Splitting Sky

First Conclusion : Lavi and Lenalee

"You seem down, Allen."

I lifted my eyes from the newspaper I was reading and smiled at Lenalee, "I'm just looking for a new job. I'm being serious, not sad."

"Uh-huh." Lenalee placed her hands on her hips and took the empty coffee mug from me, "And you never even told me why you quit at the hospital." She paused and let out a shrill laugh, "But then again, I suppose wiping blood off the floor isn't that wonderful."

I smiled and only shrugged my shoulders. It had already been few days since the kissing incident with Kanda, but I was still feeling confused. I had sent my resignation to Bak few days ago, knowing that I couldn't continue working at the hospital as long as Tyki was there. And I didn't want any more complications between Bak and me either.

"Oh, where is Kanda, by the way?" Lenalee asked, not having a clue how sore the subject was to me.

"I… I don't know." I admitted and tried not to sound disappointed in myself. I knew I should have at least tried to contact Kanda, but I didn't have the guts to pick up the phone and call him. And at any case, I had the feeling that he wanted to be left alone.

"I see. He usually is around when you're here…" Lenalee held her chin thoughtfully, her eyes fixed at me. Then she folded her arms above her chest and stated, "…Unless something happened between you two. Hm, I wonder…"

I shook my head quickly and managed to fake a snicker, "W-what do you mean? There's nothing out of ordinary going on."

"…I see." Lenalee replied and I could see disappointment in her face, "So he didn't tell you yet?"

I frowned, "Tell me what?"

Lenalee paled, but she quickly let out a hurried laugh and turned around. She waved her hand in the air and shook her head, "Ah, it's nothing then!" She walked to the coffee machines and asked a little too eagerly, "You want more coffee? It's always on the house for you!"

I felt somewhat jealous of Lenalee, because Kanda had told her something he had kept a secret from me. I had always thought, or wanted, that I was the person Kanda trusted the most. But then again, he had proved how much he disliked me only few days ago. I pouted and as she tried to hand me another cup of coffee, I mumbled, "No thanks."

Lenalee put the cup away and leaned her arms against the counter. She stared at me long and hard, while I tried to look as normal as I could. After a moment of staring, she sighed and said, "Allen… I've known you for long enough to be able to tell when something is wrong." She poked my cheek to get me look at her, "I don't mind you dating men, but having so many at the same time… that's just not your style."

My heart skipped a beat. When I looked at her, I saw concern in her eyes. And for the first time, I really considered telling everything to someone. But what if Lenalee didn't understand? Would it matter? I didn't understand everything myself, but maybe if I tried to talk with her, I could sort my feelings out. I just didn't want to look like a freak in her eyes.

I felt my palms getting sweaty. Somehow thinking about letting my heart out made me feel nervous. I had made her worried, so wasn't that a good reason to trust her?

"I…" I swallowed to dampen my dry throat. I inhaled a deep breath, as I searched for the right words that would summarize everything. Eventually I leaned toward her and said quietly, so no one else in the cafeteria heard me, "One day… I woke up next to a man, whom I had never seen before."

Lenalee stared at me blankly. For a moment I felt uncontrollable relief take over me and I let out a long breath. However, the smile couldn't quite reach my lips, before the dark-haired woman burst into laughter. The laughter itself wasn't mocking at all. But I was dead serious and she was laughing at me.

It felt horrible.

"Allen, you're such a bad joker." Lenalee wiped her eyes, "You always know how to joke at all the wrong places. But I suppose that means that everything's alright." She grinned, as if to put salt into my wounds, "You're so lucky… Lavi is so handsome. And so is Kanda and that man with the top hat."

Lucky? I balled my fists in my lap. It was damn far away from lucky. If I could, I would have traded places with Lenalee. To show her that breaking hearts and having a broken heart was not lucky at all. I would trade my life away, so I could have led a normal life again without all of these complications.

But it was not like Lenalee could understand. Her life was normal.

"Uh, Allen?" Lenalee said, her smile deceasing, "Did I say something wrong?"

I stared at her. My hands started to tremble and I felt as if I had been rejected. It was as if now I was officially alone with my problems. If Lenalee could laugh that easily, I doubted that there was anyone who could take me seriously.

