The Haunted Circus
Paula found herself outside of a fun house, fun being a fairly loose term. The place was shabby and rundown, covered from top to bottom with rust and holes. It was shaped like a large clown's head smiling viciously down at Her. On the steps leading into the fun house stood the tall clown.
"Call me Mephisto, the dealer." he beckoned Paula upstairs before vanishing into the darkness of the fun house. Paula hesitated a moment before furrowing her brow and giving chase.
Inside, Paula found herself in a corridor lined with mirrors and mist, as if someone had gotten carried away with some dry ice. She heard the clown's booming laugh from the far end of the hall and proceeded forward cautiously, frying pan at the ready. She jumped when she saw her grossly distorted reflection in her peripheral vision. "Fun house, right. Gotta remember that." She muttered to herself.
At the end of the corridor Paula found herself in an expansive room lined with more mirrors. The doorway faded out of existence as she passed through it.
"Trapped like a rat in a cage." Mephisto's voice echoed. "It seems you've run out of luck!"
The myriad of reflections that met her gaze shrank and swirled from their twisted, disproportionate forms into normal images of herself as the demonic jester materialized in the center of the room. He was holding a deck of cards, which he manically flicked from one hand to the other. He drew a four of diamonds and held it up towards her as if he were demonstrating a magic trick.
"PSI FIRE!" Paula cried, flinging a wall of fire at him. He dodged her attack with a vaguely frog like motion, then touched the back of the card. There was a flash of crimson as a shower of red crystals shot out of the card at Paula.
X X X X X X X X
The tall clown had already disappeared and the portly one was now fading as well. Only the short jester looking woman remained to face Jeff. She flashed a mischievous, fanged smile. She opened her mouth, jaw stretching to grotesque proportions, and produced the hilt of a sword, which she withdrew from her throat. She twirled it in her hands and it split into two with a shower of sparks, one blade bursting into flames and the other misty with cold and condensation.
"I am Olivier, the Harlequin." She said with a bow, "This is hello, and... GOODBYE!!" She charged Jeff, slashing the air in front of him. A wave of flame erupted from her fiery sword; Jeff was just barely able to dodge. He padded his sleeve, extinguishing the small blaze before firing at the deranged jester twice. She dodged his volleys with ease before charging him, slashing madly. Though he much preferred ranged combat, Jeff was fairly competent at close quarters fighting, though two semesters of Judo didn't qualify him as a great fighter. He ducked and dodged well enough to avoid most of her attacks, but she did hit him twice with the blunt ends of her swords. Jeff stumbled back as he fired, grazing his opponent's cheek. Olivier pressed her apparent advantage and charged. Jeff pistol whipped her in the face fired three shots at her torso; she was swift, however. The first shot hit her just below the right lung, the second missed her entirely, though the third grazed her left side.
X X X X X X X X
The crystals flew towards Paula but she dodged them with relative ease. What this Mephisto character hadn't counted on was Paula's position as the star sprinter on the Twoson Junior High girl's track team. Mephisto readied another card, but Paula charged in, flailing her frying pan at the demonic clown. He dodged her attacks with odd dance like movements before she scored two very satasfying hits. Mephisto stepped back and melted into one of the mirrors behind him, he tossed the eight of clubs at her with a sudden flick of his wrist. The card whizzed past her, leaving a small paper cut on her cheek. He began slinking out of a mirror to Paula's right, she charged and smashed it to pieces.
"That's bad luck!" Mephisto Jeered as he smashed the palm of his hand into Paula's face. He drew the three of diamonds and fired, one of them finding its mark on Paula's lower right torso. She managed to dodge the second but felt a rib crack under the impact of the third.
X X X X X X X X
Jeff chuckled, his feint had worked. His amusement was short lived, though. The murderous Olivier raised both swords, buzzing threads of electricity crawled up and down the blades. She touched them together and a wide arc of lightning lashed out at Jeff piercing his shoulder and flinging him backwards. He stood slowly and painfully, aside from the pain of being struck by lightning, the air around him was so charged with electricity that Jeff was finding it hard to move. "Oh no..." he muttered to himself. He reached into his pack with his trembling good hand, and withdrew a bottle rocket just as she unleashed a blast of icy wind from one of her swords. Jeff dove to the side, largely avoiding the blast, but found his leg encased in ice. He planted the rocket, tallied some quick calculations in his head, aimed it, and pulled the ignition cord. The rocket's sudden flight caught Olivier off guard and carried her backwards several feet before it exploded. She fell to the ground, unmoving. Jeff cautiously approached his vanquished foe, who in response looked up at him with malevolent glee. There was a brilliant flash of light from somewhere behind him and the world seemed to disconnect, and everything went black.
