My muse had a different idea for this chapter than what I originally planned. I just had to write it. I think it might surprise you. 11 pages! This chapter practically flowed from my fingertips. Also I do not own Merlin btw.
Iricious: :D I knew that you wouldn't forget. Trust me I will reveal what he told her but you must be patient. It has to be the right time. I 3 you!
I also 3 all of my readers! I wouldn't have the motivation to keep on schedule without your support! And by the way I will need all the encouragement I can get about keeping on schedule with school starting again. Nursing school is really really demanding on my time and stresses me out and this is my last semester so I will be super busy. Everyone's reviews make me soooo happy and I love reading each of your reactions to my chapters. They mean the world to me and I want to make each chapter better for all of you.
XxOxX
Morgana closed the door to the small room and pulled the laces from the front of the dress. She let the fabric fall from her body onto the floor and quickly stepped to the tub, shivering from the cold. The steam rising from the water looked promising and she quickly submerged herself in the heat. The moan that came from her mouth was one of satisfaction. Now she could finally get clean. Her eyes looked over the soaps and she was surprised to find that her favorite was included in the mix. Gwen must have done this for her. She grabbed the bottle and uncorked the lid then brought it under her nose and inhaled. Liliac and rose wafted from the bottle and she smiled. This was something she had missed since leaving Camelot because this soap was the most expensive, but Uther had indulged his ward at the time and gotten it for her at every opportunity.
Morgana poured the liquid onto a rag and lathered it up then lifted herself out of the water and began to wash. She was shocked to see the state of her body. Her ribs and collar bones were raised slightly and her stomach, flat normally had begun to curve inward from hunger. She had lost some meat in her legs and arms and even her face looked gaunt. No one was joking about her condition. How was she supposed to get out of Camelot looking so weak and frail? She shivered again with cold and submerged her body watching the soap come away from her skin and the dirt begin to cloud the water slightly. She sank underneath the water and came back up for air, using the hair soap on her drenched head and trying to work out the tangles. The heat was doing wonders for her sore body and bruises. With the soap in her hair she sat back against the side of the tub and closed her eyes.
What other way was there to bring magic back? She had to fight for her people and their right to live in this kingdom and not have to hide what they were. It wasn't right. They should be allowed to do what they wished and not be killed for merely existing. Magic was wondrous to behold. When she and her sister had gone to the Isle of the Blessed Morgause had told her that at one time the halls teemed with priestesses and magic and wonder and life, but the castle was crumbling and there was only death to be found there.
What a mess she has gotten into. She is here in Camelot, but not as its ruler, as it's prisoner. Aithusa was locked in the dungeon somewhere alone and afraid and waiting for her mistress. Tears gathered in her eyes as she thought of the little dragon. Morgana was the only one who could soothe the pain in her legs from growing wrong. She would need to work the spell again soon or her dragon would not be able to walk.
She would use her brother's love for her to her advantage. Even the great King Arthur was not immune to a woman's tears. Merlin would be another matter. He saw right through her the moment she stepped foot in Camelot 5 years ago after she had been 'captured' by her sister. His trust would be the hardest to gain. She stopped her train of thought. Maybe she did not have to gain his trust, merely a place in his heart again. Morgana had already gained a foothold last night. Her body was already soiled from her time imprisoned. At least he would try to reciprocate if the time they spent together in her hovel was any indication. Still she shivered inwardly at the thought of actually bedding someone. It was difficult to remember the time when there was no pain in the act of sex. Her body had been used and violated so many times. As her thoughts began to spiral out of control back to the pit where they began she had to dig her nails into her palms and let the present pain bring her out of the memories where she cried and screamed at the men holding her down while threatening to cut off her dragon's wings if she did not cooperate. She sank underneath the water and back out again, rinsing off her hair. She grabbed the brush next to the tub and began to run it through her hair, blanking out her thoughts and focusing on the brush strokes.
