Disclaimer: We do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, nor do we own the song "Hate Me" by Blue October.

There's a burning in my pride,
A nervous bleeding in my brain,
An ounce of peace is all I want for you

Another bus closed its doors and rolled out of the depot as Ellie looked at her watch. It was way past time for Soda's return bus, and she was getting worried. At first, she thought it may have been a delay or maybe he had missed his bus, but as the minutes turned into hours, she was scared.

She got out of the car and walked into the depot.

"Excuse me," she said to the lady behind the counter. "Is the bus from Tallahassee running late?"

She looked at the papers in front of her and shrugged. "No, it was here on time about two hours ago."

"Are there anymore buses from that area coming this way tonight?"

"Doesn't look like it. Got another one coming in around 10 tomorrow morning."

Ellie thanked the woman and headed back outside. She waited around another few minutes, just trying to figure out what she was going to do. She hadn't planned on what to do if Soda missed his bus or just decided not to come back, and she hardly believed he missed his bus. Darry and Pony were going to be out of their minds with worry when he didn't show up when he said he would, and she was the only one that could let them know he was okay. At least as far as she knew at this point.

She decided to come back the next morning and wait. If he didn't show up on that bus, she was going to have to figure out a way to tell everyone that she knew all along where he was. For both of their sakes, she prayed Soda was on that next bus from Florida.

XXX

Ellie paced around the living room at Darry's, anxiously waiting for him to wake up. She knew he had his overnight shift the night before and wouldn't be up, but she needed to be there the second he did. Otherwise, she was going to lose the nerve to confess what she knew.

She had already been to the bus station, and the bus from Florida had come and gone without any sign of Soda. She wasn't exactly surprised, but she had been hopeful. She had gone back home and waited until she knew Pony would be at work before she came over. For some reason, it seemed easier to tell Darry what she knew instead of telling Pony.

Finally, she heard movement down the hall and felt her hands go clammy at the thought of having to spill her guts to him.

Darry came out of his room finally and walked out into the kitchen, looking a little surprised to see her there.

"Hey."

"Hey," she said.

He filled a glass with milk and drank it over the sink before he turned back to her. "Everything okay?"

"Soda didn't come home last night."

He tensed a little. "Yeah."

She shifted her weight from one foot to another as he looked at her.

"Since you said that as a statement and not a question," he said, "I'm assuming you know something."

She didn't know why she even tried. She said down on a chair and didn't look at him. "Yeah."

"I figured as much."

"Why didn't you ask me before this?"

"Soda seemed to have a plan in mind with the way his note read. I figured he had to have told somebody what it was, but that person wasn't Steve. You haven't really been around the last few days, either."

"That was easier than just lying to you guys."

"Is he okay?"

"I think so. I hope he is."

"Where is he?"

"Florida. That's where he was, anyway. I hope he's either there or on his way home now, because if he's not, I don't know where he could be."

The hard lines around his eyes softened and he sighed.

"He went to see Sandy."

She nodded and finally looked at Darry again. "He still loves her."

"What was he going to do when he got there?"

"I don't know. Tell her, I guess. And see his baby is my other guess."

Darry absolutely froze when she said that. For a moment she wondered if she should have even said anything about it.

"He thinks it's his?"

"I think he's sure it is."

Darry ran a hand through his mussed hair. "Jesus."

"I know."

"Do you have any idea how to get a hold of him?"

She shook her head. It hadn't occurred to her to ask him before he left because there wouldn't have been any need to reach him if he had been on time. It was hard to watch Darry's reaction and know how Soda felt about telling him. Would this have been his reaction if Soda had told him his plans?

"If I wasn't going to kill him before all this, I will for not coming home when he was supposed to."

"Maybe he just missed his bus. I went to the depot this morning and there's another bus coming in tomorrow afternoon."

"He better be on it."

She nodded. She didn't want to think about the alternative.

XXX

It was his day off, and Two-Bit had spent it by not doing much else than trying to accept the fact that Soda hadn't come home when he said he would. Pony had called to ask him if he had any clue, but Two-Bit had nothing to offer him. He had no idea where Soda would have gone, but he had a feeling that maybe Steve knew.

When he got to Steve's, he was already outside smoking a cigarette on the porch.

"Hey, man," Steve said.

"Hey. Guess you heard Soda didn't come home?"

Steve nodded and pointed down the street at Ellie's house. "She knows."

"Why do you think that?"

"She was gone most of the evening last night and left early this morning. I know she's not working today. She's been hiding out since he left."

