc. There are hundreds of Mary Sue/Gary Stu Litmus Tests on the internet, so there's no excuse for this crap!
OMG!Tru Luv- Everyone loves your character? That's a pile of bullshit! No one is universally loved, not even Jesus Christ. Romance is NOT the be-all end-all, and it doesn't solve all the world's problems. If your story revolves around "Random Bishie meets the Mary Sue/Gary Stu and breaks up with their original boyfriend/girlfriend", you should go bash your head against a brick wall, because that's not even remotely realistic. People do not fall in love in a week, let alone a day. It takes time for a realistic relationship to build. And unless you're some kind of sick sadist or masochist, stop hooking people up with villains! Villains are the way they are for a reason, and it ISN'T because they're "misunderstood" or "just need love". If, for some fucked-up reason, the villain fell in love with someone, it would only end in tragedy.
OOC- I'm willing to put up with a little OOC-ness, because with some situations, there's really no telling how a canon character would react. After all, it IS fanfiction, so there's no telling what kind of situation the author may put the characters in, or how they interpret the character. However, if you're trying to shoehorn a canon character into doing something completely stupid, like "Sephy bcums a nise gye and is n lurve wit me", then you need to back away from the computer and give up writing, or go plague with your crap, because it's not fanfiction anymore.
Spelling/Grammar Mistakes- With so many spell-checkers out there today, there is no excuse for this! Between that, and an honest beta, anyone with more than a first-grade level knowledge of English should be capable of stringing together a sentence. There should be punctuation at the end of EVERY sentence, and only one form, not multiples. Multiple exclamation points do not get your point across, they just annoy the hell out of the reader. A new paragraph should start after someone speaks, so that everyone knows who says what. No, chatspeak and l33tspeak are not acceptable. If you'd bother to read the Terms of Service, then you'd know that. Also, your titles and your summaries should be correct, both in their spelling and their grammar usage. If either of those are wrong, then it just makes the story look bad, even without people reading it.
Rape- Why...OH WHY do people feel the need to use rape as a tool for drama? It is a horrifically traumatic experience, and should be taken seriously, not used by all of the shitty writers out there. Leave it alone! Your terrible fanfictions depicting rape are a slap in the face to all real-world survivors of such things.
Sex- If you are under the age of sixteen, or have no experience with such things, stop trying to write sex scenes! You'll only mess it up, and make yourself look like an even bigger moron. And no, there is no such thing as "Magical Healing Sex". Like romance, it is not a cure-all for everything, ESPECIALLY not rape trauma. Besides that, writing pornography is against this site's Terms of Service, and you will be reported. If you feel the need to write graphic pornography, take it to an adult fanfiction site.
Pointless Pairings- This goes right along with my OOC complaint. Pairing characters up just for the sake of them being together is wrong, and violates canon. Just because Tidus and Yuna hooked up, and Wakka and Lulu hooked up, it doesn't mean that Auron and Rikku were meant to be together! And why is it that you people come up with the most idiotic couples? Are your lives that boring? And while we're on the subject, I have nothing against yaoi and yuri. It's only when someone makes two normally heterosexual people fall "in lurve" that it becomes annoying. Don't you think that if they were meant to be that way, the original creator would have made them that way? And one more thing: INCEST IS WRONG!
Angst- No matter what your angst-muffin tendencies tell you, life is not that bad. Most of you writing fanfictions are spoiled little bastards who have absolutely no idea what true suffering is. Why don't you try living in Somalia for a year, and then come back. Until then, save the pointless whining for your little emo blog-page.
Self-Inserts- First of all, this violates the Terms of Service. Secondly, you (and your friends) falling into whatever world just because you want your lust object of that world is not a story. It's just a self-indulgent masturbatory aid that would be better off kept in private where only you have to look at it.
Review Whoring- Are you really that starved for attention? If so, you should really go seek out some sort of help. When you whore for reviews, all you're doing is debasing yourself and your story. It's not the quantity of reviews you receive, it's the quality. Just because a story got ten thousand reviews doesn't make it the best thing ever, because ninety percent of those are just "kewl upd8" ass-kissing that doesn't tell you anything.
Don't Like, Don't Read/No Flames- How is anyone supposed to know they don't like something if they don't read it? And saying "No Flames" is just asking to be flamed. If either of these are in your story's summary, then most people will just pass on by, or will look at it just so they can flame it.
I have Dyslexia/Cancer/Assburger's/Random Disease- Having something wrong with you is not an excuse to be a complete moron. Besides that, ninety percent of you dumb-asses that claim to have some kind of illness are just liars. The only thing wrong with you is an inability to own up to your own shortcomings. If you try to claim some illness as the reason why your story is horrible beyond belief, then you fail at life, and should be dragged out into the street and shot for the good of humanity.
You can't judge! You have no story!- Of course I can judge your story. Movie critics judge movies, and they haven't made any movies of their own. Food critics judge restaurants, but they don't actually own one themselves. Anyway, why in bloody blue fuck would I put my stories on this page for all of you to "get revenge" on? You'd only bring your hatred of me and my "flames" to the story, so there's no point in allowing you to see any of my work.
Plagiarism- If you really want to piss me off, plagiarize someone. If I catch you, I swear to everything holy that not only am I going to report you, but I'm also going to round up every other plagiarist-hater I can find and work to bring you down. Just because you fail so badly at life is no excuse to steal someone else's hard work. Even shit-fic Mary Sue writers are a thousand times better than plagiarists! They might be shit, but plagiarists are the disgusting low-level lifeforms that feed on excrement, carrion, and any other disgusting thing you can think of. If you can't even write your own damn story without stealing it from someone, then go bash your head against a brick wall until your pulse stops, because humanity is better off without you!
Helpful Tips
So you say you're one of those people who are genuinely trying, but don't know what to do? Well, here's a few tips that I gave to someone who asked, and I've decided to share them with all of you.
-If you're truly looking for advice for your stories, the first thing I suggest is finding a good beta. A good one will read through your story/chapter and tell you exactly what's wrong with it, and how to fix it, if it can be fixed at all. A bad one will just tell you that everything's all sunshine and daisies, mostly out of fear that they'll hurt your feelings. I would offer my services as a beta to you, but unfortunately, several obligations, both in real life and to other people on the internet, prevent me from doing so at this time. I can talk to a couple of people I know and see if they're interested, though.
-A second thing you can do to help improve your writing is read some good books. Sorry if you're a Twilight fan, but those books don't count as good books. The first one is mediocre at best, and the rest of them are garbage. Those books are really only good for showing you what flat, uninteresting characters are like. Anyway, go to your local library and, if the people working there are decent, they can point out some books for you in whichever genre you choose. As you read the books, pay close attention to how the author describes the situation, how they convey emotion, and most importantly, how they tell the story. You don't have to (and shouldn't) try to copy their style, but it should give you a good idea, as far as how a story is told.