The tangles in her hair came out rather easily and she began to think on Gaius's words. The old man was wise and he had once been a priest of the Old Religion, certainly he would know about this collar. His trust would be almost as difficult as Merlin's especially since she would not even think about warming his bed. He was like a grandfather to her.
Gwen would help her but she was distracted but other things. Perhaps she was barren like Igraine had been. What a twist that would make.
A little voice in her head started up. What if Gaius was right? What if you could come back to Camelot and be with your friends and family again? What if there was another way to liberate your people?
Shut up! There can be no other way. She couldn't go down that road again only to be hurt again. For now she would wait and listen. That was how she got out of prison before. It was only a matter of time before someone made a mistake. She sank down into the water again and sighed, luxuriating in the warmth.
####
Merlin said goodbye to Gaius's last patient and began to make his way back to the castle from the lower town. Before he went back to see Gaius and Morgana he would go and check to see if Gwen was alone so they could concoct a plan.
His trip was rather quick and he made his way to the nursery to find Gwen sitting in her rocking chair with Ellie standing beside a table playing with a wooden horse. She looked up and waved at Merlin, who waved back. "Hello, Gwen."
She jerked and blinked her eyes rapidly, "Sorry, Merlin. I must have dozed off. I've been so tired lately."
"I would imagine." He laughed and took a seat across from her.
"I'm so much more tired so much earlier with this pregnancy than I was with her. It's frustrating."
"That was actually what I came here to talk to you about. Did you have any idea how you were going to tell him?"
"Actually, yes." She smiled and leaned forward to tell Merlin her plan.
####
As the water began to cool and her skin had begun to prune she sighed and realized that she would have to get out soon or someone would come looking for her. She didn't want any soldiers or knights seeing her naked. It would bring back too many bad memories for her. Her hand closed around the towel outside of the bath and she quickly wrapped it around herself, drying her skin before the water would get too cold and stepped out of the bath, drying herself off the rest of the way. She pulled on the clean undergarments and dress which was a pretty pale green and dried off her hair. Satisfied that it was mostly dry she grabbed the brush again and pulled it through her soft and now shiny dark hair. It would dry in curls and waves and that was just the way she liked it. Her hair had always been one of her best attributes. She opened the door and a guard was there to greet her with a new set of cuffs for her hands which allowed her some freedom of movement. She did not resist him and let him lead her back to Gaius's chambers. She was surprised to find Gwen in the room as well. Their heads were close together and they were whispering and laughing. "And that is my plan."
"I think it's brilliant. He will never suspect a thing. Have you told Merlin?"
Her laughter irritated Morgana. Gwen looked up and immediately hushed Gaius. What could they possibly be talking about that would warrant such privacy? "What do you think?"
"I think he will be thrilled to pull one over on Arthur." She then addressed Morgana. "Arthur will be here soon. He wanted to talk to you again."
"What could my dear brother want to talk to me about? He could save us all some time and stick me back out in the courtyard."
"He doesn't want to kill you."
"He will." She said quietly.
"I thought you would be hungry so I brought you some more food. I trust that you will eat it as I have proven that we only want to help you?" Gwen began to reach onto the plate again and Gaius stopped her.
"She will have to eat slowly until her body gets used to it. I would say you have been without much food for at least two weeks."
"You would be correct."
"I thought as much."
The door to Gaius's quarters opened again and a blonde head came into view. "Is she decent?"
"No. I've never been decent according to you."
"Very funny, Morgana."
"What do you want? Why haven't you killed me yet?"
"Straight to the point, eh? No hello, how are you?"
She could play for a while, "Fine then, Hello, Arthur. How are you?"
"That's better. You should have better manners. You didn't grow up in the woods." Arthur chided, trying to provoke her.
"No, but I was driven there."
"You were a tyrant usurper. You were punished. You were not killed."
"The crown is my right."
"Wrong. It is my birthright. You are 3 years younger than I am, Morgana. This is a fact that you have suspiciously forgotten. The elder child inherits the crown. You never were power hungry before. What changed?"