X X X X X X X X
Mephisto chuckled, "Having trouble, little girl?" he mocked.
She was as a matter of fact. She didn't know why, but she felt as if all six of her senses were straining through a thick haze. Whatever it was was seriously interfering with her fighting. Enough of this! She thought angrily. Paula's hair began to stand on end as she ionized the air around her. "PSI THUNDER!" she cried, and discharged a bolt of lightning in her opponent's general direction. He tilted his head to the side, dodging it easily. The lightning struck a mirror, which rippled slightly as the bolt passed through it.
Mephisto began thumbing through his deck.
"PSI FREEZE!" Paula launched a freezing blast at him as he contorted himself around the attack, drawing the ace of spades. What the...? Paula thought, as she noted the icy wind also ripple through the mirrors. Something wasn't right. Her attention snapped back to her opponent as he fired a large, ornate spearhead from his card. It hit Paula's left shoulder and carried her backwards several feet before, to her surprise, it exploded. The world seemed to distort as she hit the ground. Mephisto approached, laughing maniacally, ready to end it. Warning bells were going off in Paula's mind; her keen psychic awareness had noticed that something was out of place, and she tried desperately to pierce the unseen veil shrouding her vision. Gravely injured as she was, she found that she simply couldn't hold her concentration. Mephisto was almost upon her, so she did the only thing she could.
Paula prayed with her whole heart.
Somewhere off in the distance there was a glorious light and a stream of profanity. The room seemed to swirl and distort, the figure of Mephisto faded into Jeff. His eyes rolled back into his head, and he passed out.
There was a flash and Paula found herself at the entrance of the circus. Everything around her began to distort, like a television set with bad reception. The squat clown in the top hat cursed and fumed as he faded into static and then into a very familiar figure. There before her stood Pokey Minch.
Paula was instantly furious. "YOU!" she cried.
"How did you...?!" Pokey was equally agitated. He looked about frantically. "The statue... it..." He fixed Paula with an angry glare. "This isn't over!" He squealed. He turned and ran around the large tattered circus tent and was gone.
Paula looked at the tent.
And oddly enough, the tent looked right back.
X X X X X X X X
Jeff awoke to find Paula not far off. She was on her knees, hunched over and holding a singed and bloody shoulder. She tried to stand, faltered, and fell back on one knee. Jeff had a keen mind and his powers of deduction bordered on the miraculous, so it didn't take him long to notice that Paula's injuries were perfectly identical to the wounds he had inflicted upon Olivier. No way...
"What...?" He began to ask.
"It was some kind of illusion." Paula said, staring with apprehension at something in front of her.
"We need to get you out of here." Jeff said, assuming that their battle was over.
Paula shook her head, "I'm a little busy Jeff, In case you hadn't noticed, we have company!" she said, still staring ahead.
Jeff followed her gaze and saw nothing spectacular. It was the same deserted circus, the rundown carnival rides, the abandoned hot dog stand, the big tent with gleaming fangs... He did a double take. The tent had fangs, and eyes. Big, glaring eyes. Jeff gulped, hard.
"What the hell kind of town is this?!" Jeff demanded.
Paula made another go at standing and this time made it to her feet. She felt light headed and stumbled a little as she took a step toward the tent.
"PSI..." She faltered, "Fire..." There was a spark from her hand, but it fizzled. She was exhausted, and had nothing left.
"You need to go, we have to get out of here!" Jeff said. He looked around. They were surrounded. The zombies advanced, a noose tightening around them.
"This is about the time that the hero shows up and saves the day..." Paula said, a little lightheaded.
"No sense waiting for him!" Jeff said, he had caught the fact that she meant Ness. "Bloody Hell!" He said, and fired into the ranks of undead, always aiming for the head.
"Go!" he said, "I'll hold them off."
Paula took two dazed steps forward before she realized what he had said, "NO!" she protested, "You're in no better condition than me! We stick together!"
Jeff didn't have time to argue. "Fine, I'm right behind you. Just run!"
And so they ran, Jeff was behind her for a time. Paula stumbled and fell, got back up and kept running. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that Jeff was no longer behind her. She was in mid stride, still looking back when she felt arms close around her and she was lifted bodily off the ground.