-A third thing is to proofread your work and use a spell-checker. When you write your chapter, it is a good idea to stop and use your spelling/grammar checker every couple of paragraphs or so. Even then, you should go back and reread what you've written, because even the spell-checker will miss things. Once you've finished your chapter, leave it alone for a couple of days, then go back and reread/proofread it again. If, after that, you feel confident about it, send it to your beta. If they like it, then you can go ahead and post it. If not, see what's wrong and try to fix it. If you don't have/can't find a beta, you can still post, but I'd recommend that you leave it/proofread it at LEAST three times before you post your chapter.
-Fourthly, if you write OCs, the various Mary Sue/Gary Stu litmus tests out there are your friends. They are a great tool in helping you develop a well-rounded character. Another trick to add to this is to have a flaw for every good trait/power your character has...and not flaws as in "She's too beautiful" or "He's insanely popular". For example: your OC is pyrokinetic, but maybe she burns herself every time she uses her powers, or he's a hacker genius, but is either really ugly, or maybe afraid of people. The powers and beauty may be cool, but the flaws are what gives the character depth, and makes them interesting.
-Finally: research, research, research! Research is an absolute key for writing good fic! Not only will it help keep you from looking like you're talking out of your ass when you refer to a subject, but it can also help you keep the canon characters in character. OOC-ness will kill an otherwise good fanfiction almost as quickly as a Mary Sue...and the two tend to go hand in hand. If you've looked at any of the stories listed in the "Wall of Shame" on my profile, you'll see that's most certainly true.
Review Corner
This section is dedicated to the reviews I've left and the responses I've received from various shit authors who want to bitch about what I said, as well as the few decent ones who can actually write coherent sentences and respond in an adult manner.
The Story: Hidden Secrets by Primesbaby007 u/2283523/Primesbaby007
My review:
Oh dear. Apparently, everyone that's reviewed this are either blind, not native English speakers, a bunch of liars, or have never actually read a decent fanfiction, because this is just plain terrible!
First of all, your character is a Mary Sue of epic proportions. What parent in their right mind would name their daughter Athena? I know you're just trying to make her "extra special" by giving her a goddess' name, but it's really just making her flat and boring. Her magical healing powers that work on robots are really unbelievable, and the fact that she's Starscream's daughter and lives in the emo corner only add to the Mary Sue-ness of the character. "Oh woe is me, for I have no friends!" Give me a small break.
I'll give you props for at least having some ability at spelling, but your grammar is completely atrocious. I've spotted all kinds of inconsistencies, redundancies, and flat-out unintelligible sentences that would make anyone with half a brain flinch. I bet you were/are a real disappointment to your English teacher, aren't you?
The plot is unoriginal beyond belief. There are at least a thousand other fics in both the movie category and the cartoon category with the same "I want to fuck the Boss 'Bot" idea, and they're all utter crap. What is it with everyone that wants to hump a thirty-foot alien robot? Better yet, what makes you think that Optimus Prime would even want your Mary Sue character in the first place?
The characters are so OOC that it's not even funny. Wait, I take it back...it actually is pretty funny, because I've been laughing quite hard at the preschool level of characterization that's going on in this "story".
Anyway, you should seriously consider deleting this story, both from this site and from your hard drive. If you have it written down on paper, you should burn the paper, salt the ashes, and have a priest of whatever faith you belong to perform an exorcism so that it doesn't rise from the grave to haunt you. If you still feel like writing after that, find an original plot, an OC that isn't a blatant Mary Sue, and a beta that won't kiss your ass.
Peace!
P.S. I didn't plan on asking this question, but it has been floating around ever since I found this story...you're actually OptimusPrimesLittleGirl23, aren't you? If you are, you should go screw yourself for thinking that no one would find you. If not, then I apologize, because her story sucked even harder than this one.
I suspect this person of being a sock-puppet for OptimusPrimesLittleGirl23, and now, judging by her reply, I'm actually even more sure, since she claims that the other person is her "cousin". Here's her response.
A response to your review at r/5820410/
Listen shit for brains, lay off my cousin! Yeah, I know Optimusprimeslittlegirl23 she happens to be my cousin and she gave me a good review.
How she is Starscream's daughter will be revealed later in the story. The mother herself is from a a completely different world, that same world it will be revealed that Starscream stumbled on and it ended up turning him human. If you read the first part you would have seen that. And trust me, what makes you think Optimus Prime wouldn't want Athena.
Do yourself a favor and do not even start messing with me. You may have started it, but I'll finish it I will not take down the story. It's a good story just because your tiny little mind can't understand it doesn't matter to me. Oh and by the way others have liked it. Take your shitty review and shove it - tell me are you really a guy behind that name or that flame tard who messed with my cousin? Oh and yes the powers part she isn't human the autobots aren't human hello it's fiction.
I noticed YOU have no stories yourself on here, what's wrong are you a chicken shit like to dish it out but can't take it... Figures.
Now my story is staying where it is, so if I were you I would back the hell off and be a nice cretin and crawl back under your rock like all the other little maggots who like to throw remarks at people who can tell a stories.
Oh also the remark about my cousin saying her stories suck take a hint butt head she writes professionally has won awards for her writing and one of her books is being turned into a movie. Let's see have I missed anything no guess not okay bye creep don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out...BYE BYE :O)
Here's my reply:
Sticks and stones, babe. Sticks and stones. Apparently, the only reviews you can handle are the ones that kiss your ass. Boo-hoo, you poor little baby! I'm SO sorry I hurt your precious little feelings by telling you the truth! That button at the bottom of the chapter is the "Review" button, not the "Please Kiss My Ass" button. The sooner you realize that, and accept the fact that not everyone in the universe is going to like what you write, the happier you'll be.
Despite my better judgment, I read all the chapters of your story, and after slogging through all of your poorly written dialogue, I came to my conclusions, and I still stand by them. Your character is a flat, boring-as-hell Mary Sue, and just because she is an alien doesn't mean that she can't be one. This may be fanfiction, but that means you are writing for the fans of Transformers, which means that there are still certain rules to follow...I don't know if you're familiar with them, but they go by the name of "Canon". Optimus Prime does NOT love your Mary Sue, no matter how much you'd really like to fuck him. The Fallen died when Optimus crushed his spark. The spark is the essence of a Cybertronian's being, and if it's destroyed, that's it.
Also, why do all of you whiny brats feel the need to go down the "Where are your stories" route? Like I said in my profile, you wouldn't look at it with an unbiased mindset, so there's no way in hell I'm going to let you come along and troll my real work. At least you haven't gone the "Don't Like, Don't Read" route. Kudos for that.
Back the hell off? I am SO scared! What are you going to do, whine at me some more? Troll me? Go ahead, I'll just block you. But I'll be sure to share your immaturity with the rest of the people on this site who are tired of all the crap stories gumming up the works. Also, the only ones with the tiny minds are you and the people who like this crap you have the nerve to call fanfiction.