Two-Bit sighed. "You're spying on her?"

"Remind you much of when Pony and Johnny were gone?"

If Steve meant to get Two-Bit mad at Ellie, it wasn't working. It was a low blow to compare the two situations.

"Nobody died and as far as I can tell, ain't no cops after him either. If she knows, it's probably because he told her and swore her to secrecy. That's if she knows at all."

Steve was silent. He just kept watching the street for signs of her, but he didn't have to wait long. She walked out from between two houses across the street, looking like she was coming from the Curtises. Her head was down and her arms crossed. Steve was on his feet.

"Ellie!"

She stopped in the middle of the street and looked up at the sound of her name. Her eyes fell on them, and she headed their way.

"Go easy, man," Two-Bit said.

Instead, he went right in for the kill.

"Where's Soda?"

Ellie's stance was defiant, and her face betrayed very little. Two-Bit figured it was because of Steve's less than easy approach.

"Don't play dumb, I mean it," he said when she didn't answer. "His letter said he'd be back yesterday and no one has heard anything."

"Why does that mean I know something?"

"You haven't been around since he left. How come you missed the fireworks?"

"I wasn't feeling good."

"Yeah, that's what Wade told us," he replied. "You haven't been sick, you just didn't want to get caught."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. We went through the same thing when Pony and Johnny were missing, and you were lying then, too."

"Come on, man," Two-Bit said, trying to diffuse the situation. He knew it was about to get ugly if Steve kept up the way he was going.

"That has nothing to do with this," she said, her voice sharp.

"It has everything to do with it."

Ellie shook her head and looked away.

More than anything Two-Bit wanted to jump in and solve this without screaming at each other, so he tried. "Do you know where he went?"

It seemed to be the trick because she looked right at him, and he saw the guilt in her eyes.

"As a matter of fact, I just came from telling Darry."

"So you have known," Steve accused.

"Yes, I have."

"Where's he been?" Two-Bit asked.

"Florida."

That was meaningless to him, but one look at Steve told him it ought to.

"You've got to be kidding me. He didn't."

"Why Florida?" Two-Bit asked.

"Because of Sandy," Steve answered.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Still?" Two-Bit asked.

He had completely forgotten about Sandy. For being a blonde, the girl had never made a huge impression on him. He knew Soda had a thing for her, but for the last two years? After the girl cheated on him?

"I guess so. He told me he wanted to see her … and the baby."

No one said anything at that, but Ellie was holding Steve's gaze, like she was challenging him to say anything else.

"Is it his?" he asked.

She shrugged. "He seems to think so."

"And what if it isn't?"

"What if it is? He has a right to see his own kid."

"Her parents sent her away for a reason. It was good for her, and he sure as hell can't handle a kid. What the hell is he thinking?"

"He misses her."

It was as simple as that. Two-Bit didn't really get it, but Ellie said it like it should be the most understandable thing in the world.

"So why all the secrecy?" Steve asked. "Why didn't he just tell Darry he was going to go see her?"

"I don't know. I tried to get Soda to talk to him. I really did, but he didn't want to. He didn't seem to think anyone would understand."

"Anyone but you?" Steve's tone was getting hotter and shorter now.

"I don't know. I guess."

"How come no one else would understand? We all know how much he liked Sandy."

"That's the thing. He still loves her. He never gave up wanting her," she said, her tone escalating to match Steve's.

Steve rolled his eyes and said, "I get it. He still has a thing for Sandy and tells you because you were never smart enough to get over Dallas. That it?"

She was trying so hard to stick up for Soda that Two-Bit noticed that she hardly flinched when Steve threw that in her face.

"The two of you need to get over it. They're both gone, move on already," he said. Two-Bit put a hand on his shoulder to try and stop him. "You think either one of them is actually waiting on you two to show up? Did he even call her to let him know he was coming?"

If he would have blinked, he would have missed the way her eyes misted up when he said that. He expected her to tell Steve to mind his own business, instead she just repeated herself.

"He still loves her."

"How come he never said anything then? It's been over a year and he's never said anything!"

"Did you ever ask him?"

It was hard to tell, but Two-Bit thought he saw Steve shrink away a little from the question.

"Guys, let's not do this," he pleaded, but they ignored him.

"What are you saying? That I'm a lousy friend because I never asked?"

"No, but why didn't you know? Steve, you're his best friend."

It wasn't lost on Two-Bit that Steve and Soda had been fighting, that their friendship had been taking punches the last year or so. He could practically see the shame in Steve's eyes for not knowing how badly Soda missed Sandy.