X X X X X X X X
The zombies had made chase and were gaining. They were a far cry from the slow ambling corpses Jeff had always seen in old movies. No, these were the murderous rage driven zombies of the new millennium. Jeff knew that continued retreat would get them both killed, he also knew that with his shoulder injured as it was, he would be overrun very quickly if he stopped, so he decided on a very risky maneuver. He reasoned that judging by their formation, the zombies were guarding the rundown circus with the possessed tent, and therefore decided to make an assault on this boogie tent to draw the zombies off of the injured Paula. He knew that there was a slim chance it would work, and that if it did it would shorten his lifespan considerably, but he felt he owed it to Paula after injuring her so. He peeled off and fired into the zombies, clearing an opening for him to run through. Straight to the boogie tent. To his surprise, immediate delight, and eventual dismay his plan worked, and he soon had twelve angry corpses pursuing him right back into the haunted circus.
Firing directly at the tent proved useless. His shots pierced the dirty, tattered canvas, but seemed to cause the thing little hurt. Jeff found that shooting the tent's support struts seemed slightly more effective, he heard the crack of wood splintering and the tent grimaced in pain, but after four shots Jeff was out of ammo. He hastily planted a rocket, hoping he could launch it before the zombies caught up. He was just reaching for the string when he felt cold hands grab him. The dirty rotting nails pierced his clothes, dug into the tender charred flesh of his wounded shoulder. Jeff cried out in pain and fear as they dragged him, kicking and screaming away from the bottle rocket. He felt one of them take a bite out of his forearm, and another sinking its teeth into his leg. He struggled to move, to breathe, anything. The pain was immense and the pervasive smell of decay stifling. Jeff had never guessed that it would end that way, torn apart and eaten by zombies. He honestly hadn't seen it coming. A part of Jeff resigned himself to death, while another part screamed to fight, to hold on. And then...
"PSI ROCKIN!" the voice barely audible over the racket the zombies were making, but the swirling stream of unadulterated power that vaporized them stood out clearly in Jeff's mind. He felt the heat from the attack, but somehow the energy flowed around him, as though someone were willing it to attack only the undead. As it turned out, that someone was Ness.
Jeff looked absolutely dreadful lying there and looking up at Ness with fearful eyes.
"Don't come near me!" He shouted.
Ness rolled his eyes. "I told you I was psychic. Believe me, if I wanted you dead I would have done it by now."
"Not that!" Jeff said, "I've been bitten! You have to keep away from me!" He tried to stand, to run away, but all he managed to do was falter and fall on his face. Ness laughed.
"You're not gonna turn into a zombie." Ness said, "They have to do more than bite you."
Jeff looked up to see Ness squatting over him. There was a gutteral roar from behind; the boogie tent was angry.
"I'll explain later." Ness said, "Right now we've got work to do. PSI lifeup... beta!" Jeff's wounds closed in short order and he stood hesitantly. Ness approached the tent confidently and took hold of one of it's support struts. After some straining he pulled the stout wooden pole out of the ground with a triumphant chuckle. The tent, however, was not so defenseless. The strut suddenly swung out and sent Ness flying before placing itself back into the ground defiantly.
"A wise guy, huh?!" Ness challenged. He charged the tent.
Jeff ran to the now toppled bottle rocket, adjusted it and fired. The rocket whizzed past the still charging Ness, into the tent's mouth and exploded, setting the boogie tent ablaze.
"Watch where you shoot that!" Ness bellowed, "You nearly hit me, again!"
Jeff smirked, "You've got psychic healing powers, deal with it!"
Ness scowled, then hurled himself at the tent, bashing its now burning wooden frame with his bat. The tent wailed and collapsed into a flaming pile of canvas and wood. Ness and Jeff watched the boogie tent flail and groan as it burned. Two zombies that had been nearby were trying to wade through the flames to save something, needless to say they didn't make it.. The two were silent for a time, listening intently to the the fire crackle and sputter. Then Jeff shouted, "Oh my God! Paula!"
"Relax." Ness said, "She's fine, I saw to that." Jeff gave him an uneasy look. "In the meantime," Ness continued, "Why don't you go see what was so important to those zombies that they'd sacrifice their lives... er, well, afterlives to save it."
"In case you hadn't noticed, the thing is still burning." Jeff said.
Ness closed his eyes and concentrated. He lifted his hand and then brought it down, pointing at the fire as he did. An unseen force pushed the fire to the sides, opening a path through the blaze which was only slightly smoldering.
"I can hold this for a while," Ness said, "But still, you'd better hurry."