"It changed because Uther refused to acknowledge me as his child, same as you. He was ashamed of me."
"Father loved you as much as he did me. You were just too narrow minded to see it at the time." He stood next to the bed so she had to crane her head up at him. "He was a broken man after your betrayal. He was silent for a whole year, looking out the window, heartbroken. It was almost as if you had always been his favorite. He came back to himself long enough to celebrate my birthday and die that night in my defense."
"You're lying."
"Why would I lie? Think about that."
"To torment me. You always wanted me gone."
"Now that is a lie. I always loved you. I still do love you. Why don't you think you are dead yet?" He knelt down next to her. "You look so weak, so fragile. I am sorry for what you have suffered. I truly am. But make no mistake. Next time you take the life of one of my people you will be killed. I am giving you one chance. Only one to prove to me that you deserve the gift of life that I am giving you. Do not mess this up. When you are well again you will begin your duties as a maidservant to Gwen. There will be a guard with you at all times and you will be hobbled and cuffed…"
"A maidservant? Is this some sort of joke? I don't know the first thing about being a maidservant."
"A funny twist. You being her maidservant? Well, no matter, Gwen will teach you all you need to know and you will obey me in this. Remember, Morgana. Servitude or death."
"I won't be a slave. I would rather die." She hissed.
"Whether or not you remain a servant remains to be seen. I love you, Morgana." He stood back up and looked down at her. "I will visit you again soon, Morgana. I've always valued our talks. But I must be going. I have a kingdom to run after all." Morgana was furious at his flippant attitude towards her. When she got her magic back she would make him wish he was never born at all. He held her cuffs in his hands and used a key to unlock them, placing it back into his pocket.
Gwen got up and walked over to her husband and kissed him. For once instead of scoffing and refusing to look at them she studied their reactions to each other. Her eyes latched onto the kiss and their body language. It had been a long while since she had seen any romantic interactions between anyone. How could someone be so comfortable with another person? She hadn't watched them fall in love, not really. Her experience of them was through a tunneled glass. She saw only what she could use against them. What she saw before her now was an innocent type of love, one that never should have been used against them. "Let's go get ready, my husband." He put his arm around her back and led her out.
"What did you see between them just then, Morgana? And don't lie to me because I saw you watching them with something akin to hunger."
"I saw love I think." She sat back down on the bed as Gaius went back over to a work table, sorting some herbs into different vials.
"What happened to you, child that you cannot see love in front of your very eyes?"
"If I told you Gaius it would break your weak heart."
"You will find that my heart is a lot stronger than you think."
She tried to look over his shoulder to see what exactly he was doing but her vantage point was poor for such things. "What are you doing?"
"Do you really wish to know?"
"I don't have much else to do now do I?"
He turned to her, "I am sorting herbs that Merlin and I collect in the woods. I have to dry some of them out and crush others." He pulled a stool up next to him. "If you want you can watch me. No questions or comments or I will have the guard gag you."
She nodded and got up from the bed to sit down on the stool. "Thank you."
"You were always a curious girl and I will never drive away someone who is eager for knowledge. Merlin has never been interested in my craft. I will warn you that if you use any of this without my permission or knowledge to do harm to others I will not care for you any longer. While you are here perhaps you could help me. But for today you must watch."
#### (I was tempted to stop here but I thought that would be mean)
Merlin was cleaning up after Arthur and Gwen's breakfast when he heard them coming down the hall. He made sure that the vial of liquid was still in his pocket. It was a harmless vial of water that had been turned purple with a few herbs. The door opened and he saw Arthur enter with Gwen being carried bridal style in his arms he was laughing and nearly tripped and fell when he saw Merlin. He was not expecting to have company in his room. "What are you doing here, Merlin?" Arthur sounded a little out of breath and sat down on the bed with Gwen in his lap and when she tried to get away he held her there. "Nope."
