CHAPTER TEN

I remember the day everything changed as if it were yesterday.

The day that I lost half of my life.

The day that he helped me to rebuild it.

The day that, with him by my side, I left one life behind, and entered another.

Because it always was like that. We were always together. He was the light that led my way. He comforted me in my grief. He strengthened me in my fear. And I did the same for him.

And that was right.

That was beautiful.

That was how it was meant to be.

That was how it should have been.

That was how it could have been.

And I think, perhaps, it all began that day.

I hear my own cry. I hear it, sharp and clear as it rips from my throat, ringing through the air, echoing on the walls, filled with pain and denial. I see his tears, silent tears, tears shed for my grief as much as for his own. His voice whispers in my ear, soft and gentle as ever, begging forgiveness. 'I'm sorry, Karliah. Believe me. I am truly sorry.'

I thought then that my entire life had been shattered. That the world had been pulled out from under my feet. That everything I had known- or that I had thought I had known- had been a lie. But it had not. For had it not happened, no matter how painful it was, I would never have become who I am…

And had I not, we might never have known each other's hearts.

I might never have loved him.

And I wouldn't exchange his love for anything. Not even for the entire world.

Not even for the life of the only other person I ever loved.

The sun was setting behind the jagged, fearsome mountains, dappling the beautiful pale evening sky in streaks of golden amber, blood red, rose pink and midnight blue. The delicate wisps of high cloud were stained slate grey and stormy purple, as if the Divines themselves had reached up with giant hands and painted thin, frail lines across the heavens. Dark pines stood like watchmen along the side of the road, seeming to gently stroke the sky with their pointed tips as one might stroke a dog. The quiet, playful breeze whistled through their branches, carrying leaves and flakes of frost into the air.

My horse's hooves sent up clouds of snow into the air as I cantered along the road at full speed. One pace behind me came Brynjolf on his own steed, brow creased in determination. As he neared me, I frowned and urged my mount forward with a gentle squeeze of my legs. 'Go on, Raven, go!'

The stallion tossed his head eagerly and pressed forwards with all the speed he could muster. Brynjolf grinned and slapped his mare on the side of her neck, encouraging her. I twisted around in the saddle and shouted back to him. 'Give it up!'

'Not on your life, lass! I'll be seeing in you in the Flagon!' His dark brown mare, Bryony- so named because everyone liked the sound of Brynjolf and Bryony- put on a burst of speed and managed to overtake me.

'You wish!' I gave Raven a small kick, and he galloped onwards with renewed effort, panting hard. The two horses, bay and black, raced forward, neck and neck, their lithe, muscular bodies gleaming in the light from the dying sun.

The two of us had been training in a snowbound Dawnstar. Everyone was set a mission in a town outside of Riften at some point, for nobody there took any notice of thieves. Thieves were part of the city, just like the mead and the fishing. Stealing had been going on for so long and with such persistence that it was hardly a crime any more. But elsewhere in Skyrim, things were different, and it was the ultimate test of our abilities, stealth, cunning and initiative to pull off a major crime in a city that wasn't so lenient when it came to people who were found breaking the law. This time, it had been simple- Brynjolf had been assigned the task of breaking into a house, stealing an item, and escaping without being caught. With cockiness and overconfidence that was typical Brynjolf all over, he'd chosen the guard house. Somehow- I was still trying to work out exactly how he'd managed to pull it off- he'd gently taken the helmets from the heads of each and every guard without any of them seeing a thing.

I was revelling in my mentoring of Brynjolf. Not only was an able student, succeeding in almost everything he turned his hand to, he was somehow able to make light of even the most grim and tense of situations. He was the source of most of the laughter in the Flagon these days. He still had a lot to learn, but I could tell that it wouldn't take long at all to teach it to him. He learned at lightning speed. He'd be a fully-fledged member before long.

Quick learner he might be, I thought grimly, but I'm not letting him beat me back. I whispered encouragement into Raven's ear and very slowly, I began to draw ahead.

'You're not winning that easily!' I yelled, and he narrowed his eyes.