Jeff hesitated for a moment, then sprinted in. In the center of the fire was a blackened trash can still hot; he had to use his jacket to open it. Inside Jeff found a jar of foul smelling green sludge.
X X X X X X X X
Bethany eyed the golden idol before her. Even in its cracked and damaged state, she felt its undeniable pull. It was all she could do to keep from falling to her knees in reverence.
"Cool, isn't it!" A nasal voice said from behind.
"Pokey." She nodded in greeting.
Pokey cleared his throat. "I prefer Master Pokey, it's got a nice ring to it."
"How was it damaged?" She asked.
"That damn girl!" Pokey scowled. "One minute she was on the ropes, and the next thing I know the statue's cracked and the illusions are on the fritz. Stupid little trick..."
"So you fought her." Bethany asked.
"Better." Pokey grinned gleefully, "I had her and some nerdy spaz fight each other."
Bethany smiled, "Such is the power of Mani Mani. I literally owe this statue my existence."
"Yep." Pokey said, "This thing is awesome! When it works, that is." He kicked the statue, earning a glare from Bethany.
"Don't do that you fat prick!" She yelled.
"It's not as if it matters." He replied, "It's over. We're leaving."
Bethany raised an eyebrow, "What about Belch? The campaign here?"
Pokey shook his head, "I've already cleared it with Mr. Barfbags, What we need to do now is get this damn statue repaired, and we can't do that here. Besides, my stupid neighbor Ness just blew up the boogie tent and got his hands on a whole jar of fly honey. If they figure out what we use it for, they may just win the town."
"And what's the plan from our glorious leader?" Bethany asked.
Pokey was silent for a moment, then spoke in an altogether different voice. "Bethany, my dear, I have an assignment for you. When we arrive in Fourside, we will no doubt be pursued by that meddlesome boy and his ever growing entourage. Things will prove inconvenient should they meet their fourth. So why don't you be a dear and stick it to that band our little friend loves so much?"
Bethany nodded, "I understand, Master."
X X X X X X X X
"Where is she?!" Ness demanded, fists clenched. The poor orderly he had cornered in the now empty medical tent cowered before him, knowing full well the grave danger he would be in if he pissed Ness off further.
"I told you, she was moved!" The orderly pleaded.
Jeff placed a hand on Ness' shoulder, earning him a glare. He ignored it and said, "Calm down, Ness. You're scaring the poor man."
Ness scowled a bit longer before yielding. "Ok. Starting again. Where is she, and why was she moved?"
"We took back the hospital yesterday..." The orderly said, "We've been moving the sick and injured there."
"Oh." Ness said, looking a little emberrassed. "Sorry for the misunderstanding!" He moved to help the poor man up. The orderly only screamed and cowered further, so Ness turned to leave
"You're very protective of her." Jeff observed.
"Well, yeah. She's my friend." Ness said casually.
"And that gave you cause to throw him across the tent?" Jeff asked.
Ness shrugged, "I said I was sorry. 'Don't know my own strength and stuff, ya know?"
They walked in silence for a time before Jeff spoke up. "You're from... Onett, wasn't it?"
Ness nodded.
"And Paula's from... It's not here, is it?" Jeff asked.
"Twoson." Ness said, shaking his head.
"And you're both here in Threed of your own volition?" Jeff asked.
"Yeah." Ness said, "Why?"
"Well, I was just wondering why two people would willingly go through a tunnel filled with ghosts to come to a town infested by zombies. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, what exactly are you and Paula doing here in Threed anyway?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Ness said.
Jeff shrugged, "After what I've seen today I'm very much ready to make concessions in my views of what is and isn't feasible. Honestly, I wouldn't be too skeptical if you said you were fighting the Alien warlord Xenude."
"Giygas, actually." Ness said.
"Giygas?"
"Yep. He's some universal cosmic alien destroyer guy, and he's trying to take over Earth." Jeff just stared blankly. "Apparently," Ness continued, "You, me, Paula, and some other guy are the only people that can stop him."
"Giygas?" Jeff repeated dumbly.
"Yeah, Giygas. You feelin' alright?"
"No, I'm fine. It's just... Giygas? It sounds a little ridiculous."
"I told you you wouldn't believe me." Ness said.
"No, it's not that. You may very well be telling the truth, it's just that... Giygas? It sounds like something from an old science fiction movie, or Star Trek or something."
Ness laughed, "You'd know, right?"
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Jeff asked.