No, I'm not the one behind your "cousin's" unfortunate review, although I dearly wish I was. I happened to see it on the "flamer's" profile, though, and I thought it was funny as hell, and very true. I actually read your "cousin's" fics, before she took them down, and they were so bad that they nearly made me vomit. If she won an award for anything she wrote, it was probably "The Most Vomit-Inducing Award". If her published books are as bad as the utter garbage she posted here, before running away like a little baby, then the only way they'd be made into a movie is if she bought a video camera and filmed them herself.
Well, now that I'm done here, I'm going to post your oh-so mature reply on my profile, and share your "work" with the rest of the world, so they can laugh at you, too. Bye-bye, little crybaby! I had a good laugh at your expense.
Peace!
Apparently, the little fool felt the need to reply again:
Stick and stones? what are you in high school?
Well, let's see, since this is my story, and I am telling it. Optimus Prime does love Athena and for the sake of the storyline yes she does have alien powers that allow her to bring back dead Cybertronians.
I really don't care if you don't like my stories, I already knew there would be people who didn't like my work. That's fine they are entitled to their opinions, that's fine. But you, you have problems serious problems, my advise seek help immediately before you become a complete flaming a..wipe! oh wait, too late my bad; you already are.
Your remark about me wanting to screw Optimus Prime, hey if he WERE real (which he's NOT) I'd jump on that just because Prime is hot. I have read many remarks of other females who think he is hot. So let me guess, now I will be labeled as a crazy blonde who wants to screw Optimus Prime. Well, guess what, don't really care like I said not really caring about little cretins who have nothing better to do than flame and throw S... at peeps work.
Go a head and post my replies to you not really caring...
MISTY (Primesbaby007)
I would have replied, but she blocked me, but here's what I would have said:
No, I am not in high school. I'm an adult, thank you very much. Just because you and all of your moronic friends still have the mentality of children doesn't mean that the rest of the world is trapped like that.
I couldn't give two flying fucks about whether or it's your story or not. My point, which you quite obviously missed, was that you weren't telling it WELL.
I honestly don't give a shit if you're a blonde or not. I don't see what that has to do with the price of tea in China. I just think that you, and all the other "I wanna fuck the Boss 'Bot" idiots out there are so thoroughly stupid that you ought to be put out of humanity's misery.
Also, if you don't really care, then why the hell did you respond in the first place. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have bothered to reply, so I guess that makes you a hypocrite, as well as an idiot.
Apparently, she felt the need to sic one of her little friends on me, as well. Too bad they were just as stupid as Primesbaby.
The Idiot: xSkellingx u/1424289/xSkellingx
Their Words: Whatever may be stuck up your ass why dont you take it out & shove it down your throat? It doesnt make sense for you to be bitching on every elses story and you yourself have no story posted. Why dont you give us an example since your the "expert"? Or wait..you dont have the guts enough to post a story of your own & takes others critisism because perhaps...you cant write all that well yourself. That is sad, truly sad.
Yet another complete idiot who feels the need to throw a fit, since I don't have anything posted on this profile for them to "get revenge" on.
My Reply: Oh dear...apparently, you must be one of Primesbaby's ass-kissing fans. Why is it that whiny little children feel the need to sic their idiotic fangirls/fanboys on anyone who doesn't give them a "kewl upd8" review? I'll be ignoring you after this, as my review was not directed at you, but I think I'll share a couple of things with you first. I actually DO have stories, and I do receive both praise and criticism for them, and I'm grateful for both. If you had taken the time to read my profile, however, you would realize that I don't keep them under this account, because morons and fools like you would just flame it out of some silly, childish need for revenge. Besides, there is no law anywhere stating that I have to write a story in order to criticize it. If that was truly the case, then there wouldn't be any critics of any sort. Next time you feel the need to open your mouth, why don't you make sure your foot isn't anywhere near it, so that you don't accidentally swallow it.
Peace!
Apparently, not everyone thinks I'm horrible person for calling out shitty fanfiction and exposing it for what it truly is, because I also received a very nice response.
The Reviewer: Rosegrl234
Their Words: Dear Robert the Grey,
I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I totally love you.
Your review for that story was right on, and I nearly died laughing after I read her response on your profile. You and Crazy...oh, damn I can't think of the name! The other flamer, that was just beautiful. Really, I can not even begin to explain to you how amazing your review was.
You should really consider putting stuff up on the sight! I know that you'd probably get "shit-for-brains" authors like the one who wrote "Hidden Secrets" trying their best to flame your work, but if you can write stories as eloquently (grammar?) as your response they'd have a hard time finding something to harp on.
Peace man! Don't stop flaming! XD
-Rose
My Reply: Wow, thank you very much! I truly appreciate it. It warms my heart to get a good reply to a flame of mine.
Sadly, it appears that the vast majority of the so-called "authors" on this site have either never read the Terms of Service set down by the higher-ups, or they think that they're above the rules. The following person happens to fall into one of those categories.
The Story: Ask Ironhide and Firefly by xxIronhideForeverxx u/2180568/xxIronhideForeverxx
My Review: I'm feeling generous today, so I'm not going to flame you, nor shall I report you without fair warning, but this story is in violation of 's Terms of Service. Script-based stories are NOT allowed, and here's a copy of the TOS, just to show you I'm not pulling this out of thin air.
Entries not allowed:
1. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.
2. One or two liners.
3. MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.
4. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.
5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.
6. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.
I'll give you three days to take down/fix the problem before I report it. If you start bitching at me, I'll report it immediately. If your fans start whining and complaining to me about it, I'll send a report for every complaint I get. The rules are there for a reason, people, and if you don't like it, then take yourselves elsewhere.
Peace!
xxIronhideForeverxx responded to me, and I was quite pleasantly surprised to learn that there is at least one writer on this site who can behave like an adult, instead of a bratty child like a couple of previous people have done.
Her Response: Hi there, this is a reply from your review on my story called 'Ask Ironhide and Firefly'
I appreciate what you had said and I'm not mad, thanks for giving me the guidelines and I
apologize for doing a script story, I wasn't thinking about that, so thank you for informing me
and if you just give me some times, I can fix the script to make it a real story
So thanks again for informing me and I hope you can give me some time to fix it, thanks!
~xxIronhideForeverxx
I was really quite amazed by her mature response, and to show everyone reading this that I'm not always "ZOMGMEAN!11", I decided to post my reply.
My Reply: Wow! In truth, I'm simply amazed that there is someone on this site that is capable of making a mature response to a review of mine, instead of the whining and crying I usually get. You've made me quite happy with your civil response, and have given me some small hope that the site hasn't been completely overrun by fools just yet. Too bad there aren't more people like you out there.
A word of advice, though: you may want to take down your story while you fix it, and leave a note at the top of your Author's Profile stating the reasons why it's gone, and that it will be back when it's finished. It may make some people mad, but if they truly like your work, they'll understand and be patient.