I gritted my teeth. But even if I tried, I couldn't bring myself to hate her. She was one of my closest friends, close enough to be my sister. That's why I stood up and turned around without saying a word, so I wouldn't say anything I might regret later. I was so angry and frustrated, as I started to run, while I heard Lenalee yell my name.

As I stumbled out of the door, I accidentally bumped my shoulder against someone. I looked up and saw Lavi, who wasn't smiling as mirthfully as usual, but he still had that mischievous glint in his eye.

"Hey, Allen!" He tried to reach out to hug me, but I quickly moved away.

"L-Lavi…" I nodded my head to excuse myself, before I kept running. I was a little surprised that he didn't follow after him, but I suppose I shouldn't have expected him to chase me after treating him like crap.

I really was a horrible person.

I must have walked all the way to the outskirts of the city, since the buildings got smaller and I could hear sound of the ocean getting closer. I walked slower by then, since my feet were starting to ache from running.

I inhaled a deep breath. The air was getting cold— it was almost winter already after all. It rarely snowed in the city, but I hoped that I would see even few snowflakes this year. Maybe that would lift my mood a little.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to wander around the city in the dark, knowing my sense of direction. And if someone tried to rob me, I would most definitely willingly give up my property. But those were the least of my worries right then. And I didn't want to go home at any case, so it didn't really matter where I was.

Eventually I couldn't walk any farther, as the ocean blocked my way. I leaned against a railing and looked down at the waves, which were crashing against the rock few meters below me. I wondered if I jumped over the iron fence, would I die immediately or would I drown slowly. Either way, I was sure that if I decided to jump down, there would be no coming back.

I shuddered at my thoughts. Only few months ago, I would have never even dreamed of committing a suicide, but now the idea didn't sound unrealistic at all. In fact, thinking of giving up my life was reassuring. It made me feel alive and that I actually owned my life and technically I could do whatever I wanted with it. Lately I had had the feeling that my body belonged to everyone but me.

"Oh god…" I sighed and looked up at the dark sky. It had been almost forever since I last wished that Mana, my dead foster father, was still with me. He had pulled me back to my feet so many times before, so I was sure that if he was still alive, he would have done it again. He would never hurt me.

He was the first and the last person in my life, who had ever made me feel safe. With him was my home, so when he died, there was no longer home.

Suddenly my cell phone in my jeans' back pocket started vibrating. I pulled out the phone and read the name Kanda on its screen. My grip around the object tightened. I started to ponder fervently why I should answer. And why was Kanda calling me in the first place? After ditching me in the graveyard and making fairly clear he hated me, he still bothered to call.

I stared at the cell phone. I had no reason why not to answer, other than not wanting to listen to his insults. While I wanted to prevent every possible awkward encounter with Kanda, I felt anxious to hear his voice again.

In the end I pressed the green button and lifted the phone to my ear, "…H-hey."

"Where the hell are you?" Kanda's voice sounded angry in the phone. I could hear sound of traffic on the background, so I supposed that he was driving in his car.

"Why?" I asked, while I turned around and pressed my back against the railing, "Want to cuss at me some more?"

I heard a frustrated hiss, or maybe it was a sigh, on the other end, "No." I could almost hear Kanda's scowl, "Lenalee phoned me. She said you're out of your mind. I told her that it wasn't anything new, but she wouldn't leave me alone."

I gritted my teeth. Was Lenalee that important to Kanda? I felt a little angry, since if Lenalee was that worried, she could have phoned herself. But instead she put Kanda call me instead and I wondered if she did that because she knew she could. I knew she had once told me that Kanda wasn't quite her type, but suddenly she seemed awfully close to him.

"If you're so worried then why don't you go console her?" I asked spitefully, although I knew that it was uncalled for.

"What the hell, beansprout?" Kanda spat, "…Ah, whatever. Where the hell are you?"

He seemed to shrug off the topic way too easily, which made me feel rather ignored. I pouted and mumbled, "I don't know." It was the truth, since I had no idea where I was. As I heard a snort coming from Kanda, I grunted, "All I know is— I'm near the ocean. And there's this tall building on th—…"

Click.

I took the cell phone off my ear and stared at it. Kanda had just hung up on me even before I could explain where I was. Did he think that he could find here with such poor directions? I rolled my eyes and shoved my phone back in my pocket.