"You're a nerd, you go all gaga over that show, don't you?" Ness said.
"Actually I hate Star Trek." Jeff said.
"Oh." Said Ness, "I just assumed..."
Jeff tsk tsk'ed at this. "You know what they say about assuming."
"That you're a dick?" Ness said.
There was a pause.
"Well played." Jeff conceded.
"Thanks." Ness smiled.
"I must say, you're much more amiable." Jeff observed.
"Well yeah! No food. Stuck in a grave, we've been over this." Ness said.
"Right, right." There was another silence as they walked through the dark, empty streets of Threed. "So... Aliens?" Jeff said.
"Yep." Ness replied.
"Do you think the zombies here have anything to do with this Giygas character?"
Ness nodded, "I know they do." He stopped. "Listen, Jeff. You and I got off to a bad start, but the fact is that Paula and I will probably need your help to stop Giygas." He held out his hand, "So why don't we let bygones be bygones and try to be a team. You in?"
"Well I don't know, you did punch the living daylights out of me." Jeff said, adjusting his glasses.
"Yeah, after you shot me with a taser. That shit hurts ya know!"
Jeff looked down at Ness's hand, then back at his face.
"Well?" Ness asked.
"Well give me a gun and call me Freeman, I'm in."
"I love that game!" Ness said as they shook hands.
"You've played Half-Life?" Jeff said, looking Ness over, "So you do have a soul."
There was a pause.
"Nice one." Ness said.
X X X X X X X X
The walls were pastel colored, soft blues, and agreeable patterns against a backdrop of plain, sterile white. Most people would think she was crazy, but Paula liked hospitals; they were places of healing. Granted many people die everyday in hospitals, but many more were also born, and the sense of balance that that established felt nice. Yes, Paula liked hospitals, though she couldn't remember exactly how she had arrived at this particular one. She remembered running through the streets of Threed like a frightened deer pursued by wolves, nervously picking shrapnel out of her shoulder, and then someone grabbed her. She had assumed that that someone had been a zombie, and the shock coupled with her injuries had been too much and she had passed out. There were some vague flashes of a tent, and some doctors...
She noticed for the first time the man sitting by her bedside. He looked familiar. Wasn't he...?
"Oh, you're awake!" He exclaimed upon seeing her.
"Good morning." Paula said uncertainly, "You're...?"
"Jim." He said, introducing himself.
"Oh, right!" Paula said, recognizing him, "You're the guy we saw when we first got to Threed! How is... um..."
"Allison." Jim said, filling in the gap.
"Yes, how is she doing?"
Jim looked over his shoulder, "She's in there with that healer guy... I guess he's an exorcist or something..."
Paula nodded. "Um... Shouldn't you be in there with her?" She asked.
Jim gulped nervously, "I would, but your boyfriend told me to keep an eye on you. He sounded kinda pissed, and after what he did to those zombies, I don't want any of that anger directed at me."
"My boyfriend?" Paula puzzled.
"Yeah, the kid in the red cap, Ness wasn't it?"
"He's not my boyfriend." Paula giggled, blushing, "We just travel together."
"Oh... sorry..."
"It's alright." Paula said, "Um... where is he, anyway?"
"I don't know." Jim said, "he brought you into the camp, told me to look after you, then left. He said something about saving a nerd..."
OH no! Paula thought, I have to warn him about the-
"I still think it would be cool. Come on now, a gravity gun? You could kick so much ass with that!" It was Ness' voice.
"Yes, I agree, but it's not terribly feasible."
"Well, I have telekinesis and that's not what most people call 'feasible'"
"A good point, but still--"
Ness walked through the door. "You're up!" He exclaimed happily. "Thanks Jim!"
"Uh... No problem." Jim said meekly. He excused himself.
"Feeling any better?" Jeff asked as he walked through the door.
Paula nodded. Her shoulder still ached a little, but for the most part she was fine. She suspected Ness had something to do with that.
"Well, you two seem to be getting along much better." She observed. "You're not at each other's throats!"
"It seems we've reached an understanding." Jeff said.
"Yeah," Ness said, "Jeff's not completely useless. He took out a big monster tent basically by himself."
There was a tinny beep as the Star Wars theme filled the room. The three looked about for a moment, puzzled before Ness remembered Apple Kid's Phone in his backpack. He answered.
"Hello, Ness?" Apple Kid said.
"Hey, what's up Apple Kid?"
"Not much, not much... Hey, I heard a rumor you went to Threed, is that true?"
"Um... yeah."