Also, if you don't have a beta-reader for your stories, and would like some help in that department, you should contact Mercy Rule. She's a friend of mine who does good work. She'll give you an honest critique without flaming, and is willing to help out anyone who she feels is actually trying hard.
Thank you again for your civil response.
Peace!
Unfortunately, while xxIronhideForeverxx and I came to an amicable agreement, one of her fans seemed to feel the overwhelming need to play Batman and leap to her defense.
The Idiot: xxxrodimusprimexxx u/2211989/xxxrodimusprimexxx
Their Complaint: shuttup the grey guy! who cares rules smrules that shouldn't be one of them I mean really why are they there? all who is with on not obeying that one ruel say "I" no offens dude but I don't think it should be one.
My Response: No, I don't think I will shut up. While you may not know this, being mentally subnormal, all of civilization operates on rules, and while you may not like them, they are there to make things run more smoothly for the greater majority. If you don't like the fact that the site doesn't allow script-based entries, feel free to leave at any time. No one will miss you, I'm sure.
For your information, I had come to an amicable agreement with the actual author of the story, and she actually thanked me for pointing the rules out to her, which apparently displays more maturity than you could ever hope to possess. Since you wanted to gripe and complain, however, I have decided to live up to my word and go ahead and report the story for violating the Terms of Service. I hope you're quite satisfied.
Peace!
After that, I decided to head over to the little fool's profile to see why they felt the need to whine about a review that had nothing to do with them, and I was not surprised to discover they believe themselves to be above the site's TOS. Not only that, but they have quite obviously beaten Spelling and sodomized Grammar, leaving them little more that broken, pale shades of their former selves.
The Story: things not to do to the transformers by xxxrodimusprimexxx s/5815726/1/things_not_to_do_to_the_transformers(Yes, unfortunately, the title is written exactly like that. Sad, isn't it?)
My Review: No wonder you bitched and moaned about my review to xxIronhideForeverxx's story...you're quite the little rule-breaker yourself. Apparently, you think the site's TOS doesn't apply to you, since you posted a five page long list of garbage. Not only did you violate the rules with this garbage, you've also raped the English language with your atrocious spelling and grammar. Your parents and teachers must be SO proud of you! Have you never heard of a beta? If not, you should seriously get one, and not one that's going to kiss your ass and say everything is perfect, when it quite clearly isn't. If you do have a beta, they should be fired and/or slapped in the face for claiming that this was ready for public viewing. I'd tell you to take it down, but that is most likely going to happen, whether you want it to or not, since I'm reporting it as soon as I'm finished here.
Peace!
Their Reply: oh...fine i'll obey the rules.
Their reply was rather disappointing, but one of their friend's felt the need to speak up, so I've decided to share it with all of you.
The Complainer: darktiger09 u/2210606/darktiger09
Their Complaint: Okay, my fingers are tired of typing on this key board, so just go to your fellow flamer 'Wicked crazy' and ask them to show you the message I sent them, and if you want a nice, piping hot fresh version, I would be only too happy to give it to you, and even customized to fit! You are worse than Wicked crazy! Just go look at your own profile and hopefully you will see what I mean, unless of course you are too blinded by your own filthy flamers glory to see it. XXXRODIMUSPRIMEXXX IS ONLY A WHOLE WHOPPIN'ELEVEN YEARS OLD! AT LEAST HE'S MAKING AN EFFORT! GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN TO MESS UP AND QUIT RUINING OTHERS!
Man now I've gone and gotten myself all excited and outta breath...eh well, it was worth it! ;D
Anyway, I have nothing real personal against you besides the fact that you just flamed by best friend, and I hope that maybe someday soon you will see that all you are really doing is damage instead of good.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Darktiger09
I was actually rather flattered that they think I'm somehow worse than Wicked Crazy, but a little irritated by their need to play "Superhero" and try to "save" their friend. Eh...at least their complaint was somewhat coherent.
My Reply: Apparently, you and your dear friend xxxrodimusprimexxx are too stupid to read all the rules of this site, or you would already know that he/she is not only violating the rules by writing a list-based story, but also by being UNDERAGE! The minimum age limit is thirteen, not eleven, so I was only doing my civic duty by reporting them.
Also, to get your facts straight, I'm not really a flamer. You may think I am, because I believe that the rules of the site are there for a reason, and because I didn't kiss your friend's ass with a review, but I was actually being quite nice when I replied to him/her. I didn't tell him/her that he sucked giant monkey balls, or that penguins had a better chance of becoming a writer, or that they needed to go die in a fire, so in reality, it wasn't truly a flame.
I looked at my profile, and I didn't really see what the problem was. If someone wants to write and share their idiocy with me, then I have no problem with sharing it with the rest of the world.
I have nothing against you, either, other than some very slight annoyance at your need to spam up my inbox by playing Batman and leaping to your underage rule-breaking friend's defense. Maybe it is you who should get a life, since you're so worried about your friend's internet reputation.
And on a final note, I don't see how I'm causing any damage. In fact, I think I'm doing this site some good by reporting all the rule-breakers, and calling out any crap-writer I come across. Every piece of excrement I get kicked off this site makes more room for those few who I believe are genuinely trying, and not just posting garbage they randomly crapped into their keyboard. Those people are the ones I'm trying to help, not whiny little children like you and xxxrodimusprimexxx.
Peace!
Well, darktiger09 replied, and I was quite pleasantly surprised by their civility.
Their Reply: Yes I know, I already had a little chat with Wicked Crazy, and we cleared things up on that end, in fact if you want to ask them to show you the conversation we had, then by all means go ahead. It really changed my outlook on flamers, and their role in the Fanfiction universe, and I do thank you for not calling him any mean names or anything like that, I was just sticking up for him this once, but the next time he's on his own, as he has refused any help from me to make his stories better, so in a way he kinda asked for trouble. And for the record, I have NO idea who sent the whole 'Batman' thing, but it wasn't me! I don't even watch Batman!
Thank you for taking the time to listen, and like I said, please, ask Wicked Crazy to show you the conversation, it was really quite interesting and very enjoyable on my end and, and they enjoyed it as well. I think it cleared things up for both of us immensely, and maybe if you read it you will kinda see where BOTH sides are coming from, and both their viewpoints.
Another thing: pulls up a chair, grabs the popcorn and soda okay, I'm ready now, let the flames and whiny little replies fly! .;-D
And if you need any ideas for REALLY, REALLY BAD stories to flame/review harshly, then I have some for you, so just ask! I'm seriously thinking about joining your little 'flamers club' or whatever you guys have up there, if not for giving ideas for stories to flame/review harshly, then just for the sake of reading your reviews/flames and then reading all the hilarious half-witted-or-no-witted replies!
Where do I sign up?
Darktiger09
I found it quite amusing, as well as gratifying that someone who wasn't originally a fan has seen the purpose that a harsh critic serves.