"Oh. Well I was just cleaning up. With Morgana in his quarters Gaius had me deliver his medicines and I was late getting up here. Oh! And here's yours Gwen."
"What does she need this for? Did you find out anything? Are you sick?!" his voice kept getting higher with each sentence as he began to check her face and cheeks for fever. Merlin had to use every bit of willpower to keep from laughing.
"Yes. I am. It is going to last for a while." Gwen made her voice get lower and sadden.
"What has she got? You tell me right now, Merlin!" his eyes were wide and panicked.
"Well the symptoms last for approximately nine months. It starts with the patient throwing up. It is only specific to women."
"Will she die?"
"Soon she will have odd cravings for foods like sheep's tongue and goat liver. She will begin to use the chamber pot more frequently and her abdomen will start to swell."
Arthur was still clueless, listening to Merlin with rapt attention. There is no way that he can be this thick is there? Merlin thought to himself. "Anything else?"
"Her breasts will get larger and tenderer and she will begin to have mood swings. These can be detrimental to anyone in her vicinity." Guinevere shot him a warning look.
"You said it was nine months. What happens at the end?"
"She will be in terrible pain. So terrible that she wants to die, and then she will expel a growth after many hours of labor." Merlin was having a lot of difficulty keeping his voice serious. His ribs were starting to hurt from holding in his laughter at his friend's thick-headedness.
"What sort of growth?" Gwen was rolling her eyes and looking exasperated.
"Well some call it a nightmarish creature, but you already have one yourself, Arthur. Her name is Eliana Pendragon and she is going to be a big sister in about 7 months."
For a moment Arthur looked confused then his eyes narrowed into slits. "Oh, Merlin, that is so not funny." He deposited Gwen onto the bed then darted after Merlin with a pillow in his hand, who had made a bee-line for the door. "Get back here! You could have just told me she was pregnant! You almost made me have a brain bleed or something." He tackled Merlin to the ground and began to beat him with the pillow. "I thought there was really something wrong with her!"
"How can you be so thick? I described everything that she went through with Ellie! And you still didn't get it. Sometimes I wonder if you are really a King at all with a hard head like yours." He laughed and fended off the blows.
"Hey! Boys! Arthur get off of him." She was holding her sides and laughing. "Really Arthur? How did you not get that?"
"I'll get you for that too." He got off Merlin and darted back for Gwen, tackling her softly to the bed. "Are you really pregnant?" he asked softly, caressing her lower belly.
"Yes. Are you happy?"
"I'm actually quite frustrated at a certain woman and servant at the moment."
"Hush. Kiss me." Arthur's lips descended on hers and Merlin took the opportunity to dart out of the room, still breathless from laughter and left them to celebrate in their own way.
He ran down the hall, eager to tell Gaius about Arthur's reaction. He opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. Morgana was right beside Gaius, watching him quietly as he tended to his herbs. They both looked up at his entrance. "Hello, my boy. I was just showing Morgana how to dry herbs properly."
"Why?"
"Do I have to have a reason, Merlin?" she sounded condescending.
"You always have a reason for everything."
"Oh, stop. The two of you will have to get along since she is staying here for about 4 more days."
"4 days! Come on Gaius. She can't stay here that long."
"Why not? She is being quite civil now. You are the one acting childish." Morgana smirked and gave him an 'I'm the favorite one now' look.
"Fine, whatever. I will be in the tavern."
"What if Arthur comes looking for you?"
"He's not going to come looking for me."
"It went well then?"
"It went amazingly. I will have to tell you about it later." He walked back out the door and out to the tavern, planning to get nice and drunk before facing Morgana again.
####-Sometime during the night
Merlin opened the door and practically stumbled inside. He had not had many drinks but he had been playing dice for a few hours now and his eyes were beginning to bother him. He headed for his room for some peace and quiet no looking over to where Morgana was supposed to be sleeping. He opened his own door and practically fell down the steps.
"Are you drunk?"