"I see. I heard some pretty odd things about that place."
"What? Zombies?"
"Yeah, pretty crazy, huh?"
"Not as crazy as you'd think. They're kinda... real."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, a bunch of them jumped me and Paula a few days ago."
"You don't say... that's actually really great! Well, not you getting jumped, I mean, I hope everyone's alright and all, I was talking about the zombies. It may be the chance I need to test my new invention. Zombie Paper!"
"Zombie Paper?" Ness asked.
"Yes. It's kind of lame compared to the pencil eraser, but I have some theories about the behavioral tendencies of reanimated corpses, and why they're specifically attracted to brains. If this pans out, you could probably get rid of all the zombies in the area!"
"Well that's great Apple Kid, but how are you going to get it to me? There's really no way in or out of this town."
"No worries." Apple kid said, "I've actually already sent it to you via Mach Pizza. You should get it soon. "
"Thanks Apple Kid, I owe you."
"Nonsense." Apple kid said, "you gave me food AND funding, we're friends for life! Anyway, I'd better get back to work, I'll be in touch."
"Alright!" Ness said, "Bye." He hung up.
"You know Apple Kid?" Jeff asked Ness.
"Yeah." Ness said, "Do you?"
"Only by reputation. He's sort of my rival." Jeff said.
Ness nodded, "Didn't he take you on a date one time, Paula?"
Paula rolled her eyes. "No, it was Orange Kid, and it wasn't a date, just a movie, which I didn't get to watch!"
"You dated Orange Kid?" Jeff asked with disgust.
Paula said, "I said it wasn't a date. And why do you say it like that? At least he bathes regularly."
Jeff shrugged, "The matter of hygiene aside, Orange Kid is a bigger thief than Eric Bauman. The only thing he's ever not ripped off from Apple kid was a media player that he ripped off from ME! But, I digress, what did Apple kid say?"
"He wanted to tell me about his new invention. It should really help."
"What is it?" Paula asked.
X X X X X X X X
As they exited the hospital they were stopped by a portly man in a top hat and a pin striped button down shirt and suspenders. He carried a large pizza box with the word MACH printed on it. He addressed Ness.
"Hey, Kid, you want this pizza? I was just gonna throw it away, the guy who ordered it is a zombie, and it's against our policy to serve the living dead."
Ness shrugged, "Sure!" he took the pizza.
"By the way, I've been wandering around here looking for some kid named Ness. This weird guy named Apple kid asked me to deliver something to him, but I'm not some stinkin' delivery guy."
"Yes you--" Jeff started.
"Don't interrupt, kid. Anyway, I've decided to pretend you're Ness, 'cause I don't get paid enough for this." He handed Jeff the package.
"But... I'm Ne--" Ness began.
"What'd I say?!" The pizza man barked, "I've decided that you're Ness no matter what. Anyway, take Apple kid's package and do whatever with it, I don't care, I'm done here." He stalked off.
"Well that was rude." Paula said.
"In his defense, it was very careless of Apple Kid to trust the delivery of something so important to a pizza guy." Jeff said.
Ness shrugged, "Whatever, I'm just stoked we got a free pizza out of it! You hungry guys?"
Jeff shook his head.
"So where to now?" Paula asked.
"We go back to the circus so I can eat this pizza!" Ness said.
"Actually," Jeff said, "I was hoping to see those tunnels."
"You still want to leave? After after all thats happened?" Paula said.
"Um... hello? Free pizza here!" Ness said.
Jeff shook his head, "From what you've told me, these ghosts are at the center of the zombie outbreak, if Apple Kid's invention is successful it will only mean a temporary tactical advantage. Understanding the ghosts will mean the difference between winning the battle and winning the war."
Paula nodded, "See Ness, that's the strategy we needed when we first got here."
Ness shrugged, "Yeah, but if we hadn't done things my way we never would have gotten ambushed and never would have needed Jeff to come rescue us. So his strategy is just an extension of mine."
"What?" Jeff said, looking up from his SPI.
"He didn't hear a word." Ness said.
"I told you." Paula said, "He thinks in equations."
X X X X X X X X
GO BACK!! a chorus of shrill, unearthly voices called from inside the tunnel, as rows of partially opaque corpses formed a solid barrier, daring the three children to step within their domain. The mass of specters made the hairs on Paula's neck stand up and sent a chill down her spine. "Can we go please?" She asked. Even Ness looked a little pale.
Jeff however was unperturbed, and busily scribbled calculations into the SPI.