My Reply: I read your replies on Wicked Crazy's profile after I sent you my previous PM, and I must say that I'm rather impressed with your maturity. It's really quite refreshing, after all of the whiny responses she and I usually receive. Kudos to you for sharing your opinions in a respectful and adult manner! I know you've already heard this from her, but I'd just like to go ahead and restate that we are most likely the two "tamest" flamers/critics on the site, so your friend was really quite fortunate to run into us.
I don't really like calling people names, which is why is why you won't find a whole lot of them, if any, in any of my reviews/responses. To me, if it degenerates into name-calling, then the point of my review has been completely lost. Unfortunately, that turns out to be ninety-nine percent of the time.
Oh, and to elaborate, the whole Batman thing is my take on people randomly leaping to someone's defense on the internet...usually at the behest of the person who the review was originally aimed at, but sometimes by people with good intentions. I could just as easily have used Superman or Spider-Man, or any other superhero, but Batman was what first came to mind. Another term you may hear is "White Knight", which I have also used from time to time. While I do respect the fact that you felt the need to leap to your friend's defense, I should point out that doing so on the internet only encourages those who flame just for the sake of pissing people off, and will often bring their attention down on you, as well.
We don't actually have a club, but there are quite a few flamer forums on the site that will point out awful stories, as well as quite a few profiles with "butthurt" replies, if all you're looking for is entertainment. as far as I know, there isn't any actual place to sign up to become a flamer/harsh reviewer, although the idea DOES have quite a bit of merit. All you really need is an internet connection and the desire to flame/criticize. Personally, I can only handle so much Mary Sue/Bad Grammar/Bad Spelling at a time, so I don't actively go out looking for things to criticize, but you can usually point bad stories out to Wicked Crazy, and she'll share them with me, if I'm familiar with the fandom they're in.
Good luck, and peace!
The following review is for a story written by some poor soul who is apparently harboring the illusion that they are Optimus Prime's wife. While all writers are at least a little insane, this one is as crazy as a shithouse rat.
The Story: Optimus Loved Me All Along by The RealTrue Mrs. Psychotic Mental Patient u/2180032/The_Real_Mrs_Optimus_Prime
My Review: Is there any way I can go back in time and unread this, or maybe get a refund, because this is just plain awful! Your spelling is atrocious, your grammar isn't much better, and while I'd love to take the time to point out each of your spelling/grammar mistakes for you, it would take me at least eight reviews to do so. Oh, and your title makes absolutely no sense, considering the fact that you wrote this from Optimus' POV...and by write, I mean slam your head against the keyboard and post whatever popped up.
Your attempts at capturing Optimus Prime's personality have failed horribly. Instead of the Autobot Commander we all know and love, you've given us a poorly-written wet dream with Optimus' name tacked to it. The reader barely finds out anything about your OC, except that she is a Mary Sue of epic proportions, which further degrades an already horrible piece of fiction.
Then again...all of this is to be expected, coming from a person who harbors a fantasy that they're a cyborg married to a fictional alien robot. You'll probably bitch and whine about this, and go find some little fantards to join you in your complaining, but it won't do you any good. I'll save you some time and go ahead and tell you that instead of wasting your time griping and moaning, you should spend it wisely by taking this down, destroying all copies you have of it, and back away from writing until you can either find a really good beta, or retake your English classes, and actually pass this time around.
Since you probably won't read my profile before you pester me with the "Wearz ur storeez?!" argument, let me enlighten you...yes, I do have my own stories, but I don't post them on this account. No, I will not share them with you, because you would only try to revenge-flame them. Even if I didn't have any stories at all, I would still have the right to critique your "work", because of Freedom of Speech and the fact that the idea that someone has to do something before they can criticize someone else for doing the same thing is completely stupid.
Peace!
Amazingly, she never wrote back. Instead, she took down all of her crap, leaving just the insanity of her profile as the only proof of her existence.
Few things piss me off worse than bad grammar/spelling/all around storytelling, but the most major of those would be plagiarism. Wicked Crazy pointed the following story out to me, and needless to say, we are both less than pleased.
The Story: The problem with highgrade by Tubular-turtle u/1867221/Tubular-turtle
My Review: Consider yourself reported, you thieving little piece of shit. Not only have you stolen someone else's hard work, but you've also posted a chapter that isn't a chapter, or a story, or anything, but a sad, lying little excuse of an author's note.
Burn in hell, you little asswipe.
So I've branched out a little bit, and have vaguely wandered into the Star Trek:2009 universe. It didn't take me long to discover a rather god-awful Sue-fic there...
The Story: Meant To Be Broken by Space-Case-Writer13 u/809388/Space-Case-Writer13
My Review: I hate to break it to you, but this story is fucking terrible! Your spelling and grammar aren't the worst I've ever seen, but they are still quite sloppy and could use more proofreading. No...my major problem lies with the characters. I'm not even a giant Star Trek fan, and even I could tell that you've wrecked most, if not all of the major characters. The worst of the lot, though, is the captain. Last I checked, his name is James T. Kirk, not Jerome the Sexual Harassment Gnome. Sure, Kirk likes the ladies, and he likes to flirt, but I seriously doubt that he would make continued unwanted advances on female crewmembers, especially ones as poorly written as these seem to be. Besides that, I'm pretty sure that while Starfleet allows for sexual liaisons (they are out in space for long periods of time, after all), they would definitely NOT take kindly to that sort of harassment.
Another major problem is your gigantic Mary Sue. Yes, I know that McCoy has a daughter, so she's supposed to be canon, but that didn't stop Wesley Crusher in The Next Generation from being a Gary Stu of epic levels. What makes her a Mary Sue, you ask? Oh, the fact that you give her eyes an unusual color, she's smarter than her seniors, and everyone either wants to screw her or likes her gives her Sueness away. The only "flaws" she seems to have are her "ZOMG!Epic" Beauty and the lack of a brain-mouth filter. Sadly, beauty isn't a flaw, and the lack of common sense is not enough to make up for all of her Sue-traits.
Speaking of which, why in the world did it take three chapters before Mary Sue...I mean, Joanna, to get in trouble for running her mouth and defying her superiors? I'm no military expert, but I'm fairly sure that she would've gotten in trouble long before now, what with the insubordination and the refusal to give her superiors her name. Your depiction of Kirk may have made him out as a giant douchebag, but he's still the captain, so she'd still have to give him her name when he asked...although I'm surprised he didn't already know it, considering that he IS the captain!
All in all, this story is just bad. You should really consider taking it down and doing a MASSIVE overhaul on it...if it can even be saved at all. Take it down, find a beta (or a better one, if you already have one), and find a good Mary Sue Litmus test before you post. Otherwise, you're just going to attract people who are a lot meaner than I am.
Peace!
Apparently, I'm managing to find the few people on the site who are capable of giving mature responses, because I received yet another one. What a pleasant surprise!
Her Reply: Robert,
Thank you for your review. I see where you're coming from and do realize that there are some flaws with my characters, and will work on improving what you've pointed and out. I hope that at some point you post some of your own work as I am curious to see what you write. Best of luck in the future, and thanks again for your review it was insightful.