"Look, we're all kind of lousy for not knowing how much he misses her," she said. "But don't be mad at him for this."

"It's kind of hard after the way he just took off. He should have said something to me or Darry."

"You woulda tried to talk him out of going if he told you. Darry and Pony probably would have, too."

"Did you?"

"Not really."

Steve shook his head, looking like he could strangle her if he'd get away with it, so Two-Bit stepped between them.

"Is he still in Florida?"

"I really don't know," she said. "I hope he just missed the bus he was supposed to come home on. Maybe there was some misunderstanding with his ticket."

"Has he called?" Steve asked.

"No." Even Ellie seemed to know that wasn't a good sign, and she started to head back toward her house. "Sorry I didn't say anything before. He just didn't want me to."

Two-Bit nodded and watched her walk across the lawn to her house. He turned back to say something to Steve only to hear the front door of his house slam shut. Two-Bit sighed and walked down the driveway to his car. It seemed like just when things got back to normal with his friends, something happened to send it all back to hell.

XXX

She collapsed on her bed, sick with worry. If it had to be one more thing to pile on top of everything else, it had to be something that everyone was mad at her about. Steve was just being a jerk, she knew that. He wasn't anything she couldn't handle. He was upset Soda didn't tell him, and maybe more upset with himself that she pointed out the fact that he wasn't being a good friend to Soda.

But sometimes she wished Steve would just ease up. People kept secrets all the time, and sometimes people can't let go of what they should. Soda was going to be fine, at least as fine as she was going to be.

XXX

Tim was trying his best to keep his distance from Dally, but that wasn't an easy thing to do behind bars. All he really wanted to do was beat him into the ground, but that wasn't the easiest thing to do behind bars either.

He felt like a Grade A pussy for taking Dally's punch the way he had. He told himself he had because if he had retaliated the way he wanted to, it would have been an all out brawl in the exercise yard. As much as he would have liked that, time in solitary confinement made his skin crawl. The only thing worse than being locked up was being locked up alone.

There was something else, though, that had stopped him. For the rest of his life, he would never be able to look at Dallas Winston without thinking about what had happened between him and Ellie all that time ago. He didn't think Dal knew details about what happened after Monty died because if he did, he'd be getting more than a sucker punch to the gut. But then again, the way Dally brought up what Ellie had done to his car made him wonder.

Tim thought things were settled between him and Ellie, but Dally would make sure debts were still owed. Not because he was some kind of goddamn gentleman or something, but because he was always looking for a way to even some score. He always wanted a way to pay somebody back for something, and Tim felt like he was just biding his time.

He felt like an idiot spending his time thinking about Dally, but there just wasn't a whole hell of a lot else to think about besides his conversation with Winston. The kid had changed after being on the inside. Most did change from it, but this wasn't a change he had expected out of him.

The way he had asked him about those bullets creeped him the fuck out. Dally had clearly been suicidal the way he got himself all shot up the night of the rumble, but Tim assumed it had been a temporary thing. Adrenaline and all that bullshit. This was different, though. Dally still seemed to be thinking about it, and Tim thought that, eventually, the asshole would figure it all out.

XXX

Telling Pony where Soda had gone gave him a little bit more perspective on how nervous Ellie must have been to tell him. His kid brother just sat there, staring at nothing as he tried to put the pieces together.

"He never told me anything."

"He never told me either, kiddo."

"But he tells me everything."

"Guess he left a few things out."

Pony stared at him, his green eyes going dark. "Ellie knew the whole time?"

Darry expected Steve would be all over her when he found out, so he was intent on keeping Pony from being mad at her, too.

"Look, Soda asked her to keep it a secret, and she did. This is Soda's mess."

"Yeah," Pony replied. "When's he coming back?"

With a sigh, Darry said, "Hopefully tomorrow. She said there's another bus coming through. After that, I don't know. Maybe we can find her address or phone number in Florida and we can call down there. I really don't want to have to call her parents looking for him."

"I'll look," Pony said, getting up.

Darry headed toward the kitchen, hungry even though it was after dinner. "Yeah?"

"It's because of the baby, huh?"

He had purposely left that part out, hoping instead that Soda would come home and tell him it wasn't true. Even if it meant his heart would be broken all over again.

"I think so."

Pony nodded and went into his room. Darry stood alone in the kitchen, thinking hard about why he didn't realize his brother was hurting so badly.

Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow,
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you