"Jeff, They look agitated." Paula said.
"They look pissed off!" Ness exclaimed, looking around warily for an ambush.
"Do they now." Jeff said absently, chewing on the stylus in concentration.
"We should go..." Paula said.
"Just a minute..." Jeff said.
I don't know about you," Paula said nervously, "in every ghost story I've ever heard, tortured souls of the departed tend to be very territorial."
There was a beep from Jeff's SPI. "AHA!" he said triumphantly, "Tortured souls of the departed also tend not to have a physical makeup! Take that Harry Price!"
"Awesome, can we go now?" Paula asked.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. "You two are certainly timorous for a couple of psychics."
"Have you noticed the army of ghosts?" Ness said.
Jeff shrugged and turned to leave.
"So what's your verdict? Can we beat them?" Paula asked.
"I don't know yet." Jeff answered.
"What?!" Ness demanded, "You spent all that time and you still don't know?"
"It was only a few seconds." Jeff answered, "And I still have to analyze my findings, they've raised more questions than answers, but I do believe that my preliminary hypothesis was valid."
"Being?" Ness and Paula asked together.
Jeff didn't respond, he simply continued walking, muttering to himself.
Paula gave Ness an exasperated look.
"What?" Ness said, "You called him."
They arrived at the circus ten minutes later.
"I need to study this a bit. Will you need help placing the zombie paper?"
"No, go ahead." Ness said, "I've got it."
Jeff nodded, "Oh, and by the way, could you loan me that fly honey we found?"
Ness nodded, digging the jar out of his backpack, "What do you need it for?"
"A hunch." Jeff said. He turned to leave and then abruptly turned back to them, "Is there anywhere in this town to sleep? I'm actually rather exhausted."
"Anybody want to try risking the hotel?" Paula asked.
Ness nodded, "Gladly. We owe those bastards."
The hotel's clerk was decidedly human and most definitely alive.
"We took back the hotel early this morning." He explained, "You kids have been a huge help. Wish you had gotten here sooner though, a few days ago the zombies got some kids here. It's a damn shame."
"Yeah, that was us." Ness said.
The clerk was dumb struck.
"I guess that means we have to book new rooms, huh?"
He nodded slowly. "How come you're not... dead... well, undead... er... whatever?"
"It'll take more than a bunch of smelly dead guys to take us out. Right guys?" Ness got no reply, Paula and Jeff were already making their way up the stairs.
X X X X X X X X
"I thought you were tired." Paula said around a mouthful of pizza.
"Look who's talking with their mouth full now!" Ness exclaimed, his own mouth stuffed. They were sitting cross legged on one of the beds, the Extra large box of pizza between them.
"I haven't eaten anything but a few candy bars in almost three days, I'm allowed. And besides," She swallowed, "I'm a lady."
"Yes, you're a shining beacon of refinement." Jeff said from the desk. "And while I am very tired and suffering from a dreadful case of jet lag, I'm used to sleep deprivation, it's my cocaine." He took a bite of pizza.
"You know what would go really great with this?" Ness said, "Buffalo wings. Too bad we don't have any... or do we?!" He pulled a large box labeled Zazzy's out of his backpack.
"When did you...?" Paula asked.
"I saw that they were open on the way to meet up with you guys. I didn't know how long they'd stay open, so I picked this up."
Jeff whirled around "We nearly killed each other and you were off stuffing your face?!"
"Here they go again..." Paula sighed.
"Yeah," Ness said, "Because somebody didn't believe that we were psychic and wanted to get a closer look at the freakin' ghosts!"
"I thought you guys had reached an understanding!" Paula said.
"Understanding or no that was irresponsible, Ness!" Jeff said.
"Well pardon me for thinking you could take care of yourself!" Ness replied, "It's not like running off on your own to look at ghosts is any more responsible!"
There was a sudden flash of blue and the temperature of the room plummeted. "When the two of you decide to grow up, you can start talking again, but until then, please shut up." Paula said, looking aggravated. "Ness, you should have thought with your brain and not with your stomach." Jeff looked triumphant for a moment, but was instantly squashed when Paula said, "And Jeff, if Ness had gotten there sooner he might have been caught in the illusion too. And while you haven't seen him really fight, I have, and I'm pretty sure that one of us would have ended up dead. Now, Ness, go warm up the pizza and turn up the thermostat." Needless to say, Ness obeyed.
He continued to eat and Jeff continued to work both in mutual fear of Paula. At length Ness said, "Hey, Jeff, will it bother you if I turn on the TV?"