Cheers
Space-Case-Writer13
My Reply: Thank YOU for being mature in your response. It's becoming quite rare to find someone on this site who is capable of taking a critique with maturity and poise. Most choose to cry, whine, and generally make asses of themselves, and it is really quite sad. I may post something of my own one day, but it will probably be far off, since I have little patience with revenge-flamers. Thank you again, and good luck to you as well.
Peace!
I decided to take a trip into another fandom...the Harry Potter fandom, to be specific. Sadly, it didn't take long for me to find yet another plagiarist. This particular piece of work decided that copying J. K. Rowling's original work and changing one word in the title counts as fanfiction.
The Story: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by MrsRobVanDam u/2341875/MrsRobVanDam
My Review: I don't know who you are trying to kid, but this is NOT fanfiction. This is a case of pure plagiarism, plain and simple. Here's a hint: writing your own, original, story based in the Harry Potter universe is fanfiction! You rewriting the author's original story, word for bloody word, is NOT! You're a thief, and just because you put your little disclaimer at the top of the chapter doesn't mean anything! Consider yourself reported, little thief, and prepare yourself, because I'm about to share your plagiarist ways with the rest of the world!
Peace!
I'm definitely reporting this, and taking it to others who despise plagiarism as much as I do. I know it's hard for all the idiots out there to come up with something original, but to do a complete copy-paste of the original author's work is just despicable! I'll be sure to share her replies, if she's actually stupid enough to try to defend her actions.
Oh dear...it looks like The RealTrue Mrs. Optimus Prime is at it again. Apparently, she reposts her garbage-fics every few months, thinking that no one with more than a quarter of a brain will notice that she has done so. This time, she's posted four stories, and since I don't have the time nor the inclination to review all four of them separately, I decided to be somewhat nice and review them all at once. I'm just posting her name here, instead of all of her fics. If you really want to read that rubbish, just go to her profile and track it down.
The Author: The RealTrue Mrs. Optimus' Psychotic Mental Patient u/2180032/The_Real_Mrs_Optimus_Prime
My Review: I'm probably talking to either a sorry excuse for a troll, or someone with the comprehension skills of a brick wall, considering I've reviewed you before, but I'm going to go ahead say everything I need to say here, because I have no desire to repeat myself over the course of all of your so-called stories.
Why...oh WHY do you keep doing this to yourself, "Bonita"? Are you some sort of masochist who hopes their stories are flamed? You must be, if you're intentionally writing stuff that is this bad...either that, or the American educational system failed you just a little bit more than most. Of course, there's always the possibility that you're a sadist, and you enjoy inflicting horrible tripe on everyone who comes to this part of .
Apparently, you STILL don't understand that your character is nothing more than a self-insert Mary Sue of the highest order, and that your "stories" are just poorly written masturbatory aids that you really don't need to share with the rest of the world. Also, what the hell happened to your spelling and grammar in these "stories" of yours? There are missing commas, poor use of capitalization, and atrocious spelling all around! Now, if your stories were actually good, a few errors here and there wouldn't be a problem, but not only do you keep making the same spelling/grammar mistakes over and over again, you also keep canon-raping Optimus Prime's character just so he'll suit your needs. You do realize that Optimus already has a sparkmate, right? Her name is Elita One, NOT Bonita. Also, even if you DID marry Optimus, your last name would not be Prime. Prime is a title, not a last name. If you're going to rape canon like that, you could at least have the decency of calling it AU.
You honestly believe that you've improved your writing? Well, I call bullshit on that, because these stories are, with the exception of your "sex-fic" (which is reported, by the way, because graphic sex isn't permitted on the site, which you'd know if you ever read the TOS), the exact same things as before. You haven't changed anything, except maybe the titles! Hell, you didn't even take the original title off the top of the one I'm reviewing, for Christ's sake! What, do you think that if you wait a few months, the people who actually care about all the badfic on this site will forget that you exist and go away? Sorry, sweetheart, but that's not how it works, unless your reviewers are troll-flamers.
Why don't you delete this pile of garbage you keep trying to foist off on everyone, and actually sit down and try to write something worthwhile? Worthwhile would include:
1. Sitting down and writing out an outline of the plot you'd like to write.
2. Keeping the canon characters as canon as possible.
3. Getting rid of your horrible Mary Sue, or at least putting in a serious overhaul until she can pass the various Mary Sue Litmus tests floating around on the internet.
4. Proofreading your work.
5. Getting a GOOD beta who will actually tell you the truth.
And while you're at it, you might want to change your profile. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it makes you look like a complete psycho, and will attract real flamers and/or "NOHE'SMINERAWR!" fan-idiots who also think they can marry fictional characters.
In conclusion, take all of this down, sit down and actually read 's Terms of Service, and try writing something original, instead of jumping on the "Optimus/Ironhide/Ratchet/Whoever is my Husband" story bandwagon. It's just not working for you.
Peace!
Apparently, the little idiot decided to swap over and give her original page to some other fantard who goes by the name Bumblebee's Wife. I have corrected the links, however, so they go to the proper person's page. Also, I've received word from another writer on the site that The RealTrue Idiot of Epic Proportions is also a plagiarist, so if you see her writing, report it immediately!
Well, I've been wandering about a bit, checking out stories, and people's profiles, when I happened across a writer who is apparently having seizures over the fact that one of her stories had absolutely no reviews whatsoever. I decided to take a look, and left her with her very first review.
The Story: Home by Cin70 u/1919527/Cin70
My Review: You want a review? Fine, I'll give you one, just so you'll stop your bellyaching on your profile. This story really isn't that good. Your grammar is shaky and your characterizations are sub-par. You really should pay more attention to your comma placement, and watch your tenses. Either write everything in the present tense or the past tense, but don't flip-flop around, because it annoys the reader to no end. I do like the idea of Bumblebee and Arcee getting together, but I have no idea why in the world a Cybertronian would need ice on an injury, because they don't have any parts that swell up when damaged. Swelling is a generally normal response in humans, because we're organic creatures and carry a lot of water in our bodies, but Cybertronians aren't like us at all, except in general shape and some mannerisms. I really suggest you find a good beta to help you out, because this story is really just rough-draft quality, at best.
Also, if you really want to get more reviews, you should stop begging for them, and spend that energy toward improving your writing. Review-whoring, as it is commonly called, just makes people less inclined to read or review your writing, because it makes the reader think that if you have to beg so hard, then the story must be really terrible. Quite frankly, I'm surprised no one has flamed you for it yet, and I'll admit that I was sorely tempted to do so, but decided not to. Besides, you should be writing because you love to do so, not so other people can stroke your ego. Take some pride in your work.
On a final note, if this offends you, and you feel the urge to scream and cry that I don't know what I'm talking about, because I have no stories or whatever, please refer to my profile, as it will give you all the explanation you need. Besides, you really shouldn't throw a fit, because I only gave you what you said you wanted: an actual review.