I doubted that Kanda was coming. Why would he come?

I heard roaring of car engines. I tensed my shoulders, as I saw a black car drive down a pavement, making one middle-aged man jump out of the way with his dog. I arched my eyebrow and I couldn't tell whether I was horrified or amused when the car stopped right in front of me with a loud noise. At least Kanda knew how to arrive with style.

The door slammed open and Kanda stepped out. He looked pissed out, but even though I knew that it was hopeless, seeing him made me want to smile. But I restrained myself from looking happy to see him, because I really wasn't. I knew that we would end up in an argument— we always did. Every time we took a step forward, we ended up coming two steps back.

It was so hopeless that I wanted to strangle myself. The more I stared at Kanda, more I longed for him to touch me once again. I averted my eyes from him.

Kanda didn't say anything, as he walked to my side and propped his elbows against the railing. I looked at anywhere else but him, but I could hear him take out a cigarette and light it.

"W-why did you come here?" I asked clumsily. I wished to hear an answer that didn't include Lenalee in it.

"Are you deaf or just plain stupid?" Kanda muttered. As my eyes drifted back at him, I saw him balancing the tobacco in between his lips, as he continued, "Face it, there are people who worry about you."

I sighed and let me head drop. I wondered if Kanda included himself in the 'people who worry about me'. I supposed not.

"That still doesn't explain anything." I complained. He never explained any of his doings. It was almost as if he was working completely on his instincts, without any sort of sympathy. He had killed a man too, hadn't he? Shouldn't a guy like him be locked up in a prison? I wondered if he had framed someone to take the blame.

As Kanda finished his cigarette, he let the butt drop down in the ocean. I stared at it, as it disappeared in the midst of crushing waves. I felt pity for the used cigarette. It was so addictive, but after it was used, it was as easily thrown away as a piece of trash.

"We're the same." Kanda stated abruptly, "I don't have a clue what you're trying so hard to hide, but we both are fucked up."

I couldn't tell what I was trying to 'hide' except for the memory losses and confused feelings. And I wasn't really hiding them, I just… preferred not to talk about them. But what he got right, was the fucked up part. But as a reply, I merely shrugged my shoulders and said, "I suppose." I turned to look at him and added, "Are you hiding something then?"

Kanda mimicked me and shrugged his shoulders, "I suppose."

I arched my eyebrow, "I thought that killing a man was your biggest secret."

"Bah." He grunted and took out another cigarette. Much to my surprise, he offered me one as well. But I shook my head to decline his offer, since I had never liked the taste of cigarettes. He placed the carton back in his pocket, while lighting up the smoke was hanging between his lips. I stared at him shamelessly, while he breathed in and then breathed out a cloud of smoke.

I hugged my arms and pressed myself closer against the railing. Standing still was making me feel colder. I would have wanted to move toward Kanda, but I didn't want to dig my grave even deeper.

"The truth is..." Kanda spoke again. I momentarily forgot all about my coldness, as all my attention was drawn to him. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and held it between his fingers, "…I figured that life sucked. But then I drank cardamom coffee."

What a blunt way to put it, I thought, a little amused. Either Kanda was really bad at words, or he really knew what he was talking about. I let out a hollow chuckle, "So coffee saved your life?"

"Actually, it tasted like shit." Kanda spat and let his almost unused cigarette fall down in the ocean. He straightened his back and looked down at me, "But you worked so goddamn hard for it. I had no option but to drink it, right?"

I blinked my eyes. As I thought back, I could recall the first time Kanda had drank the cardamom coffee I made. I had seen an unreadable emotion pass his features, as he had quickly drank it all and then asked for more. I thought I should feel offended now that I knew what Kanda had first thought of my coffee, but I felt like cracking up.

"I can't believe you'd actually go that far just to please someone!" I proclaimed, as an uncontrollable and hysterical group of laughs erupted from throat. I had to brace myself against the railing, "You drank at least seven cups too!!"

I saw a tiny hint of smile appear on Kanda's face, "Exactly."

I found the situation down right hilarious. It was hard to imagine Kanda to force himself go that far just so that he wouldn't disappoint me.

Suddenly I stopped laughing. Kanda had done that for me. He had drank seven cups of coffee he didn't even like, because he didn't want to see me sad. I stared right into his endlessly black eyes, I felt my head becoming light and logical thoughts very insignificant. I had sworn to myself before that I didn't want to find myself in an awkward situation with Kanda… but here I was again.