"No," Jeff said, "If I can work with my roommate blaring ska music all the time, I can work through anything."
"Good luck getting any reception" Paula said, "I don't think the cable is working, given the situation." She said.
"Oh." Ness said as he turned on the TV, "right." There was nothing but static.
Jeff stood wordlessly, crossed the room and got a coat hanger from the closet, some various sundries from his bag, and went over to the TV. Some tinkering, a buzzing noise, and a few mild curse words later Jeff stood back and jiggled the odd looking apparatus on top of the cable box. The picture came in a little fuzzy, but not enough to fuss over.
"How did you...?" Ness asked.
"I'm a genius." Jeff said, "Let's leave it at that."
Ness grinned widely. "Jeff, I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to upset you."
"Of course," Jeff said, "Everyone is always nice to me when they find out I come with free satellite television."
Paula laughed, "If it makes you friends, who cares?"
"Let's see what's on, shall we?" Ness said. He surfed through the channels for a bit before pausing at one of the many music stations. After a moment he changed the channel in disgust. "It's sad that they don't have any music on there anymore."
"Yeah," Paula agreed "Now they just have reality shows."
"I really don't give a crap about some old rocker who wants to get laid!" Ness ranted.
Paula giggled. "Were you hoping to see the Runaway Five?" She asked.
Ness shook his head, "They're never on TV anymore. I think they've had one music video ever."
"Who's the 'Runway Five'?" Jeff asked, eyes still on his work.
Ness' Eyes went wide.
"Oh, no." Paula laughed, "You've done it now Jeff."
"Paula, I require a CD player!" Ness said, "We must educate this poor man!"
Paula shook her head sadly, "Sorry, mine got busted up somewhere between the zombies and the evil clowns."
Ness' countenance fell.
Jeff turned around in his seat, "You still haven't answered my question. Who are they?"
"Only the greatest blues band EVER!" Ness exclaimed with conviction.
Jeff gave a disinterested 'meh' and turned back around.
"What?!" Ness demanded, "Is that it?!"
Jeff shrugged, "I'm not much into Blues. Some of it's good, but on the whole it's just too depressing."
"Oh?" Ness asked, "And what kind of music do you listen to?"
Jeff shrugged again. "Death Metal." he said casually.
Ness and Paula both stared.
"What?" Jeff said.
"Death metal?" Ness was incredulous.
"Did not see that coming." Paula said with comparable disbelief.
Jeff sighed. "Yes, a lot of things about me people find, unorthodox. They see the glasses and grade point average and say 'there goes a nerd. He likes star Trek, plays D&D, and doesn't bathe.' It's the story of my life."
Ness raised his hand, "Got me. I totally thought that."
Jeff nodded. "Yep."
Paula yawned. "So how are we going to do this?"
"Sleeping arrangements?" Ness asked, "I dunno. I guess you guys can have the beds, and I'll take the recliner."
"Don't bother." Jeff said, "I probably won't sleep tonight, and if I do it'll be here."
"Well, that works." Paula said, "Not a word of this to my parents, Ness. They'd KILL me if they found out I shared a room with just you, let alone two guys."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. 'Night guys." Ness crawled under the covers.
"Good night." Paula said.
"Good night Jeff." They both said.
"Mmmhmm." Was Jeff's absent reply.
Ness and Paula both chuckled as they drifted off to sleep.
And working through the night, Jeff fixed the broken Airsoft Gun.
X X X X X X X
Author's Note: I debated on whether or not to go with the evil clown idea or just have Jeff and Paula fight zombies, but in the end I just decided 'what the hell' and went with it. I figure they've been fighting zombies since they arrived in Threed, they might as well get a change of pace. Also, from what I've seen, one of the things that makes for good Earthbound fanfiction are pop culture references. Throughout this story I've felt like I've been lacking, so I tried to stuff as many as I could into these latest few chapters without taking away from the story. Maybe I overdid it with this chapter, maybe not. Also, One reviewer said that the early chapters seemed like a ripoff, to which I say that this entire story was inspired by not only Earthbound, but the Earthbound Novelization by Marshall, which is the first EB Fanfic I ever enjoyed. A lot of elements, specifically the climax of the battle with Titanic Ant and maybe some other things that I used subconsciously, were 'borrowed' from that story. So Crazy Rob, what you call a ripoff, I call an homage, mostly because it makes me sound like a lot less of a douche. Long winded Author's note, sorry.