The Other Side

by LMR

A.N.: Again, a huge thanks to guitar73girl Claire, one of maybe five people on the planet who knows what to do with a semicolon.

Disclaimer:

Dear Mr. Wolf: After careful consideration, we have decided that we like fanfiction better than the show. While we've enjoyed solving your little mysteries for you, we find the things that we do on to be far more entertaining and relaxing. Also, they usually end in sex. Regards, Detectives Goren and Eames P.S.: You're invited to all 237 of our weddings.

Chapter 11: The Requisite Dancing Scene

xXx

Psychiatrist's Convention - The Ritz-Carlton - 6:24 p.m. Doink, Doink.

Eames was fuming as they got out of the SUV. "As soon as our act is over, you are giving me those keys, and you are never touching them again!" she hissed. "You drive like an adolescent monkey with ADD!" She gave Goren a pause for laughter before continuing. "Two o'clock. I'm going to stop at the coat room. Chat him up for a while."

He nodded, handing her his coat.

Goren walked to the two o'clock area and found Dr. Jackson sitting at a booth with a creature that was apparently supposed to be a woman. He smiled disarmingly. "Room for two more here, Doctor?" Jackson gave a be my guest hand wave. "My date'll be back in a minute. Coat check," Goren explained. "She probably got lost in there," he added disdainfully.

Jason put out a hand. "What they're best at, eh? Dr. Jason Jackson."

Bobby shook, loathing this man already. His attitude toward women was noxious enough, but what kind of pumped up egomaniac needed to introduce himself as "doctor" at a doctors' convention? "Nice to meet you. Dr. Robert Goren," he responded.

"Doctor Goren, this is my date, Ariana Hyde." He gestured to the flashy fake blonde woman beside him (The bad kind of fake blonde, Goren mentally amended, hoping their telepathy didn't work long distance). She was wearing an abundance of gaudy gold jewelry and wearing an obnoxious red dress.

"Now doesn't she look beautiful?" Goren nodded, confused. "I told you, how many times this dress was fine. But you just wanted to keep changing t' kingdom come, never happy with anything." Goren was finding it difficult not to start lecturing the good doctor on respect, but fortunately, Ariana seemed to be missing the insult entirely, staring at her nails, clearly bored. "Women!"

"Tell me about it. My date, well, I told her I was headed over here, she probably needs a trail of breadcrumbs," he grumbled. "Neurotic little... well that's what I get for sleeping with a -" he looked at Doctor Jackson, tentative. The doctor was obviously filling in the blanks, mentally categorizing "Doctor Goren" as a kindred spirit in his brotherhood of slime. Bingo. "Well, never mind. She's a little bit of a ditz, anyway. She'll be back in a minute."

That's when he saw Alex, still on the other side of the room, not yet visible to Dr. Jackson. She'd kept her long coat on for the ride over, and now Bobby made sure to get the stupid staring out of his system before he had to start treating her badly. Her skirt was long, purple toward the top and faded down into yellow, with streaking clouds mixing the colors together. It looked like she was wearing a sunrise. The top that went with it was gold, had sparkling beads all over it, and was sleeveless.

Sleeveless is good, he thought.

She looked amazing.

And she couldn't resist giving him a wink from Alex before the insufferably dim "Lexi" came to the surface.

"Baby, you started without me," she said in a voice somewhere between a whine and a coo. Bobby inwardly cringed. He was not, however, too disgusted by the voice to kiss her lightly on the hand before pulling her down into the booth beside him. She allowed herself to be pulled, and flopped obediently into her place, looking at him with doey eyes that would have made the real Alex want to puke.

Bobby gestured to Eames (Is that actually Eames?!) "Doctor, this is my-"

"Girlfriend. Lexi. Hi." She stuck her hand out and shook weakly, then introduced herself to Ariana.