"I thought you…" I started, as I took a step closer to him, "…hated me…?"

Kanda snorted, "It's just like you to jump into mindless conclusions."

He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the railing. I could hear the raging of the ocean, but it was second to my heartbeat, which was deafening. The coldness of the metallic railing was cooling my skin, which was almost like on fire.

Kanda's face was coming closer. I closed my eyes and parted my lips slightly, waiting for something to happen.

Unexpectedly, I felt vibrating in my back pocket and an all-too-happy ringtone broke the moment. I winced and opened my eyes only to see an unsatisfied Kanda, who pulled away and folded his arms above his chest. The situation reminded me of one of those bad movies, in which the heroine was about to be kissed by the hero, until the moment is ruined by a telephone. How classical.

"S-sorry…" I apologized, as I pulled out my cell phone and answered, "Uh, hi…"

"Allen!!" I heard Lenalee sob, "W-where are you?"

I stared at Kanda, while I answered, "I'm… I'm not sure, but I'm with Kanda."

"K-Kanda is there?" Lenalee asked, sounding surprised, even though I didn't understand why. She had told Kanda to come look for me after all, hadn't she? I didn't have time to ask her however, since she continued, "Please, Allen, could you come here…? It's Lavi… he's in the hospital…"

"What? Why?" I asked as I stepped past Kanda, ready to run for the hospital, "Is he alright?"

"He…" Lenalee swallowed, "…tried to kill himself."

I ran down the corridor of the hospital. I had thought that I didn't need to return here, not any time soon anyway. Kanda had given me a ride, but disappeared after we had stepped into the hospital.

I read the numbers written next to the doors, eventually reaching the room labeled '303'. Without even knocking, I burst in and saw Lavi lying on a hospital bed. His eye, which wasn't covered by eye patch, was slightly parted and his face was pale. He was always so full of laughter and happiness. But now he resembled a breathing corpse.

Earlier that day, when I had seen him enter the cafeteria, he had seem a little down, hadn't he? I should have stopped and asked if something was wrong…

"Lavi…" I mumbled, as I hurried to his side and placed my hand on his', "W-what… what happened to you…?"

He lazily turned to look at me and frowned, "Allen? Fancy seeing you here." He tried to sit up, but he it seemed as if his arms had given up. I looked at his wrists and saw them wrapped in bandages, all the way up to his elbows. I swallowed hard and he quickly pulled a blanket over his body. He turned his head away in embarrassment, "This' not what it looks like."

I bit my lip. I knew it was exactly what it looked like. I knew I was responsible for everything. It should have been me lying there in his place. This was not how everything was supposed to turn out, no matter how messed up my life was. If I had known that my mistakes would lead to such consequences, I would have rather broken his heart and dealt with the guilt.

"Why… why didn't I stop this…?" I said out loud. It felt as if someone had been strangling me, when I tried to inhale a deep breath, "…why didn't I stop this before it all ended up like this…?"

Lavi remained unmoving on the bed. I grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at me.

"I know I've done wrong, but you shouldn't have…"

"Cut it off." Lavi sighed, as he shrugged his shoulders to make me loosen my grip on him, "It's not because of you." Lavi tried to muster a reassuring smile, "Don't blame yourself."

But I didn't feel less guilty. I fell on my knees on the floor and let my head drop against the hospital bed's mattress. It smelled like the hospitals smell— too clean and sterile. It didn't smell like Lavi, spontaneous and carefree. This wasn't where I was supposed to see him.

"Oh god…" I mumbled against the soft surface, "…I'm so sorry I got you into this… I should have… told you sooner."

"Maybe… but…" He placed his hands to my chest and smiled at me, "See? I'm not chasing you anymore." Lavi pushed me away weakly with his bandaged hands and fixed his eyes at something behind my back, "'Cause there's no point to struggle. You had the upper hand from the start."

I looked over my shoulder and saw Kanda standing in the doorway. I wondered how long he had been standing there.

"Hm." Kanda shrugged his shoulders. He gave a look that must have meant something to Lavi, before he turned to leave, "I'm waiting you outside, beansprout."