Peace!
I'd like to think that this was a rather nice review, since I didn't tell her that she sucked, or that she needed to go fuck herself, or anything like that, but who knows what she'll do.
UPDATE: Apparently, Cin70 didn't have the balls to actually reply to what I said, and was apparently too stupid to even understand what I wrote. Instead, she just deleted her story, reposted it, and whined on her profile about how "mean" I am, as if I actually cared that she wants to act like a crybaby bitch the way most of the shit-writers on this site like to do. Dear lord, people this idiotic make me fear for the future of America.
I found out recently that the author known as Primesbaby007 had posted a new story, and I decided to check it out. I was actually pleasantly surprised, because the prose was decent, the OC was believable, and the characterizations were far more solid than they were in her earlier works. Apparently, she had finally decided to listen to what other people had to say, and found a beta in an author known as Tenshi of Light21. I left a review for her, and will post it here to show everyone that I'm not always the heartless bastard people think I am.
The Story: Wild Child by Primesbaby007 u/2283523/Primesbaby007
My Review: Congratulations on your vast improvement in your writing, as well as finding a good beta. You may not believe it, since I was so harsh before, but I am extremely happy for you. Your spelling, grammar, and characterizations are much cleaner now, and you should be proud of yourself and Tenshi, but don't ever stop striving to improve. Keep up the good work! I'll be rooting for you.
Peace!
Primesbaby007 replied, and I'm very happy to say that she has become much more mature than she was so many months ago.
Their Reply: I owe you an apology, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have realized my problems. I want to thank you for helping me see exactly what my writing problems were. Thank you for the review and if it weren't for you and several others; I would never have had the courage to strive and learn from my mistakes.
Thanks once more
Misty
My Reply: You're very welcome, and I hope you'll continue to grow as a writer and as a human being.
Good luck, and peace!
A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, pointed out the following story to me. It is pure, unconfined shit, and yet the author seems to think it's the best thing ever, despite several people informing her that it is most certainly garbage. On top of all that, she's a rule-breaker, and thinks that anyone who says her stories are bad (which they are), is being mean.
The Story: We Need Your Help by darknekogirl16 u/1616055/darknekogirl16
My Review: You've been reported for posting an Author's Note in the place of a chapter! Congratulations! Hopefully, the mods will take this garbage down, so that the writers who are actually trying to write and not just post whatever popped up on the screen after smoking crack and bashing their heads against the keyboard will get the front page time they deserve and you so clearly don't. If you really feel the need to write a note like this, then do it on your profile page, instead of here, since it is against 's Terms of Service. If you had actually read the TOS, you'd know that, and no, the rules DO apply to you, though you seem to think they don't. If you don't like them, then take your sorry carcass somewhere else, preferably somewhere where we don't have to look at this filth.
If you have any decency as a human being, you'll take this crap down yourself and step away from writing until you can actually pass your English classes, find a real beta (not just the "ur storee iz gr8" type). Also, you really should learn how to develop an actual plot, and learn how to create an OC who doesn't set off every single Mary Sue detector for five hundred miles.
Of course, I doubt you'll do any of that, since that would require common sense, which is obviously something you lack, because otherwise, you would have never posted something this atrocious where everyone on the internet could see it. Your spelling and grammar are on par with a five year-old just learning to write. Your so-called plotline is almost nonexistent, and what little there is meanders all over the place like a drunken lunatic. You've quite thoroughly raped canon with your OOC interpretations of the Transformers, and your OCs are some of the biggest Mary Sues I've ever had the misfortune to run into. The whole thing is so fake and unbelievable that it's not even funny. What did you do, take the Mary Sue Litmus Test and misread the scores, and thought that a high score was a good thing? I know that it is fanfiction, but canon still counts, and suspension of disbelief only goes so far.
Why would I say all of this? Because it's true. I mean, you seem to think that you're the best thing to happen to writing since Ernest Hemingway, and that anyone who says otherwise is "ZOMG meeeeeeen!1one!" Actually, no, they weren't being mean...they were being honest. If they were really being mean, they'd all tell you that you should go die in a fire, or that you should kill yourself, or many other truly vicious things. No one has said any of that, not even me.
So, to recap: this story is excrement, your characters are Mary Sues, your writing ability is at negative fifteen, your plot is nonexistent, and you've been reported for violating the rules of the site. Seriously, take this down, along with any other garbage you've posted, and come back once you've learned how to string together an actual sentence, and have found a beta with a brain capacity higher than that of a retarded chipmunk.
Peace!
Well, she didn't take the story down, but one of her friends came along to complain. They were really quite calm about it, though, which made me very happy.
The Complainer: Carter547 u/1646739/
Their Complaint: Sigh! Okay, I'm not here to be mean or anything of the sort, honey, don't get me wrong. I know, Darknekogirl.. her writing abilities isn't the greatest, huh? Well, on the latest chapter, I tried to help some with the grammar and all, but I only looked through the beginning and wrote some. She wrote the beginning and end while I did the filler. Whether I am any better.. well, *shrugs* that's for you to decide, I guess. But the thing is, while DNG isn't an amazing writer, she is a dear, dear friend of mine. The girl means a lot to me. But I am not here to argue with you whether it was right or not. That is your choice, and everyones perspective of right and wrong is different. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Sincerely yours,
~Carter547
P.S.- How come you don't write any stories? You give so many reviews, and I've seen your grammar and criticism, I'd think you'd know exactly what you were doing.
I feel that a mature response always warrants a civil reply.
My Reply: Oh my. Judging from the number of critical reviews and flames your friend has gotten, it makes me wonder how many people you've written to over her stories. I also wonder if you are a male or female, considering you're calling someone named Robert "honey".
I am rather pleased to see that you came to me in a mature manner, though, instead of the "Waah-waah u fukin suk"-type complaints I've received in the past. To be perfectly honest with you, I didn't even bother reading any new chapters she posted after "Chapter Four". Why? Here are a few reasons:
1. The first three chapters are barely readable. I know that this is supposed to be fanfiction, and not English class, but one should at least try to write as if their work would be graded by their teacher. I'm sorry to say it, but your friend's work, even with your help, would get a solid D, at best. Really, if the first chapters are bad, then what incentive is there for someone to read the rest of them?
2. Darknekogirl's OCs are all boring as hell, and Mary Sues. It hurts, but it's true. What little I could glean from all of the near-illegible writing just showed them going shopping, or the one girl lighting things on fire. I know everyone wants their characters to be special, but this attempt really was a flop. A human with powers in the Transformers universe? The Michael Bay movie universe, at that? Sorry, Charlie, but that just doesn't fly. If your pal is going to write in that universe, she really needs to cut out the Mary Sue powers, because they really just boot the reader out of whatever plot there is.