The snow grew thicker and thicker and faster and faster with every step our horses took. It wasn't long before it was a full-blown snowstorm. We thundered along the road with it whirling around us, the wind whipping flurries of freezing white flakes into our faces. Hooves pounded and the few birds that were brave enough to leave their nests fluttered away in alarm as we crashed past them.

The lights of the stables started to shine through the blizzard. I pointed. 'First one to make it wins!'

'Challenge accepted, lass!' Brynjolf goaded Bryony on with a light tap and he started to get ahead of me. Thinking fast, I whipped around and pointed at something behind me.

'What's that?' I shouted, sounding panicked.

'What's what?' Bryn twisted around in the saddle, peering through the swirling whiteness, and in the second he was distracted I galloped past him and skidded to a halt on the icy ground outside the stable door. I leaped out of the saddle and slapped the wall, grinning triumphantly at Brynjolf.

'I believe that's a win for me!' I shouted jubilantly.

'Hey, no fair, lass. You tricked me!'

'And you fell for it!'

'Fair enough.'

We led our horses into the stables, making sure they were well sheltered from the howling wind and relentless snow flurries, and started back towards Riften, chatting amiably as we went. I loved these days with the Guild, the days of brightness and peace and happiness. The carefree days, the magical days, the days when I knew who I was and where I belonged.

If only they had lasted longer.

The guards blocked us with their swords as we approached the gates. 'Password?' one of them growled in a voice that couldn't have possibly made it more obvious that he would rather have been anywhere else in all Skyrim than in the middle of this snowstorm.

Clearly this was their newest way of trying to squeeze a few Septim out of gullible travellers. I shot Brynjolf a look of pretend horror. 'Brynjolf, I've forgotten the password!'

He caught on instantly. 'Shor's bones, what are we going to do now?'

'We might just have to guess,' I said. 'How about, 'let us in before we contact the Dark Brotherhood?''

'Good idea, lass, but I don't think that's going to get us through.' Frowning in mock distress, he turned to the guards. 'I've an idea- 'open the gates or we'll have to make you.''

'Mmm, it's good, but it's not quite right.' I grinned at the nearest of the two guards. 'I know. What do you say to, 'I still have other things to slice?'' My hand strayed to my dagger.

'All right, we're letting you in.' The guards fumbled with the bolt. 'No need to get tetchy.'

'Tetchy? Us? What on Nirn gives you that idea, lad?' Brynjolf gave him an innocent smile as we strolled past him and into the snow-coated streets.

There is something magical about a snowbound city. It is as if a place normally bustling and crowded has fallen under an enchantment. The streets were silent, the soft, newly-fallen blanket of snow pure and unbroken. Apart from a crow sitting preening itself upon the roof of the temple of Mara- its black feathers stark against the ivory-coloured landscape- nothing was moving. It was as if all of Riften had been frozen in time as well as in ice.

Our feet crunching as we went, we made our way through the deserted marketplace and into the graveyard. The silence was even deeper here, unbroken by anything except for our footsteps. It was almost eerie, to be in a place belonging to the dead, with twilight fast wrapping the world in a deep indigo blanket and hardly any sound at all disturbing the peace.

And then the stillness was shattered without warning by a desperate cry of mingled relief and fright.

'Karliah! Brynjolf! Thank Talos you're back!'

Thjon emerged from the secret entrance, eyes wide with panic. He was breathing hard and I could tell instantly that something was deeply, terribly wrong.

'Thjon? What's up?' Brynjolf reached for his knife- clearly, he had drawn the same conclusion as I had.

'We need you in the Flagon. Now.' Thjon swallowed. 'It's Gallus and Mercer.'

I felt a chill sweep over me. 'What about them? What's happened?'

Thjon's green eyes were alight with anxiety. 'They've gone missing.'

I stared at him in horror. 'What… what do you mean?'

'I mean, they're gone. As in, not here. Vanished. Disappeared. Departed. Dematerialised. I mean they've gone missing!'

The young Nord was beginning to get hysterical, and I felt my insides clenching. 'All right. We're coming.'