"Not drunk enough. What are you doing sitting on my bed." He got back up and stopped in the door and was taken aback by how beautiful she looked. Her skin was clean and she had a new dress that he had not noticed when he had been back here earlier. Her hair was brushed and fell in waves past her shoulders. It was remarkable what a bath could do for someone. He could swear that he was in Camelot 7 years ago instead of now.
"I was waiting for you."
"Why?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"Well, Morgana, I don't feel like talking." He did a quick check around the room. His books and staff were still hidden underneath the floorboards and it did not look like Morgana had been rummaging through his things.
"Did you enjoy the tavern?"
"Yes. I won lots of money and drank lots of ale."
"Are you going to come to bed?"
"Not with you in it."
She pouted, her bottom lip coming out, "Whyever not, Merlin? You let me in here last night." She wasn't going to give up so easily.
"You were cold."
"What if I told you I was cold again?"
"What game are you playing?"
"No game." She got up and gestured for him to lie down.
He walked past her, not arguing and took his shirt off. "Yeah, right."
"What are you doing?" she sounded slightly panicked for a moment.
"Taking my shirt off. I don't sleep in one or did you not notice last night?"
"I didn't notice." She appraised him. Her eyes greedily took in his filled out physique. It had changed since she had last seen him without his shirt and she approved. He got closer to her and she smelled the alcohol on his breath, which made her mind flash back to Sarrum's camp and the drunken soldiers. She shook her head and watched him get under the covers.
"If Gaius catches you…" he warned.
"Gaius won't catch me. And even if he did he wouldn't say anything. I still have all my clothes on after all." She climbed into bed with him and turned her back, nestling into his warmth as his arm wrapped around her.
"This is the last night, Morgana. Tomorrow night you are on your own."
"If you say so."
"What is your game?"
"I'm not telling you." She smelled the alcohol again and almost vomited. She wanted to leave yet didn't at the same time. Why was she so drawn to him now? Was it because she had gotten a taste of him? Her pull to him wasn't this strong before he had poisoned her. "Maybe I want to thank you for saving me."
"I also poisoned you. I think it is null now."
"Perhaps. Now be quiet. I want to sleep." She settled down into the bed and closed her eyes.
The bed was small enough without the two of them so uncomfortably close. He should not have let her in the first time. He needed to figure out what her game was. He had the upper hand. She was powerless and he was not and with Arthur going on a scouting mission tomorrow he would not see her for a whole week and it bothered some deep part of him. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the scent of roses and lilacs.
Merlin came awake during the night to Morgana thrashing in her sleep and whimpering. He could barely make out the word, "Stop." in her mumblings. He checked the collar to make sure it was still fitted and tried to do a bit of magic while holding onto it. When he couldn't access his power he gripped her arms and leaned over her.
"Morgana, wake up." When she did not he said it louder and shook her a little, "Morgana. It's only a dream. Wake up."
Her eyes flew open and she took a deep breath. Merlin quickly put his hand over her mouth before she could scream. Her eyes were distant and terrified. She began to struggle against him wildly. Whatever she had been dreaming about was something terrible, even for her.
"Morgana. Calm down. It's Merlin." Her eyes blinked a couple of times and her struggles ceased. She came back to herself and stilled on the bed with his weight pinning her. "Don't yell. You'll bring the whole castle in here and I doubt that is what you want right now." He removed his hand slowly.
"Get off of me. Please."
He moved off of her. "Do you want to tell me what that is all about?"
"No."
"You were terrified."
"I said no. Let's just go back to sleep." She tried to turn back over when Merlin reached over and stopped her.
"Contrary to popular belief I don't like to see anyone suffer. It wasn't a vision you had because that is tied to your magic. It was a memory. You suffered in your dream." His features softened towards her. "It was never my intention to hurt you or cause you harm. I made a mistake. I knew it when I saw the woman I cared greatly for die in my arms."
She stopped and looked at him and realized his sincerity. Her gaze softened and her eyes met his, "It doesn't change anything."