A lovely waitress hovered over the table. "Hi, I'm Camilla, I'll be your server tonight. What can I get for you?" She turned first to Alex. Ladies first, Bobby supposed, and Ariana looked more like a plastic doll than a woman.

"I'll have the cannerd eww veen rogue, please," stumbled out of Alex's mouth. She glanced over at Bobby, giving him a questioning look. To anyone else, it would have been a pathetic look, a desperate need for approval, but her smile was entirely more cognizant than Lexi was capable of. I just dare you not to laugh. He restrained himself, but barely.

Hyde swiped a strand of hair behind her ear, the lousy bottle blonde streaks now second place to a loud red earring as "ugliest thing in the room."

"I'll have the fish," she offered simply.

"Stuffed pork, please," Dr. Jackson ordered. Alex nearly snorted, and Bobby could tell they both found this selection too fitting.

"I'll have the cannerd eww veen rogue, as well," Bobby insisted as if he saw nothing at all off about this, and no indication that his date was a complete moron. Alex gave him a look and he understood. Being selfless is out of character. Be a jerk. He switched up his motive. "Sorry, Lexi, but that was about the funniest foul-up I've heard in the last month. I couldn't resist." Alex looked slightly hurt, and he had the feeling that, underneath the act, she was slightly bummed that she wasn't allowed to be clever enough to make a "fowl-up" joke.

The detectives knew that they were never going to get anything out of the doctor with Ariana right there, so they deigned to small-talking with the jerk for the first five minutes of waiting for their order. Bobby, just staying in character, of course, stroked Alex's arm, trying to look possessive rather than loving. Much to his relief, Alex didn't seem to mind.

Wow, she's a better actress than I thought! Bobby mused absently. Some professional actresses don't even remember to tilt their head away from somebody they're supposed to be attracted to. And she's biting her lip, too.

She's a really good pretender.

Ariana fluttered her lashes. "You know, I never thought I would date a doctor. I can't even stand going to the doctor. It's the needles," she admitted, shivering. "But I've got a doctor who doesn't deal with the blood stuff, so good for me."

Alex mentally winced. If she had any clue how untrue that really was...

Bobby rattled his fork against the table, bored. "You know, we should find something to do while we wait." He turned to his partner. "Dance?" he offered, putting on the puppy dog face in spite of his role as a cad. Dr. Jackson was following their lead, asking Ariana to join him on the floor. Perfect.

"Sure," Alex said in her idiot voice. They got to their feet and settled into each other. Yay, backless! "Finish this song, then trade?" she asked sans stupid voice as she curled into his arms, head comfortably on his chest. He nodded. Bobby's fingers accidentally brushed the skin on her back, and he felt her start, then relax.

"Hmm."

Bobby desperately searched his mental Woman-noise to English pocket dictionary (not that it was ever very reliable).

Hmm:

Pronun. hĕmm

interj.

Used to express one of three sentiments:

1. I am going to kill you for that.

2. I'm sleepy.

or 3. That feels good.

Well, I can at least pretend it was the last one, he figured, glad for the fact that 'Doctor Goren' would never be enough of a gentleman to force his fingers back onto the fabric. Nope, Doctor Goren would just keep on tracing little sideways figure eights on his date's skin.

"I feel like an idiot," Alex informed him. Although her voice was back to normal, she kept the simpering smile on her face as she spoke, making her look like a ventriloquist.

"Your pretending to be vapid doesn't look like an idiot. It looks like a remarkably talented actress."

He could feel her smile against him. "Aw, that's really sweet. Kinda' like that cute shade of pink you're turning right now." She patted his chest reassuringly, making sure to brush against the buttons. Because I can, she figured.

"Glad you're enjoying my discomfort," he answered quietly, causing her face to scrunch up.

"Discomfort?" she asked pointedly, but didn't press it any further, mostly because those nice little shapes were still dancing around on her back. "Say something, anything, so I can giggle like an airhead."