I pulled open the trapdoor and jumped down, not bothering to climb the ladder. I had expected the Cistern to be in an uproar, but instead, a deathly hush had fallen over it. The younger members were standing around the edges, fidgeting nervously, while the more senior members were huddled in the centre where the four bridges met, whispering urgently.

'What's happened? Where did they go?' I demanded, striding forwards.

'We don't know.' Elandine's usually expressionless face was clouded with worry.

'Who saw them last?' I was surprised at my own fear. Gallus and Mercer were skilled warriors. They could look after themselves. And they almost certainly weren't in any danger- were they?

'I did.' It was Ahsla, standing slightly separate to the other senior members, her arm around Tonilia's shoulers.

'And where were they?'

Ahsla bit her lip. 'I was out with them on a small break-in. They told me to stand guard while they went to investigate the area, in case there were any guards around. They were taking some time, so I went to look for them- and they'd gone.'

'And nobody's seen them since then?'

They all shook their heads.

I turned to Ahsla. 'Was this before or after the snow settled?'

'Before,' she said ruefully.

I responded with nothing more than a terse nod, but mentally I was groaning. If they had left after the snow, they might have left tracks.

'There were no signs of a struggle? You didn't hear any fighting?'

'No, and there was nobody around except for the three of us. There was nothing. I'm telling you, it was like they just vanished.'

I nodded slowly. 'So… if they're both gone, who's in charge?'

I looked expectantly at Elandine, Ahsla and Delvin, waiting for one of them to start giving orders. When nobody spoke up, I noticed they were all staring in the same direction. I turned around to see who they were looking at.

There was nobody there.

I looked back at them.

'Why are you all staring at me?' I asked nervously.

They kept on staring.

'No.' I shook my head firmly. 'No, you cannot be serious.'

Still staring. In fact, the entire Cistern was staring at me.

'Stop looking at me like that! There is no way I am taking charge. I've only been here-'

'Two years,' Elandine interrupted, 'two years during which Gallus has done practically nothing except sing your praises.' There was not a trace of resentment in her voice, just mild statement of the facts.

'She's right, Karliah,' Ahsla agreed quietly. 'And don't forget all the times that Gallus and Mercer have asked your advice. And every mission you've taken charge of has exceeded expectations without exception.'

'Try saying that when you're drunk,' Delvin muttered.

'Seeing as you've managed to function whilst drunk for most of your life, that shouldn't be too hard for you,' Elandine hissed back.

Usually I'd have laughed, but right now I didn't think I'd ever been in a less funny situation. 'But practically everyone here has more experience than me.'

'With the Guild, maybe. But remind me who your mother was? Remind me how old you were when you started learning the art of stealing?' Ahsla raised an eyebrow slightly. 'The Guild's not about age, nor is it about how long someone's been a member. It's about intelligence and talent and skill.'

I looked around at the others for appeal. But none of them- not the twins, not Thjon, not Vex, not Elruen, not any of the others- did anything except continue looking expectantly at me.

It was Brynjolf that finally persuaded me. 'Lass, we all trust you. I may not have been here long, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we respect you and look to you for guidance. If Gallus isn't here and Mercer is missing, you're giving the orders.'

I drew in a deep, shaky breath, composed myself, and nodded. 'All right. OK. Right. Ma'rhaz and Dar'zha, go out into the city. Ahsla, go with them. Go to where you last saw Gallus and Mercer and look for tracks, signs, anything that might give us some clue as to where they've gone. Stay alert and don't take any risks. Come back the moment you find anything. Don't stay out for more than an hour.'

I waited for them to question this, but to my surprise they simply nodded and departed without a backwards glance. I turned to the others. 'Brynjolf, go and guard the Ratway entrance. Thjon, you take the one in the graveyard. I don't think we're in danger, but we can't be too careful.'

The two Nords nodded briefly and dashed off in opposite directions.

'The rest of you…' I swallowed and turned to face them. 'You're not doing any good standing around. Get back to whatever it was you were doing- but if anyone knows anything about where Gallus and Mercer might have gone, tell me now.'

They all shook their heads.

'All right. Go and get a drink or something.'