I nodded my head, even though I knew that he didn't see it. I focused my attention back at Lavi, who had a honest smile on his lips. He looked at me and I could see that certain glint return to his eye, "Beansprout? What a cute name. I think I'll stick with it."

I let out a laugh and said jokingly, "Don't you dare."

He winked his eye and gave me a friendly, but weak push on my shoulder, "Well, I think you should hurry up. That guy seems kinda impatient." He motioned toward the door and grunted, "Though he owes me one for punching my beautiful face like that. Make sure he remembers this face, since if I die before him, I'll be sure to haunt him."

"A-are you…" I asked rather worriedly. I hoped that he didn't have any more suicidal intentions.

"Nah, I'm glad to be alive." Lavi stated proudly with a wide grin on his face, "Because she was the first thing I saw when I woke up here… and I thought that, damn maybe this world hasn't run out of miracles just yet."

"She?" I asked, but I realized that there could be only one person who he was talking about. I smiled and wiped my eyes wet, "I'm sure everything will be alright then."

Lavi nodded his head and relaxed his head against his pillow. He looked up at the lights on the ceiling, with a longing smile on his lips, "I've made bad decisions in my life. Quitting school, coming here with hardly any money, renting an apartment I could hardly pay for… My life's been so half-assed, 'cause I figured that everything would turn out fine without any work at all."

"In my opinion…" I smiled, "…you've been working very hard."

Lavi laughed and closed his eye, "You think so? I'm flattered." He opened his eye again and gave me a demanding look, "Now leave, I don't want that asshole to rip my eye out 'cause I kept you too long."

I stood up and even though I doubted that Kanda would do something as sadistic as rip someone's eye out, I supposed it was safer to do as Lavi told. I smiled at Lavi, as I started to back away toward the door, never turning my back on him, "Thank you, Lavi. You're the best."

"Nah…" Lavi shook his head, "…Prob'bly the second best though."

I let out a chuckle, as I walked out of the door and closed it. I leaned my back against it for a moment, as I tried to internalize the moment. It felt as if one of the burdens had rolled off my shoulder. I inhaled a deep breath, the smothered feeling had gone and I felt… happy?

"Allen…" Lenalee, who was walking toward him with two diet cokes in her hands, "How is Lavi? Is he still saying weird things?"

"Weird things?" I repeated.

"He kept calling me a miracle or something." She sighed. As I looked at her, she seemed rather tired, but I knew that it was for the best if she stayed here with Lavi.

She might not understand it, but I knew that she was just what he needed.

"Well, can't argue with that." I replied honestly. Anyone who was able to give someone a reason to live was a miracle enough. Then another question popped into my mind, "Do you know what happened?"

"Miranda, his landlady, who is also my friend, called me…" Lenalee explained quietly, "His rent was due last week, but it seemed that he had some financial troubles. Miranda knew this, so she went to see him to negotiate about postponing the rent to next month." She looked timidly at the door of Lavi's hospital room, afraid that he might overhear them. She continued more quietly, "…She found him lying in his own blood, his wrists cut…"

Financial troubles? Now that I thought about it, I had always thought that he came from a rich family. He was always neatly dressed up and so confident. I knew that looks could be deceiving, but Lavi truly did good job hiding it.

I let out a sigh, as I stepped forward and caught her in a friendly hug. She returned the gesture with one hand, while the other hand was holding the cokes.

"Please take care of him." I said, as I hugged her, "He needs you."

Lenalee nodded against my shoulder, "You don't need to worry so much, Allen…"

I pulled away from the hug and took a step to leave. I bid a quick farewell to her, since I knew that Kanda was impatiently waiting by his car. Somehow I got the feeling that he would wait as long as it took for me to get out of the hospital, but I didn't want to test his nerves right now.

"Allen." Lenalee said, before I had time to leave. I looked over my shoulder at her and arched my eyebrow. She clutched the cokes in her hands, as she said, "What you said earlier… I believe you. You have never lied to me, so I trust you. And I shouldn't have laughed at you. I'm sorry."

I stared at her for a moment, before saying, "Thanks, Lenalee."

Author's ending notes: As the 'first conclusion' implies, we're nearing the end, dears. Don't worry though, there should be at least three or four chapters still coming up.

Ahh, I want DS and The World Ends With You…! –sobs-