3. Your friend is violating the site's Terms of Service by leaving "Chapter Four" where it is. The chapter sections are supposed to be for the story, not author's notes. Is it really fair that all the other writers, the ones who wrote actual chapters, get their stories booted off the front page a little sooner because DNG violated the rules? Is it fair to give the few fans she has an update notice in their emails, only to find that they're just reading a tiny note? I know I'd be mad, if it was me.
I'm sure I probably hurt Darknekogirl's feelings, but I was actually rather civil. She may think I am a flamer, because I'm harsh, but I am a purring kitten compared to the real flamers roaming this site. If she thought that my review was so mean that she had to go tell her friends about it, then she doesn't really have any business writing on the internet until she grows a thicker skin, or at least learns the difference between flames and harsh criticism.
Feel free to get your complaints off your chest, as long as you do so in a reasonable manner, but just know that I review by recommendation, so other people besides me seriously dislike your friend's story. Sure, I may go back and check on the writer from time to time, but the first review always comes after someone points the story/author out to me. I don't know you, nor have I read anything of yours, but for future reference, you may want to keep from trying to play Batman. I know you love your friend dearly, and that you want to help her, but White Knighting is not the way to go about it. A real flamer will laugh at you, and then turn their attention to your own work, while continuing to harass your friend. The best thing you can do for her is get her to take it down and rework the whole thing, before the mods come along and banhammer her account for her blatant disregard of the rules.
On a final note, I do write stories, but not here. The reasoning is actually in my profile, but I'll repeat it here for your benefit. I don't keep any here because those thin-skinned individuals would show up with nothing but petty revenge on their minds. They would not bother to read the story, or if they did, they would do so with a biased mindset. While it may be amusing at first, I really have no patience for that sort of idiocy in the long run, so I keep my work where unbiased people are free to like it or hate it, as is their wont.
Peace!
It's been a while since I reviewed anything, really...mostly because I've sort of drifted into "Review by Request", rather than sift through the mountains of shit on this site. Still, one person, who shall remain anonymous, asked me to review the following story...
The Story: Intrusion by Kimura ( u/87663/Kimura)
The Review: Okay, grammatically, this story isn't bad, though the fact that nearly every single sentence is its own paragraph is rather annoying to read. I don't even have a problem with the fact that it's Kirk/McCoy slash, as OOC as that is. No, my problem here is the fact that you seem to think that Leonard McCoy is a huge wimp who couldn't POSSIBLY defend himself without his lover there to protect him. I mean, seriously? Just because you decided a guy should be gay doesn't automatically make him a pussy! I know it's been a while since I watched the movie, but from what I recall, Bones looked like he'd been in bar-fights since before Child-Jim was stealing cars. I'm sure he's picked up some dirty fighting tricks along the way. That, and combined with the fact that he's a doctor, and therefore knows how a human body is put together, would most likely make him able to defend himself with some level of competency.
Really, the OOC in this story is just staggering. Not that you can really call this a story, anyway. It's more of a scene of horrific fantasy that you randomly plucked out of your head and threw down on your word processor. There's no real set-up, no rhyme or reason to what happened...hell, you could just sum it up with one sentence: Gay!Jim finds Gay!McCoy hiding in the shower after being randomly raped in a hotel.
It's bad. Just bad all around. Oh, and before you get the idea that I randomly happened upon your story and decided to badmouth it, remember this: someone requested I critique this. That means that I'm not the only one who doesn't like the horrible OOC and the rape out of nowhere that you just tossed in here.
Peace!
Here's another story that I was asked to check out. It only has two chapters, but both of those have already told me exactly what the story is going to be about: Mary Sue tagging along with Sam through the first movie and falling "n tru luv 4evr" with one of the Autobots.
The Story: Transformers by FemmeHotshot ( u/2494499/FemmeHotshot)
My Review: I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this story is awful. You're only two extremely short chapters into this story, and I can already tell that this is going to be a Mary Sue ego-masturbation fic. How can I tell this? Oh, mostly because of the fact that your first chapter is quite obviously about her being some kind of experiment, followed by your blatant shoehorning of your character into the plot, regardless of the fact that she does not fit in...at all. To make matters worse, you just had to go full weeaboo and give her a "speshul" Japanese name, because no other name would do. That's just the first of your blunders here.
Your next mistake? Oh, the numerous spelling/grammar errors that make this so-called "story" hard and headache inducing to read. When someone speaks, you ALWAYS start a new paragraph when someone else is going to talk; otherwise, you just end up with the cram-sandwich that you've already subjected everyone to.
Also, if you're going to be too damned lazy to at least check your work before posting it where everyone can see it and wish for eye-bleach, you could at least bother to use a spelling/grammar checker. You DO know what that is, don't you? Even with a good spelling/grammar checker, you should still find a beta to proofread this crap for you. When I say beta, I mean an honest beta who will tell you what's wrong and how to fix it, not one of your squeeing friends who will just tell you your story is perfect. Believe me, this drivel is far from being anything close to perfect, except as an example of how to NOT write fanfiction. If you can't handle people telling you that there's something wrong with your writing, then your skin is too thin, and you definitely don't need to be writing where the public can see/critique the results.
Your third and greatest mistake? That would be your word-for-word copying of the movie script, with barely any original thoughts in the mix. Not only is that boring as hell, it's also PLAGIARISM! You can consider yourself reported for that, by the way.
All in all, you really should take this down and give it a major rework before posting it again. If nothing else, you should remove it before your plagiarist ways get you banned from the site.
Oh, and one last thing, before you (and possibly your friends) think I'm some sort of big, bad stalker who is picking on you: someone came to me anonymously and linked me to this, asking me to check it out.
Peace!
Oh look! I found another thieving bastard who thinks that no one could EVER catch them in the act! Anyway, this bitch seems to think that it's okay to plagiarize someone else's work, provided she changes the gender of the characters.
The Story: Transformers by Sarrasi ( u/2665500/Sarrasi)
The Review: Wow...let me get this straight. You not only plagiarized the 2007 tie-in novel for your completely unoriginal gender-bending idea, but you also managed to misspell the word Camaro?
Normally, I'd go on and on about your many mistakes, but I just can't get past the fact that you, my dear, are nothing more than a thief, and an obvious one at that. Did you really think that no one would catch you? Are you really so dull and unimaginative that you couldn't come up with your own plotline? I mean, I know that must be hard for you, but hey, even badfic writers manage to come up with a plot of their own, as dull and unoriginal as it may be. You, however, are even worse than they are, since you couldn't even be bothered to do that.
You should really be ashamed of yourself...but that would just take precious time and energy away from stealing someone else's hard work, wouldn't it? Anyway, way to absolutely fail at life, you thieving piece of shit. I'm reporting you for this, just so you know, and I hope your stupid ass is permanently banned from the site.
Rot in hell, you miserable bastard.
In Closing
If you've made it this far and don't like what I've said, then feel free to go fuck yourself with a railroad spike. If you are here because you're just curious, then thanks for stopping by and have a nice day.