'Karliah.' As the others began to disperse, Elandine's voice came from behind me, quiet and uncertain. This was unheard of from the confident High Elf, and it was with trepidation that I turned to look at her.

'Elandine? What is it?'

She looked nervous. I was growing more concerned with every passing second. When Elandine is nervous, you know there is a cause for worry.

'It might be nothing.' She looked at the floor. 'But this isn't the first time.'

I stared at her. 'Not the first…? What do you mean?'

'It's happened before. Back when Draws-His-Blade was leading us. Sometimes, he and Gallus would just leave. They never said anything about why, though they often said that they would be back soon and there wasn't any cause for worry. Sometimes, when they came back, they were injured. We asked them about it. They never said anything except that it was nothing to worry about.' Her face was grim. 'In fact, they did it the day that Blade died. They went off, and when Gallus came back, he was carrying Blade's body.'

My heart began to race. 'How many times did this happen?'

'I don't know. Three, four, maybe five. Not often. I thought maybe they were training. I mean, Blade was Gallus's mentor. I didn't think it'd happen again after he died.'

I buried my face in my hands for a moment, trying to seek a momentary escape from reality while I gathered my thoughts. 'All right. This might or might not be connected. We can't rule anything in or anything out.'

Elandine nodded. 'What do you think we should do?'

I shrugged, shaking my head slightly. 'I'm not sure there's anything that we can do, except wait and pray that they're all right and that they come back. With luck, Ahsla and the twins will find something.'

'I hope so.' Elandine nodded. In a lower voice, she added, 'If we can't find them, you mustn't blame yourself. You're handling this as well as anyone could, and no one is going to hold you responsible for this.'

I nodded, grateful for her support.

'Is there anything else I can do?' she asked after a moment of silence.

'Yeah,' I said wearily. 'Go and get me a drink. Mug of ale or something.'

Elandine laughed, clapped me on the back and set of for the bar. I collapsed onto one of the crates that lay in piles around the room. Thoughts were teeming inside my mind, so hard and fast it was hard to separate one from the other.

Why? Why would Gallus and Mercer just leave, without a word to anyone? I felt like I was nine years old again, watching my mother sneak away. It was as if my memories had returned to haunt me. I trusted Gallus, and Mercer too, just as I trusted my mother. Gallus was our leader, and Mercer was our second. We all depended on them. Why would they abandon us?

An hour crawled by, slow, monotonous, as if taunting me by trying to last as long as it could, with my worry increasing with every minute. It seemed like years before Dar'zha, Ma'rhaz and Ahsla returned, covered in a fine dusting of snow and shivering with cold.

'Did you find anything?' I demanded, leaping to my feet.

I could tell what their answer would be from their dejected expressions before any of them said a word. 'There was nothing. We looked all over Riften. The snow's covering everything.' Ahsla spoke the words softly, but they were filled with bitterness and dissapointment.

I crumpled back down onto the crate with my head in my hands. Could it really have only been little more than an hour ago that I had been racing Brynjolf back to the stables, laughing, carefree, with no worries at all?

'Karliah?' Ma'rhaz sounded worried, and I quickly looked up.

'Don't worry. I'm sure you did all you could. Thank you for trying.'

They all nodded and turned to leave. Ahsla gave me a sad smile as she started to walk away and I suddenly remembered that she had been in the Guild for longer than anyone else here. If anyone knew about Gallus's strange vanishings with Blade, it would be her.

'Ahsla? Can I have a word?'

The Redguard woman looked at me in mingled confusion and surprise, but nodded and took a seat on the crate next to me.

'Elandine told me that this has happened before,' I began. 'Back when Draws-His-Blade was Guildmaster. Apparently he and Gallus disappeared like this quite a few times, and they were often wounded when they returned. Blade died on one of these… outings. Can you confirm that?'

She nodded. 'We just assumed they were training, or else on jobs. Gallus told us Blade was killed by mercenaries, so everyone just took it for granted they were ambushed or something. But…'

'But what?'

She drew in a long, slow breath. 'It's been going on for longer than that. And your mother was involved, too.'

I stared at her in blank shock. It seemed to take every scrap of strength I could muster to choke out, 'What?'