He tried to keep his face controlling and harsh. "I'm sorry I said I was uncomfortable. I'm not, actually." He sounded startled at this. "And you're a very good dancer."

She giggled nauseatingly. "Oh, Bobby! You're so funny." She blinked for a long moment and tilted her head forward almost imperceptibly. She was sayi...Oh, you figure that one out, I'm sick of giving you subtitles! The ballad was coming to an end, and they worked their way closer to Dr. Jackson and his date.

"Lexi, would you be terribly jealous if I asked Ariana to dance?" he asked, technically to Alex, but his eyebrows were raised in deference to Dr. Jackson, as if asking permission.

"Oh, I don't want you to go," Alex whined. It was a terrible sound coming from her.

"It's a three minute song, Babe. I'll think you'll live," he said with annoyance and a tone of condescension. When she pouted, a look that didn't sit well on her face at all, he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be right back, I promise." He was speaking to her as if she was a five year old, imitating her pout. He offered Ariana his arm.

"Well, if your date is going to steal mine," the psychiatrist said, speaking to her in much the same tone. "Why don't I steal his?"

Alex drew upon every ounce of annoying she had, and giggled the most irritating giggle she had ever giggled in her life. "Sure." She took the doctor's arm, while trying to keep her face neutral, as if Bobby's gesture was an everyday exchange rather than one that was making her insides do backflips. They started to dance. "You two are such a cute couple," Alex gushed. "How did you meet?"

"The same way you and Dr. Goren did. She was my client."

"Oh, really? I'm surprised he told you. Bobby said when we started that it was kind of risky. Aren't you afraid of getting in trouble?"

"Well, technically, shh," he said conspiratorially to her. "Technically, I'm not supposed to ever get... involved with a client. But things happen, and some things are just worth bending the rules for. You can understand that?"

"Of course," she agreed. "But did you have any idea what you were getting into?" She sounded genuinely interested, wide-eyed. "Weren't you afraid you'd get caught?"

"Well, I knew I could..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Our little secret?" Alex nodded brightly. "I knew I could handle it, because you know. I had, well-"

"Oh," she said, throwing him an admiring look. "You naughty boy!" she said quietly. "You've practiced a little, haven't you?"

"Don't tell Ariana." He winked.

She furrowed her brow as if really concerned for his well-being. "How did you handle, the, you know, the breakups?"

"It was a little tough to take care of those. It took some, uh, maneuvering. But I got it all, well, sorted out, let's just say." He didn't catch the nod that his dancing partner passed her date around his shoulder. Nodding back, Bobby led Ariana back toward the other two and softly excused himself.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," she said, still with her concerned voice. "But you know what's a really bad idea?" Her voice returned to normal. "Telling me and my partner all about it. Dr. Jackson, you're under arrest for the murder of Persephone Morris." He struggled as she took his arm forcefully. "I suggest you stop fighting me, see Detective Goren has kind of a protective big brother thing going on, so he already thinks you're slime for pawing me, don't make him really mad by getting rough with me." She passed him off to a waiting officer who'd been playing the role of rent-a-cop in the corner.

Alex made a gesture as if to wipe the doctor off her arms. He'd been exploring the edge of her blouse as if his fingers were trying to figure out where the rest of the shirt had disappeared to. And that thing her stomach had done wasn't nearly as nice as what it had been doing when Bobby's hands had done the same thing.

"Big brother thing?" Goren asked, looking straight ahead at nothing as Jackson was taken to the squad car, where another officer read him his rights.

Eames looked sideways up at him, appraisingly. "Isn't that what it is?" she asked casually.

"Yeah, 'course." He walked away, and she was sure she could hear him mumble something about "transferred to Major Case Alabama, maybe."

xXx

A.N.: Alex's dress design is credited to The Sims.

A.N. 2: Bad-wordy calls from Alabama may go directly to Detective Robert Goren at 212-555-0146.

Please review. Unless you're an English teacher. I heard enough from them in high school to last a lifetime.