"I know."
She moved first, turning back over and moving her upper body and face towards his. He finished the journey and met her lips with his own. Her lips were soft and tentative beneath his as they ghosted with light touches against his then pulled back and lightly touched again. This became a pattern between them like the ebb and flow of the tides. He did not try to push her and let her lead this dance between them. Morgana was enjoying the sweet softness of his lips to try and banish the remnants of the dream where the soldiers' kisses were sloppy and disgusting and the smell of cheap ale was on their breath and clothes. Merlin tasted nothing like cheap ale and was being so gentle with her. Morgana's heart began to beat a little faster as she deepened the kiss and pressed her mouth fully against his. The kiss was still slow and soft which was exactly what she needed.
Merlin's magic flared to life underneath his skin, dancing along his nerves in response to Morgana's kiss even though there was very little about it that was sexual. Her hand moved from her side and landed on his arm, travelling up the bare skin and reached around his shoulders and neck, pulling him down so she did not have to keep herself up. He fell forward a little onto her and her chest brush against his. Her fingers running along his arm had made him shiver and her other arm wrapped around his upper back so she could keep him where she wanted him. The heat from his upper body seeped into her skin and warmed her as she kissed him harder, nipping on his lower lip. His hand that had been stationary at his side settled on her hip and began to run up her side and she immediately stiffened and jerked back from his kiss, pushing him off of her. She couldn't do it. Even though she knew that he was not one of her tormenters the weight of his body and the remnant of the dream made it impossible for her to continue.
The tender moment between them gone in a second and he could have punched himself. Morgana was breathing harder but her eyes had gone from soft to hard in the seconds after their kiss, "This changes nothing. And that kiss doesn't leave this room. Do we have that clear?"
"What did I do?" Merlin was confused at the sudden change in her mood and nodded. He was lucky that he had not gotten fully aroused while he kissed her, otherwise when she moved back into position it would have been rather awkward between them and he didn't know what she would do to him then.
"Nothing. Just go back to sleep. Forget that ever happened. I don't know what came over me."
"It's not weakness to give into your feelings."
She lifted her lip in a snarl, "Feelings are weakness. Love is weakness. Anger and hate give you strength."
He did not want to argue with her and instead lay back down on his side ignoring her comment. She got up out of his embrace and walked to the door. "Where are you going?"
"Back to my bed, Merlin. I don't think I will be needing your services anymore."
Her comment stung but he shrugged and watched the door close behind her. He knew the truth. She was afraid of feeling anything positive about anyone here. He closed his eyes and refused to think about her lips and body and how they felt against him. It was almost as good as what he dreamed.
#####
Morgana shut the door and wrapped her arms around herself. Her body still hummed from his attentions and remembered Merlin very fondly. Her mind, however, had made her sick from the thought taking things any further than a kiss. She craved his touch and rebelled against it. The carefully constructed wall she had made around her body and heart had developed a small chip and she had to repair it before she lost everything completely. He had been so tender with her and he had tried to comfort her. She wouldn't…couldn't fall into his trap and let herself be vulnerable and open to harm again. It was too big of a risk. One thing was for certain. She had to stay away from Merlin and his tender eyes or she might lose herself completely. A little voice in her head whispered Would that really be so bad anyway?
XxOxX
Don't be mad at me! Please! I gave you a little bit of Mergana. And before you yell at me about chapter 4 and her actions there she had just been captured and was still in denial about the whole thing. She had not yet had time to process everything and before she had her magic to keep her bad dreams about the whole Sarrum thing away. Now that she had no magic she can have nightmares about her imprisonment again. Merlin will play a big part in helping her face her fears. I believe that she was sexually abused during her imprisonment and the fact that Merlin had been drinking had triggered the nightmare.
Did you like my pregnancy reveal or was it bad? In my head it was really quite hilarious. And Btw I might be looking for a Beta so if anyone wants to volunteer I will take it into consideration!