Ahsla's gaze was firmly fixed on the floor. 'It was happening when Blade was second and your mother was still with us. They used to go out with Sereniel. She was our leader then. Wood Elf. And it was just like you said- they'd disappear without warning, and come back injured. And they never told anyone where they'd gone.'

I sat stock still, staring at Ahsla without really seeing her. I suddenly remembered that day outside our house, when she had told me about the Guild. The question I had asked her. The answer I had received.

'When you… went off… when I was nine, did you go to see the Guild?'

'Yes and no.'

And that night when I lost my innocence, what she told me before she left.

'It's something important, something I can't avoid. I've been summoned. There's something I need to protect, me and some friends, and it's my duty to go…'

And what she had said to me after I had found her.

'Karliah, a long time ago, I made a pact with someone. That pact gave me great gifts, but it also means I have to guard something important, with my life, if necessary. It means that if I'm summoned to its defence, I have to go. And it also swears me to secrecy. If that oath is broken… it cannot be broken. I'm sorry, my love, but I can't tell you. By the Divines, how I wish I could. But I can't. It might be the death of us both.'

This had been what she meant. Whatever 'this' was.

I felt my fists clenching. Anger, dark and bitter, was beginning to stir within me. I was going to have a few questions for Gallus Desidenius when he returned.

If he returned.

'Thanks, Ahsla.' I nodded to her. She seemed to understand the silent words hidden in the gesture. Please go. I need a moment alone. She stood up, hesitated, as if considering saying something, then turned and walked away.

What was this? What was going on? What great secret would Gallus, Mercer and my mother have that was so important that they would hide the truth even from their own Guild? From me?

How many more of the people I trusted were going to betray me?

I felt a sob threatening to rise in my throat and angrily pushed it back down. That wasn't going to help. I had to stay strong and focused. The Guild was looking to me.

But what could I do?

'Gallus,' I whispered, though I knew that, wherever he was, he could not hear me. 'Please. We need you back here. Please come back to us. Please come back.'

Please come back to me, I added silently, and blinked in surprise at myself.

But before I could contemplate on why I had thought those words, the Divines chose that moment to answer my prayer.

I heard the click of the latch of the Cistern door being lifted. With a gasp, I jumped to my feet. I saw the heads of the other Guild members turn, and I followed their gazes.

Brynjolf entered first. I could tell instantly something was wrong- as wrong as it could possibly be. His face was pale and taut with shock. His eyes met mine for the briefest of moments, then he quickly looked away.

Mercer came next. He was limping, and his dwarven sword was clutched tightly in his hand, so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. It was coated with blood. Blood. I felt my own beginning to pound in my veins.

As he entered the room, he, too, looked directly at me. His mouth opened, as if there was something he wanted to say to me. Then he swallowed hard and turned away.

Something was wrong. Something was very, very, wrong.

Gallus entered the Cistern.

His head was bowed, and he was moving slowly. A cut above one eye was seeping blood. And in his arms-

The work jerked beneath my feet. It trembled. Then it shattered into a thousand pieces and fell away.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no-

This could not be. This could not be.

Gallus raised his head. He looked up at me. But unlike Mercer and Brynjolf, he did not look away. His dark brown eyes stared into mine, and for once there was no twinkle in them, no roguish glint. Only guilt and sorrow, deep, deep sorrow. And, most chillingly of all, he wasn't smiling.

I felt a cry tear itself from my throat. Completely involuntary. No words. Just a cry. A cry of horror, rage, shock, denial, and grief so deep it was beyond being grief.

Because in Gallus's arms lay a body. Unmoving. Limp. Lifeless.

And I didn't need to see the face to know who it was.

I knew from Ahsla's gasp, from the horrified expressions of those around me, from the stunned gazes of my friends, gazes that travelled away from the body and fixed themselves on me.

I knew from the way my world had just fallen apart.

I knew from the way I was breaking into pieces inside.

Because in that instant when I looked upon that body, I realised that I had just lost the only person who had ever cared for me.

I had lost the only person I had ever cared for.

I had lost my mother.